I've completely forgotten how to make friends

[Lowes]

I'm a college sophomore. Last year, I commuted to school, so I didn't have time to make friends. This year, I live on campus, and I really want to form quality relationships with high-value, like-minded people.

Back in high school, I stumbled through friend-making, not knowing that there was a definitive process behind it. As a result, it took me a long time to find friends, and I was never fully satisfied with them. Still, I at least managed to forge some friendships.

Now, after reading GC, I've completely forgotten all I knew about making buddies, and I really don't know where to start. So I read the article about the master key to friendship, yet I still have a lot of questions.

I know the very basics, like providing value before asking for any in return, deep diving to make connections, and being nonjudgmental, but besides that, I'm pretty clueless. Right now, I'm talking to tons of people, and I can hold a good conversation pretty easily, but it's hard to take it beyond an engaging conversation into an actual relationship. Any answers to the following questions would help me social much more easily, since I'm just treading water right now.

Here are my questions:

1. I'm looking for guys who are ambitious, friendly, and good with women. How common are they, how do I find them, and how do I provide them value?

These are the people I want to build my social circle around. Most guys I've met, if I have to categorize them, are either average nice guys or assholes. I'm looking for someone in the middle – someone who understands social dynamics, is good with women, and has big plans in life, yet is still respectful and chill. The thing is, I don't know how many of these guys even exist.

2. How do I provide frat guys value? What type of value do college students want in general?

I can connect with a lot of people, but I have trouble with frat guys. And I want a lot of frat friends (they don't necessarily have to be close friends, just friends).

Sidenote: Should I join a frat now (go in blindly) or after the New Year (to scope out the frats over the next few months and see which one I like best)? After all, those are the guys I'll be hanging with for a few years, so I don't want to choose one that doesn't fit. Also, is it possible to get into frat parties I'm not invited to as long as I'm cool with the guys in there? Do college girls only go for frat guys? Any tips or advice on the whole Greek life thing in general? I know very little about frats, and my knowledge mostly consists of the stereotypes.

3. How do I show that I'm not a social burden, and how do I gauge someone's interest levels to see if they want to keep talking to me? How do I continue a conversation after class finishes without seeming needy? Should I get someone's phone number after first meeting them, or is that also too needy?

This is a key step to making friends... and it confuses the hell out of me. I can start talking to anyone, but my biggest problems are convincing them I'm not a social burden and figuring out if they're interested in talking to me, or are just being polite. I mean, I offer good conversation, but I don't want to seem needy by continuing to talk to them. Because of this, I don't know if I should keep walking with them after class finishes to keep talking, or when to get their phone number. I want to seem interested, but not needy, and I have no idea what to do.

4. How do I gauge someone's social status ASAP when first meeting them?

I want to talk to tons of people to improve my social skills. But I don't have enough energy to deep dive everyone, so I'd like to quickly measure someone's status to see if I should proceed (high status) or wind down the conversation (low status). This would make it so much easier to quickly find high status people.

5. Is it possible to join already established groups/cliques? If I see people in groups, should I try to meet them, or is it better to talk to people by themselves? Are college students even open to new friendships, or are they set with their pre-existing groups?

This is a big worry of mine. As a sophomore with no real friends yet, I'm scared that everyone else will have already established their groups, and will no longer need friends. As long as I provide enough value, will they still want to be friends?

6. How do I run indirect day game on my campus? Should I go for girls in my classes or clubs, or is this too risky?

This doesn't have to do with friendship, but I'm not going to socialize exclusively with guys. If I see an attractive girl, of course I'm going to want to talk to her, too. Obviously, directly cold approaching is out of the question on campus, so I'll likely indirectly open. But indirect opening requires me to gauge her interest levels to see if she's interested, which is something I don't understand how to do. Also, I'll need to be discreet and ramp up the tension if she gets more interested, but I don't know how to do so with so many people around. So any tips on doing that and running this type of game would be very helpful.

Thank you for your help; any info on this is extraordinarily helpful to me.

 

[Howell]

1. I'm looking for guys who are ambitious, friendly, and good with women. How common are they, how do I find them, and how do I provide them value?

Focus mostly on becoming the kind of man you admire. Do your best to live each day in a way where you can respect yourself as much as possible, working intelligently on projects that you care about, that are your own, and that challenge you. Then, go to events that they might be at: rock and roll artist types at casual backyard shows, business types more through social circle casual gatherings. The kind of relationship you want is more casual than formal it sounds like, so focus more on casual situations. Also, don't just look for guys who embody all of these things. Find people who are partially this way, befriend them, offer them value -- through good non-presumptuous advice, access to new social spheres (invite them to parties or gatherings), an open ear; whatever it is they seem to be missing in their life or looking for, give them some of that. Build things up more and start pinging friends off each other and building value around you and a solid reputation. You will start moving in higher circles and these people will want to introduce you to their core friends -- the people they respect most, and eventually you will start moving in higher and higher circles. That's how making cool friends through having a good reputation has worked for me.

2. How do I provide frat guys value? What type of value do college students want in general?

Ask yourself: what do frat guys want? Well, different things. Each guy actually is in it for something different. Though, there are some common values you can appeal to.

• 1) You have women, or are good with women, and your presence makes them feel more like players.
  
  2) You're a storyteller and a storymaker. They want to have wild stories for later in life from this experience. Be the guy who enables crazy experiences. Whether through your willingness to do things that they fear or through your connections or just your prowess at being engaging and fun. Just like with girls, you want them to be the ones chasing. You use incidental interactions, show them a fig leaf, and get them investing, then reward them for their behavior, just like with women.
  
  3) They also want to appear strong. If you are a strong -- as in buff -- guy, they will want you on their team. Frat guys often like to think of themselves as some of the most masculine guys on campus.

Sidenote: Should I join a frat now (go in blindly) or after the New Year (to scope out the frats over the next few months and see which one I like best)? After all, those are the guys I'll be hanging with for a few years, so I don't want to choose one that doesn't fit. Also, is it possible to get into frat parties I'm not invited to as long as I'm cool with the guys in there? Do college girls only go for frat guys? Any tips or advice on the whole Greek life thing in general? I know very little about frats, and my knowledge mostly consists of the stereotypes.

I'm probably not the right guy to answer about Greek life. It varies from place to place. In my uni, it was easy for me to go to these parties and have a good time. I never really cared to bro out for long though, so I mostly kept my distance.

3. How do I show that I'm not a social burden, and how do I gauge someone's interest levels to see if they want to keep talking to me? How do I continue a conversation after class finishes without seeming needy? Should I get someone's phone number after first meeting them, or is that also too needy?

This is the wrong question to ask. You need to assume attraction... with guys too. You are obviously offering them value just by being there. If you go out on a limb to meet them, you are offering them a once in a lifetime fig branch in a humble and understated "it's no big deal" way. Don't be needy. This is what the whole "you are the party" advice is all about. You've got cool things going on, and these people can come along for the ride if they want. College is in large part a game of insecure players who have little to offer each other but want to appear like they do. Don't play it that way. Play it not from the perspective of what can I get from these people, but what do these people want so I can give it to them. You'll find the more value you give away (through kindness, praise, fig-branches, playfulness, "got-their-backedness", etc.) the more people want to reciprocate.

This is a key step to making friends... and it confuses the hell out of me. I can start talking to anyone, but my biggest problems are convincing them I'm not a social burden and figuring out if they're interested in talking to me, or are just being polite. I mean, I offer good conversation, but I don't want to seem needy by continuing to talk to them. Because of this, I don't know if I should keep walking with them after class finishes to keep talking, or when to get their phone number. I want to seem interested, but not needy, and I have no idea what to do.

Imply value. Dressing cool, leaning back, not worrying about what they think, and having a clear focus is key. Know what they are going to be in your life. People aren't often open about people who just want to "hang out" together. Most people have plenty of people like that -- like their roommates. You don't offer that then. You offer something exceptional. If you're in a class with people, organize a study group. If you're at the gym, cold approach the guy and ask him to spot you and you can spot him. Do this a couple times, help him out, then build the friendship from there. If it's someone you have no social excuse to talk to on the street, say something like "Hi, we pass each all the time and you remind me of my best friend from [X cool, high value event]." Then have a conversation where you feel each other out and afterwards if he's a cool guy invite him to a social event in the near future and exchange digits. Bring him in your fold casually. Casual I think is the key for building a college social life.

4. How do I gauge someone's social status ASAP when first meeting them?

Their status is first and foremost, equal to or below you. So you be friendly and cool, and don't try and win them over and don't treat anyone deferentially or like they are better than you. Observe their fundamentals and level of confidence. You can see this before you even start talking. High status is an illusion btw. It's not a hierarchy, it's a specialization model you're dealing with. It's more a matter of choosing what you want to identify with people on than about who's better or worse on the totem pole. This attitude makes you what some call a sigma male, and that will loosen things up for you and help you befriend people on all levels. You have to think more targetedly. Diversify your social life -- don't try and get one person to fulfill everything. No-one is perfect, and the people that are all-around cool already have guys to just hang out with. Find more unique things you can offer. For example, I've made a number of highly sought after friends by them seeing me getting along with people they see as rad, and then deep diving them one on one. Repeated exposure is super important. One off type passing by meetings aren't as easy to be casual in. It's more a spiraling in towards each other type thing.

5. Is it possible to join already established groups/cliques? If I see people in groups, should I try to meet them, or is it better to talk to people by themselves? Are college students even open to new friendships, or are they set with their pre-existing groups?

Of course people like making friends. This all comes down to what you have to offer and what's the social excuse you have for meeting the people you want to meet. A great way in to a group is to be fucking one of the girls in it outside it, and then she can bring you in. That's probably the easiest way to come in immediately as a high value male. You can also just be friends with her, but you're going to come in with more wild card status that way. Your fundamentals in such a situation are of paramount importance.

This is a big worry of mine. As a sophomore with no real friends yet, I'm scared that everyone else will have already established their groups, and will no longer need friends. As long as I provide enough value, will they still want to be friends?

Most people at uni feel this way. Don't worry. Don't feel desperate or alone in this. Laugh off your solitude and build things up through shared experiences. Take your time but still move things at a good pace. Close relationships take time to build, and usually need a social context and mutual challenges for them to become strong. Find things that you can work together with people on.

6. How do I run indirect day game on my campus? Should I go for girls in my classes or clubs, or is this too risky?

Nah, not risky. Just feel things out more before if you think your reputation might be endangered, then move on boldly. People forgive people who fix boldness with more boldness fast. If you go halfway and then bend or apologize, that's the worst thing you can do.

This doesn't have to do with friendship, but I'm not going to socialize exclusively with guys. If I see an attractive girl, of course I'm going to want to talk to her, too. Obviously, directly cold approaching is out of the question on campus...

No it's not. It just needs to be done in the right way at locations where they aren't on their guard.

...so I'll likely indirectly open. But indirect opening requires me to gauge her interest levels to see if she's interested, which is something I don't understand how to do. Also, I'll need to be discreet and ramp up the tension if she gets more interested, but I don't know how to do so with so many people around. So any tips on doing that and running this type of game would be very helpful.

You're overthinking this man. No one will hate you if you use framing to show that you are socially aware and know that you may be stepping over the usual bounds, but also you are going for what you want and aren't ashamed of that.

Hope you find this response useful.

-Howell

 

[Lowes]

Thanks, man; this is some immensely in-depth info. I'll apply this right away.

I have a few follow-up questions based on what you said:

1. What does it look like to give value in actual conversations? I understand the concept of value, and I understand conversational value and indirect value and the like. And you explained giving value to people such as frat guys... but how do I actually give this value? I'm very likely overthinking this, so I'll try to illustrate what I mean.

Here's a made-up encounter:

I enter one of my classes five minutes early. I scan the room and notice a guy with a good fashion sense and solid fundamentals. I approach and sit in the empty seat next to him. Then I indirectly open:

Me: Haha, always sucks getting here early, huh? Nothing to do.

Him: Yeah, totally, haha.

(Then I briefly pause, drop the convo for about 4-5 seconds, then reopen, keeping killer fundamentals and being as laid back as possible)

Me: Are you taking this class by choice? Or is it part of your major?

Him: It's a GE, I'm a physics major.

Me: Haha, really? That's awesome. We need more people like you, helping us solve the universe's mysteries. What else do you do you like to do? Are you involved in campus clubs or frats?

Him: Eh, frats aren't quite my thing. I prefer chilling with friends and going to parties with them instead. And I'm part of the student government here.

Me: Right on, you sound like a guy who knows what he wants. Your schedule's pretty busy then, huh?

Him: Yeah, between my work and student government, it's pretty packed.

Me: You're not kidding. Those are two of the most stressful things at once -- school and the government.

Him: Hahaha, yeah.

Me: I'm Lowes, by the way.

Him: I'm Joe.

Me: It's nice to meet you, man.

I've already found a bit about this guy -- he likes physics, student government, already has friends to chill with, isn't in a frat, likes parties, and is pretty busy. But I only know what he likes... how do I figure out what he wants? How do I start providing value? I'm not into physics or student government myself, so I'd be lost as soon as this happens.

Sure, I could tell him about my study group, like you suggested, but after that, what else? Perhaps I could exchange numbers and invite him to a non-frat party? Should I deep dive him like crazy to give conversational value? Any ideas directly relating to his interests?

Also, I often don't know how to provide value without seeming needy.

Say I meet another guy, except he's a musician, like I am myself. So... how would I provide value without being needy? For instance, if I say, "That's great, I'm always looking for someone to jam with, let's hangout sometime," it sounds needy, since I'm asking him to hangout with me. And texting him a week later to schedule a jam, when it was my idea in the first place, also seems needy. How do I make him chase me if I feel like the one chasing him?

2. How do I handle people who offer both very high value and very low value to me?

Play it not from the perspective of what can I get from these people, but what do these people want so I can give it to them.

This will be my mindset from now on. But what if I only want to give people certain value, but they want more?

Say I meet a guy who is an aspiring writer. Clearly, we can mutually provide value to each other, since I love writing myself.

However, he's socially awkward and also wants to hang out with me. But I don't want to give him this type of value.

Let's say we're at his place and I'm giving him value by giving him tips on how to write more effectively. But I get hungry, so I'm about to leave to get food, but he really wants to come along. But, in this instance, I wouldn't want him to join me. After all, once we're eating together and he's being awkward, he's seriously harming my social proof. And if attractive girls notice me together with him, I can say goodbye to any chance of ever approaching them. I know this sounds selfish, but I want my hangout buddies to be cool.

In such a case, what should I do? End the friendship? Only meet with him in private? Because I do want to provide him with writing value, but I don't want to extend my value much beyond this, since then it would start to harm me.

Thanks again.

 

[Howell]

Thanks, man; this is some immensely in-depth info. I'll apply this right away.

I have a few follow-up questions based on what you said:

1. What does it look like to give value in actual conversations? I understand the concept of value, and I understand conversational value and indirect value and the like. And you explained giving value to people such as frat guys... but how do I actually give this value? I'm very likely overthinking this, so I'll try to illustrate what I mean.

Here's a made-up encounter:

I enter one of my classes five minutes early. I scan the room and notice a guy with a good fashion sense and solid fundamentals. I approach and sit in the empty seat next to him. Then I indirectly open:

Me: Haha, always sucks getting here early, huh? Nothing to do.

Him: Yeah, totally, haha.

(Then I briefly pause, drop the convo for about 4-5 seconds, then reopen, keeping killer fundamentals and being as laid back as possible)

Me: Are you taking this class by choice? Or is it part of your major?

Him: It's a GE, I'm a physics major.

Me: Haha, really? That's awesome. We need more people like you, helping us solve the universe's mysteries. What else do you do you like to do? Are you involved in campus clubs or frats?

[Try and avoid series of questions like this. Especially "What do you like to do" type questions. Instead, use cold reads. E.g. "You look like you're involved in Greek life..."]

Him: Eh, frats aren't quite my thing. I prefer chilling with friends and going to parties with them instead. And I'm part of the student government here.

Me: Right on, you sound like a guy who knows what he wants. Your schedule's pretty busy then, huh?

Him: Yeah, between my work and student government, it's pretty packed.

Me: You're not kidding. Those are two of the most stressful things at once -- school and the government.

Him: Hahaha, yeah.

Me: I'm Lowes, by the way.

Him: I'm Joe.

Me: It's nice to meet you, man.

I've already found a bit about this guy -- he likes physics, student government, already has friends to chill with, isn't in a frat, likes parties, and is pretty busy. But I only know what he likes... how do I figure out what he wants? How do I start providing value? I'm not into physics or student government myself, so I'd be lost as soon as this happens.

The trick is to imply value. Talk with him about some girl who's hot who you're seeing who did something funny to imply that you are a player, if you think he wants to get more girls. I don't really understand what you want from these guys though. Just to be friends? What does that consist of?

Another type of value is from storytelling. If you can tell a good story that elicits values and encourages him to see you in a certain light, that's a very powerful skill. Don't just dive in and start spinning a yarn though. Keep it appropriate for the situation.

Fundamentals are core value communicators. Moving slow, talking slower and deeper, not acting the moment he moves, and being able to be comfortable and unmoved by tension are your strongest allies for demonstrating that you are a confident, cool guy with stuff going on, even if you're in a stage in your life where you're neglecting your social life a bit (aka you aren't ashamed of it, and you see that your life is not super social at the time being because you've got other important things that you are working on).

Sure, I could tell him about my study group, like you suggested, but after that, what else? Perhaps I could exchange numbers and invite him to a non-frat party? Should I deep dive him like crazy to give conversational value? Any ideas directly relating to his interests?

Also, I often don't know how to provide value without seeming needy.

Say I meet another guy, except he's a musician, like I am myself. So... how would I provide value without being needy? For instance, if I say, "That's great, I'm always looking for someone to jam with, let's hangout sometime," it sounds needy, since I'm asking him to hangout with me. And texting him a week later to schedule a jam, when it was my idea in the first place, also seems needy. How do I make him chase me if I feel like the one chasing him?

When you feel like the guy has more to offer than you do in the relationship there will be a value imbalance and you will start chasing and feeling needy. Same as with girls. If she's super hot and you feel like you're boring, bland, and not at her level, then you will communicate that.

Improving this is sort of a scramble where you work on your internal mindset stuff as you challenge yourself externally socially, constantly reevaluating how you perceive yourself. I think really though you're overthinking this and focusing on things that aren't clear. You are combining problems in your life instead of letting them be distinct and thus more easy to deal with. Check out the Newbie Challenge on this forum and try following it through to the end. It's designed for guys in your situation who are serious about systematically improving their social life:

viewtopic.php?f=13&t=34

Even if you don't feel like you're a "newbie", it will still be useful for you. I did it last year and I've been working on getting good with women actively for over 3 years now. So don't let pride stop you on this account.

A simple way to think about offering a guy value is roles though. What roles do people want to have around them in college? Girlfriend, mentor, guy who knows where all the good parties are, etc. This is dependent on context. The more mutual exposure you have the more likely you will connect on a deeper level too.

It sounds like you don't know what you want from these guys. What do you want? To go to parties with them? To hang out? Getting involved in some group provides that context. Right now it sounds like you know you want to have more cool people in your life, but you have not visualized what that would actually look like. What would you guys be doing? Rock climbing? Playing sports? You seem to be combining your desire to live in a fraternity with your desire to make new guy friends who are by definition cooler than you.

Fraternities are essentially about your living situation. The relationships from that seem to be a cross between living in a dormitory and living with roommates.

If that's what you're looking for, obviously you should rush.

2. How do I handle people who offer both very high value and very low value to me?

Play it not from the perspective of what can I get from these people, but what do these people want so I can give it to them.

This will be my mindset from now on. But what if I only want to give people certain value, but they want more?

Say I meet a guy who is an aspiring writer. Clearly, we can mutually provide value to each other, since I love writing myself.

However, he's socially awkward and also wants to hang out with me. But I don't want to give him this type of value.

Let's say we're at his place and I'm giving him value by giving him tips on how to write more effectively. But I get hungry, so I'm about to leave to get food, but he really wants to come along. But, in this instance, I wouldn't want him to join me. After all, once we're eating together and he's being awkward, he's seriously harming my social proof. And if attractive girls notice me together with him, I can say goodbye to any chance of ever approaching them. I know this sounds selfish, but I want my hangout buddies to be cool.

In such a case, what should I do? End the friendship? Only meet with him in private? Because I do want to provide him with writing value, but I don't want to extend my value much beyond this, since then it would start to harm me.

This last one's easy. Meet with him in the situations that you want to hang out in. If he doesn't see you as a valuable writer friend, but as a guy to bring him to parties, while you only want him around for writing talk, but not for parties, the relationship is incompatible and probably will not work.

The key is to stay open, keep meeting people, and don't take yourself too seriously.

Howell

 

[Lowes]

I applied all that you said over the last week and it has worked wonders. I'm conveying high value with my tight fundamentals and good conversation skills, and everything else flows pretty smoothly from there. I've already made some solid connections and formed some early friendships.

It seems like my biggest problem is not knowing exactly what I want in some friends, so I'm thinking about that at the moment.

Also, a general note on something I mentioned earlier, about the people either being "nice guys" or "assholes" if I categorized them... Well, it turns out that a lot of people are actually pretty chill. I just need to connect with them beyond small talk, which I've been doing.

Again, this is some killer advice. Thank you.

 

[Howell]

I applied all that you said over the last week and it has worked wonders. I'm conveying high value with my tight fundamentals and good conversation skills, and everything else flows pretty smoothly from there. I've already made some solid connections and formed some early friendships.

It seems like my biggest problem is not knowing exactly what I want in some friends, so I'm thinking about that at the moment.

Also, a general note on something I mentioned earlier, about the people either being "nice guys" or "assholes" if I categorized them... Well, it turns out that a lot of people are actually pretty chill. I just need to connect with them beyond small talk, which I've been doing.

Again, this is some killer advice. Thank you.

Glad to help

Btw, I looked through your journal a bit, and you obviously are very motivated to become master of your destiny. You have the personality type of someone who'll get good fast if he can keep focused.

A few other things I noticed from your journal (and also this thread):

#1: You switch between hyper-confidence and immediate acceptance the moment a girl puts up a perceived barrier. For example, the woman who you auto-rejected because of her age, or the handful of girls who said bye or that they had to get a move on and you let go immediately. You are too dependent on their reactions still!

Something as simple as "Alright, but before you go, we should totally exchange digits!" is much better than just saying "Bye" and walking away. You don't need to let people off the hook so fast.

#2: Pacing. Your eagerness and inexperience makes you deep dive too early. You feel like it's high investment for you to go talk to the girls, so it doesn't feel like much more investment to start deep diving, blazing through repartee. You also seem to see certain types of openers to be inherently high investment. This is not the case for me.

For me, approaching from the front is usually low investment -- I don't even think about it. I just start off at a bit of a distance, then crack a grin and make an observation about her that's amusing to me. It doesn't really matter what you say, you're just communicating playfulness and a positive, inclusive vibe.

#3: This one has to do with your making friends situation, and is sort of an addendum on my earlier advice: Yes, know what roles you want for friends, but also do your best to have a high level of amiability with acquaintances as well. Not so high that you suffer the curse of being too empathetic with people who don't deserve it, but still, you probably want a reputation as a intrinsically exclusive, but still warm and welcoming person. Think about putting off a warm aura at all times.

#4: The number one thing you need is practice. You have a lot of theoretical information floating around in your brain, and that's useful, but it's also a problem. It gets in your way. So when you're out in the field, try and focus on one or two things at a time. Three maximum. This way, you don't overwhelm yourself. Also, take some time to just sandbox -- no goals at all. Just have some fun and try and surprise yourself.

Anyway, it sounds like you're gonna catch most of your problems as you go along.

So keep it up!... and have fun

Howell

 

[Lowes]

Btw, I looked through your journal a bit, and you obviously are very motivated to become master of your destiny. You have the personality type of someone who'll get good fast if he can keep focused.

Thank you; this is wonderful to hear. The toughest part for me about trying something new is actually doing it (bedding a girl, in this case), but after that point, I get a laser focus. So it's good to know that I'll make fast strides once the ball gets rolling.

#1: You switch between hyper-confidence and immediate acceptance the moment a girl puts up a perceived barrier. For example, the woman who you auto-rejected because of her age, or the handful of girls who said bye or that they had to get a move on and you let go immediately. You are too dependent on their reactions still! Something as simple as "Alright, but before you go, we should totally exchange digits!" is much better than just saying "Bye" and walking away. You don't need to let people off the hook so fast.

I see, I must be more persistent. I suppose I'm afraid of being too forward, but I'll never see these women again in my life, so...

#2: Pacing. Your eagerness and inexperience makes you deep dive too early. You feel like it's high investment for you to go talk to the girls, so it doesn't feel like much more investment to start deep diving, blazing through repartee. You also seem to see certain types of openers to be inherently high investment. This is not the case for me. For me, approaching from the front is usually low investment -- I don't even think about it. I just start off at a bit of a distance, then crack a grin and make an observation about her that's amusing to me. It doesn't really matter what you say, you're just communicating playfulness and a positive, inclusive vibe.

This is a huge mistake I've been making. Thinking back, my conversations felt like interrogations, where I kept asking questions like crazy without taking time to be laid back. So I'll make sure to mix in some light banter first and a chill vibe.

#3: This one has to do with your making friends situation, and is sort of an addendum on my earlier advice: Yes, know what roles you want for friends, but also do your best to have a high level of amiability with acquaintances as well. Not so high that you suffer the curse of being too empathetic with people who don't deserve it, but still, you probably want a reputation as a intrinsically exclusive, but still warm and welcoming person. Think about putting off a warm aura at all times.

Noted. I'll meet a lot of people but keep my inner core of friends to a limit.

#4: The number one thing you need is practice. You have a lot of theoretical information floating around in your brain, and that's useful, but it's also a problem. It gets in your way. So when you're out in the field, try and focus on one or two things at a time. Three maximum. This way, you don't overwhelm yourself. Also, take some time to just sandbox -- no goals at all. Just have some fun and try and surprise yourself.

I completely agree. I know a lot about the whole seduction process, but when real life kicks in, I inevitably screw up in some ways. And my worst interactions come when I'm focusing on all of my fundamentals and my vibe and the conversation and so on... it gets out of hand and I also get tied up in my head and start making tons of mistakes. So I'll keep a few things in mind at a time and relax.

Thanks again.