FR japanese girl

[Smith]

Hi,
so I was out on the street trying to do some pick up and overcome my approach anxiety. I have to say, I missed some good opportunities first then finally said to myself "what the hell? why not?". So I saw this girl sitting around the central square of our city. For a moment there, I was going to let my fear conquer me again, but not this time so I approached her

Me: "Hi!" with a sexy smile
She looked up and smiled "Hi!"
Me: "I saw you sitting here and thought you are incredibly cute, so I wanted to come over and introduce myself"
She looks really flattered and muttered something I couldn't hear. I can tell she's quite excited and nervous.
Me: "what's your name?"
Her: "Natalia. What's your name?"
Me: "Hi Natalia, I'm Smith"
At this point, I grab a seat next to her. I can tell that English isn't her first language, so I asked.
Me: "So tell me... are you from around here or do you hail from somewhere far away?
Her: "oh I'm from Japan. I'm a student at the university. I study foreign language"
I gave her the wow that's amazing look
Me: "Wow, so how long have you been here?"
Her: "one month...I'm here until August"
Me: "How do you like it here?"
Her: "I love it here...especially the blue sky!"
Me: "yea I bet you don't see that often in Japan."
Her: "haha so how old are you?"
I was surprised when she asked this because it seemed out of the blue.
Me: "well take a guess "
Her: "umm 23? "
I dropped my mouth and did a shocked look.
She laughed
Me: "so how old are you?"
Her: "guess =)"
Me: "hmmm 21?"
Her: "haha close....it's 20"
Me: "wow you're that young huh"
Her: "so how old are you?"
Me: "I'm 21.....so why did you choose to come here to study, but not Australia or the States?
Then the conversation carried on for another 5 minutes, and at the highest point I asked for her number.
Me: "haha wow! that's cool! hey listen we should grab coffee sometimes. Let me get your number!"
Her: "sure =)"
Then she took out two phones. one with her japanese number (iphone) and another one with her local number( an old nokia phone)
She doesn't seem to know how to use the old nokia phone and I have to use her phone to call my phone and save my number on her phone. Hope she knows how to text me back hmmm....
We said goodbye. I'm still planning to send her an icebreaker text "Glad to met a traveller! Jack =)" in 1-2 hours then text her in a couple of days to set up that date.
Things I think I did well
1. I was relaxed and didn't care if I failed
2. I deep dive and build up comfort pretty quickly. didn't become an entertainer ( I was tempted but I controlled myself)
3. screening and qualifying
4. had good eye contact
Things I should improve
1. Chase framing - I think the conversation was a bit too platonic. could use a little sexual humor and investment
2. Missed out on some chances where I could qualify her and build deeper connection.

I will let you guys know what happen with this one !
Any feedback is welcomed!
Cheers
Smith

 

[Rage]

Hey Smith,

Sounds like it was a smooth approach! Felt like you could have gone for an instant date, but maybe you didn’t have the ability right then?

I met a foreign exchange Japanese girl a few weeks ago too, I’ll note some things I observed maybe you observed some similar things

• The girl was very sweet, warm, and a nurturing type; she gave me a lot of snacks, made sure I was doing all right, and was warm and comfortable with me much more quickly than the average American chick would be (it’s talked about in some articles how some foreign girls will be more in touch with their femininity and a more nurturing nature because of their alternate non-western cultural background)
• She was quite curious; the girl asked a lot of questions, I’d guess whether or not your girl was a shier type she asked you a few questions? I suspect that these girls are very curious and it’s not every day they get to talk to a foreign mystery man who happens to think they’re cute
• I got to make more mistakes; The Japanese girl I met was at a business event and I happened to be very exhausted during the time that I was talking to her. I had my process and fundamentals down but was sleep deprived and wasn’t qualifying best as I could or asking the most creative, curiosity inspired questions that I could usually ask deep diving a girl. Despite this our interaction went well, we got to bond really well (before we had to go), and any mistakes on my part didn’t really hold me back.
I think that you may find you have more chances to make mistakes with this girl and you can try skipping steps and escalating quicker if you get the chance to pull it off.

Ask her about life in Japan, what it’s like to grow up there, how her family is, how does she like it here, does she want to move to the U.S. etc. there’s a bunch you could deep dive her about.

Good luck,

-Gem

 

[Smith]

Hey Gem,

Yes somewhere deep inside me (maybe my instinct) told me to go for the instant date, but I had plans later so I couldn't....damn.

I think I observed similar things as well. She was warm, sweet and comfortable really quickly. She did ask me a few questions but I think she was limited by her english. (which is not bad, but I understand to be good at conversing in another language takes years of practice)

I sent her an icebreaker text yesterday, but she didn't reply, which I though was weird but I wasn't bothered by it.

And today (after more than 24 hours), I sent her a text proposing a date. I know you should wait 1-2 days for this but since she was excited to see me yesterday, I decided to give it a shot. Here's my text:

" Hey Natalia, How was your day? I"m just glad the sun's finally out. Hope the weather isn't too cold for ya =) shall we grab that coffee we talked about? let me know what your schedule's like this week and let's set something up"

hmmmm...still haven't reply. I was really confident about this one though. She hasn't rejected me outright, but she still hasn't reply any of my messages.
Now I'm thinking whether I should call her after a couple of days. Because when we exchanged number, she literally has no idea how to use her nokia phone ( which has her local number, bu it was really old), so she asked me if I have LINE (because she also has an iphone with her jap number), but I had deleted LINE from my phone, so I used her nokia phone to call my phone and also saved my number onto hers.
Even flaky girls would reply something to deflect a date, so I feel it's really strange that she wouldn't reply me.
so is it a good idea to call her after 2 -3 days or should I call her sooner (or much later, like 5 days) ?


Cheers
Smith

 

[Rage]

Even flaky girls would reply something to deflect a date, so I feel it's really strange that she wouldn't reply me.

This is true more when you and the girl have agreed on a time and place, built up a fair bit of rapport and maybe exchanged a few follow up (before date) texts. For your case it’s possible that maybe her phone wasn’t working but also possible that she’s just not texting back. And then, even then, sometimes girls just don’t text back; you only really get to see things from your point of view so you never really get to put your finger on why they don’t happen to get back to you.

https://www.girlschase.com/content/what- ... -text-back this is a good article with good advice I take to mind when a girl isn’t texting back.

so is it a good idea to call her after 2 -3 days or should I call her sooner (or much later, like 5 days) ?

Up to you man but I’d say if it doesn’t work after that, let the number go (for every successful move forward with a girl you’ll have a many cases of failure).

If I might give one piece of constructive advice to you; you said that you were facing some approach anxiety and then found the girl sitting and went and talked to her and had a smooth interaction. Let me tell you, that you’re in a good place and if you want to improve to where you have little anxiety and achieve better results with women, you don’t have as far to go as other guys (the opposite of where you’re at now is the guy that has no approach anxiety but no fundamentals; they’ll go and do a hundred approaches and get like 5 numbers and that’s a worse place to be at).

When I faced approach anxiety I was like you, fine with fundamentals but just really having a tough time doing that initial approach. What worked for me, that I still do (maybe you try this and find it works for you) is whenever you go out to approach you gradually acclimate to approaching and getting into a conversation.

What I mean by this: first you can just go up to a random girl and ask for directions to a bank or something. Next girl you can ask for directions and maybe start a little conversation (these don’t have to be girls you find the hottest either; the purpose of this is getting you gradually comfortable to talking to a new girl that’s a stranger). The next girl after this can be one you start talking to and then maybe move and build rapport with. Since you have fundamentals, a lot of the hard work is stuff that you can do fairly well and it’s only the small push of getting started that you need to work on.

Try warming up and easing into your approaches in that way I suggested (a guy that’s gonna bench press 400 lbs will never do it right away: he’ll start at 135 and gradually work up to the heavy weight; when approaches are still a big deal to you, gradually working up to your approaches may be just what you need to get you past your sticking point). You can do more approaches in this way, gradually get better and get all the numbers and set up all the dates that you please.

And on the girl, to recap, yeah maybe try once more and then let it go. Once you’re meeting a lot of girls, you’ll try once, maybe twice with a number and then laugh “haha aww shit guess it didn’t work” and then move on to meeting the next beautiful girl.

-Gem

 

[Smith]

https://www.girlschase.com/content/what- ... -text-back this is a good article with good advice I take to mind when a girl isn’t texting back.

Haha yes, that is a pretty good article. I tried to figure out what went wrong, and it could either be a bad ending (maybe I could have qualified her more before I grabbed her number), or she wasn't interested (maybe I read her body language wrong but always assume attraction anyway), or she's too nervous to respond. It can't be state shift because I was calm.

first you can just go up to a random girl and ask for directions to a bank or something. Next girl you can ask for directions and maybe start a little conversation (these don’t have to be girls you find the hottest either; the purpose of this is getting you gradually comfortable to talking to a new girl that’s a stranger). The next girl after this can be one you start talking to and then maybe move and build rapport with. Since you have fundamentals, a lot of the hard work is stuff that you can do fairly well and it’s only the small push of getting started that you need to work on.

Thanks for the advice! I usually try to get the social momentum going from the morning, which means just trying to talk to any stranger to get me into a good state for the rest of the day. But I'll try your way as well! Never hurts to try!

I found approach anxiety to be a really weird thing for me because every time after I've delivered my opener, the fear and anxiety just disappeared then I feel calm and relaxed. I have to say the FIRST approach of the day is always the hardest for me for some reason.(so maybe trying your way would ease that haha) Like today, I approached a girl walking past. My fundamentals was a bit off (my voice was a bit shaky), and my opener was
"Hey excuse me, I know this is random...but I saw you walking past and I have to say you have a striking sense of style, so I wanna come and say hi!" (probably should have dropped "excuse me, I know this is random" )
She looked at me weirdly and said "hi" then walked away.
At that moment, I smiled to myself because the rejection doesn't sting anymore, and I realized I really have nothing to lose. So for all those beginners out there, being rejected means nothing and trust me, you would hate yourself even more if you just let her walked away without talking to her!

Anyway, I would call her again in a couple of days and if she doesn't pick up, I would send her a parting shot text then leave it at that

Cheers
Smith

 

[PinotNoir]

I read the first post, but I admit that I didn't read all of the replies. I just wanted to offer one piece of advice.

You did some great things here, especially getting the number on a high note and decent conversation (could have deep-dived more, but it definitely deserves a B+ or even an A-; the "blue sky" was nice playful repartee/banter). Lately, the newest members have been doing some great stuff that I didn't do right off the bat; really impressed. If you can just overcome approach anxiety, you'll be getting more numbers.

My only suggestion here is to ask for the date instead of the number first:

"Well, how about we go out some time? What's your number"
Or something like that, or even more direct:
"I'd love to get to know you better. How about we go on a date some time?"

That way she knows that you're wanting her number for a date. Or, in this situation, you could have gone ahead and set up the date during the interaction because you're worried about her not being able to receive/send texts properly (because of crappy phone). Ask her what her plans are for the week or even that day (instant date).

This also saves you a lot of time. Some girls will give their numbers out without a care, but if you ask for a date first and then the number, you get less flaky girls.

 

[Smith]

Hey PN,

Thanks for the advice and encouragement!

My only suggestion here is to ask for the date instead of the number first

yea I think I did say that we should grab coffee sometimes before I asked her number

Me: "haha wow! that's cool! hey listen we should grab coffee sometimes. Let me get your number!"
Her: "sure =)"

But now that I've been replaying our interaction in my mind so many times. I think this is where things went a bit wrong because there was a small look of surprise when I said this but I didn't realize the significance of that until now. I think I should have qualified her a bit more instead of "wow! that's cool!". oh well! lesson learned =)

I also found that the longer I hesitate before I approach, the higher the chance of failure. Just had a couple of girls walked away right after I delivered my opener. Ouch! But I'm getting use to it. I'm thinking about giving genuine compliments instead of "I thought you're cute", because I've said the same lines so many times that it feels automatic and I think girls can feel it too.

Smith