I should have started this a long time ago, but better late than never, right? I didn’t think I really needed to do a journal, but I need to do something. This is going to get a little more detailed than just women, but to gather my own thoughts, everything is connected by some web.
As I’m typing, I’m still fuming over just how things have gone lately. I’ll have to vent out many things about my life. Had a crappy childhood growing up, and safe to say I really had no one I really believed I could depend on. Low self-esteem only makes things worse, so apart from the bullying and no real stability in life with family/friends, I’ve never really known if I’d ever be able to accomplish my goals in life.
That’s too much detail to go into though. Back to more recent times: I lost my virginity to my first serious girlfriend, when I was 20 years old, almost 21. Needless to say, I felt way behind in the game, but I was happy to finally lose my v-card and get laid. Sure enough, my first choice for a girlfriend was bad quality (party girl, drinker and drug-user, a little on the crazy side). I finally ended it after a year and three months; later I found her and one of my best friends were sleeping together. And we all worked together too. After a whole bunch of unneeded drama, I’m at a point in my life where I really feel like a lone wolf. I graduated college, which I’m happy about, but I don’t get along with my family, but I’m stuck living with them until I can move out on my own. I’m saving up and paying off my student loans too to not drown in bills. We live in a two bedroom apartment for four people (me, my two brothers, and my mom.) They mean well, but they’re not good role models for me.
Cut to the present day as far as girls go for me: I’m turning 24 in a couple of weeks, and the last girl I slept with was my first girlfriend from the previous paragraph, two years ago. We were FWB’s for a bit, but that the first and last pussy I’ve had. There have been some girls I could have gotten with, but the work drama just wasn’t worth it to me, and I’m still learning the ropes of seduction. I’m really trying not to fall into victim mentality; I lived in it for far too long.
Today, I went to the mall to do some daygame, well, try. I think the best shot I had today was some girl I saw in Aeropostale. She was cute, but I found out she was 17. Sucks. Not worth the trouble of that. I walked around, just trying to get out of my head, social anxiety began kicking in, and I got pretty nervous walking around trying to talk to people, let alone girls.
I rarely get this angry, but I just became so upset with this damn dry spell, home situation, and general unhappiness.
I’ll probably end it here for today. I’m still fuming, so I’m sure this journal post isn’t too comprehensible as far as chronology goes, but I just needed to vent my feelings somewhere. I’ll post another journal another day. I can’t be a pussy forever, so I have to keep trying.
As I’m typing, I’m still fuming over just how things have gone lately. I’ll have to vent out many things about my life. Had a crappy childhood growing up, and safe to say I really had no one I really believed I could depend on. Low self-esteem only makes things worse, so apart from the bullying and no real stability in life with family/friends, I’ve never really known if I’d ever be able to accomplish my goals in life.
That’s too much detail to go into though. Back to more recent times: I lost my virginity to my first serious girlfriend, when I was 20 years old, almost 21. Needless to say, I felt way behind in the game, but I was happy to finally lose my v-card and get laid. Sure enough, my first choice for a girlfriend was bad quality (party girl, drinker and drug-user, a little on the crazy side). I finally ended it after a year and three months; later I found her and one of my best friends were sleeping together. And we all worked together too. After a whole bunch of unneeded drama, I’m at a point in my life where I really feel like a lone wolf. I graduated college, which I’m happy about, but I don’t get along with my family, but I’m stuck living with them until I can move out on my own. I’m saving up and paying off my student loans too to not drown in bills. We live in a two bedroom apartment for four people (me, my two brothers, and my mom.) They mean well, but they’re not good role models for me.
Cut to the present day as far as girls go for me: I’m turning 24 in a couple of weeks, and the last girl I slept with was my first girlfriend from the previous paragraph, two years ago. We were FWB’s for a bit, but that the first and last pussy I’ve had. There have been some girls I could have gotten with, but the work drama just wasn’t worth it to me, and I’m still learning the ropes of seduction. I’m really trying not to fall into victim mentality; I lived in it for far too long.
Today, I went to the mall to do some daygame, well, try. I think the best shot I had today was some girl I saw in Aeropostale. She was cute, but I found out she was 17. Sucks. Not worth the trouble of that. I walked around, just trying to get out of my head, social anxiety began kicking in, and I got pretty nervous walking around trying to talk to people, let alone girls.
I rarely get this angry, but I just became so upset with this damn dry spell, home situation, and general unhappiness.
I’ll probably end it here for today. I’m still fuming, so I’m sure this journal post isn’t too comprehensible as far as chronology goes, but I just needed to vent my feelings somewhere. I’ll post another journal another day. I can’t be a pussy forever, so I have to keep trying.
