FU Just Not Smooth Enough Yet...

[foggy]

Was talking to this girl on tinder in my hometown - we knew each other from before, in a purely platonic way. Never met her, but I had written an essay for her years ago.

She was pelting me with questions so I suggested we meet up that day. But she was busy with family activities. Anyways, turns out she’s just home for the weekend (like me) and she lives in the exact same city i do. She offered me a ride back to the city.

I knew what I was getting into. I could have easily declined, said I already had a ride, and just met up with her sometime in the city. That would have been more conducive to seduction, and I’m confident it would have turned into a lay.

On the other hand, being in a car for 3.5 hours is not really great for seducing. Well, probably for more advanced guys yeah but like how would this sorta shit go?

The Car Ride

Anyways she picks me up and we’re on our way. One of the things I’ve been working on recently is having “adult conversations” with girls. Talking about dating and stuff. It’s not platonic, yet it’s not purely sexual - but it can turn sexual. Soo we were having adult conversations (she even brought up porn - twice), and I felt like the sexual tension was thick as fuq. When I feel sexual tension, I know that’s an escalation window. Girls are feeling the sexual tension too, they know what’s going on.

She had engaged looks on her face most of the time when talking about these topics. And several times, she even stuck out her tongue! Wow, girls never used to stick their tongue out around me. But now a few girls have done it recently during adult conversations. I think I’m onto something lol!!!

A Slight Mess Up

After the adult conversation, I did a little deep diving, which is where i took a little attainability hit.

She's been in school for a while, and was expressing to me how it makes her depressed:

girl: blalbala being in school so long has made me depressed.
fog: you are definitely a millennial

This look overcame her face. The best way I can describe it is that it was a weird look on her face. Like she thought what I said was weird... Can't remember what her reply was - I don't think she said anything.

My comment was obviously not well received. I can see why...she mentioned depression and I tried to joke around about it. I believe she felt that I was being insensitive and this caused my attainability to go down a little bit.

I acted like nothing had happened and we continued with the conversation. Things were fine though, she didn't go into auto rejection or anything (no immediate change in her behaviour after the weird look). However if this occurred really early in the conversation, she definitely would have gone into auto rejection.

Things Quiet Down

Was it really necessary to talk the whole 4 hours with her? After about an hour, things got pretty quiet between us, except for the occasional flirty jab or observance of things in the environment.

I was wondering about how this quiet period impacted my attainability. In the past, I have had several girls open me. When I say nothing, they back off right away and go into auto rejection. But I was not too too worried. I felt like if i picked up conversation and turned the vibe sexual again like 15-20 minutes before she dropped me off at my place, then the long silence between us wouldnt matter. And shouldn’t this silence be considered “maintaining my attainability” so i dont say anything stupid and really put her into auto rejection this time? One last note from here: middles don’t matter too much - beginnings and endings do.

At one point i asked if she was patient. She said sometimes. She was wondering why. I didn’t tell her. She wondered if I was patient. I told her a story that suggested I was patient. Later on in heavy traffic, i bitched about how much of a traffic jam this was. She says

Girl: i thought you were patient
Fog: *Says nothing*

I seriously came SO CLOSE to saying “i am patient.”, but instead I opted to go for silence. This was a test, and I knew it would be a big no-no to justify my patience. I couldn’t come up with a clever reframe quick enough, so I just didn’t say anything.

I did make 2 abstract statements which she did not respond well to. In fact, it seemed as though she was rather dismissive of them! For example, a guy with a nice car had a license plate named “Midget”. We were wondering if he was actually a midget. Well we drove by him and he looked like a regular dude. I suggested that maybe he actually had no legs, which would make him technically a midget. Ya, she didn’t like that.

Also, during the last little part of the car ride, her vibe changed, it seemed she had a more dominant vibe/solid frame about her (indicative of a higher sex drive girl who goes through alotta guys?)

HUGE MESS UP

We’re getting close to my place. Did I mention I had to pee REALLY FUCKING BAD? I was also not feeling well from partying this weekend, and i was slightly nervous. I knew this would impact my ability to try to get her in my place. I was strategizing. She said she had to pee as well, but it wasn’t that bad. Should I use a yes ladder, build some tension?

There’s another guy in a nice car right around the corner from my place and she’s talking about how he’s probably got a big dick. Blabalba.

So we pull up to my place:

Her: you live in this crack house? (it’s an apartment building, it looks sort of run down from the outside but it’s really nice inside)
Me: ya
Her: you live in through that door?
me: ya i live in the basement
Her: creepy
me: youhavetopeeyouwantabreakfromdriving?
her: no I’m going home/no ill wait till i get home (couldn’t hear)
me: alright that’s fine

I grabbed my bag and said “thanks for the ride.” As I’m looking at her, she gives me a really submissive look (like…..this is what you’re missing out on BOY). “See you later”, I say.

ATGHCHDYFHDYSHDYHSUYHDYHDY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCKED IT UP!!! wasn’t listening and I was too abrupt. Here’s how it should have gone:

Her: you live in this crack house?
Me: you mean the porn studio?
Her: Sorta looks creepy
me: That’s what I thought when I first saw it, but its actually SUPER cozy inside.
Her: Oh ya?
Me: ya you're probably tired from driving right?
Her: ya
Me: and you need to pee right?
Her: ya
Me: You’re welcome to come in and see where we film everything. Just a few minutes though, I know you got your dog with you.

She did have a dog with her, another obstacle. I am relatively certain that this girl is a slut, and the fact that she said she was just going to "go home" was mandatory female resistance that could have easily been overcome if my head had been on straight.

Comments and constructive criticism are welcome.

 

[Fuck This]

Three hours is a long time together with no escalation, or kino. Imagine a 3 hour date sitting on a park bench. Kinda like running on a treadmill. You work hard but don't get anywhere.

So you schedule the drive so there are chances to break up the action. Gotta let the dog out at least once. After doing nearly 2000 miles a couple weeks ago, I really came to appreciate stopping at a river to let the dog swim and go wading ourselves around the middle of the day. Seriously this was an awesome break from the road. I first did this with my girlfriend on a roadtrip in New Mexico and it has become a summer tradition. Gets her down to more revealing clothes, makes her feel a little more uninhibited. Has all the effects of a venue change. Amp up the kino now to set the stage for when you get to your place.

Second, driving Kino...You gotta start the kino before the drive. True story...Picked up this woman who flew into San Diego for our first date. First time meeting after doing the online and phone chatting for 2 months. No shit, before I said hello, I kissed her. Took her hand and her suitcase, led her to the rental car, held her hand for the 30 minute drive to the hotel, checked in and were in bed once we were through the hotel room door. But I built up the anticipation for WEEKS. Didn't tell her I was gonna kiss her but It was my Apocalypse Opener. Set the tone right then and there, fuck the awkwardness. Definitely my best pull of all time...

Have an activity you two are going to do when you get where you are going. "Hey you are driving, let me get us dinner when we get there." Could be a restaurant, nearby or you fix it at your place. ala Seppuku...The activity has to allow for kino and escalation.

You had a few things working against you.

1) you were not driving so you were not leading.
2) you didn't have a chance to set the tone before you spent time together in the car.
3) she had to concentrate on the road, so her rational mind could not be swept away with positive visualisation about you giving her orgasms at the end of the trip.
4) you didn't have an effective way to start and escalate Kino in the car.
5) you couldn't effectively use eye contact while she was driving.

So at this point, I think your best strategy is to invite her for a dinner you fix at your place. "Hey I gotta show you this place isn't a Crack Den and the best way to do that is fix us dinner."
if you have a good view close by, then use that to watch the sunset, or the city lights, etc. Take her hand and lead her, up the stairs to the roof or out on a patio.

One of my worst Fuckups was a strawberry blonde who invited me to her apartment with the invitation to "cook me a steak dinner and drink a bottle of Boones" FUUUUCK! I didn't escalate and missed that opportunity. I didn't lead that date.

 

[foggy]

Hi Fuck This, thanks for your reply.

Three hours is a long time together with no escalation, or kino. Imagine a 3 hour date sitting on a park bench. Kinda like running on a treadmill. You work hard but don't get anywhere.

So you schedule the drive so there are chances to break up the action. Gotta let the dog out at least once.

Have an activity you two are going to do when you get where you are going.

you had a few things working against you.

1) you were not driving so you were not leading.
2) you didn't have a chance to set the tone before you spent time together in the car.
3) she had to concentrate on the road, so her rational mind could not be swept away with positive visualisation about you giving her orgasms at the end of the trip.
4) you didn't have an effective way to start and escalate Kino in the car.
5) you couldn't effectively use eye contact while she was driving.

All very good points. There was a bit of kino and eye contact - but you're right, it's not effective in a car.

We stopped for gas once, that would have been a great opportunity to stand around outside with her and escalate. I'll remember that if i ever am in a situation like this again.

Based on the situation, do you think my half-assed escalation when she dropped me off was enough of a mess-up to send her into auto-rejection? Or do you think she's still interested? If it's the latter, what would you suggest that I text her, and when?

I was thinking about sending her a quick hello to gauge her interest levels then go from there..also, PS maybe she could backwards rationalize and think that the reason the escalation FAILED was because i had to pee real bad!?

 

[Fuck This]

My approach is to re engage her when you have the time to apply some kino. Not feeling frantic to take a leak.

Perhaps "Hey as a thank you for driving last week, I'd like to fix you dinner." She will either accept if she is interested or decline.
If she accepts, greet her warmly from the get go with an embrace and cheek kiss. Keep working the kino throughout the night.
If she declines, let it go and continue on with your life.