Keep Interest High AFTER Infatuation Stage

[JMP_123]

So I am looking for tips/methods to keep a girl's interest level high or raise it higher after the initial "infatuation." stage.

I've known this girl loosely for a few years. Bumped into more than a month ago and started to chat. I got her number and we started to call/text frequently. We have a lot of similar interests and taste which clearly drew her in. I took her out for a night of drinks and a small bite to eat, we hit it off great. My birthday was a week later and I took her out that night and we just went to the movies, great night again. There came a point this week where I didn't want to call or text her too much to spook her or overwhelm her in the first month "courting" her per se. We had radio silence for two days and some of my friends took me out for belated drinks last night. She met me out for a few last night so it was good to see her extend herself to come see me.

I naturally plan to see what she wants to do tonight or tomorrow night. We've made it both clear that we'd like to date each other but I have to slow play it for her so she can be comfortable.

Suggestions as to what I should do or say to keep her interest level high or make it go higher to present my value to her as high? Thanks a lot!

 

[Eric]

You're going about this wrong.

You could have slept with her on the first night with drinks, what makes you think you need to get her comfortable still?

She likes you, is interested, shares the same interests, is available and makes time for you, is investing, etc.

Why are you trying to make her MORE interested / increase your value? Just sleep with her, you're a month behind. You want to keep her attraction up? Stick your dick in her and give her orgasms. Your problem isn't keeping her interest up it's DOING something with that interest that's looking you straight in the face saying "Fuck me already, JMP, you asshole".

Attraction has an expiration date

 

[JMP_123]

Eric,

All valid points as the tension and attraction is certainly there. BUT to break it down easily I got the whole "got out of a relationship not too long ago" "want to make sure your intentions are good" "not easy" lines. Which i'm all ok with because she's been a bit contradicting and she doesn't have a problem talking about sex and what she likes and yadda yadda.

So she seems to be hanging it out there for me maybe as an incentive to stick around? But maybe one who prefers to be courted/start dating AND then pull the sex trigger. I don't have a problem with that either seeing as I dig this chick.

 

[Franco]

JMP,

This situation is actually even worse than Eric makes it out to be. She's controlling the flow of the dating, and you're buying right in. This is exactly how you end up in a "one-itus" situation where you can't stop thinking about a girl, and based on this...

But maybe one who prefers to be courted/start dating AND then pull the sex trigger. I don't have a problem with that either seeing as I dig this chick.

...you unfortunately might already be there.

We've mentioned it many, MANY times on these forums. Do not listen to what women are trying to tell you what they want in terms of men, dating, and relationships. Everything they tell you they want to do is geared toward keeping you as someone who will chase them for the rest of their lives; it is NOT geared toward making you become a boyfriend.

With all do respect, I suggest you either invite her directly over to your place (and cut contact with her if she refuses), or cut contact with her right now. Don't get sucked into something that is obviously going nowhere. In the meantime, you should be approaching more women.

Hope this helps.

- Franco

 

[JMP_123]

Yea I could always be hitting on more women. But boy, did I get direct-harsh guidance as to how to proceed.

And of course all chicks just want to be chased. Whats the fun of dating somebody when you can leave them hanging and they continue to over compensate to try and get that person...Sucks doesn't it?

 

[Franco]

JMP,

But boy, did I get direct-harsh guidance as to how to proceed.

I prefer a quick, hard slap on the wrist rather than see good people get sucked into a never-ending, emotionally stressful black hole. That's just my take on it. =)

- Franco

 

[JMP_123]

Yea I got ya Franco, that all does make sense.

So you would advise me to drive the ship, make plans tonight or tomorrow, push the envelope, all of that stuff? If the situation moves swiftly i'll gladly bang her this weekend. BUT I can see the whole "I don't want to move too fast before dating or blah blah blah"

I don't see sex as being the final goal here, that's why if she dodges it I don't see it as the end of the world tonight or tomorrow. But in that case that is why I asked what behavior should I convey or what should I verbalize to her..

 

[Franco]

JMP,

So you would advise me to drive the ship, make plans tonight or tomorrow, push the envelope, all of that stuff? If the situation moves swiftly i'll gladly bang her this weekend. BUT I can see the whole "I don't want to move too fast before dating or blah blah blah"

Well, this one might already be lost, which is why I suggested just cutting contact in the first place. The problem is, you basically agreed to her frame of "let's take things slow," so the second you try to switch gears on her, it's going to come across as extremely incongruent. And, if anything, she'll just interpret it as you getting frustrated that you can't have her, which will actually come across as weak rather than strong.

You could just try inviting her directly over to your place (although be cool about it if she declines, which is likely), and then cutting contact with her if you can't get her over. This lets her know you aren't going to be some doormat who's going to take her on 50,000 nice dates where she can keep you around as an orbiter. If she does agree to go to your place, you need to push persistently (and suavely) for sex. I'd say that if you can at least get her naked and get some sexual foreplay going on between you two, then you might still have a chance with this one.

I don't see sex as being the final goal here, that's why if she dodges it I don't see it as the end of the world tonight or tomorrow. But in that case that is why I asked what behavior should I convey or what should I verbalize to her..

Then you need to change your mindset. You've been on this website for awhile now, so you should know that sex should be your first and only goal with any girl you're even remotely interested in. Once that goal has been accomplished, you can decide from there how you would like to proceed (whether that be a one-night stand, a casual relationship, a friend with benefits, or a casual relationship proceeding toward a long-term relationship).

- Franco

 

[JMP_123]

All valid points.

I do stumble upon hookups from time to time. But when it comes to a chick i'm really interested in it seems like some come with road blocks and others are seamless. Go figure.

 

[Eric]

JMP,

This situation is actually even worse than Eric makes it out to be. She's controlling the flow of the dating, and you're buying right in. This is exactly how you end up in a "one-itus" situation where you can't stop thinking about a girl, and based on this...

- Franco

You're right, I glossed over the implications.

My first thought process was just considering a one night stand or casual sex partner:

girl interested in guy -> guy makes move has sex -> power shift from girl to guy and then guy does what he wants

But then after you mentioned it I realized I didn't consider one-itis, and that he wants a relationship. She's definitely got him going at his pace and he won't know how to get out of that, even after sleeping with her. There's not much hope for this. Even if he DOES sleep with her he has fallen into her trap.

I'd agree with Franco here, cut contact.

If you can stomach it, for the experience, sleep with her, THEN cut contact.

Any relationship forward is inevitably doomed and set in stone for him to become the submissive putz.

 

[JMP_123]

Alright alright let's not make me sound like a TOTAL nimrod here lol. I appreciate the criticism but i'm far from a submissive putz.

Yea I do understand as soon as she tries to really set guidelines for "not being ready to rush into" sex she's 100% putting that pussy on pedestal. Everything would just turn into a rat race for it being the final goal. I do hate playing a lot of games, so anytime i'm usually reaching for things I cut shit loose.