FR Kim

[Mr. Wes]

It was afternoon. I had just gotten out of class and walked straight to the library to complete my online assignments.
As I worked, I had my hand placed on the side of my face, cradling my head.
My eyes tilt upward and I notice two girls sliding into the aisle infront of me, as if they were trying to squeeze by people in a movie theater to find their seats. The girl leading has her eyes meet mine. I lock on until she directs her eyes away. She looked away and smiled. The girl and her friend take a seat at the open Mac computers in the aisle in front of me, two computers to the right.
I glance over in her direction. She is talking quietly to her friend and they are laughing. Her eyes meet mine again and then I slowly turn my eyes back toward my screen. I've gotta get this work done, no time for girls now. It's been this way for the past two days. I'd see opportunities and let them pass. My grades are slipping.
Then I realized. I know this girl.
Well, not KNOW know her, but she was in one of my classes last semester. She sat on the opposite side of the room next to the exit.
She was so cute. She was thin, had sandy blonde hair down to her shoulders, big blue eyes, and the slightest natural smile over her face. I thought, Scarlett Johannson, except with a face similar to Regina Spektor.
Just my type.
And she was interested in me.

About thirty minutes later, I finished my work, packed up my things and walked downstairs to look for my workout buddy, Sean.
I checked the cafeteria.
I checked the gym.
No where to be found.
His other hiding place is the library, where I had just come from. Maybe I should look behind the bookshelves where the secluded tables are.
I spun around and headed back up the stairs.
As I was coming up the last flight of stairs, the girl from earlier was faced in front of me going down.
Well, now's my chance...and my words spoke before I could even think.
"Hey, you were in my "Strategies for Success" class last semester..."
she locked eyes with me and smiled.
her: I don't remember...
me: doesn't matter, what's your name?
her: (she tells me her name)
me: I'm Wesley. (I shake her hand and continue holding it while we silently gaze into each other's eyes.)
me: you're cute.
(she smiles)
me: here, follow me, I'm looking for my friend. (I start walking towards the door she came out of, she follows me.)

We walk into the library and I search behind the rows and rows of bookshelves seaching for Sean.
Can't find him.
I can't help but think it might be weird for her to be following a guy not even talking to her.
me: I don't think he's here. I'll wait for him...let's go sit over there. (I find a seat at a secluded round table.)
She sits down. I sit down adjacent to her. She is smiling still and says she will work on some of her online work. She pulls out her laptop from her bag, opens it and looks at me, opening her mouth like she is about to speak.
me: "do you remember my name?"
her: (laughs) I was just about to ask you what your name was again.
me: aw, you forgot...haha..you have to guess.
her: aw really? haha...umm Daryl?
me: HA! not even close.
she tries a few more guesses and then playfully slaps my arm telling me to tell her.
I tell her.
her: ohhh...haha...my sister's ex boyfriend had that name.
me: oh really? What happened?
her: He was a douche...we don't speak his name here anymore (smiles)
me: (laugh) "we don't speak his name here anymore"
we laugh and talk a little about this and I delve into it a little.
then I ask what her name was.
She gives me this look as if she's up to something, like she's about to mess with me.
her: ohh you forgot? you have to guess. (mocking how I said it earlier)
me: Damn, what does it start with?
She holds her lips together and shake her head. "ah, ah, ah...not telling you. guess."
I guess a bunch of absurd names. Then I use the opportunity to move closer to her. Reaching for her bag to see if she has her name on it. Clicking the "start" button on her desktop of her "windows" laptop. Searching anyplace that she might have her name.
me: okay..just tell me...actually....(I pull out my phone) type it in here...along with your number.
She gives me this look that says "oh you're smoooth"
she takes my phone, puts in her number while smiling and says "Is this how you get girl's numbers?"
me: nope, just you
I look at my phone after she hands it to me.
me: Kim?
her: mhm.
By this time our chairs are next to each other so I successfully closed the distance. Now, I need to build comfort and tension and attraction.
I test her comfort levels, asking her if I can see her hand. She hands it to me and I intertwine my fingers with hers. She has no problem with it and semi-sheepishly looks away.
We're talking about logistics. What side of town she lives on. The high school she graduated from.
I tell her I have no ride home and say: "you should take me home"
her: I would but I have to go to work.
I ask where she works.
her: "the loop"
me: the LOO?
her: (laughs) nooo.."the Loop"...at the beach.
me: ohh okay, I was about to say...1) why did you turn english all of a sudden and 2) why would you work in a bathroom?
We start being playful and talking in english accents, saying funny phrases. Then I bring up her taking me home again.
me: you should take me home...
her: whyyy?
me: you do want to see me again right?
her: like here at school or outside of school?
me: whatever you want..you're suggesting outside of school...do you want to?
her: (bites her lip and has this really sexy expression on her face) hmm...yea..i'd like that.
her: where do you live?
I tell her close to the beach but not actually at the beach. I tell her the area.
her: that's not close! haha...i'd be going out of my way to go there.
me: really? haha so I guess i'm a "townie" (what the beach people call the people who live inland) to you then?
her: yeaa...you're a 'townie'.
we go back and forth verbal sword-fighting while she's doing her Algebra on her computer.
She tries her best to keep up the conversation because I occasionally let it fade to create tension.
She gives in to the social pressure and asks me questions and as always, I am difficult giving her answers and returning questions back. By this time we're sitting side by side with our knees touching. I'm at a slight angle so that I can face her.
I look at her screen. She has a 'combine like terms' type algebra problem with the variable being "D". (oh this is just too easy)
I do the math in my head and then tell her the answer while she is writing the math out on her paper.
me: 180d cubed plus 36d squared plus 15d minus 6....that's a lot of "D". (eyebrow raise)
her: (she looks at me and smiles) you are sooo sexual.
me: no point in hiding it...i'm assuming you are too.
her: (she smiled and bit her lip while looking away sheepishly) we can't talk about that here.
me: that's what I like to hear.
throughout the conversation I reward her a few times by pulling her in and hugging her saying "it's okay" or "that's alright"
Giving her permission to be herself.
By this time...I really want to be locking lips with her. She tells me she has to finish up and go to work in a few minutes.
The conversation faded and wasn't really resurrecting. I searched my thoughts, vigorously looking for how I can close the deal. Though, on the outside, I looked calm.
Eventually, she got up and pushed in her chair, packed up her things.
I stood up as well and said that I should go find Sean.
We walked together down the stairs. silently.
her: you don't have to walk me to my car.
me: what? (mis-heard her)
her: you don't have to walk me to my car.
me: ohh, okay..I thought you said "you have to walk me to my car"...how demanding? haha
her: (she smiled..she stopped and turned to me.)
We hug
her: It was nice meeting you. (she starts to pull away and we're holding hands...our hands are outstretched still holding as she slips away slowly.)
I take her hand and pull her back in in a dominating way, as if we were salsa dancing. I pull her body into me and hold her waist as she rests her head on my chest.
She holds me a little longer this time. Then she backs away and turns around to walk, swaying her hips.
I check out her ass.
me: aww...you have a cute ass.
she turns her head and looks over her shoulder at me with a seductive expression. Her hair covering one eye, her smile slowly spreading.
her: Text me okay?
me: alright.
and she walks away.

Later on, when I got home, I sent her this text.
"Hey Kim, when do you get off of work?
-Wes"
no reply since I sent it on Wednesday.
It sucks to say this but...I miss her. I like her a little. Of course she can't know that I do.
I normally don't text any of the girls because I hate texting and I'm not the best at turning it into meetups but, I really want to see her again. I can tell we will have fun If we do.

things to work on:
-deep diving (I didn't learn that much about her..we were being playful and flirting most of the time)
- building sexual tension (again..I was getting lost in this whole "being playful" thing that I didn't switch gears)
- closing (this is the 4th time now that i've missed out on a makeout opportunity. I keep doubting myself.)

Time to re-read some of the blog posts.
Come on guys, stop lurking and share some of your personal experiences, advice, and guidance on where to go from here.
I actually want to see her again.
What do I text her? How can I get comfortable enough to just take a girl's face and passionately kiss her?

that's all for now. deuces.
Wes.

 

[Eternity]

Flipped the script on you in the middle of the interaction. Great job leading in the beginning but your power of seduction fell short when she flipped the script and you succumbed to her stronger frame. She asked the questions you didn't. Made you chase and guess afterwards. Also, you could have deep dived more when she talked about her sister's boyfriend and asked more deep and interesting questions about herself.

Next, she was complying to let you hold her hands, easily a chance to escalate and make more moves on her, again this is judging if the vibe was accurate to what you wrote here. Next time when holding her hands look at her palm and say "you got a long apollo finger, i read somewhere you are creative and adventerous" (It's half b.s, btw). Caress her hand softly and give her a sexy look. If she asks how do you know this say i read it somewhere cant remember. Now regardless if she pulls away or not,change the topic into more deeper and intimate things, you ask the questions not her.

In addition, cut down the jokes, its important not to over do it, and better to bond with meaningful conversation and playful teasing. "you should take me home"- that was gold cannot get clearer than this. You responded with "why" as if doubting she's attractive enough, disappointed her here with that response. I would've said " and do naughty things with you, good idea." She engaged and kept the convo going, good but you tried to get sexual with her a bit too late, failed to pull the trigger when you had the chance, went into auto rejection an was aware of you trying to recover and make the moves on her. But in her mind she's thinking if this guy took so long to get a clue maybe he's not lover material or a bad boy like i thought. Thus the awkwardness when you walked her to her car when you should've been locking lips and waiting to tear her clothes off on the way to her house. Again towards the end, one last chance to lock lips but you did not pulled the trigger, ending with a sense of frustration for both of you.

If its been three days, maybe its time to send another txt back. I would send "Where you hiding? Its Wes. You down for drinks,coffee, ect on xxxx" If nothing, move on. Attraction has an expiration date brother. Maybe Narrow J can help with the txt's they seem to be his forte. All in all, you need to pull that trigger and be comfortable making out with women, but its okay i fucked up like this before also. Im sure you will be flying after a couple more experiences under your belt.

 

[Mr. Wes]

Flipped the script on you in the middle of the interaction. Great job leading in the beginning but your power of seduction fell short when she flipped the script and you succumbed to her stronger frame. She asked the questions you didn't. Made you chase and guess afterwards. Also, you could have deep dived more when she talked about her sister's boyfriend and asked more deep and interesting questions about herself.

Next, she was complying to let you hold her hands, easily a chance to escalate and make more moves on her, again this is judging if the vibe was accurate to what you wrote here. Next time when holding her hands look at her palm and say "you got a long apollo finger, i read somewhere you are creative and adventerous" (It's half b.s, btw). Caress her hand softly and give her a sexy look. If she asks how do you know this say i read it somewhere cant remember. Now regardless if she pulls away or not,change the topic into more deeper and intimate things, you ask the questions not her.

In addition, cut down the jokes, its important not to over do it, and better to bond with meaningful conversation and playful teasing. "you should take me home"- that was gold cannot get clearer than this. You responded with "why" as if doubting she's attractive enough, disappointed her here with that response. I would've said " and do naughty things with you, good idea." She engaged and kept the convo going, good but you tried to get sexual with her a bit too late, failed to pull the trigger when you had the chance, went into auto rejection an was aware of you trying to recover and make the moves on her. But in her mind she's thinking if this guy took so long to get a clue maybe he's not lover material or a bad boy like i thought. Thus the awkwardness when you walked her to her car when you should've been locking lips and waiting to tear her clothes off on the way to her house. Again towards the end, one last chance to lock lips but you did not pulled the trigger, ending with a sense of frustration for both of you.

If its been three days, maybe its time to send another txt back. I would send "Where you hiding? Its Wes. You down for drinks,coffee, ect on xxxx" If nothing, move on. Attraction has an expiration date brother. Maybe Narrow J can help with the txt's they seem to be his forte. All in all, you need to pull that trigger and be comfortable making out with women, but its okay i fucked up like this before also. Im sure you will be flying after a couple more experiences under your belt.

She asked the questions you didn't.

I let her ask questions as a test to see if she was interested in getting to know me. for example, letting silence fall in and watch the girl pick up the conversation and chase a little.

Also, you could have deep dived more when she talked about her sister's boyfriend and asked more deep and interesting questions about herself

.
That, I did. I didn't go into detail about it.
You're right, I should have deep dived more.

Made you chase and guess afterwards

I don't think this flipped the frame. I took control afterwards.

Now regardless if she pulls away or not,change the topic into more deeper and intimate things, you ask the questions not her.

details please? outright talk about sex?

"you should take me home"- that was gold cannot get clearer than this. You responded with "why" as if doubting she's attractive enough, disappointed her here with that response. I would've said " and do naughty things with you, good idea." She engaged and kept the convo going, good but you tried to get sexual with her a bit too late, failed to pull the trigger when you had the chance, went into auto rejection an was aware of you trying to recover and make the moves on her.

I think you mis-read that part.
I was the one who said: you should take me home.
and she said: whyyy?
I would never miss a clear sign like that, do not doubt me brother.

Thus the awkwardness when you walked her to her car

Wasn't awkward silence. It was "enjoying each other's presence" silence.

Again towards the end, one last chance to lock lips but you did not pulled the trigger, ending with a sense of frustration for both of you

you're right about that. Again, having trouble pulling the trigger. Kissing may be easy for other guys but this is one thing that causes me anxiety. I just had my first kiss in 2011 and have not kissed often since.
It may be a common sense & default control for you but when I think of it, thoughts flood in.
"will she slap me?"
"what if i'm bad at it?"
"what if she jerks her head away? how will I recover from the embarassment?"
I wish I can go around kissing random girls until I'm used to it and its no big deal. But its kind of a catch-22 because girls won't be comfortable kissing me if i'm not comfortable kissing them. And I can only become comfortable by doing it a lot.

Thanks for the advice about the text. I'll try that.
Hey NarrowJ, where ya at mannn?

 

[Mr. Wes]

Ever see those youtube videos of guys like Vitalyzdtv and other channels making out with random girls?
I have that in mind.
Comments like: "this must be fake, they hired actresses"
"that's fake, if you did it for real, you'd get slapped"
"that can get you sent to jail"
put more doubts in my mind that I can do it.
I know I shouldn't trust Youtube comments over people with actual experience. I just need one positive spontaneous kiss situation and I will believe it and do it like a BAOSS.

 

[Eternity]

Sorry. You're right, i misread the "i should take you home part" i was reading fast.

For your other questions:

1)Let her asks two three questions and then deep dive. If you let her ask, you are somewhat qualifying yourself to her. She can sit back and let you answer in her mind asking herself maybe he's someone i want in my bed, maybe not, we'll see. Rather than vice versa, where you sit and let her do the chasing and qualifying and you ask yourself those questions, the balance of power drops in your favor.

2)She still had you guessing and playing her little game, you should've done this from the get go, playing the same game with her by making her guess your name. If you read Chase's articles he always makes them guess first, he does not buy into their hoops or frames first. Your game, your lead. Yeah, you took control afterwards, after she made you work for her attention a little, cementing the role of who has more invested in the interaction then and afterwards. Her mentality- "its in the bag"

3)Remember that article when Chase states some signs that women want to go home with you, i cannot remember it but one sign was when she asks you "where do you live, how far, who with ect..." She does ask you this after you asked her "You do want to see me again?", then she says "here in school or outside of school". You said "whatever you want", a sign that you are not in control, you don't know what you want from her. A good answer would have been "both", but let's start with outside first (set date).

4) When you were holding her hands only thing i would do is pull her close and kiss her but pull away like Chase recommends leave her wanting more. Or put your arm around her, breaking the touch barrier getting her used to your touch, in simple terms -escalating.

5) I could not tell the tone between both of you to her car so maybe it was or wasnt awkward, still your arm could've been around her if you played it right before. Regardless, it still made you look like you were chasing a bit because she didn't ask and the vibe might not have been exciting or high enough for her to want this, thus making you invest more than she did with you. Check out Zphix F.R's about a girl he was walking to her car for lines you can use next time.

Lastly, i don't really make out with random women too much either and have the same fear and anxiety as you. I just been somewhat in a similar situation like you have but messed up because i could not pull that damn trigger. Push your limits, who knows it will probably get you laid faster than you think.

 

[Verisimilitude]

I know I shouldn't trust Youtube comments over people with actual experience. I just need one positive spontaneous kiss situation and I will believe it and do it like a BAOSS.

She wanted you to kiss her. She actually gave you multiple opportunities.

Here:

me: 180d cubed plus 36d squared plus 15d minus 6....that's a lot of "D". (eyebrow raise)
her: (she looks at me and smiles) you are sooo sexual.
me: no point in hiding it...i'm assuming you are too.
her: (she smiled and bit her lip while looking away sheepishly) we can't talk about that here.

When a girl looks down, bites her lip, and smiles, that is a pretty clear sign to kiss her.

And here:

her: It was nice meeting you. (she starts to pull away and we're holding hands...our hands are outstretched still holding as she slips away slowly.)
I take her hand and pull her back in in a dominating way, as if we were salsa dancing. I pull her body into me and hold her waist as she rests her head on my chest.
She holds me a little longer this time. Then she backs away and turns around to walk, swaying her hips.

She REALLY wanted you to kiss her here. if a girl is walking away still holding your hand, she wants more. And pulling her into you is great, but you gotta follow up with a kiss or some release of tension.

Kissing her would NOT have landed you in jail man. If you had known what to look for from her body language, you would have seen that she wanted you to kiss her. Part of being more comfortable with knowing when to kiss girls is knowing what signs they give that they want to be kissed. PM me if you're looking for more detail on this.

The thing that I think hurt the interaction a lot was you being so brazen and obvious about her "taking you home". I think she would have slept with you, but you can't just say it like that. It ruins the intrigue and is socially uncalibrated. Say, hey let's grab a bite at my place or any excuse really, she'll be more willing to go. I wish I had more examples. I need to think of/read some daytime pulls.

But despite all this, she STILL wanted to go home with you and you could have gotten her there. The turning point of this interaction was here:

me: you should take me home...
her: whyyy?
me: you do want to see me again right?
her: like here at school or outside of school?
me: whatever you want..you're suggesting outside of school...do you want to?
her: (bites her lip and has this really sexy expression on her face) hmm...yea..i'd like that.
her: where do you live?
I tell her close to the beach but not actually at the beach. I tell her the area.
her: that's not close! haha...i'd be going out of my way to go there.
me: really? haha so I guess i'm a "townie" (what the beach people call the people who live inland) to you then?
her: yeaa...you're a 'townie'.

You let her win the frame battle man. She gave token resistance to going home with you, "I'd be going out of my way" and you just accepted it. When a girl asks you, "where do you live" that's a clear sign she wants to go home with you. As in pull her home, now. You could have said, "Its not that far, let's go" and taken her hand. or used a yes ladder. She still might not have had the time (actually happens). In that case, plan a date for later, and walk away. Everything after that was just fluff and awkwardness. You missed the escalation window. The silence was because you had created too much sexual tension and didn't handle the transition well. She didn't text you back because you built up all those feelings...and just left her hanging.

Whew that's a lot. Let me know if you have questions.

 

[Mr. Wes]

I'm sorry. I should've clarified...I leave out minor details sometimes.
The "you should take me home" didn't come out of the blue. At first, I was talking about how I needed a ride home because I had no bus fare. Then I said to her: "You should take me home"
Nevertheless, you both are right and I should've pushed further and not have her out-frame me on that.

 

[PrettyDecent]

Wes,

Here's my opinion.

she turns her head and looks over her shoulder at me with a seductive expression. Her hair covering one eye, her smile slowly spreading.
her: Text me okay?

This is good. She wanted the interaction to continue another time, and she was verbalizing it. You were in power still.

Later on, when I got home, I sent her this text.
"Hey Kim, when do you get off of work?
-Wes"
no reply since I sent it on Wednesday.

This was a "needy" text, and the script suddenly flipped to where she's in power and she loses interest. I'd of sent an icebreaker text like -

"Hey Kim, glad to have met and chatted with you today - Wes"

And ideally you'd have set another time and day you two were going to meet in person, and the next text you'd use is to confirm. But yeah, that text will do it, even when you've had an otherwise great interaction.

Anyways, good FR Wes! Thanks for keeping such a detailed journal, it makes the read much easier.
~Nick

 

[Michael]

me: 180d cubed plus 36d squared plus 15d minus 6....that's a lot of "D". (eyebrow raise)
her: (she looks at me and smiles) you are sooo sexual.

Still cracking up about this.