About me: 33 years old, living in London. I've been reading GC and this forum for years. It's been a great help to me socially and in my romantic life, and it has obviously worked well as I've got somewhere between 40 and 50 lays, but I've always treated it as a means to an end ie to find a good LTR, and just wanted to be more attractive over all. I've never bothered writing lay reports as its always seemed quite textbook and easy, but I've been a bit more active in the forum recently (thanks to those who replied to my thread about my recent break up - still not sure what I will do about that, but I'm back in the field at least), so I thought I wanted to give back/demonstrate some credibility, and I thought last nights lay was a good one to write up.
People
Me: 6 ft 2 white European dude, medium length brown hair. Reasonably attractive, slim but not muscular. Wearing black jeans, long line white t shirt, and black and red checked flannel shirt
Her: Mixed race, 28 years old, afro hairstyle, slim. Not super well dressed but she finished work late, ran home, and then came straight to mine.
Where we met
Met on a dating app called Feeld, which is marketed towards sex positive, kinky, and casual sex people. This may sound easy, but my experience is it tends to be a bit harder. If you think normal dating apps are skewed towards men, this is 10 times worse. Coupled with that is that girls tend to have their guards up even more, because they know men expect that because its a kink app, they will have sex on the first date. In my experience, you still have to game them the same way you would game a normal girl, but if you do, they are very open minded in bed, and you can have a lot of fun.
I used one of @POB lines to open her with, asking her how the men of Feeld are treating her. This is golden because I know the quality of men are pretty dire on Feeld, launching into immediate sexting/sending dick pics. It works, she talks about how men just go straight for sexting. I use this to separate myself from the rest, and say I've never understood people launching into sexting. Just meet, don't be a dick, and you can have sex in real life. She agrees, and we find out we actually don't live far from each other. We talk about the local pubs, it turns out she hasn't been to one of my favorite's, so I soft close saying we should go for a drink there sometime. She agrees and we agree to meet on Sunday.
I message her on Sunday to agree a time. As the weather is so good in London, she has a last minute BBQ, so has to bail. She apologies and offers up Wednesday, which I can't do, but agrees to Thursday.
We continue bantering a bit via text until the date on Thursday comes around. On the Wednesday, she says she will finish work at 7/7.30 and ask whats the plan. I tell her to meet at the pub at 8, but if she is walking past mine, I will meet on the 10 mins walk to the pub, and save us having the awkward situation of introducing ourselves to each other, while trying to buy a drink, which she agrees with.
The original venue
We were supposed to be going to a cool pub about 10 minutes walk from me. About an hour before we are supposed to meet, I message asking if she is still on to meet on the way. No reply. It gets to 10 to 8 and I'm not sure what to do, so I just message her that I'm running 5 minutes late. I see she is online, but not replying, but I decide that I will walk over there anyway. As I'm about 2 mins away, I check my whatsapp and it shows she is typing, but sends a message.
I get to the pub, and to my embarrassment, its closed due to staff shortages. I message her and say its closed, but I get the feeling she either isn't going to make it, or this is all a plan to make me bend her over my knee and spank her later. Then say if she changes her mind, come to my flat and we can drink wine.
I head home, and she message me about 20 mins later, apologising as she finished work late. She says she is happy to come over with some wine if she still wants me. I just say that would be cool, and give her my address. 20 minutes later, she turns up at my front door.
My flat
I welcome her in, give her a quick tour of the flat, and then offer her a drink. I know the probability of sex is quite high and I want to focus on arousal, but she has just come to a strangers flat and may not be feeling comfortable, so I launch straight into a bit of deep diving. I quite enjoy conversation, so I've got quite goof at deep diving, screening and qualification. I can tell she isn't completely comfortable because she is sitting at the opposite end of my sofa, so I start building comfort. We talk a bit about our background, and she reveals she used to be a professional dancer, which I immediately latch on to because I find it very interesting. We talk a bit about our careers, and then bond over shared political views.
I move the conversation onto her experiences on Feeld. She talks a lot about how she is sex positive, and we talk about mens expectation of sex on the first date. She says she doesn't care, it's her decision etc. I agree and say I personally like to run a feeld date like any other date, and actually want to get to know the girl, and that if I don't get to know her, I can't desire her. I'm building up the good/bad lover gambit, but I'm not quite there yet.
I qualify her hard, saying that I'm really enjoying talking to her, and I like how self aware she is and knows what she is all about. She replies saying that's interesting, because she wasn't sure how what my feeling was for her, and thought I might not like her. We then talked a bit about why we swiped right on each other.
I offer her more wine, but she says she isn't that big a drinker, and is already feeling a bit under the influence. Following the previous conversation, I ask her if she thinks she is a good flirt. She says she is really good at flirting when she doesn't want anything to happen, but not so great if she is actually interested in the guy. I agree, and talk about how I'm an outrageous flirt with my friends mums, because its so obvious nothing will happen. At this point, the eye contact between us is electric, and I mentioned about how eye contact and touch are common signs of flirting, slowing down my voice and deepening my tonality. She mentions my eye contact, and I can feel the insane tension. I can tell its getting to her as she turns to me and says 'actually maybe I will have another glass of wine' I think about going for the close at that point, but I've had in my mind about trying out 'good/bad lover' gambit .
I use a slightly amended version, and we go quite deep on it. We talk about how most guys just bust their load and roll over, and I say that I don't think that's acceptable, sex has to be great for both people, otherwise why would they come back for more, and that I always make sure the girl has had a good time, and start explaining how. She completely eats this up, which I find amusing because I could so easily just be talking shit (as a lot of guys do, when they say they are great at eating girls out on their dating apps) - but thankfully I really believe it. I then go on about how I think I've got a good understanding of what women want, and the importance of making her feel allowed to enjoy the sex.
The eye contact is strong, and I move over a bit, and go for the kiss. And things escalate pretty rapidly from there, take her to my bedroom, and do the business.
As she leaves, I offer to walk her home but she says its fine. I tell her to text me when she gets home, which she does. I reply saying that was fire (thanks PWF), and she says to let her know when I'm free to meet again next week.
Keys to the lay
Sticking points
Thanks for reading
People
Me: 6 ft 2 white European dude, medium length brown hair. Reasonably attractive, slim but not muscular. Wearing black jeans, long line white t shirt, and black and red checked flannel shirt
Her: Mixed race, 28 years old, afro hairstyle, slim. Not super well dressed but she finished work late, ran home, and then came straight to mine.
Where we met
Met on a dating app called Feeld, which is marketed towards sex positive, kinky, and casual sex people. This may sound easy, but my experience is it tends to be a bit harder. If you think normal dating apps are skewed towards men, this is 10 times worse. Coupled with that is that girls tend to have their guards up even more, because they know men expect that because its a kink app, they will have sex on the first date. In my experience, you still have to game them the same way you would game a normal girl, but if you do, they are very open minded in bed, and you can have a lot of fun.
I used one of @POB lines to open her with, asking her how the men of Feeld are treating her. This is golden because I know the quality of men are pretty dire on Feeld, launching into immediate sexting/sending dick pics. It works, she talks about how men just go straight for sexting. I use this to separate myself from the rest, and say I've never understood people launching into sexting. Just meet, don't be a dick, and you can have sex in real life. She agrees, and we find out we actually don't live far from each other. We talk about the local pubs, it turns out she hasn't been to one of my favorite's, so I soft close saying we should go for a drink there sometime. She agrees and we agree to meet on Sunday.
I message her on Sunday to agree a time. As the weather is so good in London, she has a last minute BBQ, so has to bail. She apologies and offers up Wednesday, which I can't do, but agrees to Thursday.
We continue bantering a bit via text until the date on Thursday comes around. On the Wednesday, she says she will finish work at 7/7.30 and ask whats the plan. I tell her to meet at the pub at 8, but if she is walking past mine, I will meet on the 10 mins walk to the pub, and save us having the awkward situation of introducing ourselves to each other, while trying to buy a drink, which she agrees with.
The original venue
We were supposed to be going to a cool pub about 10 minutes walk from me. About an hour before we are supposed to meet, I message asking if she is still on to meet on the way. No reply. It gets to 10 to 8 and I'm not sure what to do, so I just message her that I'm running 5 minutes late. I see she is online, but not replying, but I decide that I will walk over there anyway. As I'm about 2 mins away, I check my whatsapp and it shows she is typing, but sends a message.
I get to the pub, and to my embarrassment, its closed due to staff shortages. I message her and say its closed, but I get the feeling she either isn't going to make it, or this is all a plan to make me bend her over my knee and spank her later. Then say if she changes her mind, come to my flat and we can drink wine.
I head home, and she message me about 20 mins later, apologising as she finished work late. She says she is happy to come over with some wine if she still wants me. I just say that would be cool, and give her my address. 20 minutes later, she turns up at my front door.
My flat
I welcome her in, give her a quick tour of the flat, and then offer her a drink. I know the probability of sex is quite high and I want to focus on arousal, but she has just come to a strangers flat and may not be feeling comfortable, so I launch straight into a bit of deep diving. I quite enjoy conversation, so I've got quite goof at deep diving, screening and qualification. I can tell she isn't completely comfortable because she is sitting at the opposite end of my sofa, so I start building comfort. We talk a bit about our background, and she reveals she used to be a professional dancer, which I immediately latch on to because I find it very interesting. We talk a bit about our careers, and then bond over shared political views.
I move the conversation onto her experiences on Feeld. She talks a lot about how she is sex positive, and we talk about mens expectation of sex on the first date. She says she doesn't care, it's her decision etc. I agree and say I personally like to run a feeld date like any other date, and actually want to get to know the girl, and that if I don't get to know her, I can't desire her. I'm building up the good/bad lover gambit, but I'm not quite there yet.
I qualify her hard, saying that I'm really enjoying talking to her, and I like how self aware she is and knows what she is all about. She replies saying that's interesting, because she wasn't sure how what my feeling was for her, and thought I might not like her. We then talked a bit about why we swiped right on each other.
I offer her more wine, but she says she isn't that big a drinker, and is already feeling a bit under the influence. Following the previous conversation, I ask her if she thinks she is a good flirt. She says she is really good at flirting when she doesn't want anything to happen, but not so great if she is actually interested in the guy. I agree, and talk about how I'm an outrageous flirt with my friends mums, because its so obvious nothing will happen. At this point, the eye contact between us is electric, and I mentioned about how eye contact and touch are common signs of flirting, slowing down my voice and deepening my tonality. She mentions my eye contact, and I can feel the insane tension. I can tell its getting to her as she turns to me and says 'actually maybe I will have another glass of wine' I think about going for the close at that point, but I've had in my mind about trying out 'good/bad lover' gambit .
I use a slightly amended version, and we go quite deep on it. We talk about how most guys just bust their load and roll over, and I say that I don't think that's acceptable, sex has to be great for both people, otherwise why would they come back for more, and that I always make sure the girl has had a good time, and start explaining how. She completely eats this up, which I find amusing because I could so easily just be talking shit (as a lot of guys do, when they say they are great at eating girls out on their dating apps) - but thankfully I really believe it. I then go on about how I think I've got a good understanding of what women want, and the importance of making her feel allowed to enjoy the sex.
The eye contact is strong, and I move over a bit, and go for the kiss. And things escalate pretty rapidly from there, take her to my bedroom, and do the business.
As she leaves, I offer to walk her home but she says its fine. I tell her to text me when she gets home, which she does. I reply saying that was fire (thanks PWF), and she says to let her know when I'm free to meet again next week.
Keys to the lay
- Being completely outcome independent. I honestly had very little investment in this because I know this isn't a girl I would date seriously so I just went with the flow to see what would happen
- Not blowing up after she stood me up/seeing a new opportunity - I honestly was really pissed off when she stood me up, especially as I know she was typing me a message, but never sent it. But I saw the opportunity, sexualised with the spanking text, and just invited her straight to mine. Ties in with the point above about being outcome independent
- Not launching straight into arousal/sex talk as soon as she arrived. I think building comfort/rapport comes naturally to me anyway, but I'm glad I deliberately thought about it and calibrated to the girl
- Sex talk - first time I really used this as most of my dates are focused on finding a girl for a relationship, so I tend to spend more time screening and qualifying for compatibility, and leaving it to late to do sex talk - not that it bothers me, as I'm generally not here to just lay as many people as possible, so boyfriend value works for me.
Sticking points
- Girls not being sure that I'm interested - this has happened on a number of times before on dates, where I've gone for the kiss, the girl has reciprocated, and then has expressed her surprise because she wasn't sure if I liked her - they even say this when I'm deep diving, using touch, busting her balls/teasing a bit, and holding strong eye contact - would love peoples thoughts what I should do differently, or whether the ambiguity is good?
- If anyone saw my post about my recent break up, you will see that once I become invested in someone, I completely lose my outcome independence. Not sure how big a problem it is for me personally, because I think I'd prefer to be invested in someone and have feelings for them, rather than have the reverse which has happened in previous 2 relationships where the girl was really into me, while I wasn't into either of them. But its definitely something to think about.
Thanks for reading
