- Joined
- Aug 12, 2014
- Messages
- 1,982
I have been finding that dominance agrees with me, I don't necessarily mean in the sense of kinky sex play, but just giving orders in bed, ordering my partner to do things which are slightly outside her comfort zone, and so on -- but have been getting into a bit of kinky sex lately (with myself in the dominant role) and this is also great. My questions are something to do with how and when to introduce kinky sex play in a new relationship.
1. Would it be a good idea to have regular sex at least once first? Lately have been cheated of sex once or twice by not doing things in the optimal manner and I suspect that introducing kinky sex play might fall into the risky category, what if she uses the safe word and then just bails before I manage to penetrate her, this would indicate that she's not comfortable with kinky play, whereas she might have been okay with regular sex... on the other hand if women really want to be dominated then maybe it would be best to tie her up, torture her, slap her around etc right off the bat, since it should tap into something primal and get her wet and begging for it? What do guys think?
2. On bondage sites they say basically before you engage in any rough sex play or bondage or any specific kinky fetish you might have, it's essential to establish communication with your partner, what they are comfortable with, any boundaries they may have and so on... this doesn't really sit well with me, because I think it's non dominant. Like on GC we practice dominance for real, whereas in kinky sex play the dominance is more temporary... I suppose my question is where does one finish and the other start? Because if I'm in a dominant role outside the bedroom I should just be able to tie her up and continue to dominate her in the bedroom too right? Or is such an approach too risky?
3. As to degradation, well my sometimes-girlfriend loves it, when we first engaged in kinky play I had her call me master and I punished her by slapping her for speaking without permission and other such things, but I didn't actually degrade her, because I wasn't sure if it was a good idea... afterwards I asked whether she would want to be called a slut and she was definitely down for it... so next time (which will be in a few days) I'll definitely be getting into some hardcore slut-shaming, thing is that slut-shaming is not what we advocate here on GC, and even if the answer to question #2 was basically just dominate her in real life and in the bedroom and don't seek permission... then I feel I have to delineate things a bit better here, because I don't want her thinking I genuinely hold slut-shaming attitudes, she has to know it's only play in this context... on the other hand the woman I fucked the other day, I asked her afterwards if she would want to be called a slut and she wasn't up for it... but I think this may have been an automatic response based on seeing me as a "nice guy", she may change her tune once she's been tied up and tortured, what do guys think? (I'll report later).
I definitely have this fantasy of pulling a woman back to the apartment, coming into the entry hall and immediately tying her hands behind her back, telling her the safe word and then saying "get on your knees" and having her begin to fellate me... I wonder how warmed up she would have to be for this to work (assuming I haven't laid her before)... I think I will save this for somebody who seems ultra keen, also it depends on what experienced guys say to my questions above...
-Ray
1. Would it be a good idea to have regular sex at least once first? Lately have been cheated of sex once or twice by not doing things in the optimal manner and I suspect that introducing kinky sex play might fall into the risky category, what if she uses the safe word and then just bails before I manage to penetrate her, this would indicate that she's not comfortable with kinky play, whereas she might have been okay with regular sex... on the other hand if women really want to be dominated then maybe it would be best to tie her up, torture her, slap her around etc right off the bat, since it should tap into something primal and get her wet and begging for it? What do guys think?
2. On bondage sites they say basically before you engage in any rough sex play or bondage or any specific kinky fetish you might have, it's essential to establish communication with your partner, what they are comfortable with, any boundaries they may have and so on... this doesn't really sit well with me, because I think it's non dominant. Like on GC we practice dominance for real, whereas in kinky sex play the dominance is more temporary... I suppose my question is where does one finish and the other start? Because if I'm in a dominant role outside the bedroom I should just be able to tie her up and continue to dominate her in the bedroom too right? Or is such an approach too risky?
3. As to degradation, well my sometimes-girlfriend loves it, when we first engaged in kinky play I had her call me master and I punished her by slapping her for speaking without permission and other such things, but I didn't actually degrade her, because I wasn't sure if it was a good idea... afterwards I asked whether she would want to be called a slut and she was definitely down for it... so next time (which will be in a few days) I'll definitely be getting into some hardcore slut-shaming, thing is that slut-shaming is not what we advocate here on GC, and even if the answer to question #2 was basically just dominate her in real life and in the bedroom and don't seek permission... then I feel I have to delineate things a bit better here, because I don't want her thinking I genuinely hold slut-shaming attitudes, she has to know it's only play in this context... on the other hand the woman I fucked the other day, I asked her afterwards if she would want to be called a slut and she wasn't up for it... but I think this may have been an automatic response based on seeing me as a "nice guy", she may change her tune once she's been tied up and tortured, what do guys think? (I'll report later).
I definitely have this fantasy of pulling a woman back to the apartment, coming into the entry hall and immediately tying her hands behind her back, telling her the safe word and then saying "get on your knees" and having her begin to fellate me... I wonder how warmed up she would have to be for this to work (assuming I haven't laid her before)... I think I will save this for somebody who seems ultra keen, also it depends on what experienced guys say to my questions above...
-Ray