Laid this girl, now its kind of awkward. What should I do?

[Kaida]

Just laid this one girl from cold approach.

It feels like another lost retention though

I got her instagram maybe a month and a half ago. She was actually the one who texted me first after I posted something shirtless.

Once our schedules aligned we met up. Texting conversation was sexualized very early by her and she obviously wanted the dick from the get go.

After texting and getting a meet she invited me to hot tub with her friends first before isolating in her room. It was just me and 3 girls including her. I talked to her friends and displayed social proof well.

After her friends left we started flirting heavy. She was touching on me, pretty compliant, and obviously very sexually attracted to me. I picked her up, spun her around. She had her arms around my neck and we were just laughing.

We went to her room after the hot tub. She wanted to put on a movie and asked me if I even wanted to watch the movie lol. I was like we can just talk.

So she puts the remote down and I ask her how her days been. She starts being a little bratty saying she told me already. I laugh and say theres gotta be more than that.

She starts quizzing me like “Okay what did I say” and I just laugh and remind her that she didnt remember my star sign back at the tub. She agrees and I proceed to tell her what she said.

There was no real deep diving or connection building before the sex. I probably should have done more of that in hindsight, but I thought it would be better after the sex.

There was one time we were on the bed and she was talking and she just laughed and said “are you even listening to me?” i guess it was the way I looked at her.

I smiled and went for the kiss here and escalated all the way to sex.

No LMR. She was on her period so I used a condom, she said it was her first time fucking on her period.

Turned her around for doggystyle after about 20 minutes in different positions but I got soft trying to put it in. I tried to buy time with my fingers but she was reaching for my dick.

Once she noticed i was soft she got up and just changed quickly.

Sex was okay at some points but by the end it felt deflated and mid.

Normally I’d lay naked with the girl after and talk to build a connection, thats normally my favorite part tbh. But this one was just so business.

Me: You tryna watch a movie?

Her: Yeah I’m down

Her: … actually I’m kind of tired

Me: Thats cool
Me: I could spend the night. Its better than walking back. We could talk too

Her: Yeah you can sleep here

Her: Actually, shit, I got work in the morning
Her: Are you gonna uber?

Me: I’ll probably just walk

Her:Okay

Me: I do wanna talk with you a bit tho

Her: I was trying to talk to you before

Me: Lol now I see it (why shes so business)
Me: No wonder

Her: What you mean lol

Me: Come here (I pull her towards me)

Her: Haha chilll I’m tired

Me: I do wanna talk

Her: Lol its whatever. I’ve been in the game I know how it is

I wanted to go another round after building a connection to increase retention but she really didnt seem to be going for even just hanging out a bit after. I was probably in that room for 40 minutes total.

I wouldve talked to her before but I wanted to have sex before connecting. Feels better that way.

Before I left I said we’ll talk more next time. Dunno if that was the right move or whatever.

That was 1am. I sent her a morning ping at 11am the next day (after she responds I was planning to reply with “thanks so much for last night, that was ) but she never replied.

We fucked on Saturday, and I sent her the text on Sunday. I havent contacted her since, its been almost a week.

She seems cool and I actually would like to learn more about her, but she just closed off after that.

What do y’all think I should do if I want to see her again? I was told I have to address the awkwardness but idk how to do that

 

[gameboy]

Sounds like a bitch to me, not worth the trouble. You're better off finding a girl that actually wants to connect.

 

[rockstar]

Her: Lol its whatever. I’ve been in the game I know how it is

I wanted to go another round after building a connection to increase retention but she really didnt seem to be going for even just hanging out a bit after. I was probably in that room for 40 minutes total.

I wouldve talked to her before but I wanted to have sex before connecting. Feels better that way.

Before I left I said we’ll talk more next time. Dunno if that was the right move or whatever.

Dude, saying "we'll talk more next time" is useless, you need to do it when you have the opportunity.

Her: Lol its whatever. I’ve been in the game I know how it is

You should realize this is a bad frame for retention since you've been having this problem for a while. You can take this and dig into it as easily as "What do you mean?".



For many girls, the fact that they slept with you is going to make retention easy for you. But not for all of them. What reason does this girl have to see you again?

Does she care about validation from you? No
Does she feel like you understand her on a deep level? No
Is she motivated by the idea of making you her boyfriend? No
Was the sex amazing? No
etc

Sounds like she was horny and thought you were cool/chill/attractive, and used you as her dildo. Easy come, easy go

 

[Will_V]

@Kaida sounds like you're not quite clear what it is you want from these girls.

You're telling her you want to talk but if you really wanted to talk you'd simply be going ahead with whatever you wanted to say. So she knows it's something else. And your actual conversation (and texting) comes across very uninvested.

In my experience, unless it's nerves (which doesn't seem to be the case here) ending up with a limp cock during sex is a sign that I'm not congruent with myself, that I'm doing stuff I don't really believe in, or I'm inside a bad frame. The worst limp dick I've ever had was when I was in a relationship I hadn't handled properly, and it's happened also when I've run seductions in a way I didn't like. That's why IMO it's very important to know what you want from girls and make sure you are setting things up so you get it. Otherwise it just becomes this addiction to proving yourself but always ending up unsatisfied, with poor retention because she senses things are amiss.

My philosophy with seduction has always been a philosophy of becoming the person I want to be, not racking up numbers or trying to impress anyone. Your philosophy might be different from mine, but the principle is the same - if you are following it you'll feel fulfilled, and if not, it will just end up being a case of going through the motions.

 

[Chase]

@Kaida,

To add to what @rockstar and @Will_V have said here... there're a lot of subtle things here denoting total of connection:

So she puts the remote down and I ask her how her days been. She starts being a little bratty saying she told me already.

If she already told you about her day, gotta ask her something different than, "So how's your day been?"

There was one time we were on the bed and she was talking and she just laughed and said “are you even listening to me?” i guess it was the way I looked at her.

This sounds like something that is likely happening more often than you realize.

These little nonverbal impressions you give to women... for every one time you hear it from a girl, there are 50 or 100 more moments like that where the girls never give it voice.

You probably need to work on your active listening:

Tactics Tuesdays: Listen to Women Better with Active Listening

One piece of guidance I often give to guys looking to improve with women is to start doing active listening in order to better listen to women and build great connections with them fast. It's simple, straightforward advice that's easy to start implementing right away -- or at least, that was...

www.girlschase.com

I smiled and went for the kiss here and escalated all the way to sex.

No LMR. She was on her period so I used a condom, she said it was her first time fucking on her period.

Like @rockstar notes, she's just using you as a walking dildo.

In some way your apparent lack of listening, etc., might be helping.

Girls are saying to themselves, "All right, this man is just NOT interested in me in any way other than sexual. Let's just let it be what it is then," -- so it could be functioning as a boyfriend disqualifier.

The problem for retention is you're not re-qualifying yourself as a boyfriend or an FWB during or after sex...

Turned her around for doggystyle after about 20 minutes in different positions but I got soft trying to put it in. I tried to buy time with my fingers but she was reaching for my dick.

Once she noticed i was soft she got up and just changed quickly.

A walking dildo's a lot less fun when the walking dildo is limp

Sex was okay at some points but by the end it felt deflated and mid.

Yah.

I'd work on fixing that erection problem.

If you're not gonna be boyfriend material, the only way you'll keep girls around is by giving them a solid time in the sack coupled with some fun personality/connection.

Otherwise it's just a disappointing, hollow ONS she will not care to repeat.

That was 1am. I sent her a morning ping at 11am the next day (after she responds I was planning to reply with “thanks so much for last night, that was ) but she never replied.

I'm not sure if "That was fire" when the sex was more like water is the right text to be sending.

The last thing you want is a girl reading your text going, "But was it?"

Better just to go with "Last night was fun" or something a little more neutral.

What do y’all think I should do if I want to see her again? I was told I have to address the awkwardness but idk how to do that

It's not just addressing awkwardness. The bigger problem is lack of value.

There are different kinds of value you can have:

• Friend value
• Boyfriend value
• Lover value
• Social utility

Right now so far as I can tell you don't have any.

You HAD lover value... and then she tried you out and the experience was underwhelming.

There's still some lover value there, but it's gone limp a bit (if you catch my drift ).

Probably the surest fire way to rebound is to invite her out to something social, where she can see you social proofed, hopefully preselected, and you are warm and sociable with her but not chase-y or anything like that.

That way you are rebuilding some value here, and re-interesting her.

Do that right and she may start thinking the first time was probably a fluke and that maybe she ought to give you another go.

Chase

 

[Kaida]

All amazing responses guys, thank you. I read them all yesterday and @Chase's today and was meditating on them, especially @Will_V's.

I think I may have had a mini breakthrough last night.

A few days ago I was at an awards ceremony for my college, and I saw this girl. I had fucked her like 3 times in the past but every time she got less compliant due to my low attainability, and uncaring attitude. She eventually just stopped coming over. I hadn't texted or seen her for a month at this point. I went up and talked to her warmly for a short while. We had a chill 2 minute back and forth before I had to go. I could tell my attainability was rebuilt with the combination of the month of radio silence + warm conversation.

A few days later I saw her at the club (she didn't see me). Afterwards, I texted her saying I saw her having fun. One thing leads to another and I successfully hard close her coming over that night.

Once she texts me that she was on the way, Will_V's line about not knowing exactly what I want with these girls. So I spent a few minutes thinking about why I even invited her over.

Was I particularly horny? Not at all

Did I just love this girls presence that much? Eh. She's hot, but not that expressive with me and I didn't feel much with her.

So what do I even want?

I've been with a good amount of girls this last 2 semesters, and the first 4-5 girls were exciting just from novelty alone, since I lacked so much experience. But it's like every time after that it just felt emptier and emptier like it was just draining my energy instead of replenishing it.

I then understood that if she comes and we just have empty sex, I'm just going to feel worse. Nothing good could come out of this other than the validation of knowing I could finesse her into fucking again.

After a while of thinking about this, I decided that since she's already on her way I wont cancel it. But I'm just going to talk to her. I wont even try to have sex or be sexual with her unless I really really feel like I want to.

So she came over and I did just that. I just brought her to my room pulled her on my lap and started talking to her about random shit. She seemed a little on guard for the first 30 seconds but ended up opening up rather fast.

She's normally not that expressive with me, but that day she was actually fun to talk to. I can't even remember what we talked about but we had fun just chilling and laughing as the sexual tension grew stronger.

There was a few times I could feel my thoughts growing anxious as time went on. I've noticed my thoughts can be dogmatic at times.

They were saying things along the lines of "you gotta make a move within 10 minutes or you'll lose out on the sex/respect/etc. You gotta do something now or you wont get another chance!". I just dismissed them since I wasn't horny yet, but I noted them.

---

I think the problem was that my approach on seduction was unusual in the fact that, I had strict parents that didn't let me party or just go random places to cold approach like I wanted to when I was younger.

So after I researched and saw that the GC authors really knew what they were talking about, I spent my days rereading articles and really meditating on them and internalizing them to maximize my growth without actually doing any in field experience. This is probably why I had such sudden success when I hit college, since I already mentally rehearsed a lot of the stuff beforehand. Once I had an actual place to practice cold approach it just came easy.

But this led me to a new problem of a huge mental store of "experience" I created in my head, which made it so I was following 1:1 rules intended for the general public without the flexibility that actual field experience provides.

For example, in the past there has been times when girls have smiled at me as I walk past, but I'll be walking the opposite direction. I'd smile back but wouldn't turn around and approach them because my mind was like "Nope, violates the Law of Least Effort". But a guy with actual field experience would do it anyway since he's probably tried it before and knows its not a big deal.

---

So realizing this, I purposefully drew out the conversation with the girl for longer in order to push my comfort zone. The conversation was good to my suprise and the sexual tension kept rising. Actually felt like we were building a connection too.

After about 30 minutes I actually felt horny for her and I could tell she was feeling the same way.

I went for a kiss and she played coy as a joke at first. But she came back and we started making out intensely. It felt electric. The vibe was perfect and I was actually enjoying myself.

We escalated to sex and it was probably some of the best sex I've had so far, no joke. The connection combined with the sexual tension we built while talking made it so satisfying.

I was hard literally the whole time, even after I came. We went for like 4 rounds that night and I was hard even while we talked in between rounds.

After that, I don't doubt I could call her up the next day and she wouldn't come over. I could tell we were both satisfied and nothing felt out of place.

Thank you guys. I'm going to start experimenting more with my conversation, connection-building and breaking rules so that I can develop true experience.

 

[gameboy]

Sounds like a huge breakthrough to me. Congrats man for making a real connection!

 

[dsky]

Just laid this one girl from cold approach.

It feels like another lost retention though

I got her instagram maybe a month and a half ago. She was actually the one who texted me first after I posted something shirtless.

Once our schedules aligned we met up. Texting conversation was sexualized very early by her and she obviously wanted the dick from the get go.

After texting and getting a meet she invited me to hot tub with her friends first before isolating in her room. It was just me and 3 girls including her. I talked to her friends and displayed social proof well.

After her friends left we started flirting heavy. She was touching on me, pretty compliant, and obviously very sexually attracted to me. I picked her up, spun her around. She had her arms around my neck and we were just laughing.

We went to her room after the hot tub. She wanted to put on a movie and asked me if I even wanted to watch the movie lol. I was like we can just talk.

So she puts the remote down and I ask her how her days been. She starts being a little bratty saying she told me already. I laugh and say theres gotta be more than that.

She starts quizzing me like “Okay what did I say” and I just laugh and remind her that she didnt remember my star sign back at the tub. She agrees and I proceed to tell her what she said.

There was no real deep diving or connection building before the sex. I probably should have done more of that in hindsight, but I thought it would be better after the sex.

There was one time we were on the bed and she was talking and she just laughed and said “are you even listening to me?” i guess it was the way I looked at her.

I smiled and went for the kiss here and escalated all the way to sex.

No LMR. She was on her period so I used a condom, she said it was her first time fucking on her period.

Turned her around for doggystyle after about 20 minutes in different positions but I got soft trying to put it in. I tried to buy time with my fingers but she was reaching for my dick.

Once she noticed i was soft she got up and just changed quickly.

Sex was okay at some points but by the end it felt deflated and mid.

Normally I’d lay naked with the girl after and talk to build a connection, thats normally my favorite part tbh. But this one was just so business.

Me: You tryna watch a movie?

Her: Yeah I’m down

Her: … actually I’m kind of tired

Me: Thats cool
Me: I could spend the night. Its better than walking back. We could talk too

Her: Yeah you can sleep here

Her: Actually, shit, I got work in the morning
Her: Are you gonna uber?

Me: I’ll probably just walk

Her:Okay

Me: I do wanna talk with you a bit tho

Her: I was trying to talk to you before

Me: Lol now I see it (why shes so business)
Me: No wonder

Her: What you mean lol

Me: Come here (I pull her towards me)

Her: Haha chilll I’m tired

Me: I do wanna talk

Her: Lol its whatever. I’ve been in the game I know how it is

I wanted to go another round after building a connection to increase retention but she really didnt seem to be going for even just hanging out a bit after. I was probably in that room for 40 minutes total.

I wouldve talked to her before but I wanted to have sex before connecting. Feels better that way.

Before I left I said we’ll talk more next time. Dunno if that was the right move or whatever.

That was 1am. I sent her a morning ping at 11am the next day (after she responds I was planning to reply with “thanks so much for last night, that was ) but she never replied.

We fucked on Saturday, and I sent her the text on Sunday. I havent contacted her since, its been almost a week.

She seems cool and I actually would like to learn more about her, but she just closed off after that.

What do y’all think I should do if I want to see her again? I was told I have to address the awkwardness but idk how to do that

I think you both don't know what you want LOL... Great story and kudos on the player side. Decide if you want to fuck or have sex with a connection. I think she just wanted to fuck. Those types loose interest when you want a connection. It's a phycological thing. Move on.

 

[Rakehell]

You ever watched the sopranos? If you have, you know how Tony toward the end of the show would hookup with girls in his life, and then he’d send them all a piece of jewelry afterward?

Alot of what you do comes off like sending these girls a piece of jewelry.

Like you’re giving consolation prizes for the sex by spending time with them after, or shooting them a text saying it was good. Ignoring the context of the dynamic between you guys. It’s seems robotic, but probably feels more douchey.

It’s cool to have a premeditated way of going about these kinds of things, but attempt to make it seem genuine and like you’re doing it because you want to, in a way that fits the situation, not because you feel like you have to for “retention” purposes.

 

[POB]

So realizing this, I purposefully drew out the conversation with the girl for longer in order to push my comfort zone. The conversation was good to my suprise and the sexual tension kept rising. Actually felt like we were building a connection too.

After about 30 minutes I actually felt horny for her and I could tell she was feeling the same way.

I went for a kiss and she played coy as a joke at first. But she came back and we started making out intensely. It felt electric. The vibe was perfect and I was actually enjoying myself.

We escalated to sex and it was probably some of the best sex I've had so far, no joke. The connection combined with the sexual tension we built while talking made it so satisfying.

I was hard literally the whole time, even after I came. We went for like 4 rounds that night and I was hard even while we talked in between rounds.

After that, I don't doubt I could call her up the next day and she wouldn't come over. I could tell we were both satisfied and nothing felt out of place.

Thank you guys. I'm going to start experimenting more with my conversation, connection-building and breaking rules so that I can develop true experience

Really happy for you dog!
Now you are getting it