Last Thread for a While (long Q&A)

Richard

Tribal Elder
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Mar 1, 2013
Messages
1,821
Alright fellas, my life is pulling me away from PU for now so I won't be as active on the boards. Will still be available via PM because I get notification emails, but I won't be actively posting and answering questions. Anyway, lately I have been getting a ton of PMs about myself; my style, how I do things, etc. and instead of simply responding the same way to all of the PMs, I'll put up a post for anyone interested.

The common questions I'm asked are as follows in summary:

1) I used to have horrible AA, how did I beat it?
2) Why do I use targeted approaching?
3) How many approaches does it take to beat AA?
4) Did I ever approach non-attractive women?
5) How did I develop my fundamentals?
6) Do I have any information to offer on non-verbals?
7) Can I build my ability to be empathic?
8) How did you develop your style?

I used to have horrible AA, how did I beat it?

Yes, I had horrible AA as Franco can attest to because I would frequently PM him. So, how did I get over it? After enough sulking and hating myself and feeling pathetic I surmised that whatever feelings I would get from approaching could never be as worse as how I was already feeling. So, I simply swallowed my pride and approached.

I lived through it. I was rejected, but I was still alive. There are tips and tricks for making approaching easier but nothing substitutes actually approaching women. De-sensitization/exposure therapy is absolute best here. When you approach a girl, and let your anxiety rise, and stay in the situation, your anxiety starts to diminish as time goes on and your brain starts to realize that whatever caused the anxiety is not so serious.

An example I've seen. A woman was afraid that the floor in her apartment was going to collapse so she re-structured her floor and only spent her time there. What the therapist did with her was have her put her feet on the kitchen floor, her anxiety rose and then fell. Then she was to sit on the floor, anxiety rose and then fell. Then stand on the floor, her anxiety rose and then fell. Eventually the woman was to walk, run, and jump on her floor which re-conditioned her brain to not link anxiety to the floor collapsing. This is what you're doing when you approach women.

Light's Method - Change your physiology. Puff your chest out, tilt your head up parallel to the floor, breathe in deeply and exhale, spread your feet shoulder width apart, then approach. You will feel more confident.

Ross's Method - Something I now understand to be structural change. If you want to get in shape, the best thing you can do is enlist the help of a buddy that will get you off your ass. What Ross recommended was enlisting the help of a buddy who will force you to approach, as a caveat, you can give that friend $50 to keep unless you approach. You get $10 for every approach you do, and you should have a friend that will gladly keep that money if you don't approach.

Colt's Method - Imagine the worst possible outcome of approaching, really put yourself in that mental situation, acknowledge it and then approach anyway. Your feelings during the approach will be nothing compared to what you just mentally went through.

In any case, you have to approach!

2) Why do I use Targeted Approaching
I quickly picked up body language as a means to read people and after my first few lays I surmised it would be better to open the girls who were themselves expressing open body language. It's not too difficult to determine which girls are "bitches" (sometimes I approach them for fun), which girls are out looking for fun, etc.

I use targeted approaching because it saves me time, mostly. I'm not approaching hoards of women spending 3-5 minutes per girl only to find out what I already "read" from her body language. Plus, I have clarity about the kinds of girls I like to have fun with and it's easy for me to pick them out because I've approached so many girls, worked out the details of what I do like, and I picked up the common characteristics they display so I only approach those girls.

3) How Many Approaches Does it Take to Beat AA?

I never stopped to count but with each approach you feel less and less anxiety. As with all exposure-style therapy it depends on the initial level of anxiety, your will-power in wanting to push through it and get over your anxiety, etc. There are a lot of variables for sure but I'd be willing to lay out a general rule of 50-100 approaches and you'll be over the initial strangle-hold AA has on you.

4) Did I ever approach non-attractive women?

Not really. A reason I should have wrote about up above was that where I game at, there are not tons and tons of beautiful women so I also used targeted approaching because my choice of women is pretty limited. I generally only approached women who were 7s or higher and very rarely went lower than that. So, no, I almost never approach non-attractive women.

The drawback to this is that you won't learn nearly as fast because you won't be approaching a lot of women. If I had the choice to learn PU again then I would absolutely talk to everybody - fat women, store workers, socializing with guys, etc. Keep in mind that seduction stems from your ability to socialize, and you'll learn to socialize much faster by talking to everyone instead of solely focusing on seducing beautiful women.

5) How did I develop my fundamentals?

Interesting question. Chase and the GC bunch outline fundamentals very heavily all over the main site and I took what was considered to be good "fundamentals" and simply practiced them one at a time until they were natural. Your brain is constantly re-wiring itself, and you can consciously re-wire your brain to make one behavior more dominant than another.

So, if you practice walking a certain way, eventually that walk will be more dominant than the one you had your entire life. The same is true for holding eye contact, voice tone, etc. I worked on each fundamental one by one until I noticed myself doing them naturally. If you're looking for a list of fundamentals, check out the main site.

6) Do I have any information to offer on non-verbals?


Sexy Nonverbals.
The book: "What Every BODY is Saying: An Ex-FBI Agent's Guide to SpeedReading People." by Joe Navarro is all you'll ever need. I've read over 20 books on non-verbals and Joe's book is still the one I find myself returning to time and time again.

Coincidentally, I've been toying around with the idea of writing a series on non-verbals and body language for the main site if Chase is fine with it. I've got a lot to offer as far as reading people, and understanding where a girl's mind is at and I think I can break it down enough to write a series. Chase has the final say-so though.

7) Can I build my ability to be empathic?

To my knowledge, there is no way to actually build your ability to feel another's emotions. Instead, you can assume the body language that empathic people take up when talking to others like nodding your head, pointing with your hand instead of your finger, tilting your head to the side and leaning in when somebody is talking, etc. All things I would cover in a series on non-verbals and body language.

8) How did I develop my style?

This is probably my favorite question because it's so multi-faceted. I'm a firm believer in being "natural," or as close to as possible. Basically, I'm of the mindset that you cannot use what you don't have but you can build yourself up to having it.

A guy who is naturally high energy will do better in clubs and with night game, partying, social circle, etc. But, that same guy can also learn to be more lax and succeed in day game but he will never be as good with day game as a guy who is naturally lax/ has the personality that is strongest in day game.

Now, me, I'm naturally funny and quick-witted. I enjoy going back and forth with people cracking jokes and building people up with laughter. But, I'm not overtly funny or comical like Sasha-Daygame. I also enjoy sex immensely (PISCES! ;)) so I eventually combined sex with humor and the result you see is my "style." The same is true regarding my ability to push-pull and lead girls through twists and turns, my approach is never straightforward.

So, what I do with girls is get them comfortable by making them laugh, then I inject sexuality into the mix while their comfortable, and slowly the girl starts to get an idea of what my "game" is and then I suddenly add something new and exciting into the mix to confuse her and keep her on her toes.

My style is composed of what my natural strengths are. You'll see that my way of doing things is different from other accomplished seducers like NJ, or Drexel, or Anatman, etc. They all use what is natural for them and it develops itself into a very very sharp blade. Discovering what your strong suit is is as easy as approaching women and analyzing what you do well or not so well from the get-go.

When I first started approaching women I was horrible with implicit messages and would almost always go the explicit route. I was also pretty bad with keeping conversations going, getting girls talking, asking open-ended questions, etc. But, I could always make people laugh, always make sexual puns, etc. It doesn't even take conscious effort to develop your style because your strengths are always at the forefront of your skill-set and they will constantly seek to sharpen themselves.

Any questions, comments, or concerns?

-Richard
 

Ree

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
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Aug 30, 2015
Messages
676
What a gold mine..thank you man
 

Rage

Tool-Bearing Hominid
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Joined
Oct 23, 2013
Messages
474
Agree with Ree, really insightful stuff Richard thanks :)

Do you have an opinion or thought on why guys need to take q break from the boards sometime or from pickup/regularly trying to sleep with new girls? (Seeing as you are taking a break right now)

I have some theories on this but nothing definitive; and I'm not sure it's something that happens to all guys like us or it's more an individual case by case thing.

Sometimes I feel like I need a break from all this stuff too... (To focus on other things but other reasons too part of which I'm not quite sure why and ask myself but am not sure...)

Rage
 

Franco

Tribal Elder
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Nov 14, 2012
Messages
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Southern California
Hey everyone,

As a side note, a ton of Richard's stuff has been sticked on the "The Best of the <Board Name> Board" posts on each individual board. He used to post under the tag "Zphix," so if you're interested in how Richard got to where he is now, please browse those stickied posts and look through his older stuff. You'll see a lot of posts where he was asking the same types of questions that many beginners are asking here now.

The stickied posts are gold mines. Use them! =)

Great post, Richard!

- Franco
 

Richard

Tribal Elder
Tribal Elder
Joined
Mar 1, 2013
Messages
1,821
Rage,

I can't explain anyone's thinking except my own so I'll give you my explanation for why I'm taking a break from the boards and pick-up. First and foremost, I haven't studied or had to learn anything new in pick-up in a while, I've been on autopilot for quite the chunk of time and it's no longer something I need to spend hoards of energy on to improve at. My goal was never to be the best PUA in the world so I have no reason to keep on climbing the mountain. So, I'm putting pick-up on the backburner to free up more and more energy to use it on other/new hobbies and skills.

I have a lot of plans for my 2016 year and I will need as much energy as possible in order to reach many of them. I'm not saying I'm wasting time here answering questions and posts but I am saying that the plans I have for this 2016 year outweigh the Boards. I will be back on occasions to check in of course but won't be as active as I was.

In short, I'm taking a break because I want to free up the energy I have tied to pick-up and GirlsChase.

Franco,

It's funny/humbling looking back on my older posts. I still remember being confused about girls texting me and me being confused by their signals. I think a misconception to newer guys is that I've always been as sklled, if you want to call it that, with women as I am today. It's not to be overlooked that I came from absolutely nothing regarding pick-up and seduction.

Just a few examples:


Rad,

I take a lot of pride in my ability to ask insightful questions that get people thinking. It was a weak area of my life so I worked on it and worked on it. Over time, I developed the ability to ask better questions which is the primary tool used by life coaches, leaders, etc. which is exactly the direction I'm headed with my life.

Take care buddy!

-Richard
 
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