Law of Least Effort To The Extreme

[Superlife]

If this a is stream of consciousness kind of post..well my bad. And if it seems like I'm dodging the ring of fire to get to the glory hole so to speak - well that's not entirely true. I've wasted so much time already because I've been unable to advance my game.


In any event ..Attraction is about the only thing I seem to have a handle on.
In fact I can sit in a club by myself and have women I consider attractive approach me in one sense or another ( I like your article of clothing, etc).
However it rarely goes anywhere. The latest episode ...after two girls approached me for help with a bar game one asked me my name and did I ask theres? I would think that would be the smart natural thing to do but I think the "game" has screwed some of my natural social instincts - oh don't be too nice etc.


I'm thinking that it would have been appropriate to return the question...and with the one girl I was really interested in try to be more edgy. I asked a few questions that were situational based so not to be too eager for rapport. Soon after they disappeared.
It was like they were feeling me out and I came up lacking or just not interesting enough. Or my attempts at convo failed to spark a chemistry..I have a decent sense of humour but it wasn't really firing at that point. Guess if I had spoken to more people..or maybe I just wasn't on.


Maybe the recent post on Girlschase about being the prize is the issue. Any thoughts on how to assimilate that? Not to be a whiner but a lot of shit in my life has made my confidence somewhat less than rock solid, no social circle, and such (and that's one reason why I haven't been approaching..there's another good reason but I don't want to get into it here ).


Or maybe there's just no way to demonstrate the qualities of a man a woman wants to be with that doesn't approach. But if I'm not mistaken I've read about guys who can pull it off.

So there it is. If anyone has any ideas or thoughts on any steps I can take Id really appreciate hearing them. Thanks.

 

[EdenSerpent]

I know what you mean with the "game messing with your instincts". I think everyone experiences that at the beginning. What helps me in a lot of situations is working on visualizing various situations with how you think you should be coming across in those situations. I've always been very self aware and in my own head, so it's not a stretch for me to visualize the things I want and how to get them. While you're doing this, you want to focus on the positive feelings you have and internalize those. Make sure those feelings become a fundamental part of who you are. It's important to really feel it, because what will allow you to actually apply what you've learned is being able to get out of your head and into the moment, while keeping the feelings you've internalized. You'll be able to form a genuine connection through natural eye contact and genuine interest without focusing on how you should be acting.

I struggled with confidence too, because I was fat through puberty. As i grew up though, I got rock star levels of skinny. Still had the mindset of a little fat kid though, so to help with the self-confidence, even before I ever found this site, I looked back at my life and really tried to remember every single time any girl ever took even the remotest level of interest in me. Romantic or otherwise. Turns out there was a lot of both because I was always surrounded by female friends. Remember that at your worst, your worthlessness and self pity wasn't enough to keep girls away, and look how far you've come now. Now think about the fact that every single day you're still breathing, you're becoming more impressive and more attractive. That's the attitude that radically alters your perceptions on yourself and lets you become a real prize.

 

[Superlife]

Hey thanks for the suggestions. Very appreciated.

I really think you're onto the right path. I was using similar techniques before I got married but stopped after awhile and things went really sideways. I guess I felt I wasn't getting the results I wanted in life so how can i feel good about things? Chicken and the egg or the other way around - I'm not sure but I suppose some black moods helped create more adverse effects. The whole law of attraction thing..well I'm not sure but it would be nice if that was true as good moods would create a better life. But in any event, there's the theory that emotions help create actions..and I know depression can kill motivation ultra quick.

I'm still getting my head around outcome dependency and how to free myself of if. But if I can get myself into that place where I can create these good emotions without certain outcomes - I suppose that's where other people are when they write so it didn't work out - so what?

At the centre of how we relate with the world is ...well if I was coming from a place of strength (and I hesitate to say the overused word "abundance" but that too) I would think those behaviours that I desire would come naturally or more often anyway - as I know they have in the past.

With that girl I would have a) challenged her quite a bit stronger (i was pretty mild) b) aimed to create some sexual tension and c) made it plain I was interested. Y'know..not push her head into my crotch or anything ....but something playful.
So yeah..inner game work it is. Thanks again man.

 

[Superlife]

[quote="EdenSerpent" Remember that at your worst, your worthlessness and self pity wasn't enough to keep girls away, and look how far you've come now. Now think about the fact that every single day you're still breathing, you're becoming more impressive and more attractive. That's the attitude that radically alters your perceptions on yourself and lets you become a real prize.[/quote]

Also, I never really thought of it this way. With my downhill slide I thought I was getting worse.

But now that I examine it closer I realize that with my female friends in the past I was the typical nice guy. Now I'm more of a sexual threat that's trying to cut loose of the nice guy habits.

You're absolutely right - it's the proper mindset to have - everything thats happened has added to me and while there's been some plateaus and even downslopes, it will only make the peak that much more enjoyable.

 

[JimmyB]

I think a lot of people on this site go through that process. It sounds like you're close, but not quite where you want to be. I was a lot like this. I had attraction but no clue what to do with it, but I also knew instinctually that a lot of 'gamey' stuff doesn't really work. So I was in this limbo where gamey stuff killed my attraction, but doing nothing got me nowhere. The thing is, you gotta go out and try it all out. See what works, see what doesn't. You will lose girls by trying something you didn't believe in yourself but read on this site, but you will also surely get girls that you certainly would not have without practicing "game"
An important experience of mine I can relate:
Once, in the early stages of working on getting better with beautiful women, when trying to implement a lot of the methods on this site, I managed to bring back a complete smoke show from a pool party. Stuff I would not have done otherwise. I acted cool like I didn't care, put in no effort, and this girl loved it. I was pretty blown away it was working. But the thing is that underneath, I thought this girl was banging and I wanted her bad. It was a facade of not caring, but I stuck to it because I trusted Chase's material. I managed to get myself back to her place and in her bedroom with her naked in front of me. But I was still very inexperienced and I was thinking "ok just keep playing it cool, this is working" because I didn't know from experience what to do, I only knew from this site. I didn't feel like 'the prize' because I was pretty much faking it. And so I ended up not making a move, and it was really awkward, and didn't end up doing anything with her.
This sucked, I kicked myself and was miserable for a while, but it was a very eye opening experience for me. Without trying some "game" stuff out, I never would have gotten remotely close to being with this girl. From the pool I made an effort to leave with her, I walked into her house and managed my way into the bedroom, and got really damn close to being with a girl I thought was a 10 at the time, which had never happened. Pretty much because of Girlschase material. It wasn't that hot girls didn't like me, it was that I had never made pushes like this with them for sex before. This experience showed me that playing it cool will get attraction, but you have to push make things happen with a girl.
My point is that you don't get to the point of constant success and feeling like 'the prize' without trying stuff out and knowing what works/doesn't work. You have to create these situations for yourself. You need to try everything out and keep pushing. Once you start pushing and seeing this stuff work, you do start to feel like the "prize" because you get very good. I could have not pushed to go back with her and never known that it would work, and thought "game" material is all a sham, but I'm glad I did, even though I didn't close. You learn just as much from your failures as you do your successes, so win or lose, go shoot for experiences where you actually try stuff out; you will certainly improve.

JB

 

[Superlife]

I think a lot of people on this site go through that process. It sounds like you're close, but not quite where you want to be. I was a lot like this. I had attraction but no clue what to do with it, but I also knew instinctually that a lot of 'gamey' stuff doesn't really work. So I was in this limbo where gamey stuff killed my attraction, but doing nothing got me nowhere. The thing is, you gotta go out and try it all out. See what works, see what doesn't. You will lose girls by trying something you didn't believe in yourself but read on this site, but you will also surely get girls that you certainly would not have without practicing "game"
An important experience of mine I can relate:
Once, in the early stages of working on getting better with beautiful women, when trying to implement a lot of the methods on this site, I managed to bring back a complete smoke show from a pool party. Stuff I would not have done otherwise. I acted cool like I didn't care, put in no effort, and this girl loved it. I was pretty blown away it was working. But the thing is that underneath, I thought this girl was banging and I wanted her bad. It was a facade of not caring, but I stuck to it because I trusted Chase's material. I managed to get myself back to her place and in her bedroom with her naked in front of me. But I was still very inexperienced and I was thinking "ok just keep playing it cool, this is working" because I didn't know from experience what to do, I only knew from this site. I didn't feel like 'the prize' because I was pretty much faking it. And so I ended up not making a move, and it was really awkward, and didn't end up doing anything with her.
This sucked, I kicked myself and was miserable for a while, but it was a very eye opening experience for me. Without trying some "game" stuff out, I never would have gotten remotely close to being with this girl. From the pool I made an effort to leave with her, I walked into her house and managed my way into the bedroom, and got really damn close to being with a girl I thought was a 10 at the time, which had never happened. Pretty much because of Girlschase material. It wasn't that hot girls didn't like me, it was that I had never made pushes like this with them for sex before. This experience showed me that playing it cool will get attraction, but you have to push make things happen with a girl.
My point is that you don't get to the point of constant success and feeling like 'the prize' without trying stuff out and knowing what works/doesn't work. You have to create these situations for yourself. You need to try everything out and keep pushing. Once you start pushing and seeing this stuff work, you do start to feel like the "prize" because you get very good. I could have not pushed to go back with her and never known that it would work, and thought "game" material is all a sham, but I'm glad I did, even though I didn't close. You learn just as much from your failures as you do your successes, so win or lose, go shoot for experiences where you actually try stuff out; you will certainly improve.

JB

Hey thanks for the post man. Good stuff.
I know what you're saying rings true. I guess I just have been soaking up the validation without putting my ego on the line - a fair bit anyway. I've let my perceived shortcomings (and a hellish divorce...once burned..) get in the way of taking action But yeah as I sit here I can think, well I'm pretty sure game for me is being normal in conversation just with an added sexual element, touching etc. I'm pretty sure. But I won't know until I can get out and actually give it a go - aiming for the weekend. Thanks again.