Lay Count & Never had sex with somebody you loved?

[Pitcher]

A girl I slept with this weekend asked me if I had ever had sex with somebody I loved. My answer was no.

Later on, while we were pillow talking she asked me how many sexual partners I have had (she told me I was number 5 for her). I told her more than 10, but less than 100. She then told me that it was sad that I had slept with that many people without loving any of them. I hadn’t given it a whole lot of significant serious thought before. In that moment, I strongly agreed with her. It makes me sad when I do think about it. I am 26 and I’ve never had sex with somebody I loved.

Granted there is a lot to unpack with the whole concept of love. It’s meaning completely depends on who is defining it.

Anyway, my question to the forum is: does anyone relate to this?

Does anyone else have a lay count in the double digits without having been in love with any of your sexual partners?

 

[Space]

I assume you aren't a teen anymore. By definition, you are of the 20+ demographic. So there you have it. One of my favorite short clips. I'm still shocked this is a shocker, that this isn't obvious to most people by the way.

 

[naturalmikey]

I hadn’t had sex with someone I loved until I was 36 at which point I’d been in the neighborhood of 200. It can happen and it is better.

 

[Pitcher]

I hadn’t had sex with someone I loved until I was 36 at which point I’d been in the neighborhood of 200. It can happen and it is better.

@naturalmikey - Thanks for your reply man! Did you ever wonder/feel sad during your years before 36 about this? Or were you so busy doing all of that slaying and/or focused on a mission besides girls that it never really bothered you?

@Space - I don’t see how that video is relevant.

 

[naturalmikey]

I was kinda sad I’d never really loved. Not nearly as sad as I was after a bad breakup with the person I loved.

I was married from 27-34. Most of my lays have been in the past three and half years (excluding the year I was in a relationship) since I discovered rsd. I’ve always been lonely I guess. I was when I was single, slaying, married, in a relationship. Fucking a bunch of girls is the most overrated thing you can ever do, but I’m addicted at this point.

 

[Pitcher]

Dang hearing that makes me feel sad inside

Lonely no matter what is going on externally. Shitttt

I don’t anticipate getting married at 27, but I do hope I find a girl I truly love in an open or exclusive relationship sometime in the next year or so.

Have you seen RSDMax’s Ayahuasca video? The part about energy, being in the universe, universe in him, and the communication between family members and his girlfriend was mind blowing for me. From ~27:00 to ~50:00.

I guess I must dive deeper into my psyche/inner game + take action externally/outer game to become ready for love. Or maybe I’m already ready for it and only have to let go of this need that is pushing it away.

 

[Teevster]

A girl I slept with this weekend asked me if I had ever had sex with somebody I loved. My answer was no.

Later on, while we were pillow talking she asked me how many sexual partners I have had (she told me I was number 5 for her). I told her more than 10, but less than 100. She then told me that it was sad that I had slept with that many people without loving any of them. I hadn’t given it a whole lot of significant serious thought before. In that moment, I strongly agreed with her. It makes me sad when I do think about it. I am 26 and I’ve never had sex with somebody I loved.

Granted there is a lot to unpack with the whole concept of love. It’s meaning completely depends on who is defining it.

Anyway, my question to the forum is: does anyone relate to this?

Does anyone else have a lay count in the double digits without having been in love with any of your sexual partners?

Love to me is too much of a vague term.

Have I slept with girls I felt a close friendship, even emotional bond with? yes
Have I slept with girls who stimulated me on a deeper level? yes
Have I slept with women who I bonded with physically? yes.
Have I slept with girls I care about? yes
Have I slept with girls I have developed something deeper with? yes

And all these would define love to me, or multiple aspects of them, and interestingly enough, I have noticed that there are multiple forms of deeper connections that are equally deep and powerful, yet very different in form.

When you ask someone to describe their feelings for the girl they love, they usually will give many different versions.That is if you ask them to be specific and detailed about the feelings they feel.

This makes me conclude that love is just a broad term that defines many different things, sadly, the aspect of exclusivity related to love holds one back from exploring them all, with different people.

Different girls can get you to feel different forms of butterflie.

So enjoy them all.

In my words, I have fucked girls I loved many times.

But according to the societal definition of love, I probably have not, and I am closing in to 28, and I am happy about it. Because love in the societal sense, is only limiting. Limitation is always bad.

My take.

Alek

 

[Mr.Rob]

I've loved every girl I've ever been with (and 95% of those were One Night stands). In the moment at least I felt a connection and attraction and look back fondly with love on all my seductions.

If you read Casanova autobiography you'll see he views all his seductions the same way as he relates them 40 years later. He would pretty much feel like he's fall in love with a girl and then after sleeping with her a handful of times fall in love with a new girl and seduce her and so forth. It was to the point he'd plan marriages after just weeks or months that he at the time genuinely felt interested in. Then just a month later he'd fall in love with another girl and ghost the girl he planned to marry.

But to answer your question. Yeah I would say I fit that bill perfectly. I'm 26, never had a "real" long term relationship, and never made love to a girl I've been "in love with".

Does it bother me... not really. I've had a few girls with a deep connection with that maybe was close to love but not in the sense you speak of.

I feel pretty confident I'll find a girl I'm attracted to and have a powerful connection with (that's basically what love is right?). Im more interested in finding a girl actually want to be in a relationship with more so than love. Find a girl I'm excited to bang and make a part of my life.

I feel like wanting to "be in love" is something girls are more interested in (and is kinda exploited by marketing and Disney to an extent). Not to say it isn't real or good for a man but just not something I really spend much time wishing for.

Again in theory I fall in love with every girl I seduce otherwise I wouldn't waste my time to be with her in the first place. This is idealistic. Obviously I've banged plenty of girls that I really didn't like that much... BUT I always fall in love with the moment we share together.

I'd consider leaving worrying about love for the girls you bed and if you feel love then even better.

 

[Carousel]

She then told me that it was sad that I had slept with that many people without loving any of them.

Note that women will do projection in such a discussion, because women have a higher need for pair bonding and a biological clock which is ticking faster.

I have encountered this in another context, some of my female friends "feel sorry for me" or think I am "lonely" because I am mid 30s and single. Well...

 

[Space]

@Space - I don’t see how that video is relevant.

You've asked about the topic of love in a sense. What is love in the first place? I've sent you a video about just that. OK, you are not the first to tell me I might be strange. Even though this is the most straightforward logical conclusion to me.

Have you seen RSDMax’s Ayahuasca video?

Max just got back from an Ayahuasca trip and made a long-winded video about his experience I was recommended to watch, but boy, too many interesting videos and too little time.

Me or naturalmikey? No, I still didn't.

 

[Pitcher]

@Teevster @Mr.Rob @Carousel ->

Thank you for your valuable replies imparting wisdom.

Love to me is too much of a vague term.

Have I slept with girls I felt a close friendship, even emotional bond with? yes
Have I slept with girls who stimulated me on a deeper level? yes
Have I slept with women who I bonded with physically? yes.
Have I slept with girls I care about? yes
Have I slept with girls I have developed something deeper with? yes

And all these would define love to me, or multiple aspects of them, and interestingly enough, I have noticed that there are multiple forms of deeper connections that are equally deep and powerful, yet very different in form.

When you ask someone to describe their feelings for the girl they love, they usually will give many different versions.That is if you ask them to be specific and detailed about the feelings they feel.

This makes me conclude that love is just a broad term that defines many different things, sadly, the aspect of exclusivity related to love holds one back from exploring them all, with different people.

Different girls can get you to feel different forms of butterflie.

So enjoy them all.

In my words, I have fucked girls I loved many times.

But according to the societal definition of love, I probably have not, and I am closing in to 28, and I am happy about it. Because love in the societal sense, is only limiting. Limitation is always bad.

My take.

Alek

Love is definitely too vague of a term lol. I think what I meant by love is that I want to have an ongoing sexual relationship with a girl who completely inspires me. A girl that lights up every part of my being. A girl who is my kind of beautiful inside and out. A girl I would go out and slay the most vicious dragons in all the world for. A girl who I would be excited to have kids with eventually (that should actually be a real test before going to bed with a girl...ask myself how horrified or how ecstatic would I be if I knocked her up lol). A twin flame.

Or maybe I only have to start being inspired by life itself and then perhaps a girl like that will show up for some significant moments.

I definitely get how each girl you sleep with will give you different aspects of what you consider love. This year I’ve had over 10 lays. One of those girls was an absolute 10/10 for me physically. Another one was one of the sweetest girls I’ve ever known, a sunflower. A couple of them were nothing to right home about, merely earning my time and affection because it was nice to have a naked person with a pussy in bed beside me for a few hours to get off a couple of dick sneezes with. I guess that’s part of my frustration: my propensity to sleep with a meh girl every now and again. The temporary shallow pleasure does not make up for the emptiness afterwards anymore.

Everyone and everything is empty at the end of the day so perhaps there will always be emptiness. We build our sand castles and the tide is coming in.

I don’t agree that limitation is always bad. If you want to grow a nice garden, you have to make sure certain influences stay out of it. The book Iron John goes into this concept very well.

I've loved every girl I've ever been with (and 95% of those were One Night stands). In the moment at least I felt a connection and attraction and look back fondly with love on all my seductions.

If you read Casanova autobiography you'll see he views all his seductions the same way as he relates them 40 years later. He would pretty much feel like he's fall in love with a girl and then after sleeping with her a handful of times fall in love with a new girl and seduce her and so forth. It was to the point he'd plan marriages after just weeks or months that he at the time genuinely felt interested in. Then just a month later he'd fall in love with another girl and ghost the girl he planned to marry.

But to answer your question. Yeah I would say I fit that bill perfectly. I'm 26, never had a "real" long term relationship, and never made love to a girl I've been "in love with".

Does it bother me... not really. I've had a few girls with a deep connection with that maybe was close to love but not in the sense you speak of.

I feel pretty confident I'll find a girl I'm attracted to and have a powerful connection with (that's basically what love is right?). Im more interested in finding a girl actually want to be in a relationship with more so than love. Find a girl I'm excited to bang and make a part of my life.

I feel like wanting to "be in love" is something girls are more interested in (and is kinda exploited by marketing and Disney to an extent). Not to say it isn't real or good for a man but just not something I really spend much time wishing for.

Again in theory I fall in love with every girl I seduce otherwise I wouldn't waste my time to be with her in the first place. This is idealistic. Obviously I've banged plenty of girls that I really didn't like that much... BUT I always fall in love with the moment we share together.

I'd consider leaving worrying about love for the girls you bed and if you feel love then even better.

I agree with lots of this. There’s definitely no reason to worry about love. That will get in the way of it.

I was meaning love more along the lines of finding a girl who I want to be part of my life like you mention, not specifically the emotions that would accompany that.

One of my other insecurities with this is that I feel like none of the girls I‘ve been with really know me. My brother and another buddy of mine are probably the only people who I feel that know the real me pretty well (whatever the real me means lol). All my life I’ve felt like an odd man out, even in seemingly idyllic and functioning family settings/friend groups. Maybe that is how all people feel deep down. Maybe that’s just my borderline aspergers.

Lately the transient nature of all my friendships and relations with girls has been accentuated by changing continents for the 3rd time this year. I’m certain that colored my reaction to what the girl told me in the original post and my decision to even post something about it here.

90% of the time I‘m not bothered by it. I’m on my hero’s journey and so far that has required sacrifices such as leaving people and places behind that I cared about. Like Santiago when he leaves the oasis. 10% of the time though, I ponder, I question, what am I missing out on?

Note that women will do projection in such a discussion, because women have a higher need for pair bonding and a biological clock which is ticking faster.

I have encountered this in another context, some of my female friends "feel sorry for me" or think I am "lonely" because I am mid 30s and single. Well...

100% yes LOL. Their clock runs faster no doubt. The girl from the OP was 26 just like me. Her projection certainly was part of this.

 

[Knight Who Say NI]

I'm reading Erich Fromm's The Art of Loving and his thesis is that the act of loving is a practice, like a craft you hone; the antithesis of love is emotional immaturity (narcissism, for example), lack of discipline and concentration.

It correlates nicely with my own experience - it seems like is more about yourself than the object of your desires, really.

 

[Pitcher]

I'm reading Erich Fromm's The Art of Loving and his thesis is that the act of loving is a practice, like a craft you hone; the antithesis of love is emotional immaturity (narcissism, for example), lack of discipline and concentration.

It correlates nicely with my own experience - it seems like is more about yourself than the object of your desires, really.

Thanks for mentioning this book. I've put it on my reading list. His thesis makes a whole lot of sense to me.

 

[Knight Who Say NI]

Thanks for mentioning this book. I've put it on my reading list. His thesis makes a whole lot of sense to me.

I find that "Finding Meaning in the Second Half of Life" is related to this theme of emotional maturity as well.