- Joined
- Aug 24, 2024
- Messages
- 39
Goals
I am working on adding sexual intent, making conversation less boring, and adding more flirting to my conversation to be more sexual.- STRONG eye contact
- Relax and be present
- Walk up decisively and with good posture and body language
Outing
Today I went downtown after work to check it out as a venue. It wasn't very busy and didn't have many attractive women.Approach 1
Shortly after arriving, I noticed a cute girl walking by. She entered into an alleyway and I followed her. I felt like she might be open to an approach based on the way her hips were moving, however I felt awkward about approaching in the alley and seeming like I had bad intentions. I ended up following until she left the alley, then caught up. I opened farther from her than usual to try to make it more comfortable. She gave me a somewhat suspicious look and didn't say anything as I approached, and I opened slowly. However while I was grounding my opener, "I just saw you walking down the alley back over there..." she turned away and kept walking.Takeaways: My prediction was wrong, she was not open to an approach. Maybe I would've done better if I caught up and opened before she entered the alley?
Approach 2
While walking down the street, I noticed a cute girl walking her dog cross to my side and start walking in my direction. I guessed this might be an approach invitation. When I got close, I noticed her brush her hair, so I open from the front with one hand held up, "Wow, your dog is so cute." I had a friendly delivery but not super energetic. I stopped and chatted with her a little, but didn't introduce myself yet. She didn't ask me any questions and from her body language I got the feeling she was trying to move on. I pressed on, asking her a little about the dog, and noticed her sort of inching away. Then she said she's gotta go so I gave her a goodbye.Takeaways: Maybe this wasn't an approach invitation, and she just coincidentally crossed? Or maybe she didn't like my approach. I might have done better if I waited for her to pass then turned around and approached her from the side with a direct opener. I think in this situation it would be good to wait to introduce myself until she asked me a question, this shows some interest from her and I can reciprocate that way.
Approach 3
While walking down the street, I noticed a cute girl walking in my direction. I decided to let my attention drift off a bit and not focus too much, then allow myself to "notice" her as she gets close. She makes eye contact with me then breaks to the side quickly. I predict that she is not open to being approached, but I turn around and catch up anyway. I open her from the side with a wave slightly in front of her, and notice she seems more receptive than I expected when I open.Me: "Excuse me, hi."
Her: "Hi"
Me: "I just saw you walking by back over there...and I wanted to say that I thought you looked absolutely beautiful today."
Her: "Thank you"
Me: "And I wanted to say hello."
Her: "Ah, hi."
Me: <Introduces myself>
Her: <Introduces herself>
Me: "Hi, how are you doing today?"
Her: "Great."
Me: "Looks like some people are coming." <I touch her elbow and take a step to the side while holding eye contact with her>
Her: <Steps to the side with me>
Me: "So what are you up to today?"
Her: "Heading back home. Yeah, just got off work."
Me: "Oh, nice. What did you do for work?"
Her: <Laughs> "Oh, a lot of things."
Me: "Like...? Like paperwork or...?"
Her: <Laughs> "Coding."
Me: "Coding? So you're like, really smart. You're an engineer?"
Her: "Not really, similar to engineer."
Me: "Okay, okay, do you love your job?"
Her: "I do, but recently it's a little, kind of like brutal for me now. The workload is a lot."
Me: "Oh, okay, would you rather do something else? Go party? Do something crazy?" <Trying to tease her a little>
Her: "Not really...not recently"
Me: "Oh no...then what do you do to wind down? If things are a little bit stressful?"
Her: "I do hangout with friends during the weekend, but not today."
Me: "Not today, oh so you don't always walk alone?" <A little clumsy, trying to tease her a little>
Her: "I will still have to head home...to continue my work" <Laughs>
Me: "Yeah, yeah, that's sounds fun. But you're just going to keep working? Do you get paid overtime or do you do that for free?" <It does not sound fun actually. I can say this but it should be more of a teasing delivery.>
Her: "Oh for free, yeah."
Me: "For free?" <Shocked delivery>
Her: "I mean, it's full time, cause I'm working as a full time, so it doesn't really-"
Me: "Are you salaried?"
Her: "Yeah, full-time salary so it's not paid based on the time that I work."
Me: "Wow, wow. You're really dedicated to your job."
Her: "Uh...kind of. That's why, I mean, that work itself, the task itself, I'm interested in the task itself."
Me: "Okay, are you like a very...goal-oriented person? Like you hit your goals, and do your tasks?"
Her: "Kind of, yeah, yeah."
Me: "Okay, that's cool. I think, um, it's really cool when people have the drive to set aside their personal...like um...personal discomforts to get the job done. But, also, maybe...it's good to relax...on the weekend." <I was going for a push-pull here but couldn't come up with anything good for my "push">
Her: "Yeah, definitely."
Me: "Are you doing anything fun on the weekend?"
Her: "Yeah, yeah. I already got my plans, my weekend plans, yeah."
Me: "Oh yeah, like what? Are you going to go...go flying or travelling...?"
Her: "Not sure if you know the mid-autumn festival?"
Me: "Mid-autumn festival? Oh is that a thing, I don't know."
Her: "Yeah, like a traditional Chinese festival."
Me: "Oh okay, is that here?"
Her: "Yeah, I'm going to do the mooncake, it's like a traditional food that we eat during this festival."
Me: "Oh! I think I know what you're talking about, but I just, it didn't come to mind because it's like..." <I say mid-autumn festival in Chinese>
Her: "Yeah yeah, oh! You can speak Chinese?"
Me: "Yes, yes."
Her: <Laughs> "Why don't we just speak Chinese!"
Me: <I explain in Chinese that I am not very good at speaking Chinese>
Her: "Oh, I see! So where are you originally, like your family?"
Me: <I explain my family situation> "What about you?"
Her: <She explains where she's from>
Me: <I relate to her a little>
Her: "Yeah, we're going to do the mooncake."
Me: "Oh yeah, you know, I really love that stuff, but it's just too many calories, you know?" <I touch her elbow, it's supposed to be a bit of a tease>
Her: "Uh, no, we're trying to do like the...new, different types, not the traditional types because that's too complicated. We're trying to do <Chinese term> which is something that you need to store in the refrigerator to...yeah...keep it frozen."
Me: "Wow, that sounds cool."
Her: "It's like, a cake, similar to cake."
Me: "Yeah, are you like a creative person? Do you like making up recipes and stuff like that?" <I am screening her>
Her: "Mmnn...kind of." <Laughs> "Only when I have the time, yeah."
Me: "Well, okay. I like that. I feel like it takes a certain kind of person to...break out of the normal path to do creative stuff."
Her: "You're right."
Me: "That's really cool. Well, anyway, sorry, I have to go meet someone in a little bit." <I focus on holding strong eye contact>
Her: "Uh huh"
Me: "But...we should grab like a coffee sometime. You seem cool."
Her: "Sure, sure."
<We figure out a common way to get in contact and exchange info>
Her: "Hi"
Me: "I just saw you walking by back over there...and I wanted to say that I thought you looked absolutely beautiful today."
Her: "Thank you"
Me: "And I wanted to say hello."
Her: "Ah, hi."
Me: <Introduces myself>
Her: <Introduces herself>
Me: "Hi, how are you doing today?"
Her: "Great."
Me: "Looks like some people are coming." <I touch her elbow and take a step to the side while holding eye contact with her>
Her: <Steps to the side with me>
Me: "So what are you up to today?"
Her: "Heading back home. Yeah, just got off work."
Me: "Oh, nice. What did you do for work?"
Her: <Laughs> "Oh, a lot of things."
Me: "Like...? Like paperwork or...?"
Her: <Laughs> "Coding."
Me: "Coding? So you're like, really smart. You're an engineer?"
Her: "Not really, similar to engineer."
Me: "Okay, okay, do you love your job?"
Her: "I do, but recently it's a little, kind of like brutal for me now. The workload is a lot."
Me: "Oh, okay, would you rather do something else? Go party? Do something crazy?" <Trying to tease her a little>
Her: "Not really...not recently"
Me: "Oh no...then what do you do to wind down? If things are a little bit stressful?"
Her: "I do hangout with friends during the weekend, but not today."
Me: "Not today, oh so you don't always walk alone?" <A little clumsy, trying to tease her a little>
Her: "I will still have to head home...to continue my work" <Laughs>
Me: "Yeah, yeah, that's sounds fun. But you're just going to keep working? Do you get paid overtime or do you do that for free?" <It does not sound fun actually. I can say this but it should be more of a teasing delivery.>
Her: "Oh for free, yeah."
Me: "For free?" <Shocked delivery>
Her: "I mean, it's full time, cause I'm working as a full time, so it doesn't really-"
Me: "Are you salaried?"
Her: "Yeah, full-time salary so it's not paid based on the time that I work."
Me: "Wow, wow. You're really dedicated to your job."
Her: "Uh...kind of. That's why, I mean, that work itself, the task itself, I'm interested in the task itself."
Me: "Okay, are you like a very...goal-oriented person? Like you hit your goals, and do your tasks?"
Her: "Kind of, yeah, yeah."
Me: "Okay, that's cool. I think, um, it's really cool when people have the drive to set aside their personal...like um...personal discomforts to get the job done. But, also, maybe...it's good to relax...on the weekend." <I was going for a push-pull here but couldn't come up with anything good for my "push">
Her: "Yeah, definitely."
Me: "Are you doing anything fun on the weekend?"
Her: "Yeah, yeah. I already got my plans, my weekend plans, yeah."
Me: "Oh yeah, like what? Are you going to go...go flying or travelling...?"
Her: "Not sure if you know the mid-autumn festival?"
Me: "Mid-autumn festival? Oh is that a thing, I don't know."
Her: "Yeah, like a traditional Chinese festival."
Me: "Oh okay, is that here?"
Her: "Yeah, I'm going to do the mooncake, it's like a traditional food that we eat during this festival."
Me: "Oh! I think I know what you're talking about, but I just, it didn't come to mind because it's like..." <I say mid-autumn festival in Chinese>
Her: "Yeah yeah, oh! You can speak Chinese?"
Me: "Yes, yes."
Her: <Laughs> "Why don't we just speak Chinese!"
Me: <I explain in Chinese that I am not very good at speaking Chinese>
Her: "Oh, I see! So where are you originally, like your family?"
Me: <I explain my family situation> "What about you?"
Her: <She explains where she's from>
Me: <I relate to her a little>
Her: "Yeah, we're going to do the mooncake."
Me: "Oh yeah, you know, I really love that stuff, but it's just too many calories, you know?" <I touch her elbow, it's supposed to be a bit of a tease>
Her: "Uh, no, we're trying to do like the...new, different types, not the traditional types because that's too complicated. We're trying to do <Chinese term> which is something that you need to store in the refrigerator to...yeah...keep it frozen."
Me: "Wow, that sounds cool."
Her: "It's like, a cake, similar to cake."
Me: "Yeah, are you like a creative person? Do you like making up recipes and stuff like that?" <I am screening her>
Her: "Mmnn...kind of." <Laughs> "Only when I have the time, yeah."
Me: "Well, okay. I like that. I feel like it takes a certain kind of person to...break out of the normal path to do creative stuff."
Her: "You're right."
Me: "That's really cool. Well, anyway, sorry, I have to go meet someone in a little bit." <I focus on holding strong eye contact>
Her: "Uh huh"
Me: "But...we should grab like a coffee sometime. You seem cool."
Her: "Sure, sure."
<We figure out a common way to get in contact and exchange info>
Takeaways: I was surprised that she seemed more open than I expected. Maybe this is because I approached on a side street instead of a loud and busy shopping street where girls are on guard. The beginning of the conversation had a lot of questions, I should have mixed in more statements or cold reads between every 2 questions.
I could have done my push-pull teases a bit better when qualifying, something like "Oh, it's really cool that's you're so dedicated to getting the job done. But you might be too much of a workaholic, we could never get along" or "Oh, it's great that you're creative. I love doing creative work too. But a relationship between us would never work out, we would just argue all the time."
I didn't ask for much compliance other than the minor step at the beginning. I could have said something like, "Hey, it's a little loud here. Let's walk and chat over there", or when she was talking about work I could have said, "Show me you hands...hmm, these are definitely the hands of someone coding a long time. You're legit."
Outcome
1 number close.I did not remember to walk decisively when approaching or adjust my body language before opening. I have been reading "Atomic Habits" and think I might be able to apply some principles to lock in the habit better. I might practice a implementation strategy like, "Before [jogging to catch up to a girl] I will [roll my shoulders back and puff out my chest]" and "After I [stop jogging] I will [walk forward with long confident strides at a quick pace]"
Today I wasn't really focused on any specific conversation goals other than being present, and overall my conversation quality seemed to improve, but I suspect this is only because I spent time getting familiar with the techniques by conscious effort first.
