Learning game as an older guy. What are the advantages/disadvantages?

[kristian]

Hi there. I've been here for a year now, having steady progress lately and a lot of a-ha moments.

Until I was 27 I only had one woman (my ex GF). I left her three years ago and embarked on a journey trying to figure this whole seduction thing out. I started having success with online dating when I began my pick up "carreer". I have also had some relationships (my last one three months ago) and quit doing the online thing a couple of years ago in order to cold approach a lot more.

In a year I've had three lays from cold approach and some from the extended social circle. I am satisfied with my successes and fully aware that I have a long way to go in order to become the kind of lover I envisioned a year ago. Thats when I started doing this seriously.

But hanging out here, meeting people from the small community here in Norway and through my talented friends, I feel like I am playing a young mans game. The ones I know that are good with women, started to learn this in their early to mid-twenties, some guys are older than that but it's rare to meet someone over 30 doing this as they're either in a LTR or already married and planning kids.

I am currently 30 years old. Women in my age are already looking for something serious so I had to learn quickly to adapt my game so to speak to women in their early 20s. The age gap is not a problem as far I know. I also feel alive when I am with my younger pick-up interested friends, but I also feel a little lonely since I don't have any friend my age doing this thing. They're either in a commited relationship, already established as womanisers (in other words not down to teach) or have given up learning to pick up women.

I guess my question is: given all these factors, what are the advantages in learning game 10 years later than what's normal?

In a way I feel that more is expected from me. Girls in their 20s expect me to be already established as a womaniser (more now that I have good fundamentals).
In another way I feel like my life experience give me a competitive edge over guys their age. I seem more secure in myself and "worldly", so to speak.

I would love to read some of your take on this issue. I haven't read any post here or anywhere about learning pick up as an "older" guy.

 

[MonsterzRock]

Well, consider yourself lucky...that you're finding all of these great articles here at Girls Chase now. I found Girls Chase three years ago and I turned 55 earlier this year. I've had close to ZERO success since then but I don't blame Girls Chase for any of it. I've been working 2 jobs for a while so my busy schedule has made it a bit challenging at times. However, I've found the articles under the "Mindsets" to be a very valuable asset to me becoming more manly and confident in everything I set out to do.

Obviously, there are dozens of articles here that don't apply to me at all and would never waste my time even reading them. But there are plenty more that I DO read and try to apply them to my daily life. I'm still trying to figure out what I kind of women I like and want in my life and what I want out of those types of relationships. Some of the articles here have helped me to get closer to figuring all that out.

I'm still hoping, at some point, that Girls Chase will eventually have a few older writers (40-50 years old) to address issues on the back end of long term marriages and relationships or just starting over from scratch later in life (or when all the kids are out of the house, etc.). I know plenty of men around my age that simply give up and accept they're going to be single until they drop dead. Some of them become really odd socially (or hermits), let their looks and health go, etc. Kinda depressing to watch or think about. But I say fuck that! I know I have a long ways to go but I'm not giving up on this for nothing.

I think the advantages are too numerous to list but a short list for me might be: being more confident, finding and knowing my purpose, knowing how to pick up a women in any given situation, how to have a healthy reationship with a woman without sacrificing my values, my ideals, or my purpose.

 

[Alchemist]

I'm 21 years old and the pickup community in my city has members ranging from 18 to 40 year olds.

Assuming that you've developed yourself, not necessarily in pickup, you would be more grounded/less reactionary than the average guy in his early 20s. Women like men older than them, so you would stand out in a good way when your game is (eventually) good.

The (obvious) disadvantage would be the lost opportunity to practice pickup in your younger years, get reference points and the experience to become a better seducer. However, since you're actively working on yourself you're already ahead of most of your peers. I usually have trouble explaining pickup to people older than late 20s, their mainstream mental models are ingrained too deeply.

It could be interesting for us to see your development and compare it to someone who started earlier but that would just be a data point for the pickup community. This is your life and you can't bring back those years, you can only act in the now and give a direction for your future. If you're wondering whether you're too old to learn this "pickup stuff", and assuming there was no advantage and quite a lot of disadvantage to starting learning game at a later age. then ask yourself this: "What would you rather do?". Owen Cook talks quite a bit about this. I mean what is the damn alternative?? For me that would be sitting at home, playing Runescape and masturbating thrice a day.

 

[Seppuku]

Hey Kristian,

I just turned 47 and started to apply all what I read here, two years ago. Got about 30 new lays in this period, way beyond what I expected when I started. Mostly in the 25 to 32 years old range, but a few below 25. So this is the perspective of an even older guy than you. But I think many of it will still be relevant to you.

I think that being an older guy actually helped me. The way I see it, there are a few advantages as an older guy:

• * Implicit Higher Value. Older guys tend to be more established in life, with already a number of the larger objectives in life already achieved or well under way. Career? check. House? check. Kids? check. etc... So I do not have to worry about demonstrating High Value. In fact, I even tone it down, and instead, focus on Attainability. As an older guy you're Proven Model.
  * Self Confidence. You already have answers to many of life's big questions. You already have a few success under the hood (hopefully). You have already learned your way in the world. This bolsters self confidence. Huge advantage.
  * You will find a whole category of girls out there who only dig older guys (like in 35+). I was surprised. A lot of the girls I had, already had boyfriends of the same profile. Like this is their type. In your case, I'm sure you'll find a whole category of girls (probably younger, like 20 years old) who dig 30+ years old guys.

Some of the drawbacks:

• * You're expected to be stronger. Your game needs to be congruent with this. Like you said, more is expected from you.
  * You'll be the designated target of gold diggers and chicks looking for sugar daddies. You need to spot them from afar (there usually very obvious) and screen them out very early on. Especially at 30 years old, you need to stay away from these, they will suck you dry in the wrong sense of the term. You've got a lot to lose from these. Stay clear.
  * You'll be the target of the "need husband desperately" girls. In my case I make it crystal clear from the very beginning that I don't see myself marrying again. These one self eject very early on.
  * Frankly night game is not for me. I don't have the energy nor the inclination to game in a bar until 2am with drunken chicks.
  * There are also chicks who clearly don't want to be with an older guy (e.g. 20 years + gap). Fine. There is still a large enough market for me, see above.

Good news, you can learn your way out of the drawbacks. Adapt your game to be congruent to the man you are. Learn to spot and screen out the suckers. Overall your biggest advantages are the High Value and the higher confidence.

This is overall good news for us guys, in general. Even in your late 40s you're still good to go. Much harder for an older woman. And there is no age to drop the victim mentality and take your life in your own hands.

Cheers,
Seppuku

 

[NarrowJ]

Lots of older guys missed the boat when they were younger!

If you’re 30 or 40 now, then you probably were growing up right when feminism was kind of “taking hold” (not to mention, before the internet provided us an easy medium for guys to find out about / learn seduction as a skill).

To me (I’m 36)- my goal at the time wasn’t even “complete mastery”, but after delving into it and meeting a bunch of amazing women (and fucking them too it didn’t take me long to fall in love with it.

It became not only a hobby, but a passion. Let’s face it, our primary goal on this planet is to procreate, so it’s no wonder why one of the greatest feelings a man can have is sticking his penis in a vagina.

The main thing I’d be mindful of is your approach to it. Like the guys above have said, you will need to come at this from a bit of a different angle. For instance, I’ve had much more luck being the “sweet, yet brooding” type than I ever did being the cocky asshole type (more congruent for younger guys, I tend to think).

Just select the advice that seems to fit better with the lifestyle of a more mature man.

Game is simply an assembly of attributes and skills to increase your value to women. It does give you a few specific lines and techniques here and there, but it also teaches you to be a better man in general: hitting the gym, becoming well-read and well-traveled, gaining cool experiences and, shit, actually the scripted stuff you learn over time morphs into a learned skill of social calibration and you’ll naturally have attractive reactions and great responses to typical female behavior.

Don’t know any man who wouldn’t benefit from it.

J.J.

 

[Hector Papi Castillo]

The advantage is...you get laid.

Hector