Leaving Girlfriend For Summer?

[Ambiance]

Hey all,

Summer is coming, and I will be leaving my girlfriend to return home for the duration of it. We'll be separated by about 800 miles. This is a first for me, and I wanted to know how to handle it per this site's advice. We are in an exclusive relationship, and have been for about 6 months. We're very in love, and see each other about 4 days of the week.

How often should I talk to her? Call her? What should I do in the meantime? Should I fly her in to visit, and/or visit myself? What attitude overall should I have about the relationship?

Any other advice from guys who have been through this would be super appreciated.

Thanks!

 

[Fuck This]

this is a conversation YOU TWO should be having...

If it a couple months before school resumes, it's no big deal. Schedule in a couple of in person visits for "honeymoon time " Set your logistics so you can devote at least 3 days to bedroom activities without interruption. Maybe do a camping roadtrip together at a location halfway for both of you...low cost if you like that sort of thing...

 

[Ambiance]

this is a conversation YOU TWO should be having...

Obviously... but I want to go into that conversation knowing what I can promise her.

If it a couple months before school resumes, it's no big deal. Schedule in a couple of in person visits for "honeymoon time " Set your logistics so you can devote at least 3 days to bedroom activities without interruption. Maybe do a camping roadtrip together at a location halfway for both of you...low cost if you like that sort of thing...

Yeah I'm not worried. Thinking of visiting her and having her come to me once each.

 

[Seppuku]

Ambiance,

Over the year I've had a few long distance girlfriends and faced the question of communication. From my experience I can tell you that: It's best to avoid setting a fixed, daily communication pattern. It establishes a precedent, a routine, a habit, and the day either of you break the pattern, you get drama. And drama over a long distance doesn't work well.

There was this girlfriend from Thailand. I really liked her, and would have continued with her. But soon after we were separated by distance, she asked for a video call. OK, fine. A few days later, she asked for another one. And soon, she wanted a video call every evening. The sort of video call lasting 1h or more. I got myself sucked into it, and established a precedent. Then came the day when I couldn't make it to the call (I went out ...). Gosh, the drama that ensued eventually ended the whole thing.

Got a similar pattern with another girl.

A sane communication habit leaves a lot of room for breathing. They speak, because they want to, not because they have to. If there is some silence coming from either way, they do not freak out because they respect each other's time, and they trust each other. The communication is frequent enough yet do not follow a fixed, regular pattern. No one is upset if either of you break the pattern, because there is no pattern.

That's the most sustainable over a long period of time, in my experience.

Seppuku / Pierre

 

[Ambiance]

Whats up Seppuku

Excellent point about not following into a fixed communication pattern. I've been there- not fun. Even with my girl over winter break, who I was already in love with, I started resenting facetime calls with. Texting never bothered me though.

Current plan is to text her everyday (which she wants, and I enjoy enough to follow through with), and facetime when we both feel like it. I'll be careful to set a precedent of not indulging her when I'm not in the mood to facetime.

Thanks for your input!