Lied to a girl I'm dating - how do I fix this?

[Momentum]

Hey guys,

I'm anywhere from intermediate to advanced in pick up and have had pretty good success with women my whole life. Recently, I started dating a girl who fits a lot of the qualities I look for in a girlfriend. Unfortunately, when I first met her I knocked off almost ten years off my age, because she appeared much younger than me and I wanted to be in her ballpark age range.

We've been dating for a few months now and the age thing hasn't come up yet. She thinks I'm about 6 years older than her, but I'm actually 15 years older. We're moving forward in our relationship, but I want to be open about my age. What's the best way to do this?

A friend told to laugh it off in conversation, and say something like, "Of course I'm not really that young. Did you think I was serious?" This sounds too glib considering it's such a big lie, and I was serious when I lied to her about my age.

Any suggestions on what to say?

Cheers

 

[Hector Papi Castillo]

Hmm...

Here's a few solutions.

1. Sit her down and tell her in a calm but compassionate way that you lie and tell her why. Then, simply say nothing more and see how she responds. Do not apologize. I repeat, do not apologize. Simply explain and let her make up her mind. It's okay to say, "I shouldn't have done that, but I did." That's even better than an apology.

2. Wait for her to find out and then once you get caught, do pretty much the same thing. I go over this in this article here - https://www.girlschase.com/content/what- ... ught-lying

Hope this helps.

hector

 

[Sandman]

One of my friends was in the exact same situation. He has 35+ lays.

He lied about his age (told the girl he was older) to and was caught by his awesome girlfriend. I told him how to deal with it by giving him the advice Hector laid out in his article.

He didn't listen to me. Instead he apologized then when it didn't work he apologized more. He started chasing and he lost the girl.

Listen to Hector.

 

[Momentum]

Hector,

This is excellent advice. You lay it down very well, and I like the frame you recommend - to not apologize.

Is there a certain time to tell her? We've only been dating for about two months. I was going to see if this lasts a bit longer (a few more months) before telling her.

Again, thanks for your reply, man.

Cheers

 

[Hector Papi Castillo]

I think you should simply not tell her. If she finds out, play it off like it's not a big deal. She might not care. If she does make a big deal out of it, then employ the tactic.

Hector

 

[Momentum]

That's a good idea. Thanks again, man.

 

[Michal]

Well, what if they both go to some social event and someone asks him his age right in front of her? Isn't being upfront, sitting her down and telling her in a calm way like Hector suggested the best? I mean, I always read on here that guys should do things on their terms. And leaving this out there can cause problems in the future. She might catch him off guard in the future and maybe he will tired from work, handles it poorly and she will lose some respect.

 

[Momentum]

Well, what if they both go to some social event and someone asks him his age right in front of her? Isn't being upfront, sitting her down and telling her in a calm way like Hector suggested the best? I mean, I always read on here that guys should do things on their terms. And leaving this out there can cause problems in the future. She might catch him off guard in the future and maybe he will tired from work, handles it poorly and she will lose some respect.

Michal, I was just thinking this myself. Being caught off guard about it is very likely, since she might bring it up at any time.

 

[Chase]

Momentum-

I like Hector's suggestions. Although you can probably also go more casual.

e.g., invite her to some event with people you know, but before you go, tell her, "Hey, I just realized - how old did I tell you I was?" and then when she tells you, you give her the, "lol, oh, sorry, I'm 37. I probably just told you what I thought you wanted to hear because I didn't expect it to turn into a relationship. Didn't want you to get to the event and be like, 'Why is everyone here so much older than Momentum?'"

So long as you have that "I really thought we would only just be a hookup" or "I never expected this to turn into a relationship" line in there, you'll defuse 99% of the bad energy. Her assumption without the explanation will be "He tricked me into a relationship with him by lying!" With the explanation it becomes "He told a white lie to some chick he thought he'd just bang out once. Then we hit it off so much it turned into a relationship and we just never dealt with the age thing." The "I never expected us to date" bit has never failed me (and it's usually true for the most part). Hard to argue with a guy who figured he'd just one-and-done you but you won him over and he let you stick around.

The other way you can deal with it is just leave something for her to find. I had a friend's sister date a guy for a year she thought was 30, but who was in fact 40. They found out when he'd left his driver's license lying around one day. Caused a lot of drama though.

The guy had wrinkles and gray hair so I could never understand how it was that big a mystery he was in fact 40 and not 30. Willful disbelief, I guess...

Chase

 

[Momentum]

Invaluable advice, Chase!

I was just talking to a friend the other day about that very strategy - going the whole I didn't think this would turn into anything route. That works for several reasons.

Keeping it casual, like you said, also frames it so it's not that big of a deal. As Hector said, not saying sorry will be a key component and adds to the solid frame I'm going with here.

I suppose I'll tell her sooner than later, but in a casual way.

Thanks a lot guys!