Life is Sucking! High Schools

[Joniman]

Hey guys, I am new here at GC. I read some of the articles and found them very insightful and different and actually seems like they come from somebody who knows what they are talking about. Anyways, I am in high school right now senior year and I am having a serious lack of social connections and especially friends.

MY BACKGROUND- if it helps
I am from an East African country and I just moved to Maryland 2 months ago. At my new school, I am really having trouble getting to know people and have friends I hangout with. The first 2 weeks of school I didn't have somebody to sit with but after that I found people from my own country and I sit with them at lunch (all girls and one dude and they are sophomores). Back in africa, I was semi popular. I had many guy friends I hangout with(Wasn't good with girls though) But here I don't know why but I can't get friends. I have read the one high school article on this forum here. I came in late 3 weeks to school so new people had alerday made friends too.

Anyways, Anytime I see these guys with these thick beautiful girls, It just hits me and I can't ignore the fact I'm an outcast. I did join a team (soccer) and made some friends there but they aren't that deep friends that invite me out or stuff. We greet and hi five each other but not more than that. The only thing that makes me happy about life now is my family and the prospect of starting over in college.

So sorry for the long intro, These are my questions to anyone that was a bomb in high school. I need serious help so please be as descriptive as u can.

1) How can I change my reputation( even though I had only 2 months of school with these new people) from that silent kid to a social and sexy man? Can i? Be truthful. I literally can't find a partner in most of my classes and am akward when people go into groups. I will change most of my class and teachers 2nd semester so I might have a semi-startover, what can I do better then?

2) Are high schools girls all about looks or status? I Consider my self slightly above average but acne and skinnyness are killing me. I am black with semi rough hair any hairstyles you know of or clothing that is cool and suitable for HS black guy? How can I balance school, gym and nutrition to gain mass?

3. Specific: Like I told you earlier, I hangout with my African group because no one else accepted me. In this group, I really have this Boner for this girl. She is like the hottest girl in school without any makeup yet she is cool and doesn't associate herself with the fake chicks. She a sophomore tho. I don't no the culture but is sophomre-senior dating common or is it unacceptable. Even though she is in my group, I never really initiated contact with her. Sometimes she just calls me out and says stupid stuff like "Ur short" smiling and I am like "huh, I am 3 inches taller than u". But other than that we don't say hi to each other in hallways nor bus stops(I feel like she deliberately avoids my eyes) which is confusing to me. Because I am not popular in the school nor social in my group, I believe that is hurting my chances; if I have a chance. She also likes this guy from another school Anyways again sorry but background info is invaluable, what do u guys recommend? Tips? Steps to take? Or give up on her?

4. I think I have major conversation and overthinking problems. These are my believed problems: Dull Voice, Trip up some words sometimes because I am not used to talking in english, Eye Contact makes me feel tension and awkardness, I sometimes sweat slightly when I don't have answers right away. My major problem though is I can't relate to things to talk about. Like with Other people they talk about football, parties, ... and stuff I can't really relate to. And with my group they are all talking girl stuff like who's cute and who asked out who... and I can only talk to them moderately when they talk bout other stuff. How can I relate to different people? Study them or wat? How do I jump from polite conversation to deep, funny and friendship building conversation?

5. My last question: Is there any high school journal in this forum that shows a major transformation. Or any other websites with high school picking up tips?

Most importantly, Thank you in advance for anyone helping me out.

 

[Joniman]

Anyone please?

 

[Joniman]

Thanks for the advice but you were a little to vague(Go talk to people; honestly I am trying but I can't seem to get more than a polite conversation (I read the article on small talk)) and I feel like Deep diving isn't for high school. All they are talking about is fun and stupid things; occasionally they talk some serious talk. Can anyone give an example of deep dive conversation in high school. I can't talk about her career, her family... right? The only topic I have is her dreams.

4. I can't have an active and adventurous life style without getting invited to parties... Sure I can follow up on football and basketball(will do that). I won't know anyone in the party if I did go alone though and I would be the only loner there.

Thx for the all advice

-Can anyone give me if they have the time very specific steps and goals I can take to get more popular and social. I want to become social and sexy by the time I go to college. I think my major problem is getting people hooked (read the article too).
- Where do you think I can get reasonably priced and cool c lothes suitable for school(Jackets, shirts and shoes especially). Guess would be too formal for high school.
- There is a Barber who has amazing reviews on the Internet near my house. Should I just walk in and tell him to give me the best look he thinks suits me? I don't want my hair messed up. Any experiences

 

[Adam101]

- Deep conversations in high school happen once you've isolated and already have a connection. You're at a party somewhere, you and a girl start to feel each other via small talk and soon you find that the two of you are alone underneath the stars. This may sound like a romance film cliché but this is how it goes does down in high school. You're gonna have to be one on one and away from the crowd to deep dive.

- Having an "active and adventurous" lifestyle is rooted in exploring interests. You don't have to climb a mountain or travel to have one. Walking a few blocks in your neighborhood can be an adventure. The idea is you have interesting stories to share. Everyone has at least a few but if you feel you don't make one up. Not like anyone is going to verify your claims. And actually going to a party alone might be beneficial for you. It'll force you to talk to people and work the room instead of retreating to your clique corner like so many high schoolers do. This may help with improving your reputation too since you won't be boxed in with any one group.

- In relation to the above, I know you said it sounded vague but really just start up conversations with random people. Anyone. Don't have any objective in mind other than to get someone talking. I think this will alone will help you plenty for the time being.

- As far as clothes, I'd recommend H&M. You can get a few items to mix and match and many you could get between $20-$30. Before you start dropping cash though I'd recommend you take notes on how the popular kids are dressing and the general style. You'll either want to mimic that or go maybe just a step above. Be careful though. Thing is you don't want to overdress which would make you stick out and appear as though you're peacocking. Easier said than done I know, but try to blend in while giving yourself something to distinguish yourself.

- As far as barbers I typically go with their recommendation although I'd say try and find a gay stylist. Seriously, may sound silly but these guys tend to know their shit and will hook you up. However you should be willing to drop a little bit of cash on this because how your hair grows out is just as important as the initial cut when you get out of the chair. Given your situation though you may better off searching for a hairstyle you think would look good and ask the barber to give you that specific cut.

Hope all of that helps. Just know by starting this journey in high school you are doing one of the best possible things you can for yourself. Best of luck.

 

[Joniman]

Very helpful, Thanks
Anyone else?

 

[Troy]

Joniman,

Slay and Adam have already given you sound advice so just start. Most of what they said is what I would say too so I won't repeat. One thing I will add : sometimes it's best to hang with the less cooler kids and build up your basic skills than it is to hang with the so called " cool " kids and get pressured unnecessarily and sometimes shamed.

I don't know your situation fully so I won't assume . What I suggest is you look carefully around you. Who calls to you in the hallway? The jock or the nerdy guy ? Most likely the nerdy guy right now. Go make friends with him, it will do you so much good . In my early years of high school I was so blind and dismissive (unintentionally) to persons who wanted to be my friend. I was always looking up to the footballers and track guys who all could care less about me and usually bullied and teased me. I thought they were so cool I must have been the one who needed a cool fix factor and the only way to get cool was to hang around them even if it meant being laughed at, because I thought my break through was on its way.

Eeh wrong . There was a girl in my Spanish class who was awkward but friendly with everyone yet she didn't have much friends so I didn't want to be around her ( me not realizing that being around her niceness would not make me lonely). There were other girls who liked me that I thought were a bit too ugly / awkward / had weird interests . And guys too who would always talk to me about how they can fix a laptop and all the details of the device inside out. I thought these kids weren't cool so I didn't hang with them. I kept finding some way to be the silent kid around talented athletes who didn't want me around while I neglected the girls and guys who were extremely lonely too / had few friends. They would have welcomed me. You see, those same kids I thought were unpopular are now the biggest and most popular . How they did it? They got early exposure by surrounding themselves with persons who appreciated them just as they are. I say all this to get one thing to you Joniman. All you really need right now is to get up, go find a few clubs and sports you really like ( not what you think will make you cool) and pursue it. And all you really need is your mouth and a friendly attitude to everyone that you meet.

Go on now . Let us know how it's going a month from now only if you do what is suggested by myself, Slay and Adam.

Troy

 

[ray_zorse]

I must say that Troy's advice REALLY resonates with me. I was in somewhat of a similar situation in high school, wasn't in the in-group and I must say I really hated those people, even though some of them were actually cool one-on-one (one dude in the in-group was my childhood friend although we'd grown apart, and another was on my basketball team and we were the best and tallest players on the team so we used to pass to each other a lot, additionally one of the girls was a grandchild of my grandma's best friend so I knew her slightly)... when I look back I feel really sorry for these in-group people who wanted to be my friend, but couldn't because I was a nerd, and they were forced to play this bitchy, exclusive role to protect their status. Don't be like them! Be open and genuine and hang with those people that you feel a personal connection with and who make you feel good. Give everyone a chance with you. It really takes a lot of self-confidence to do this but girls love it. Even if they think you are slumming, they will secretly wish they had the confidence to publicly hang with people they like.
Ray

 

[Fuck This]

In 10 years it won't matter.

That being said, being the "foreign guy" is kind of exotic. Branch out to people of both sexes in your classes, and greet them by first name when you pass them in the hall. Don't expect a response just say "Hey,Joe... Hi there Sally" as you go on your way. If they reciprocate with a question "What did you get on problem #23 on the test?..." then great. Otherwise keep trucking down the hall.

In college there was a guy who would walk by the Student Union counter I worked. Each time he walked by I said "Hey bud.." Pretty soon he was coming by and saying "Hey Bud" to me. Editor of the school paper, Student body president, etc. Doesn't matter. Just greet people and you will be amazed at how more comfortable people will be to approach you.

"Who's that?"
"oh that's Joe from Eritrea, he is in my Trig class."

Boom.

 

[Bboy100]

High school is shitty, especially for guys. The way the system currently works makes it retardedly difficult to have any dating success at all as a teenager. Listen to this podcast. It will change your entire perspective. I wish I had this in HS. It probably would have saved me a lot of misery. http://thematinggrounds.com/the-mating- ... ges-14-18/

It's very long, but it's pretty interesting. Also, it will give you a much deeper understanding of what's going on in your life atm and why you shouldn't worry about it.

In case you didn't listen to the whole thing, here are some key takeaways:

1. Who is popular and who is not is mostly random. Also, research shows that popular kids usually have a shit life after they graduate. No, this is not some sort of story society makes up to make the outcasts feel better about themselves. This is based on real studies and real research.
2. It WILL get better. Your attractiveness will only increase as life progresses.
3. Women are more mature than men in HS. Both physically and psychologically. For that reason, trying to get together with girls your age is a losing battle. To put this in perspective, women are approaching or perhaps even at their peaks (in terms of mating value) in HS. Men don't peak until their 30s, or maybe even later.
4. 40% of guys leave HS as virgins.
5. There are only like, 5 guys who feel like they fit in (i.e. are "popular"). Everyone else feels like they're "nobody". Realistically, everyone is probably normal. And there's nothing special about the guys who are popular. You're not weird, you're not stupid, there's nothing wrong with you. Even if you are an "outcast".
6. Women are also really shitty at picking men in HS. They can't really recognize anything attractive about a man unless there's a physical manifestation of it (this is why athletes are so popular). Later in life, women start to appreciate other talents and attractive traits.


In general, pretty much everyone is shit with girls in HS. No matter what you hear around school, or who so and so hooked up with, no one is actually "good" with women. The guys who get laid pretty much got lucky. They just happened to bumble their way into a position of high status early in their HS careers. This automatically created attraction with the women there. From that point, it becomes really easy to snowball your popularity via preselection and social proof. They're not better than you in any way, and you're likely (statistically speaking) to become far more attractive than them shortly after graduating.

I can personally attest to this. I have a friend who was a natural in HS. He's very good looking, voted prom king, all the popular girls where all over him etc. I on the other hand, left HS a virgin. After HS, he pretty much lost all that. He had no social status anywhere, and his skills with women were no better than mine. I don't talk to him too much anymore, but I would guess that at this point, based on what I see on social media and the way he behaves the few times I have seen him, I'd say my game and my ability to get women far surpasses his.