Living in apartment with girl who has a boyfriend

[ChandlerSanzone]

So I'm currently in college and I'm living in an apartment off-campus with this girl who has a boyfriend. It's just me and her in the apartment, her boyfriend goes to school in another state. She is extremely shy, introverted, and insecure. She constantly wishes she could go out to parties and whatnot but she has social anxiety. I'm the only person on campus who she is comfortable talking to (she has ZERO girl friends and ZERO guy friends besides me) so in some ways she is somewhat reliant on me for emotional support and whatnot. Since she is so shy she just stays at the apartment and watches netflix and sort of wallows in her own self-pity. The boyfriend is 4 hours away so they only see each other during holiday breaks but they facetime almost every single night. They've been dating for just over a year and it seems like she is madly in love with him. I don't think it is love, but rather, dependence. She doesn't talk to any guys besides me and her boyfriend so I feel like if they broke up she would get super depressed. She complains to me all the time about their relationship issues and I just sit there and listen. I think the long-distance thing really bothers her but she won't admit it (I think she won't admit it because she wants to stay in the relationship out of fear of being alone). She rants to me for hours about her boyfriend and tons of other things that I shouldn't have to listen to but I listen anyways. I genuinely think she would be happier dating me (I know I'm biased lol) because her boyfriend is 4 hours away and doesn't seem to fulfill her needs.

My questions/concerns are:
How do I avoid the friendzone with her? (Or begin to make my way out of it)
How do I respond when she talks about the issues in her relationship?
How do I respond when she tells me how hot and amazing her current boyfriend is?
How do I respond when she throws herself a pity party and talks about how sad she is and how terrible her life is?
She is extremely sexually open around me (talks about her sex life and such) is that good or bad or both? And how should I act during these conversations?

She's somewhat touchy/feely at times but I'm unsure if she's flirting, doing it platonically, is just sex-deprived, or if she does it unknowingly. I'm unsure how touchy/feely I should be in return because I don't want to disrupt the living situation but at the same time I want her to get more comfortable with me being touchy.

Last night we were in here bed watching netflix together and she was talking about how "it's difficult to sleep alone now" (since her and her boyfriend slept together every day during the summer). Was she saying that because she wishes her boyfriend were there or because she was trying to get me to sleep with her?

In general, what should my mindset be when I'm around her? How should I act? What should I consider before making a move, etc?
(I have 2 other girls who I have sexual relations with so I'm not saying SHE'S THE ONE, I just figured since we are living together I might as well try to make it more fun for both of us)

Thanks in advance and if you have any questions regarding the situation, ask away!
Any input at all would be greatly appreciated.

 

[Fuck This]

Go pick up another girl bring her back to the apartment, and bang her on the coffee table. Invite your roommate to join in a 3 some.

That is the only way to score on your taken roommate......


If that doesn't seem possible to you, then forget the woman as a sexual target, Don't Shit where you eat, and don't let her use you for an emotional tampon. Treat her exactly like like she is a guy friend.

BTW there was a whole sitcom on your situation.....

 

[ChandlerSanzone]

Even if anyone thinks it's impossible, any general guidance for situations that are somewhat similar would be appreciated!

 

[ChandlerSanzone]

Bump: anyone have any thoughts?

 

[youngbuck]

I would say she isn't worth pursuing as the situation can get messy quite easily.

 

[ChandlerSanzone]

Bump - still looking for more input, anything is appreciated!

 

[foggy]

u should fuck this chick this weekend

i am living with a girl myself.

How do I avoid the friendzone with her? (Or begin to make my way out of it)

Don't treat her like she's your friend. Touch her, tease her, be sexually suggestive, get in her personal space...treat her the same that you treat the other two girls you are screwing

How do I respond when she talks about the issues in her relationship?

Lol, when my roommate comes complaining to me about the guys she's sleeping with i just sort of zone out and stop listening till she's gone. Ask yourself this: do you really care to be this girl's emotional tampon? No? Then I advise u do the same!

How do I respond when she tells me how hot and amazing her current boyfriend is?

Say dis: "If he was really hot and amazin as u say he is then he would be with you here right now." or ignore it.

How do I respond when she throws herself a pity party and talks about how sad she is and how terrible her life is?

My roommate complains alot too. Ugh, girls. Sometimes I give her advice, like she's my lil sis. Sometimes I challenge her to improve. Sometimes I ignore her.

She is extremely sexually open around me (talks about her sex life and such) is that good or bad or both? And how should I act during these conversations?

Well, my roommate is relatively open with her sex life around me and we've mutually agreed our relationship is platonic. But at the same time, if a girl is talking about anything sex related with you, then she's comfortable around you. So, I'd say it's good. Pay attention during these conversations and try to build some sexual tension. Use innuendos and stuff, and set a non-judgemental frame.

She's somewhat touchy/feely at times

I can tell when my roommate is horny, and she can tell when I'm horny. There is sexual tension between us, but we don't touch each other. To me, it sounds like you and your roommate have an undefined relationship, and u are free to define it however you want with her. The fact she is touching you is very good. Start ramping up the touch and sexual vibes with her, and next time she's horny, make some moves!!

No more threads about this situation okay? Just use this one.

 

[ChandlerSanzone]

I originally asked what I could do to get out of the friendzone with this girl because we will be living together for the next 2 years and I didn't want to be her "emotional tampon" for that long. The fact that she didn't see me as a sexual man and saw me more as a gay best friend frustrated me severely. Though I'd love for us to be more than platonic friends, I think the slim odds of that happening are not worth the stress this situation is causing me. It pains me to admit it, but I have oneitis for her and now my goals have changed. Since she's the only girl I see on a regular basis, I have gotten very attached to her and I've become too emotionally invested in her. I'm asking for any practical advice on how to handle this situation. I want to cure my oneitis and become detached from this girl before I stress out any more. What's the best way to do this without ruining our living situation? I've thought about just ignoring her and not spending any time with her but I'm unsure if that's the best option. Thanks in advance.

 

[lostnumber]

I originally asked what I could do to get out of the friendzone with this girl because we will be living together for the next 2 years and I didn't want to be her "emotional tampon" for that long. The fact that she didn't see me as a sexual man and saw me more as a gay best friend frustrated me severely. Though I'd love for us to be more than platonic friends, I think the slim odds of that happening are not worth the stress this situation is causing me. It pains me to admit it, but I have oneitis for her and now my goals have changed. Since she's the only girl I see on a regular basis, I have gotten very attached to her and I've become too emotionally invested in her. I'm asking for any practical advice on how to handle this situation. I want to cure my oneitis and become detached from this girl before I stress out any more. What's the best way to do this without ruining our living situation? I've thought about just ignoring her and not spending any time with her but I'm unsure if that's the best option. Thanks in advance.

Best cure for oneitis is to focus on and have success with other girls. Based on how you describe her this girl does not seem like much of a catch to me. Insecure, social anxiety, dependency, etc. These are not the kind of qualities you want to bring into your life. I'd focus externally on going out and getting other girls. Its not worth the drama to deal with this one, and like someone said, don't shit where you eat. If things go south with some random girl off the street odds are you'll never see her again. But if you try and make a move and it backfires on someone you're living with it might put you in a scenario where you're forced to look for a new place to live.

Not that moving would necessarily be a bad thing given the circumstances, but you want to be the one in control of that choice.