New to the board, have emailed chase in the past. I'll break down my history as best I can so that you know where I'm at.
- Age: late twenties
- Longest relationship: 11 months, ended a few months ago, no prior committed relationships. Have probably gone out with 10-15 women total and only three of those for more than one date.
- Sexual experience: limited. ex was the only girl I even kissed. Fooled around a bit, no intercourse as she was fairly conservative. Turned down two girls in college that were just drunk and basically looking for anyone. Both were ok, but that's not my thing.
- Strengths: Good job, make more than most of my peers, own a nice home in a very good location to meet people and enjoy the night life, good dancer (formal training). Have gained a much better insight into many of my weaknesses previously by reading this and another site over the past 2 years. In decent shape, working to get back to elite shape to play sports at a highly competitive level. Good reputation in terms of character etc.
- Weaknesses: Limited social skills in non-work related situations - partly because I'm excessively quiet and reserved by nature, partly nerves (although that's gotten better), and partly due to lack of experience(very much a loner for most of my life. Got picked on as a kid and never really fit in, probably been to 10 parties (excluding work functions and kids bday parties) or less in my life). Fairly well known on the dance scene, but it's really the only regular social thing I do and even then I'm much less social than most. In other settings I'm usually completely silent. Women tend to like me as a friend or ignore me, that's pretty much it, although my luck is getting better as I age.
Questions:
- I've been trying to force myself out more (at times I don't go out at all for months) by going to nearby festivals and events, and by participating in solo sports events (i.e. triathalons, 1/2 marathons etc, would like to do team sports too, but haven't been invited and wasn't picked up off the wait list for those without teams).
- In the races, people tend to be very focused at the events before and during and then in their own circles after (and are in their own circles of friends throughout for the other events). How do you recommend jumping to start a conversation without being rude by basically butting into their circle? And what's the best way to deal with it when a group of guys pretty much just comes and butts into my attempt to talk with the girls?
- In regards to a more specific situation, I've also been out dancing more this summer, trying to meet new people. I've met about 5-6 that have caught my interest, with 2 main girls that I find especially fun and sexy. One disappeared before I got to ask her out a few weeks ago and I haven't seen her back so I'm going to focus on the other girl in this post as she's the one I'm having trouble with.
Met her three weeks ago and we hit it off big. She kept coming back over and over to dance even when there we plenty of other guys, was very flirty, made lots of sexy eye contact, and held her body firm against mine even though it wasn't necessary for the dance and she didn't do it with the other guys etc. I was going to pull her to the bar to try to get to know her, but every time I was ready, somebody came to ask for another dance, pulling her away. Then two other guys ended up pulling her to the bar repeatedly throughout the night. and it didn't seem appropriate to interject, nor would I know what to say besides asking for another dance - which doesn't seem appropriate when she's sitting with her back to the floor in conversation. I just kept dancing with others and waited it out. One of the guys must have offended her or been to clingy because he tried to pull her to the bar a few more times and she eventually told him off and slapped him. I waited until she was free and stopped by to invite her to something that week, but she said it wasn't her thing and that was pretty much it. No counter offer or anything.
Then I went back last week and she was pretty much on the floor the whole time, mostly dancing with some old guy. When she came off the floor, I started talking to her, but the guy from last week (that she didn't slap) came in and she went to greet him and they headed to the bar making it awkward for me to follow. We didn't interact anymore, although I did catch a glimpse of her giving her number to another guy that I don't recall seeing before that.
Fast forward to this week. Things start off very good. Danced a bunch of songs, she's very flirty, firmly pressed against me. The crowd wasn't packed yet so we hit a point were she didn't want to keep dancing over and over and went to dance with someone else and I just grabbed another hot girl and boy did her head turn. She watched use repeatedly and came to sit right next to me as soon as the dance was over. So I pulled her to a table and started getting to know her a bit. Started asking about her schedule, different things she had going on during the week. She was giving non committal responses and I was about to be a little more direct, when of course, on cue, the guy arrived when I talked to her the previous week came in and she went to the bar to talk with him (I'm not entirely sure she's attracted to him, isn't very flirty most of the time so I'm not sure what's going on there).
They only danced one or 2 songs as far as I saw (I was busy with the other girls, so there may have been more). The guy she gave her number to arrived and she pretty much followed him around the rest of the night. Dancing probably a solid hour with intermittent breaks of chatting at the bar. She did make eye contact and make some expressions (some flirty, some just odd/goofy) when we passed by on a few occasions as she followed him).
I realized it was starting to bug me more than I like, and it was late, so I called it a night. Then came the kick in the pants, when as I drive out of the lot, I have to stop my car as he's walking in front of it carrying her in his arms, apparently taking her home. ouch
Here are my questions:
- what could I have done better?
- Anything I did specifically well?
- What is a better way to press for a committal response (as an example of a noncommittal response she gave I asked about today and she reported she was going to church and was then free. Asked her out to another dance venue and she declined because she has to work the next day, but stated she didn't the following week so it could be possible then. Was going to ask about lunch when that other guy came in)
- Given that I could have taken her home that night, as the other actually guy did, what is the best way to steer the conversation that way? (when I mentioned the event tonight (sunday) she initially had a minor freakout "tonight (referring to last night), it's going to be so late")
- Is there a good and socially appropriate way to butt in at the bar or to prevent these other guys from butting in so much.
- While it does bug me that she keeps ditching me for these other guys and that she left with one and did who knows what after that, I still am fairly certain the attraction is mutual and would like to try to steal her back if possible. If she continues to act the same towards me in terms of being flirty etc, what is your advice going forward (vs if she stops, then I'm assuming she has no interest)?
- Age: late twenties
- Longest relationship: 11 months, ended a few months ago, no prior committed relationships. Have probably gone out with 10-15 women total and only three of those for more than one date.
- Sexual experience: limited. ex was the only girl I even kissed. Fooled around a bit, no intercourse as she was fairly conservative. Turned down two girls in college that were just drunk and basically looking for anyone. Both were ok, but that's not my thing.
- Strengths: Good job, make more than most of my peers, own a nice home in a very good location to meet people and enjoy the night life, good dancer (formal training). Have gained a much better insight into many of my weaknesses previously by reading this and another site over the past 2 years. In decent shape, working to get back to elite shape to play sports at a highly competitive level. Good reputation in terms of character etc.
- Weaknesses: Limited social skills in non-work related situations - partly because I'm excessively quiet and reserved by nature, partly nerves (although that's gotten better), and partly due to lack of experience(very much a loner for most of my life. Got picked on as a kid and never really fit in, probably been to 10 parties (excluding work functions and kids bday parties) or less in my life). Fairly well known on the dance scene, but it's really the only regular social thing I do and even then I'm much less social than most. In other settings I'm usually completely silent. Women tend to like me as a friend or ignore me, that's pretty much it, although my luck is getting better as I age.
Questions:
- I've been trying to force myself out more (at times I don't go out at all for months) by going to nearby festivals and events, and by participating in solo sports events (i.e. triathalons, 1/2 marathons etc, would like to do team sports too, but haven't been invited and wasn't picked up off the wait list for those without teams).
- In the races, people tend to be very focused at the events before and during and then in their own circles after (and are in their own circles of friends throughout for the other events). How do you recommend jumping to start a conversation without being rude by basically butting into their circle? And what's the best way to deal with it when a group of guys pretty much just comes and butts into my attempt to talk with the girls?
- In regards to a more specific situation, I've also been out dancing more this summer, trying to meet new people. I've met about 5-6 that have caught my interest, with 2 main girls that I find especially fun and sexy. One disappeared before I got to ask her out a few weeks ago and I haven't seen her back so I'm going to focus on the other girl in this post as she's the one I'm having trouble with.
Met her three weeks ago and we hit it off big. She kept coming back over and over to dance even when there we plenty of other guys, was very flirty, made lots of sexy eye contact, and held her body firm against mine even though it wasn't necessary for the dance and she didn't do it with the other guys etc. I was going to pull her to the bar to try to get to know her, but every time I was ready, somebody came to ask for another dance, pulling her away. Then two other guys ended up pulling her to the bar repeatedly throughout the night. and it didn't seem appropriate to interject, nor would I know what to say besides asking for another dance - which doesn't seem appropriate when she's sitting with her back to the floor in conversation. I just kept dancing with others and waited it out. One of the guys must have offended her or been to clingy because he tried to pull her to the bar a few more times and she eventually told him off and slapped him. I waited until she was free and stopped by to invite her to something that week, but she said it wasn't her thing and that was pretty much it. No counter offer or anything.
Then I went back last week and she was pretty much on the floor the whole time, mostly dancing with some old guy. When she came off the floor, I started talking to her, but the guy from last week (that she didn't slap) came in and she went to greet him and they headed to the bar making it awkward for me to follow. We didn't interact anymore, although I did catch a glimpse of her giving her number to another guy that I don't recall seeing before that.
Fast forward to this week. Things start off very good. Danced a bunch of songs, she's very flirty, firmly pressed against me. The crowd wasn't packed yet so we hit a point were she didn't want to keep dancing over and over and went to dance with someone else and I just grabbed another hot girl and boy did her head turn. She watched use repeatedly and came to sit right next to me as soon as the dance was over. So I pulled her to a table and started getting to know her a bit. Started asking about her schedule, different things she had going on during the week. She was giving non committal responses and I was about to be a little more direct, when of course, on cue, the guy arrived when I talked to her the previous week came in and she went to the bar to talk with him (I'm not entirely sure she's attracted to him, isn't very flirty most of the time so I'm not sure what's going on there).
They only danced one or 2 songs as far as I saw (I was busy with the other girls, so there may have been more). The guy she gave her number to arrived and she pretty much followed him around the rest of the night. Dancing probably a solid hour with intermittent breaks of chatting at the bar. She did make eye contact and make some expressions (some flirty, some just odd/goofy) when we passed by on a few occasions as she followed him).
I realized it was starting to bug me more than I like, and it was late, so I called it a night. Then came the kick in the pants, when as I drive out of the lot, I have to stop my car as he's walking in front of it carrying her in his arms, apparently taking her home. ouch
Here are my questions:
- what could I have done better?
- Anything I did specifically well?
- What is a better way to press for a committal response (as an example of a noncommittal response she gave I asked about today and she reported she was going to church and was then free. Asked her out to another dance venue and she declined because she has to work the next day, but stated she didn't the following week so it could be possible then. Was going to ask about lunch when that other guy came in)
- Given that I could have taken her home that night, as the other actually guy did, what is the best way to steer the conversation that way? (when I mentioned the event tonight (sunday) she initially had a minor freakout "tonight (referring to last night), it's going to be so late")
- Is there a good and socially appropriate way to butt in at the bar or to prevent these other guys from butting in so much.
- While it does bug me that she keeps ditching me for these other guys and that she left with one and did who knows what after that, I still am fairly certain the attraction is mutual and would like to try to steal her back if possible. If she continues to act the same towards me in terms of being flirty etc, what is your advice going forward (vs if she stops, then I'm assuming she has no interest)?
). You say you are in reasonable shape, which is good, and saves you a lot of work. 