- Joined
- Jul 31, 2023
- Messages
- 418
*I know I wrote a lot, had to get it out of my system. If someone is not feeling like reading the whole thing, please read the last paragraph at least. It contains my main issue with girls, seduction and sex right now, and any suggestion or insight regarding it would be tremendously valuable*
I literally just came home from this one so the pain is fresh. I am 27 around 6ft, skinny, brown hair, blue/green eyes, beard, she was 35 around that same height with ankle boots, black straight hair, shark like facial characteristics, big boobs, fairly nice ass, and generally a more mesomorphic body type. I met her at an asian fast food place two weeks ago, the moment I saw her I thought damn she is hot, probably she won't like me because she is so tall, because her characteristics look more intense, she was wearing all black, but I said screw it, and when she left the place, I quickly packed the rest of my meal and approached her at the nearby bus stop. Gave a sincere compliment along the lines of looking lovely and feminine, flirted a bit, told her she looked like a witch since she was caring a broom, took the same bus with her to interact for a few more minutes, grabbed her number and went back to my place.
We texted a bit back and forth, I went for a date plan almost right away and she agreed in two weeks time, because she said is a nurse and her shifts are going crazy, so we planned to meet for a chill lunch, and I proposed the place I initially saw her in which she found interesting and eventually agreed. Having in mind that I didn't know her expectation, I was mainly planning this as an informational date, at the same time though I had my place clean and ready for anything possible, as I had some time free in the afternoon.
I arrive at the date today and she seems neutral, we order together, and we sit at a pretty secluded place in the venue across each other. We start discussing, she tells me she is into goth style, that's why she wears all black, she asks about my story for coming here, what I do in my life etc, and I ask her back. I learn how she got into nursing, that it is her passion now and wants to keep doing that, while at the same time she loves travelling and basically makes money so she can travel. At some point I start asking her how she enjoys connecting with people, she says she wants polite and respectful people, so I ask what kind of experiences she has had. She talks about meeting people through tinder and online dating and that she hasn't had good results, so I'm asking her about the type of guy she likes. First thing she mentions is beard, and I tease her about that regarding mine, then she goes into the same general stuff about politeness and I have her talk a bit about some of her bad and good dates. During this whole time I have been teasing her a bit and she has been laughing, I have told her that she feels open minded and I like that she is herself and unique. At some point I ask if she is a sexual person, and she answers very and that she broke up with her last boyfriend because he couldn't take that much sex, I say something like: well I guess after 20 times of having my dick sucked in a day I would also be out of energy, and she says that no it wasn't that much, and that it was his problem, which I tease her about. She also asks about my sexual experiences regarding different races and says she doesn't like the men around here, because they are shy sexually. Anyway things have been going great with sexual innuendos, tension and connection and then it starts...
She goes to the bathroom, coming back after a while she has more refined lipstick so I notice things are going pretty well, she asks for a coffee and I propose we go for coffee somewhere else. She agrees, we talk a bit more, I finish my food and when I say I want to go to bathroom as well she asks if I need some help there. I am puzzled, think for a bit, and ask her what she means, she laughs and I realise she literally offered a blowjob in the bathroom of the fast food place then and there. I tell her that it would be interesting but I really want to pee, which was true. By the way, these last days I've had stomach problems so I feel that I wasn't even in a good state for being sexual, I had an erection but it wasn't very strong. In fact one reason I was hoping for this date to remain more informational was because I wasn't feeling in a good state for escalating sexually and pleasuring a woman. Lately, maybe of anxiety, maybe of bad nutrition and disturbed hormonal levels, I have regularly had the feeling of not being in a very sexual state, and I have also prematurely ejaculated in my pants or after seconds inside, the last 4 times I was with a girl, something that had never happened once in my previous experiences, before this summer. With all these in mind, although she was hot, maybe the hottest girl I would have slept with by my standards, I just felt extreme anxiety of pushing things, because I wasn't even sure if I could perform.
That's when I did the first mistake. I took her for a coffee to another place close to my house, and not directly to my house, even though she specifically asked me where I live and if I live alone, and I instantly knew she was down to fuck! Granted, I don't have coffee in my place, but I could have offered tea, which I drink. My thinking process was, let's take her somewhere else, ramp up the vibe there, probably make me more excited and relaxed in the process as well to take her home later. Big mistake, I should have either finished the date then and there, when she was at peak excitement or taken her to my place and figured out the rest. The burden of feeling like a sexual failure again in such a short time span was too much.
So I take her to the other cafe, which is pretty cute, we even sit together, literally very close for a while with my hand around her back but I make no move at all even there. She was even talking to me about how she enjoys wearing sexy lingerie and some men don't appreciate it for fucks sake! The reason for this was because I have lately had more success with bringing girls home first and then kissing them, but here it was a wrong call, this girl was excited and although I was close she was feeling that I hesitated. And hesitated I did, not because of a kiss rejection, I am fine with that, and pretty sure I could overcome it. I was hesitating, because I knew that by kissing and ramping up things there, I had to surely escalate more and take her to my place. And all the anxiety about my sexual performance came back up. So I took no action, no escalation and no ending of the date.
Then came the finishing blow. We continue talking still a lot about sexual stuff, and at some point I ask her what she thinks of me. And she says: you say you are open minded but I feel you are shy, not socially, you approached me, but more sexually, you have specific things you do your way, you know what you want, and you deviate just a bit, and I am more loud and playful. We talked about that, and she was clear that she wasn't saying it as a bad thing, just her impression. But I could see it, the light had left her eyes, and she had this nervousness of wanting to leave ( the shouting kids that came to the cafe after we arrived didn't help with that either ). And I also started feeling the vibe, it was this thing of: you had your chance, I opened up, I was ready, but you were all talk, you missed your opportunity. I asked her to go somewhere more quiet to continue as a last resort, she said she has to go back home and get ready for a party, so I said that yeah I should probably go and prepare for my dancing class later.
In the end, I invited myself to walk with her for 5 minutes to her bus station although it was opposite way of my place, just to see if I can leave her in any higher note. We laughed a bit more during this time, but it was all more distant, she said she wants a video of me dancing, and I playfully answered I don't know I have to see, you can send one of you in the lingerie as well. Then she was kinda weirded out so she said she wants to see how I move and I told her it would be interesting to see how she moves as well, since she had mentioned she can't dance at all. Bus came, friendly polite hug, the end.
Honestly after all this my main problem was and still is my sexual performance anxiety. I saw almost all the signs, I even knew what to do moment by moment, but when I started getting excited all the thoughts of my recent experiences came rushing back up. And when I have been so sexual in the interaction it feells to me as an immense dissappointment for her if I prematurely ejaculate ( again ) or can't be stiff enough. At the same time she was really hot and I wanted her, so I was thinking if we go and it happens she probably won't want to see me again, so maybe if I build some more connection over time, I can have her cutting me some slack for my performance. All wrong mindsets, which I recognise, and I would really like some advice from others here if possible. How should I approach getting sexual with this constant anxiety of failing to perform? I am not even talking about lasting for 5 minutes and having bad sex, I'm talking about ejaculating in my pants when making out in my place, and having to clean up, stay there, and I hope I'll have another erection of doubtful stiffness quickly to go a normal round. I have been trying to change my diet, do kegels etc, but it really feels I cannot even get excited enough by myself these days, it's difficult to even get really stiff when masturbating, and when I am with a woman the arousal increases so fast it is uncontrollable. Before the summer I never had that, I haven't done a lot of sex in my life, but in few occasions I was even asked by girls how I had not finished yet. And being sexual is a big part of my game, I'm going for it because that's what I want at this point in my life, but when I find another person like this girl who clearly told me in the end she is not looking for a boyfriend right now, I just feel like what can I even provide, I desire it, but these last experiences make me even scared to pursue it. As for this specific girl, I feel I just lost my chance, I don't hope for something, that said if anyone that read the report has a recommendation about ways to keep in touch and get another chance in similar situations, it would be very much appreciated
I literally just came home from this one so the pain is fresh. I am 27 around 6ft, skinny, brown hair, blue/green eyes, beard, she was 35 around that same height with ankle boots, black straight hair, shark like facial characteristics, big boobs, fairly nice ass, and generally a more mesomorphic body type. I met her at an asian fast food place two weeks ago, the moment I saw her I thought damn she is hot, probably she won't like me because she is so tall, because her characteristics look more intense, she was wearing all black, but I said screw it, and when she left the place, I quickly packed the rest of my meal and approached her at the nearby bus stop. Gave a sincere compliment along the lines of looking lovely and feminine, flirted a bit, told her she looked like a witch since she was caring a broom, took the same bus with her to interact for a few more minutes, grabbed her number and went back to my place.
We texted a bit back and forth, I went for a date plan almost right away and she agreed in two weeks time, because she said is a nurse and her shifts are going crazy, so we planned to meet for a chill lunch, and I proposed the place I initially saw her in which she found interesting and eventually agreed. Having in mind that I didn't know her expectation, I was mainly planning this as an informational date, at the same time though I had my place clean and ready for anything possible, as I had some time free in the afternoon.
I arrive at the date today and she seems neutral, we order together, and we sit at a pretty secluded place in the venue across each other. We start discussing, she tells me she is into goth style, that's why she wears all black, she asks about my story for coming here, what I do in my life etc, and I ask her back. I learn how she got into nursing, that it is her passion now and wants to keep doing that, while at the same time she loves travelling and basically makes money so she can travel. At some point I start asking her how she enjoys connecting with people, she says she wants polite and respectful people, so I ask what kind of experiences she has had. She talks about meeting people through tinder and online dating and that she hasn't had good results, so I'm asking her about the type of guy she likes. First thing she mentions is beard, and I tease her about that regarding mine, then she goes into the same general stuff about politeness and I have her talk a bit about some of her bad and good dates. During this whole time I have been teasing her a bit and she has been laughing, I have told her that she feels open minded and I like that she is herself and unique. At some point I ask if she is a sexual person, and she answers very and that she broke up with her last boyfriend because he couldn't take that much sex, I say something like: well I guess after 20 times of having my dick sucked in a day I would also be out of energy, and she says that no it wasn't that much, and that it was his problem, which I tease her about. She also asks about my sexual experiences regarding different races and says she doesn't like the men around here, because they are shy sexually. Anyway things have been going great with sexual innuendos, tension and connection and then it starts...
She goes to the bathroom, coming back after a while she has more refined lipstick so I notice things are going pretty well, she asks for a coffee and I propose we go for coffee somewhere else. She agrees, we talk a bit more, I finish my food and when I say I want to go to bathroom as well she asks if I need some help there. I am puzzled, think for a bit, and ask her what she means, she laughs and I realise she literally offered a blowjob in the bathroom of the fast food place then and there. I tell her that it would be interesting but I really want to pee, which was true. By the way, these last days I've had stomach problems so I feel that I wasn't even in a good state for being sexual, I had an erection but it wasn't very strong. In fact one reason I was hoping for this date to remain more informational was because I wasn't feeling in a good state for escalating sexually and pleasuring a woman. Lately, maybe of anxiety, maybe of bad nutrition and disturbed hormonal levels, I have regularly had the feeling of not being in a very sexual state, and I have also prematurely ejaculated in my pants or after seconds inside, the last 4 times I was with a girl, something that had never happened once in my previous experiences, before this summer. With all these in mind, although she was hot, maybe the hottest girl I would have slept with by my standards, I just felt extreme anxiety of pushing things, because I wasn't even sure if I could perform.
That's when I did the first mistake. I took her for a coffee to another place close to my house, and not directly to my house, even though she specifically asked me where I live and if I live alone, and I instantly knew she was down to fuck! Granted, I don't have coffee in my place, but I could have offered tea, which I drink. My thinking process was, let's take her somewhere else, ramp up the vibe there, probably make me more excited and relaxed in the process as well to take her home later. Big mistake, I should have either finished the date then and there, when she was at peak excitement or taken her to my place and figured out the rest. The burden of feeling like a sexual failure again in such a short time span was too much.
So I take her to the other cafe, which is pretty cute, we even sit together, literally very close for a while with my hand around her back but I make no move at all even there. She was even talking to me about how she enjoys wearing sexy lingerie and some men don't appreciate it for fucks sake! The reason for this was because I have lately had more success with bringing girls home first and then kissing them, but here it was a wrong call, this girl was excited and although I was close she was feeling that I hesitated. And hesitated I did, not because of a kiss rejection, I am fine with that, and pretty sure I could overcome it. I was hesitating, because I knew that by kissing and ramping up things there, I had to surely escalate more and take her to my place. And all the anxiety about my sexual performance came back up. So I took no action, no escalation and no ending of the date.
Then came the finishing blow. We continue talking still a lot about sexual stuff, and at some point I ask her what she thinks of me. And she says: you say you are open minded but I feel you are shy, not socially, you approached me, but more sexually, you have specific things you do your way, you know what you want, and you deviate just a bit, and I am more loud and playful. We talked about that, and she was clear that she wasn't saying it as a bad thing, just her impression. But I could see it, the light had left her eyes, and she had this nervousness of wanting to leave ( the shouting kids that came to the cafe after we arrived didn't help with that either ). And I also started feeling the vibe, it was this thing of: you had your chance, I opened up, I was ready, but you were all talk, you missed your opportunity. I asked her to go somewhere more quiet to continue as a last resort, she said she has to go back home and get ready for a party, so I said that yeah I should probably go and prepare for my dancing class later.
In the end, I invited myself to walk with her for 5 minutes to her bus station although it was opposite way of my place, just to see if I can leave her in any higher note. We laughed a bit more during this time, but it was all more distant, she said she wants a video of me dancing, and I playfully answered I don't know I have to see, you can send one of you in the lingerie as well. Then she was kinda weirded out so she said she wants to see how I move and I told her it would be interesting to see how she moves as well, since she had mentioned she can't dance at all. Bus came, friendly polite hug, the end.
Honestly after all this my main problem was and still is my sexual performance anxiety. I saw almost all the signs, I even knew what to do moment by moment, but when I started getting excited all the thoughts of my recent experiences came rushing back up. And when I have been so sexual in the interaction it feells to me as an immense dissappointment for her if I prematurely ejaculate ( again ) or can't be stiff enough. At the same time she was really hot and I wanted her, so I was thinking if we go and it happens she probably won't want to see me again, so maybe if I build some more connection over time, I can have her cutting me some slack for my performance. All wrong mindsets, which I recognise, and I would really like some advice from others here if possible. How should I approach getting sexual with this constant anxiety of failing to perform? I am not even talking about lasting for 5 minutes and having bad sex, I'm talking about ejaculating in my pants when making out in my place, and having to clean up, stay there, and I hope I'll have another erection of doubtful stiffness quickly to go a normal round. I have been trying to change my diet, do kegels etc, but it really feels I cannot even get excited enough by myself these days, it's difficult to even get really stiff when masturbating, and when I am with a woman the arousal increases so fast it is uncontrollable. Before the summer I never had that, I haven't done a lot of sex in my life, but in few occasions I was even asked by girls how I had not finished yet. And being sexual is a big part of my game, I'm going for it because that's what I want at this point in my life, but when I find another person like this girl who clearly told me in the end she is not looking for a boyfriend right now, I just feel like what can I even provide, I desire it, but these last experiences make me even scared to pursue it. As for this specific girl, I feel I just lost my chance, I don't hope for something, that said if anyone that read the report has a recommendation about ways to keep in touch and get another chance in similar situations, it would be very much appreciated
