lost gf - want her back

[charlyjunior]

Hello,

I really need some help on this, hopefully an expert or someone with a similar experience could advise me.

So I was really good friend with a girl that lived on the west coast (I live in the east coast so we were pretty far away). Because of work I went to her city and asked for a couple of days off to be with her (as friends) and know her city. Something happened that we ended up hooking up on the trip and I completely fell for her.

After this trip it was a coincidence thar we both went to our home city for a couple of weeks. We hang there and chemistry was so intense I ended up asking her to be my gf and she accepted. We knew long distance was hard but we figured we would find a way. First couple of monthd were ok, I visited her and things were going great.

However afer a while I started noticing she stopped responding me so much and generally not as happy when we talked. (I called/messaged her A LOT) She went on vacations for a week and I lost it, I became so needy and she wouldnt answer me, I called her like 40 times over the week. We talked after she returned from her trip and she told me I was invading her space so much she didnt want to continue in the relationship.

I kept messaging her and sending her needy messages for the last week. I now realize this was the mistake I was making which pushed her away from me. I have stopped this, however I really want her back.

I have been relocated for work and will be living 4 hours away from her (driving distance). In 1 week I will be moving to that closer city and will have 2 weeks before starting work.

Tell me what do you think of my plan: I am planning on appearing randomly in her apartment and see what happens (will automatically try and kiss her, dont know what her reaction will be, she probably will stop me). I can visit her in 1 week or in 2 weeks and we broke off 1 week ago. I will be trying to upload some pictures with some female friends to try and make her jealous. In the meantime I wont be messaging her (she doesnt message me back anyways)

What do you think of my plan? Should I visit her in 1 week or wait and visit her in 2 weeks? She is a solid 10 and shes very easy going so everybody hits on her so Im scared someone will get her.

Thank you for your advise guys and sorry for the long post.

 

[Mr. oblivious]

I called her like 40 times over the week. We talked after she returned from her trip and she told me I was invading her space so much she didnt want to continue in the relationship.

I kept messaging her and sending her needy messages for the last week.

as you said in the post you have kinda dug yourself a whole because you probably lost of signs of manly hood in her eyes

you became needy

Tell me what do you think of my plan: I am planning on appearing randomly in her apartment and see what happens (will automatically try and kiss her, dont know what her reaction will be, she probably will stop me).

If you ever want to date her again do not i REPEAT DO NOT DO THIS
cause you already have come off as needy if you randomly turn up at her house i think she is likely to move you from the needy category to the creepy/stalker category and you might end up with a restraining order.

I will be trying to upload some pictures with some female friends to try and make her jealous.

That might be beneficial but i think you should use this hurt which you are obviously experiencing and channel it into improving your game so you can avoid situation like this in the first place.

i think for a least 2 months avoid all contact with her got out and meet new women i think chase wrote an article about situation like this and why you need to go meet more women. (go on the website you should be able to find the one im talking about fairly easily)

Just start working on you game seeing more women
become a man

If you do this you never know when you meet her next if your attitude had changed and you appear dominant and not weak and needy like she probably think you are now you might be able to get her back. (you would need to play your cards right as well)

In addition you might start picking up girls which you later find out where much better than her anyways. (less time and effort and you may experience better company)


Stay strong i know its rough breaking up with someone but stay strong everyone here on the forum are here for support and guidance you can do it

 

[Mr. oblivious]

This is the discussion me and Charly had via inbox im posting it here with his consent just incase i have given him any counter-intuitive information.

i just replied to it funnily enough

some of it may seem brutal in your current state but you need to bounce back.

You will notice in life that there are millions of people out there so if you hit a bump like this try take it on the chin use some time to reflect on what went wrong and try improve on it so it never happens again

Thanks a lot for your help Yoda. You can see that I'm really desperate hehe trying to do everything to hang tough. What was so hard is that we were really good friends and it developed into a relationship.

I will work on me and maybe in a couple of months we'll see what happens.

On a side note her birthday is coming up in a month don't know what your advice would be regarding this, I already have a small gift (I always plan well ahead for everything). Should I just throw It away or send it to her with a brief message? Should I write her or call her on her birthday?

Thanks a lot buddy

I will work on me and maybe in a couple of months we'll see what happens.

Just a side note if you do see her in a couple of months try act as you would when you where just friends e.g. be warm give her a hug when you first see her (probably nothing sexual) just so she might start doubting the image of the needy you which she saw before and after you broke up

and if she mentions any of that just try brush it off or change topic because its probably just a shit test

On a side note her birthday is coming up in a month don't know what your advice would be regarding this, I already have a small gift (I always plan well ahead for everything). Should I just throw It away or send it to her with a brief message? Should I write her or call her on her birthday?

This is something you should ask probably the more experience members on what to do

I don't recommend calling her

maybe send the gift and write a few words like "you know i like to be prepared early so i already bought this a while ago and didn't want it to go to waste" and probably happy birthday in there nothing more.

if you do this i wouldn't ring or message her etc or comment or message her on facebook

cause she would likely message you first to thank you

 

[charlyjunior]

Ok one LAST thing (at least for now) from my part on this topic. As i mentioned I texted her a ton and didnt get any answer so Id say we arent in great terms I know she reads them. Chances are I will probably meet her in the future and dont know if I should send her a last message saying something like a goodbye for now or working on my shit, dont know. Or just let it as it is.

Thanks for all your help

 

[Mr. oblivious]

Ok one LAST thing (at least for now) from my part on this topic. As i mentioned I texted her a ton and didnt get any answer so Id say we arent in great terms I know she reads them. Chances are I will probably meet her in the future and dont know if I should send her a last message saying something like a goodbye for now or working on my shit, dont know. Or just let it as it is.

Don't bother.
The next time you contact her should be in person once you have worked on your game and your a dominant, sexy man which ever girl at the party wants a piece of. (and not at her house probably at a random party she happened to attend as well )

 

[Franco]

charly,

This sounds like the typical sinking ship of a relationship when a guy becomes too needy. The problem with these things is, there's really no going backwards.

Lots of guys like to believe that they can change (which they can) and then show the girl that they've changed. The problem with the second part of this statement is that, you'll end up spending a ridiculous amount of time trying to show a girl that you've changed, but she will ALWAYS be skeptical no matter what you do, and that will eventually lead to the downfall of your relationship anyway because she's likely to meet another man who won't be needy from the get-go, and he'll automatically have the upper hand no matter what you do. And in that case, it will eventually lead you to more heartache.

The fact that you've labeled her as a "10" already shows us that you've placed her on a pedestal that no other women can achieve, and that is absolutely not the case -- those of us more advanced members are speaking from experience. You only label women as a "10" when you don't have confidence in your ability to pick up other women who are just as attractive and amazing as the one you had. In all likelihood, this girl is probably very far from a 10.

The best advice you could receive is to chalk this one up to a major learning experience (although an emotionally tough one) and the realization that you have to work on yourself and become a man that has plenty of options with women so that he doesn't find himself calling a girl 40 times a week, especially when she isn't answering the phone. No matter what number the girl may be on an attraction scale, this type of neediness will always send your relationship with her down the path of destruction.

If you work hard, you can use this website to make sure that something like this never happens to you again. =)

- Franco

 

[daviddreamer]

Good advice Franco.

To the OP if it makes you feel better I lost my EX in a very familiar way. I became needy, thought she could "never be replaced", and thought I lost someone "special". I went through a long phase of heartbrokeness and trying to fix it and it just dug myself into a deeper hole as Franco also mentioned to you.

Some time later and now I am engaged to a new woman who was 10x better then my EX who I love dearly. But even still I know that SHE is replaceable, that she is NOT THAT SPECIAL.

And its made my relationship for the better by making me stronger

 

[Casanovelis]

Tell me what do you think of my plan: I am planning on appearing randomly in her apartment and see what happens (will automatically try and kiss her, dont know what her reaction will be, she probably will stop me). I can visit her in 1 week or in 2 weeks and we broke off 1 week ago. I will be trying to upload some pictures with some female friends to try and make her jealous. In the meantime I wont be messaging her (she doesnt message me back anyways)

What do you think of my plan? Should I visit her in 1 week or wait and visit her in 2 weeks? She is a solid 10 and shes very easy going so everybody hits on her so Im scared someone will get her.

Thank you for your advise guys and sorry for the long post.

I am completely empathetic to your situation. I went through the same damn thing about 5 months ago. She moved, I didn't go, then decided I made a mistake. By then she didn't want me. Turned cold against me and eventually stopped answering my multitude of messages. MY PLAN: DRIVE 4 HOURS ACROSS STATE AND SHOW UP TO HER APARTMENT TO TALK TO HER IN PERSON. You want to know how that worked out? She was extremely cold and told me how rude it was that I showed up unannounced. Im standing there crying at her front door and she is running her fingers through her hair in a condescending way, telling me how she has moved on and it is too late. HUGE ego boost for her. Somebody I helped through tough times and loved very much, even when she moved. When she wanted me to come join her I would still call and make sure she was alright on her own. We were pretty close and were together quite awhile. By the time I arrived she could give a shit less about me. Women are like this. They are COMPLETELY emotion based. Where reason would dictate that you would still make contact with a person you have so much history with and once cared so much for and did so much for you, emotion tells them to turn completely cold if you aren't going to fill a need in their life. I feel for you man I really do but the cold hard fact is that it is over and there is no going back. FIND another girl. My mindset was I was fighting for "us" even though she wouldn't respond and showing up in person would mean more. Move on man, and if you have to go do it because you need to see it and get closure.