FR  Lower your standards, date hotter girls, the first step


Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
Feb 5, 2017
New York City
So I approached this girl in a real nice red dress-like outfit last week. I had to chase her down, but she seemed cute (not as cute as I usually go for, but I'm trying to lower my standards a bit to go on more dates, and tbh she actually was quite cute), and we had a solid conversation. She was in a rush so I grabbed her number and told her we would grab drinks.

Texting was uneventful since I've got my texting process in place. I set up a date near Union Square.

We met up, and I gave her a hug and told her she looked nice. We got to talking, and I think she was leading the conversation more than me, which I need to improve on. She was definitely asking more questions and it felt like it was 70-30 me to her when it should have been the other way around. She found out early that I'm much younger than her, since I showed a picture of me at a young age. I've got to be more cognizant of this and keep that info in the dark for a little more time until it's less of a deal. I tried to play it off by saying she was a cougar, but after that she started treating me more like a younger person, which was not good. She still was receptive to my touch. We talked a lot about travel, but I was having trouble coming up with other topics to talk about. Need to work on leading the conversation more. Deep diving was okay, but there was not enough sexual tension involved. I asked about her family, and what she would have done if she could be anything, along with how she likes her current job. Most of the conversation was around places we've traveled and food we liked. She wants to visit India, so I do think she is biased towards Brown guys. I also seeded a pull by mentioning that my apartment has a great view, that I'd show her my dance videos, and that I'd show her my bungie jumping videos.

We had a brief conversation about me approaching her, and how it was quite courageous on my part. I gave her a line I learned from someone else: "I got bored of tinder, so I started swiping in real life", but I think I implied that I approach a lot of girls, which made her not feel special. I need to improve on how I handle this test, since I think I'll get it fairly often.

We switched venues, and I think the second venue is quite good. Way more of a loungey feel and more sexual. I think I'll make this place my first venue, and phase out the chocolate bar I've been going to. The chocolate bar feels to platonic. At the second place we get glasses of wine. I see two of my friends, who are also on dates. I mention that NYC is nice because there's a built-in discretion because anything that you do is completely between you and yourself. We talk to the friends, and their dates for a few minutes before grabbing someplace for us to stand by ourselves. I increase touch a lot more, touching her belly, and grabbing her hands at points, and she responds well. But I still don't feel sexual tension. Definitely something I have to work on fundamentally.

After we finish our first glass, I try using a yes ladder by saying it's too early to call it, and that we're having a lot of fun. So I invite her to have some wine at my place and enjoy the view. I don't say this well though, so she rejected it, but suggested we get another glass of wine. It was not the best excuse, and I think I should have used one of the videos for the pull instead. We grab a second drink, and I play off the rejection as nothing. We're talking again, and after we finish the glasses of wine we head out, and then go our separate ways.

Not planning on seeing her again, because trying to get better at first dates. Plus she wasn't up to my long term standards, so I don't want to settle. Either way, a good reference point, and a fun way to get back into it.

Learnings: need to get better at building sexual tension. Need to lead conversations more. The venue that I pick should be better. I think those three are the big ones that I'll work to improve.

I have another date on Thursday, so I'll read up on those topics before that.