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Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Jun 24, 2019

So this happened on a Tuesday, right after a wedding I was at (where I also had a lay - not going to write about that one as I don't really remember the finer details). As always I've posted the text exchange and will provide analysis throughout. Looks wise I'd say she's probably a 7/8 to me, so pretty cute, 24 (I'm 30), keeps fit.

Monday Sept 2nd - She likes one of my photos and I match

Me: Chokers, one of my few weaknesses. How was your weekend XXX?
Her: Excellent! I love discovering people's weaknesses! And I needed the affirmation, I was starting to wonder if I wear chokers too frequently
Her: My weekend was great, had quite a few celebrations with friends before I went back to work. How was your weekend?
So, this is pretty high investment from her so far, so I give back equally high investment.

Me: Is that so? And what's your weakness, besides hunky guys with dimples...
Me: Same, couple birthdays and heading to a wedding this upcoming weekend
Me: If only we had talked sooner, could have been my +1 ;)

Her: I have many and am not afraid to admit it. Dogs, babies, Mexican food, you name it
Her: Well that's exciting! Where's the wedding?
Her: Truly a shame another weakness of mine is open bars

Me: Careful, I may just show up on our first date with a puppy, tacos, and a cute toddler to woo you
Me: [Wedding destination], and I'm flying in :)
Me: Open bars and excellent dance moves I hope...

Her: I'm fully ok with you exploiting my weaknesses, I'll bring the chokers and you bring all that. Sounds like a fair exchange to me!
Her: That's nice plenty of time to enjoy the festivities then! Whose wedding is it?
Her: No, sorry, I'm only into mediocre dance moves

Me: Sounds like we'll get along great on our romantic date then ;)
Me: On of my best friends! Should be really fun, and I'm happy for him
Me: Hmmm, well if I'm leading you around the dance floor they'll be slightly above mediocre
Me: I'd have to show off your stylish dress you'd wear somehow

Her: Definitely a recipe for success
Her: Aw that's great, I'm sure it will be an awesome weekend! Are you in the wedding party then?
Her: What if I like to lead?
Her: I don't but hypothetically

Me: Yeah should be a great time. Only family in the wedding party :)
Me: Even if you like to lead, you'll like it better if I lead
Me: But we can hypothetically practice that on our hypothetical romantic first date

Her: Do you go to [wedding destination] often?
Her: So many hypotheticals! How do we make them a reality?

Me: Ive never been, so popping my [wedding destination] cherry this weekend!
Me: We can start by you giving me your # to set up grabbing a drink together

Her: Well you'll have to let me know how exciting it is in [wedding destination]
I tried to match her investment in texting, that's why some of mine are a bit long. And this exchange took place over a few days. Overall I'm happy with my messages, and then we move over to texting.

Me: Hey XXX, it's Jacob Palmer from Hinge (rose emoji)

Her: Hey! How's your day going?
Her: Is that a Bachelor rose or something?

Me: Good just got home and about to pack
Me: Yup, narrowing it down to the final 16
Me: What are you up to

Her: Very exciting! When do you fly in how long does it take to get there
Her: Wow so close to the end of your journey

Me: I fly out tomorrow at 10:40 and it's about a 40 minute flight :)
(here she texts me while I was in the middle of responding completely)

Her: Still deciding what to do! I accidentally fell asleep when I got home from work because I was so tuckered out

Me: I know, I have high hopes for you though
Me: Hmmmm
Me: Well this is a bit last minute
Me: But if you swing out this way I'd be up for grabbing a drink/dessert with you after I'm done packing

Her: Oh ok that's not too bad at all! Maybe it can be your hot new vacation spot
Her: Thanks I'm here for the right reasons and I hope I can get the final rose
Her: Oh unfortunately I told my friend I would go out with her, when I said deciding I meant how long I could put it off for haha
Her: Where is "this way" anyways?

Me: You're adorable :)
Me: Perhaps we'll fly out for the honeymoon after the final episode
Me: Breaking my heart XXX (broken heart emoji)
Me: This way is [my city]

Her: Wow a [wedding destination] honeymoon immediately after the finale, truly the most dramatic season ever
Her: I'm sorry I guess it will have to be after the wedding, it's for the best you'll be in such a romantic mood
Her: Oh ok, where in [my city]?

Me: True, our first date is going to be way too romantic
Me: Well if I'm being specific
Me: [my address]

Her: Where is the wedding? Indoor, outdoor
Her: Wow you really went above and beyond with answering my question thank you

Me: Outdoor I beleive
Me: Well if you're going to do something, better do it as good as you can ;)
Me: You're [her city] right?

Her: Aw that will be nice, hope the good weather holds up for it!
Her: That's a good attitude to have haha
Her: Yep, I'm in [her city]
Her: Let me just send you my gps coordinates to get o nyour level

Me: Well we should get together when I'm back
Me: Do you like wine?

Her: Yeah, that'd be great, when are you back?
Her: Of course! I am a woman with a pulse after all

Me: Back Sunday afternoon
Me: Let's split a bottle and some vegan dessert at my place then
(I double text here the next morning on Saturday)
Me: What's your schedule like next week

Her: Ooh sure, sounds good. Are you vegan?
Her: I'm fairly free in the evenings just have to be home and in bed relatively early to wake up early for work the next day. How about you?

Me: Mostly vegan yeah :)
Me: I'm the same, some evenings I'm free
Me: What does relatively early mean to you?

Her: Oh cool! I can't say I've ever tried because I love cheese and drink milk all the time so I haven't tried the alternatives
Her: I try to go to bed around 10/10:30 on work nights but I've only been back at work for a week so we'll see how long I can keep it up haha

ME: There's definitely some amazing alternatives out there :)
Me: Almost too addicting sometimes
Me: Ok that works, I wasn't thinking later than that anyway
Me: How about I text you Sunday when I'm back and we'll make plans

Her: Sounds intriguing! Ok sounds good. Have fun at the wedding!

Me: (blowing kiss emoji)
(not sure how I felt about this one after I sent it, should have gone with just ":)" or a "Thanks!"

Later that day before the wedding

Me: [selfie of me dressed up for the wedding]

Her: Very dapper! ["ok" emoji]
Overall I'm happy with this text exchange as well. It's fun and flirty where it needs to be, but mostly just sorting out logistics.


Me: Morning XXX, hope you had a good weekend :)
Me: Free Tuesday/Wednesday/Thursday for that wine and dessert?

Her: I did thanks, how was the wedding?
Her: Yep, either Tuesday or Wednesday works for me

Me: The wedding was awesome, had a great time
Me: Let's do Tuesday (tomorrow) then
Me: I'll pick up the dessert after work
Me: Let's start at [restaurant in my city] for a drink at 6, sound good?

(the reason I switched from my place to a public place to start is because I recently got torn a new asshole by some chick after I invited her over to my place straight away instead of out somewhere public. I think I'll stick to public meets on future dates anyway going forward though and then bounce to my place)

Her: Good to hear!
Her: Sure Sounds great! I'll see you tomorrow then!

Me: you bet :)
Tuesday at 9

Me: Morning XXX, see you later
Me: If you beat me there grab us a seat at the bar
(Standard text the day of the date I send, as I want to confirm plans and also want to sit side by side with her so that we're close)

Her: Have a good day, see you soon! Will do

Later on

Me: Running slightly behind
Me: Let's push to 6:15

Her: No worries see you then
I pull up and see her walking towards me as I get to the entrance. She looks great in a skirt and crop top type thing. We exchange pleasantries and head inside, and I lead her slightly putting my hand on the small of her back. We grab a seat at the bar and make small talk while looking at the menus. She seems really shy/nervous at the beginning so I keep things light until our drinks arrive.

(Side note, I also felt a bit off at the start of this date because once I sat down I saw this girl who I fucked up with due to terrible texting across the bar at another table. Hurt my heart a bit actually as I really wanted that one, but oh well)

We talk about work and what we enjoy doing, I go through a few of the standard date questions posted before on GC, a few of my own questions. One question I love to ask is "What do you genuinely admire about yourself?" for a good deep dive. Throughout the interaction I can see she's slowly opening up and gradually get more physical, with some brief hand holding about 20 minutes in (but I pull away at some point).

One interesting convo we had was about the "onion layers" of a person, in which case I asked her "So what's the deepest layer of you, like, that one thing that makes you, you?" I can't remember her answer :S but when she asked me I paused for a bit and then said "Persistence and Dominance." Then she wanted to know more but I kept it pretty vague with a sly smile on my face.

About half an hour in we finished our drinks and I said I have that vegan dessert at home, let's bounce there. So we left and I end up driving her to my place (she took the bus to meet me).

We get in and I go to the washroom (I like this move because it gives her a bit of space once we arrive at my place). After I'm out I pour us a small glass of wine and bring out the dessert. I motion for her to sit down on the couch side by side and we're pretty close. We talk a bit more while drinking wine and eating the dessert (BTW I can't stand how this girl chews, I've never been annoyed with someones chewing before but damn it was loud lol). this goes on for about 30 minutes.

The close

There comes a point where she just finishes her wine and puts the glass on the table, and then I just go silent and look at her until she looks back at me. I hold her gaze for about 3-4 seconds and slowly go in for a kiss. She complies and we kiss, and I make sure that it's deep, but that I also pull back. When I pulled back she immediately chased my lips, so I kissed her again and pulled back, where she chased once more. So I was pretty sure it was on. We make out on my couch for about 2 minutes until she straddles me, then another 5 minutes here where I'm touching her and giving soft bites on her neck and hands/arms, but I just lift her up and carry her to my bedroom. I strip her down and finger her a bit while standing over her, and stand up, take off my pants, grab her hair, and make her blow me while talking a bit to her (good girl, your mouth feels great, fuck this is good etc). Then I throw on a condom and we fuck. No LMR and we have pretty great sex - she's thin but has a great body. We fuck in a few positions and she loves it, can't stop moaning and saying how good I feel. After about 25 minutes I cum in the condom inside of her.

We eat ice cream in bed and talk a bit more afterwards, just to build comfort. We talked about past relationships and what we're both looking for (something casual but maybe more over time). She told me I'm the first guy she's slept with on a first date which was cool, and that she liked how dominant I was throughout the whole night. One thing of note that I asked her was:

Me: So when did you know you wanted to sleep with me?
Her: When I saw you walking up to the restaurant
That was sweet of her. :)

I then drive her home around 9 (we met at 6:15), and talk about smallish stuff like music and how I always get lost while driving. She texts me after I dropped her off:

Her: Thanks for the great night :) Hope you found your way back to {my city] quickly and are not stuck in the suburbs of [her city]!
She was fun and I'm setting up a date #2.

Hope there were some nuggets you can all use here! And as always provide feedback or ask questions.


Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Aug 25, 2019
New Zealand
Fuck This said:
Atta Boy JP.

Quality Report and Execution.
I second this sentiment.

And I actually lol’d on the Bachelor rose, narrowing it down to the final 16 exchange. Absolute gold.