Maintaining eye contact without being too intense?

[leverage]

Hi,

I've recently received feedback that I've come across as too intense with my eye contact during conversations. My posture is generally relaxed and I maintain a warm smile. I am quite sure that I break eye contact every now and then.

Could the problem be that I tend to look right into the other person's eyes instead of the bridge of her nose, between her eyes? Or are there other likely causes/reasons?

Greatly appreciate any advise on maintaining eye contact while not coming across as too intense; yet without appearing to be scanning.

Thanks and kind regards.

 

[Achilles]

Hi,

I've recently received feedback that I've come across as too intense with my eye contact during conversations. My posture is generally relaxed and I maintain a warm smile. I am quite sure that I break eye contact every now and then.

Could the problem be that I tend to look right into the other person's eyes instead of the bridge of her nose, between her eyes? Or are there other likely causes/reasons?

Greatly appreciate any advise on maintaining eye contact while not coming across as too intense; yet without appearing to be scanning.

Thanks and kind regards.

If people are saying that you come across as too intense with eye contact, then it's not because of where you're looking, but how. You can look right into their eyes; most people don't look at the bridge of someone's nose during conversation. So it's about how you're actually making the eye contact. I suggest relaxing your eyebrows. This is a big one. If you have a frown or look serious during eye contact, it can be perceived as intense. If you have big, bushy eyebrows, then you can also come off this way.

I also suggest not maintaining eye contact for too long, as this also can be seen as intense. Make eye contact, and then break away, usually horizontally. Never look down, as this shows submission.

 

[PrettyDecent]

Hey Leverage,

Just adding to what Achilles said...don't keep staring at her if she looks away. Rule of thumb is, when she is talking, don't break eye contact unless she does. And if you are talking, look at her 70% of the time, and look 'horizontally' 30%. It shouldn't feel too forced.

Jake

 

[Franco]

Hey leverage,

As an added note, sometimes this may have almost nothing to do with your eye contact and rather the vibe you are giving off with your facial expressions. Are you giving a sexy smile during sexual innuendos or things that you both find funny? I've found that some guys tend to get "too serious" with their gaze to the point of it seeming unnatural and creepy. I would maybe try mocking a conversation with yourself in the mirror and look at your gaze/smile to make sure it's coming across as sexy but warm.

- Franco

 

[Anonymous]

Emotional state. Your eyes are one of the most powerful vehicles for transferring emotion (emotional contagion). If your internal state is really off, you're going to transfer those feelings to the person you're making eye contact with. I would play around with the way you look as well. Looking directly at someone's eyes alone doesn't make it intense. It's the kind of force and intention behind the look. It shouldn't feel forced, or like you're confronting someone. It should be focused but relaxed, a soft gaze. Soft, sexy eyes, not confrontational. It's ok to blink, but when you blink, blink a little more slowly.