Making a girl thing you're in a relationship when you're not

[MisterX]

I just read the latest article Having Lots of Dates in Short Amounts of Time and I gave it a little thought.


I thinks it's okay if you just want to have sex with some girl, but you really want to sleep with her. Maybe she has an amazing body, face,big breasts (this is big In my country women are thinner and girls with nice bodies and D cup breasts are supper rare - maybe 1 out of a few thousand. I've never honestly in my 21 years seen a girl with nice body and D cup breasts, and here breast implants are not used), butt, etc.

BUT she really likes you and wants you as a boyfriend. So she'll make you work for it and she'll make you wait like a month to sleep with her.

This means you screwed up and couldn't stay out of "boyfriend material".





Honestly I think it's perfectly fair for you to act like her boyfriend and act like you're together, while you date and sleep with other girls. You keep the pretend a month or two (depending how much she makes you wait) and when "she's ready" you sleep with her and if she's not amazing you can just tell her you aren't going to work as a couple.

I don't recommend telling her that you lied to her and pretended, you just tell her you aren't feeling it.




And why shouldn't it be fair, I mean she's manipulating you to become her boyfriend by withholding sex and basically tries and controls you with that.

So I think it's perfectly normal and acceptable that you just play along and play her game - give her what she wants until you have sex with her.



Some may say it's too much work but it's not .

You go out and meet other girls during that time and sleep with other girls. Just when you have some free time and no plans you go out with her and spend time with her. Plus you know that you just have to keep it up and use the techniques to make her fall in love with you. So she feels comfortable and safe and feels you are really together and in love with each other, so she's be willing for you two to have sex. And if you really like the sex you can keep it up or you can just "brake up" with her.





What do you think?

Is this acceptable or fare? Cause I seriously lack empathy for girls but I don't think that this will hurt a girl or will make her feel bad, right?

It was her who made it like that by deciding to withhold sex and rope you in with it, right? And she made you wait for so long and in term make the two of you get to know each other and gave herself time to get to know you and fall for you. If she just gave it up early she wouldn't be in that situation.


Wanting to hear what other people think and sometimes I can be a bit of heartless and don't have much clue what is morally right or wrong.

 

[Ross]

Re: Making a girl thing you're in a relationship when you're

I believe that you are saying that the concept is to continue on in the potential boyfriend zone, let her handle the relationship and when to meet up, all while continuing to sleep with other women.

It's an interesting concept, however; what reason does she have for sleeping with you if you are already in that role? If she can easily slot you into a friend role, and a provider role, she isn't going to care much about the lover role. She'll find other men for that, just as you found other women for sex. Friends and providers don't make for good lovers. This stretches their roles too thin, effectively making them worse at each role.

I've seen this situation play out, and let me tell you that it was certainly weird from my perspective of a student of seduction. This guy, albeit he had an extremely natural, genuine man feel to him (aka perfect boyfriend candidate), started talking to a former casual lover of mine. She was the type of girl to go after what she liked, so she actively pursued him to become a boyfriend. The difference between this situation and yours is that he didn't invest any time into the friend role or the provider role. He simply acted as a lover would, but he didn't move very fast. This led to her sleeping with other, less attractive men in the time frame, and eventually she decided to try and have sex with him so that he would become her boyfriend. Long story short; he failed to disqualify himself as a boyfriend, he had sex with her all the time, she fell in love with him, an the rest is unwritten.

Meanwhile, I disqualified myself as a boyfriend right away and had a casual fling for a couple weeks that was mutually enjoyable. All good feelings; but this man didn't realize the potency of what he was doing. He ended up getting a headache over trying to just have sex with her, and it didn't really blow up in his face. She wants him, badly, to this day. And that's not such a bad thing to have as an individual. But, for her, she can't help but want him because she can't. It's a difficult situation.

I'm not saying whether or not his route was better or mine. My gut tells me, since he has the power of choosing what to do with her, his route was better. However, this man had fundamentals which were way better than I did at the time. Ultimately, I took away that it is the hope of a relationship that keeps them returning. He left hope with her by being mysterious about his intentions, while I flat out said No to every opportunity.

So, I would venture to say that in order for your method to work, you need these things:

- Only offer value as a lover.

- Disqualify yourself as a boyfriend; but don't completely shut down the possibility at every possible point like I did. Instead, allow for a little mystery. Tell her your just not into relationships, but don't explain why. Leave it at that.

- Still move towards intimacy. Don't just sit around waiting for her to make a move.

Even with all that, it's still better to sleep with her ASAP. A lot couldn't gone wrong in his situation where he wouldn't end up sleeping with her. He was the right man at the right time in her life. Meanwhile, I didn't leave room for her to get into a relationship; I slept with her within 2 days of knowing me. Move faster, be in more control.

 

[MisterX]

Re: Making a girl thing you're in a relationship when you're

The thing is in eastern Europe where I live things are much different.

Here things go like this in like 90% of relationships:

- boy likes a girl
- girl likes him also
- boy asks the girl out/ or the other way around
- they go out
- the go on 2-3 dates and then kiss
- they go on a couple more dates and make out
- they start dating and spend lots of time together and only kiss and touch each other
- after 1 month of exclusive dating or month and a half they start having sex

basically if you go out on 3-5 dates you're 100% to start dating and have sex. And the moment you go on a date with a girl, she won't go out with another guy.Just the way it is in my country or culture. But there are girls that will sleep with you fast, just these are not the kinds of girls that will be fateful and relationship material. Normal girls that are are most of them won't sleep with you until she thinks you're together in a relationship. And I have experience with girls and having sex fast, but I've thought about trying to meet normal sweet girls that are relationship material, cause I really'd prefer the love and relationship rout but things had fallen in a way that I started just having lost of sex and never thinking about relationships.

So there is super little chance she'll get swept of her feet by another guy, since sexy men are soooo rare here and even if there are they don't have the balls to use day game - they only approach at University or in clubs and I only do day game.

This is like literally every relationship except with the girls that are dtf on first dates and don't mind it. OR with guys who are really sexy and dominant (which is like 1-2% of men)


And I wasn't saying not to escalate but some girls no matter how much you escalate and try to move to intimacy they won't let you until a few dates or until you've started dating.

 

[Franco]

Re: Making a girl thing you're in a relationship when you're

Hey MisterX,

You keep the pretend a month or two (depending how much she makes you wait) and when "she's ready" you sleep with her and if she's not amazing you can just tell her you aren't going to work as a couple.

I don't recommend telling her that you lied to her and pretended, you just tell her you aren't feeling it.

I feel like you're wavering a bit on the situation it is you are trying to present. In one regard, you are giving a situation where you're saying the guy knows for sure that he wants nothing more than sex with this woman and "pretends" to play the boyfriend role to achieve that goal. But you also mention that he only leaves her if she's "not amazing." These two situations can't co-exist at the same time. The guy has already either decided (for whatever reason) that this woman is not girlfriend material OR he has decided she is girlfriend material, or he is still unsure about it.

So, to answer your question:

What do you think?

Is this acceptable or fare? Cause I seriously lack empathy for girls but I don't think that this will hurt a girl or will make her feel bad, right?

No matter what you do, if you spend time with a girl and set the expectations that you are going to play the boyfriend role, sleep with her when she believes you are going to go with it, and then not fulfill that role, then you are going to hurt her. That is just the way it is. By playing the boyfriend role, you are giving her time to develop feelings for you and ultimately decide when to have sex with you at a point where she feels like (or hopes) she won't lose you. If you suddenly have sex with her (especially multiple times) and then just cut out, she is going to feel like you weren't giving her what was advertised.

As to whether or not this is acceptable? Well, I think that depends on which of the two scenarios above is the one you are asking about. If you are playing the boyfriend role while knowing for sure that you do not want to be this girl's boyfriend, then I believe this is unacceptable. This is exactly what girls fear the most, and it is exactly how you hurt a girl. You make her believe you are going to be one thing, you take what you want, and then you walk away. You're better off aggressively pursuing a one-night stand or a short, casual fling rather than playing the boyfriend role and breaking her heart. At least she can have reasonable expectations of what the relationship is between you two if you just come over, have sex, and leave.

Now, if the situation is that you are unsure of whether or not this girl is girlfriend material, so you play the boyfriend role, end up sleeping with her and spending some quality time with her, but then end up finding out she's not really what you want, then that is a bit of a different animal. To be honest, you really should try to minimize this though because the result on the girl's end is still the same: you break her heart. This is one of the reasons that Chase emphasizes that you find what qualities you want in a girlfriend before you actually try to get one -- you should know beforehand what you are looking for so that you can screen specifically for those women and not break other girls' hearts in the process.

And why shouldn't it be fair, I mean she's manipulating you to become her boyfriend by withholding sex and basically tries and controls you with that.

So I think it's perfectly normal and acceptable that you just play along and play her game - give her what she wants until you have sex with her.

...

It was her who made it like that by deciding to withhold sex and rope you in with it, right? And she made you wait for so long and in term make the two of you get to know each other and gave herself time to get to know you and fall for you. If she just gave it up early she wouldn't be in that situation.

You are confusing manipulation with screening. This is her screening process. By going with you on multiple dates without having sex, then she is showing you that she wants a boyfriend. I don't see how there is any manipulation on her part.

An example of a girl manipulating you would be her telling you she is on the pill when she really isn't, having sex with you, getting knocked up, and then telling you that you have to raise her child. She advertised that she wanted sex without the risk of pregnancy or having to raise a child, then does the exact opposite. That is manipulation.

So in summary, playing the boyfriend role just to get sex (without any intention of actually becoming her boyfriend) is indeed manipulation. If any guys did this to any of my close female friends in a way that completely broke their hearts, you bet your ass I would be coming after them. With that being said, if you happen to sleep with her with the intention of her being a "possible" girlfriend, but then find out later that she's not "really" what you want... well, then that is part of life. But I suggest you avoid this type of scenario as much as possible because you will still be breaking girls' hearts in the process. Real, genuine men don't do this.

I hope this provides some insight.

- Franco

 

[SteveUno]

Re: Making a girl thing you're in a relationship when you're

Franco, you hit the nail on the head.

Great insight as always.

 

[MisterX]

Re: Making a girl thing you're in a relationship when you're

Now, if the situation is that you are unsure of whether or not this girl is girlfriend material, so you play the boyfriend role, end up sleeping with her and spending some quality time with her, but then end up finding out she's not really what you want, then that is a bit of a different animal. To be honest, you really should try to minimize this though because the result on the girl's end is still the same: you break her heart. This is one of the reasons that Chase emphasizes that you find what qualities you want in a girlfriend before you actually try to get one -- you should know beforehand what you are looking for so that you can screen specifically for those women and not break other girls' hearts in the process.

that's the problem, year-two ago every girl I knew I wanted as a girlfriend I got the love at first not sight but date, and when I thought about it every one of those girls I got that feeling with was the same exact type of girl with pretty much the exact same characteristics.

But after I dropped the weight, got sexy, learned how to seduce girl and going out on dates and sleeping with girls I stopped getting that.


I mean in the pas year or so of going out and sleeping with girls I haven't gotten a single girl that I've had this feeling- "whoa I really like her and want her as sth more that just fuck buddy".


I don't know why that is maybe it's my attitude, maybe it's me not having a scarcity mentality anymore, maybe it's that I haven't in that year gone out with a single girl that is my "relationship type". I've been on like dates with 40-50 different girls (not slept with, just dates - slept with like less than a third - I know it's bad but I'm still learning) but all those girls were the party type or club queen and honestly that's not my relationship type. I mean if she's hot I'm attracted to her but would never even think about dating her. The girl I'd date I've been avoiding like the plague. Not sure why. Maybe fear from past experiences where I've gotten hurt. Or maybe even though I've been getting girls I don't think I'm a nice person who deserves a nice and loving girl.




The thing is I have some issues and am far from perfect. So I still need a lot of self improving and trying to fix myself.