Socializing Making New Friends

[Estate]

I'm in the same boat. I've steadily been making progress lately.
I've posted before about it but it's a tough one because most places you go people will say things like "Join a club" and people will assume you magically make 100's of new friends instantly when that's not really true.

I agree that all of Chase's advice is great but it does assume you have a "base", but what if you're totally fresh to a new place... you don't know anyone... it's difficult to start.

I'm still working on it but here are some things I've found valuable:
- Definitely offer value. It's almost like when you're a kid and never learned game... you meet a girl you like and want to buy her something nice. It's not quite the same but when you meet anyone, you have to be offering them some value, not taking it. By this I mean small things, like I got chatting to someone lately about a tv show. It turned out that they liked it too but hadn't seen the new episodes, I said I'd throw them on a flash drive for them, they really appreciated it. Something like that is no big deal, I'm not going out of my way to do it but it means there's some small shared interest and there's a reason to swap numbers and meet up later.
Often when trying to make friends people take value by wanting something from the person or group (i.e. invite me out!)

- You have to make all the first moves. It's tough but it's just like picking up girls. Others won't make the first moves. Either they have friends of their own and don't actively seek out new people or they are just as shy as you. Be the first to say Hi, be the first to suggest meeting up again or swapping facebooks or whatever.

- Go to random events and gatherings. It doesn't even have to interest you, just go. You'll feel more social the more you're out and about and you'll begin to see familiar faces over time. I joined a few meetup groups, they aren't really thrilling but it's nice to just meet a few people I'm now familiar with. I also go to tech meetings, they aren't super thrilling but they are related to my job and are actually a big help in staying current with the industry. But now I'm beginning to run into the same faces even if it's mostly "business". It's a good way to network.

- Introduce people to each other. I've found this is a big one. If you vaguely know 2 people from different circles, introduce them to each other.

- Actively be the one to set a meet up. This one sucks for me. I never liked being the leader before but try to embrace it a little more. If you do run into someone and just chat with them in passing, if they seem cool, be the one to suggest grabbing a coffee or watching a game or whatever, don't wait for them to do it.

As for where to meet. It depends on your interests but really, just talk to everyone everywhere. You need to just be talkative in general. The people I know who make friends easily are usually th ones who talk the most crap... I don't mean that in a negative way, I just mean they are the ones who are always talking, about anything and nothing all at once... but it means they are constantly chatting to people.

It's way too late, that's my initial few thoughts, hope it helps, I'll try give more context tomorrow if I can.

E.

 

[Tyme2k]

Estate has hit a few great points.

Eye contact is a major factor, people want to know you care to listen and if you are attentive not really focusing on other things or the environment, they don't want you to leave.

Chase had an article about talking to other men and a great question I have been asked by social people and I always ask men because it gives the greatest responses, "Oh? How did you get into that?" I have had 30 minute + interactions starting with this comment then using active listening. Most people this happened with are now good friends.

I'd like to add touch. When I meet someone new or reconnect to someone I've met before, I use a handshake you see used by Bill Clinton. It's a full bodied handshake. Starts with traditional right handshake, take your left hand and lightly place it on they back of the elbow. Make strong eye contact with a nice friendly smile. Its best to be facing them or slightly offset with your left shoulder a bit closer to them as you extend your left arm. You can watch History channel documentary if you want to dive deeper. It's long, but interesting.

Video by RSD Brad about this too http://www.rsdnation.com/brad/blog/goin ... lone-again

 

[Chase]

Fox-

Moved this to the Socializing Board.

If there's a thread on this already, let me know. I couldn't find one by searching!

See this post by Estate: Meeting people/new friends in a new city.

Thing is I can't figure out how to start doing this with somebody I don't know!

I put my process on this there as simply as I could put it - here's an example on bars:

When you're out at bars, keeping an eye out for guys who are actively approaching women and who strike you as cool / normal / not weirdos can be another one. I wouldn't advise mentioning PUA to them, unless you do it in a super-smooth way, as not everyone thinks that PUA is a "cool" thing; many guys who are naturals think it's a bunch of nerds online trying to learn how to talk to girls. Instead, just tell the guy you like his style and offer to buy him a drink ("Let me buy you a drink, man"). Be interested in him. Mention a few things about girls so he doesn't think you're gay. Trade cell numbers with him and tell him you guys should hit up the bars sometime... then instead of hitting up a bar, try and invite him to do something chill near where he lives, like grab some lunch at some cool little cafe or taco shop. Get to know him as a person. Then party with him another time.

It's the same as meeting girls. You connect, form a bit of a bond, make plans to meet up another time, grab his contact info, and text him later for logistics.

Only thing you don't do is flirt

Chase

 

[Estate]

Fox! Well done!
Don't stop there, for the first time ever I actually am now friends with multiple groups of people... it's really great, I get invited to separate events and things... so don't stop at just one party

You're question though... deep diving. My simple answer, try not to over think it.
With guys, they are usually happy to just vibe and shoot the sh*t. Usually in a party environment if you can just tell a few fun stories or if you're totally lost, just pick out a few girls that look hot, or get him to wing you and go approach them.
I think that helps guys connect a lot more than asking them their inspirations and dreams.

With girls it's a yes and no. Personally, at loud or party style venues, I find deep diving in a serious tone very difficult ut I know some guys on here have said they can make it work.
I feel like at a high energy party you just need to match other peoples energy and they'll like you pretty easily.
To deep die you need to be able to move the girl to a quieter location and have her invest a little in you to WANT to leave the party to sit with you... easier said than done sometimes but you'll get there.

Well done so far, jut keep doing what you're doing, sound like you're making some progress.