Making Sure Deep Diving isn't an Interview

[Smurf]

Hey guys.

Usually when I deep dive, I feel like I'm interviewing someone for a job. Maybe that's my tonality I need to fix, or maybe it's just the way the questions come out. I'll try to fix either/both of those things but does anyone have any tips on how to make deep diving seem more natural? Any tips are helpful.

Jake.

 

[flowerpower]

Try using statements more instead of questions.

 

[Smurf]

Hey flowerpower,

That sounds pretty interesting and I might use it. Could you go into a bit more detail, maybe an example?

 

[flowerpower]

Well, there isn't much to explain. Basically, instead of "Is such and such a difficult job?", you say "Such and such seems like a difficult job" or "I heard such and such isn't quite an easy job as it seems", or whatever you happen to believe. You ask something, she answers and tells something about her, and you share back something related to what she just shared with you (your thoughts, an experience you had, or a friend had, and so on), instead of asking another - generally unrelated - question; and that makes for a normal conversation. We are often too anxious to please, to find a connection, etc. and should learn to lay back. By the way, as has been said countless times, you don't need to do all the talking.

 

[moonrayarc]

i think these are the keys to keep deep dive really cool :
- Ask open questions that lead to whether long answers, or answers that appeal to emotions (for example if she's talking about something she's really enthused about like travelling, it doesn't matter if you bombard her with questions)
-Relate, with reflexion or projection or even with " yeah , that's sounds amazing"
- be warm, and by that i mean facial expressions and tonality that show you are following and that you are attentive
-mix it from time to time with cold reading, small banter, little witty remarks or at best chase frames, these lighten the mood

if you have already have job interviews, you must have noticed that the interviewer tend to be very cold : his facial expressions, tonality, body language give the impression that they are just completing a task, regardless of the person in front of them