Making Sure She Doesn't Feel Trapped

[AsianPersuasion]

About two months ago, before I actively started working on pickup, I was going on dates to try my luck at turning them into one night stands. Back then, I made the mistake of not letting one know she had a way out and not picking up on her subtle implications that she wanted to stop.

After I accidentally let it out that I had run out of time for the date, she resisted when I suggested parking the car so we could make out. I always imagined resistance to look like a girl flat out saying no and giving me body language that indicated she was closed off or irritated. This one gave me the same body language, but told me "I don't want you to get in trouble" which I took literally instead of seeing the hint behind it.

Despite the great connection her and I made, she later revealed I made her feel manipulated and extremely uncomfortable, and we haven't talked since. I don't want to do that to another girl ever again.

I have three dates coming up, and I'm not about to let my good relations with that last girl be lost in vain, so I want to make it very clear that she has a way out and that I'm not trying to trap her. Instead of kissing at the end of the date like I did before, I'd kiss her in the middle and continue kissing her throughout, escalate somewhere secluded, and suggest going into the car when I feel she's warmed up.

I also thought of preemptively offering her my pocketknife in the beginning, telling her "Look.. I'm an incredibly impulsive guy who acts upon his emotions when he feels them. I made the mistake a long time ago by not letting a girl know she had a way out, and I don't want to do the same to you. No matter what happens today, I never want you to feel trapped, okay?"

Anybody have any input into whether this is a good idea or not? Car sex will be my only option for most dates in the near future except for one that owns her own place.

 

[Nuncle]

Really, really don't bring a pocket knife into the interaction in any way, shape or form.

That said this is an issue that bothers me. If you are alone with a girl and being persistent, perhaps at your place, how do you know she is not just going along with you because she fears things might get nasty if she doesn't?

Would be interested to see an article on the whole issue actually.

 

[AsianPersuasion]

Me too. I mean, if I could find a vacant place with a bed and all, she'd have the option of either walking out or kicking me out if things got bad. Since my only option is the car I'm driving though, the chance she feels trapped is very high.

Thanks! I'd love an article about this too because I'd hate to get in trouble for making her feel that she has no way out.

 

[Franco]

AP,

I also thought of preemptively offering her my pocketknife in the beginning, telling her "Look.. I'm an incredibly impulsive guy who acts upon his emotions when he feels them. I made the mistake a long time ago by not letting a girl know she had a way out, and I don't want to do the same to you. No matter what happens today, I never want you to feel trapped, okay?"

On this website, we highly value what Chase refers to as "Walking the Line". This means almost all interactions you have with women will have a "middle" ground between the most extreme decisions, and whenever you're confused about which direction to go, you should always avoid the two extremes and go for something in the middle.

In your first interaction with the girl that you "trapped," you went to an extreme on one end and made her feel like she didn't have a way out. This is okay; you were learning. You'll probably never see that girl again, so I wouldn't worry about it. However, your above suggestion would be moving to the exact opposite end of the scale and doing the other extreme. As a matter of a fact, if I was the girl and you did what you mentioned above, I would be totally freaked out. This would be much worse then trapping the girl in your car without a weapon. As Nuncle mentioned, definitely leave pocket knives out of any interaction you have with women.

Always walk the middle ground between the two extremes -- in this case, that means making sure she has a way to walk out of the situation on her own at all times as well as not be afraid to escalate and touch her body. In the situation you described below...

Since my only option is the car I'm driving though, the chance she feels trapped is very high.

...I remember you saying that you were driving while you were escalating. Not only is this not safe for the both of you, but she is unable to get out of the car on her own since you are still moving. This is why she felt trapped. You need to be parked with your doors unlocked while you escalate.

That said this is an issue that bothers me. If you are alone with a girl and being persistent, perhaps at your place, how do you know she is not just going along with you because she fears things might get nasty if she doesn't?

If you have a girl alone at your place, then there's a high likelihood that she's already willing to sleep with you, so she's already decided awhile ago that you aren't a "creeper" or someone she fears. You would have to switch gears pretty hard at the last minute in order for her to see you under a different light. As long as you are constantly flashing sexy smiles and letting her "move away" from you when she is resisting during escalation, then you should be fine. You stay where you are, let her come back to you (and maybe even throw in some light, verbal teasing and flirting to do that), and then continue trying to escalate. If she really feels uncomfortable, then she can leave on her own. As long as she has that option, I guarantee you she won't feel "trapped."

- Franco

 

[AsianPersuasion]

Thanks for the in depth response Franco, I'll leave the pocketknife at home then. Once again, the two of us won't have any place alone besides a car, so I think at the end of the date I'll ask if she knows a park or something close to her house. No more kissing and driving hahaha. I'll focus on kissing her throughout the date to warm her up to the idea, and I'm still debating on whether or not I should escalate outside the car in some corner first, or just ask her to show me us to the park and escalate there.

Hopefully, I'll be posting a LR later tonight. If not, I'll get as damn close as I can