Male Aggression and Going After What You Want

[NewBeeWinner]

Hey guys,

For some reason, when I look at other guys and how they act, I just don't have that aggressive masculine edge to me. I'm not an angry person and I have a pretty decent handle on my emotions. Granted, I still have my occasional vices, but I'm even working hard on those to rid of them. I do go after what I want in life and am not afraid to take a chance and step out and do something (like learning seduction or starting a business). I'm into doing outdoors things (like camping, hiking, wilderness survival) and did martial arts for many years. I wrestled, did track, and currently am into running and have a regular workout schedule. I take cold showers and have been trying to get better about my diet.

But for some reason, I just lack that "give me what I want now or else" vibe. I don't have that edge - that desire to push through regardless of what anyone says. I'm having issues in my seductions taking things to the next level by pushing/working through resistance or when things get sexual, by showing my more dominant side and taking a woman regardless of what she says. I'm just so calm and focused all the time, I have a hard time showing those rough, edgy emotions.

When I had my LR- with sexy photos girl, she called me a "nice guy" and it really bugged me. It was because when I had the chance to push her up against the wall and really take her or to say "hey, stay right here while I put this condom on and wait" or be more commanding in order to get a LR, I didn't have that drive, desire, or edge in that moment. In my recent FU with the married woman, I didn't push past her easy resistance to take the lead and let things drop.

It's not that I can't lead or don't know how, but I just lack that drive, desire, emotion behind it. Looking at my environment, it's hard for me to express myself as a man and my dad isn't the best role model in this area. He gets angry, but can't control is angry at all. That's not what I need or want to replicate in my life, so I've become very emotionally level. Not to say it is my parent's fault, but I'm just pointing out what may be contributing to it.

I'm not sure how to fix this. Any ideas/tips/people who've dealt with this?

NBW

 

[DoWhatWorks]

Start by making small goals, before hitting them and snowballing that into bigger things.

You want to programme yourself to get high of wins and getting stuff done as your mind will be like: “wow that was amazing... what else can I do?”

As that’s what dominance is about... Getting what you want.

Working out and tracking how much you lift is a quick way of doing this as it’s a fun game where you see the tracked numbers get bigger. Great natural testosterone booster too.

In terms of seductions, push yourself to be a little more assertive and dominant and allow yourself to enjoy it. IE pinning her hands above her or light chocking if she s into it. When you see the positive reaction it will act as a re-enforcement to your dominance and make you feel more comfortable with cultivating it.

Good luck!

 

[Chrance]

@NewBeeWinner

One way to look at it is that being on the attack is often way better than being on the defense. Sports like wrestling you can see this clearly, where being aggressive and taking the opponent down first often gives you an edge for the rest of the match.

I recommend regular exposure to activities where you really need to be “on the attack” or aggressive to get anywhere. Everyday, after 4:00-5:00pm I always either:
(1) Sarge or hangout with a gf/fb
(2) Exercise (swim or lifting)
(3) Surf/snowboard/dangerous-outdoor-activity
(4) Do or join a Social gathering

Or a combination of the above. In general I do whatever I can to avoid those days where after work you’re just lounging around doing nothing but mindless junk. Even going for a walk isn’t acceptable. After work is time to “live life”. Keep in mind exercise can become very mindless if your not engaged. I think competitive exercise like playing soccer or doing a sport with friends is the ideal.

Then there are irregular bonus activities that are also very helpful, such as:
(A) getting a new better job or furthering your career
(B) Selling something for good money
(C) Creating something cool
(D) Standing up for yourself (plenty of opportunities right now with Covid to do this such as telling someone to fuck off or mind their business)
(E) Doing something bold and crazy such as jumping off a cliff into a river
(F) Running a présentation, meeting or design-work at work

The regularity of doing activities that reward being aggressive is key. You just need more and more exposure to that kinda thing, which includes more painful LMR-

 

[DarkKnight]

Get yourself frustrated.

 

[ulrich]

I’m not sure what you need is aggression.
It sounds to me that what you are looking for is to be able to lead.

Perhaps just a change of mind.
Despite what modern society will tell you, women like to be led... women like to be told what to do.
This is different from men. Men need to feel respected.
Women need to feel safe and cherished.

It is OK to be bossy around women.
If you really love them, try giving them orders. Start small but learn to ask for ever bigger things. You will be surprised.

 

[dingdong]

Hey guys,

For some reason, when I look at other guys and how they act, I just don't have that aggressive masculine edge to me. I'm not an angry person and I have a pretty decent handle on my emotions. Granted, I still have my occasional vices, but I'm even working hard on those to rid of them. I do go after what I want in life and am not afraid to take a chance and step out and do something (like learning seduction or starting a business). I'm into doing outdoors things (like camping, hiking, wilderness survival) and did martial arts for many years. I wrestled, did track, and currently am into running and have a regular workout schedule. I take cold showers and have been trying to get better about my diet.

But for some reason, I just lack that "give me what I want now or else" vibe. I don't have that edge - that desire to push through regardless of what anyone says. I'm having issues in my seductions taking things to the next level by pushing/working through resistance or when things get sexual, by showing my more dominant side and taking a woman regardless of what she says. I'm just so calm and focused all the time, I have a hard time showing those rough, edgy emotions.

When I had my LR- with sexy photos girl, she called me a "nice guy" and it really bugged me. It was because when I had the chance to push her up against the wall and really take her or to say "hey, stay right here while I put this condom on and wait" or be more commanding in order to get a LR, I didn't have that drive, desire, or edge in that moment. In my recent FU with the married woman, I didn't push past her easy resistance to take the lead and let things drop.

It's not that I can't lead or don't know how, but I just lack that drive, desire, emotion behind it. Looking at my environment, it's hard for me to express myself as a man and my dad isn't the best role model in this area. He gets angry, but can't control is angry at all. That's not what I need or want to replicate in my life, so I've become very emotionally level. Not to say it is my parent's fault, but I'm just pointing out what may be contributing to it.

I'm not sure how to fix this. Any ideas/tips/people who've dealt with this?

NBW

Porn/masturbation maybe?

 

[ulrich]

I wonder if we’re equating aggression with being ambitious.
I see the reasoning behind but I think that’s plain wrong.

 

[West_Indian_Archie]

I just lack that drive, desire, emotion behind it

1) How much attention are you paying towards your food, exercise, and mental diet?
2) How many attempts have you made in trying to do whatever you're trying to do?

WIA

 

[NewBeeWinner]

@DoWhatWorks

From your points, I agree getting small wins and building momentum is super helpful. I notice mornings when I get a lot of things done, the rest of my day goes way smoother and I feel a ton better. I also agree I need to, in my seductions, allow myself to be more dominant AND letting myself enjoy it. This might've been something I'm missing.

@Chrance

This is a really good point. I'm not actively involved in anything like what you suggested, so implementing more dangerous activities or at least activities that I can become more intense in would be good to put into my life. So the key here is implementing these kind of activities more regularly. This is definitely something I'll be doing.

@uriel

Also a valid point. I've been feeling like I need to move to more compliance based game and start using more material from that. I've been generally making the change to using more indirect-style game and been really trying to make sure I match a girl's interest. So combining that with compliance game should make a big difference!

@Peterdk234

Possibly. I've been actively trying to cut this out as much as possible, but it is still something I occasionally struggle with.

@West_Indian_Archie

To my exercise, a lot. I've been doing really good on that part. Diet I don't have full control over yet (still at my parents), but I am actively trying to be more selective about the foods I eat. Once I move out (the goal is January), I'll have more full control over this. Mental diet I also do pretty well on. I'm not huge into social media, politics, television watching (I actually read a ton more), etc.

But to your other point, I guess only a handful of times. I don't have tons of experience being sexually dominant (although I do have some) or inviting women home and closing the deal a lot (because I usually have to escalate in an unusual location or go back to her place). Of course, this'll change when I get my own place, but until then, you're right I don't have tons of reference points. So actually building up experiences like that should help.

In Summary

1) Work on building more momentum throughout your day and enjoy letting yourself be more dominant.
2) Build in more regular activities that are more dangerous or allow you to be more intense in, where aggression is rewarded
3) Use more compliance based game as I make the switch to indirect-style game
4) Continue cutting out porn/masturbation
5) Focus on getting more reference points of being dominant (in not only seduction, but other areas of life as well)

Thanks guys - this is actually super helpful. I'll work on each of these and see what kind of differences it makes.

NBW