Meeting better FRIENDS

[Estate]

Hey guys,
When I started to get a real handle of this stuff a while back, part of it was just beuilding new friendships. I had moved to the US from Ireland. I had plenty friends but slowly they began to fade away as people moved back home and on to other jobs, etc.

So while getting better with and meeting more women was PART of it. The other area I started building my life was just meeting new friends, guys and girls.
So I'm about 12 months on from REALLY taking handle on this area and I have met so many people and have a really good social circle. There's always stuff to do, so it's all great on that front.

The down side is this. While I love my guy friends and we have a lot of good times, they can be draining on some fronts. I don't discuss PUA with anyone but they know I'm reasonably good with meeting women. The thing about me and meeting women is that it's always been a very personal thing for me. I don't spend all my time discussing the girls I've met, I don't really bring many women out with me unless I'm getting more serious with someone. I just keep it to myself.

On the contrary... my friends seem OBSESSED with it lately.
- They constantly chase the same girls without success and moan and are depressed constantly about it.
- Every plan involved going places where women are. Like, they would never agree to some sort of "guys" night or activity because they want to go where there will be girls. Ok, I guess... but when we DO go where women are, they moan that "there's no women here, we need to go somewhere else".
- They constantly moan about the lack of quality women everywhere we go. (Which I don't agree with, they just won't talk to them).
- They constantly go on about how they want to go to other cities and countries... "Oh the women are SOOO much better there...", grass is always greener syndrome. I've been in enough cities/countries to realize there's good and bad everywhere, no place is "better", every place is just different.
- If they so much as get a whisper of me meeting a girl, they hound me for information, which I don't like sharing. (e.g. A few weeks ago, we were at a party, I had slipped away and made out with a girl I met but I took it no further so made nothing of it. But later was interrogated by 2 of my friends how I had cock blocked them, they had a crush on her apparently, I was unaware, they had only met her that night and were afraid to talk to her.) Every time I have met one of those guys over the last 3 weeks, he's grilled me about it. I make nothing of a make-out. We made out, and left it at that when we were interrupted, I did't go back for a number or anything. I gave it no more thought, but they are STILL thinking about it... I don't get it!?!?

And the list goes on... It's draining.

My friends though, range from all places, walks of life, professions, etc...
But there's one common factor with guy friends. I never find guys who are "good" with girls, guys who have abundance and can just get on with life.
For example, since the new year, I've actually cut back a lot on late nights, clubs, etc... I've gotten into more sports and other interests and am interested in saving some of the money I spend on these night out. But my ability to do that relates to my skills with girls. I no longer feel like I need to be out partying all the time. I can do OTHER stuff and STILL meet women, and if I DO go out at night, I know I can meet people... so I just don't need to do it constantly. It's a great feeling.

Anyway, long story short though...
How do I meet more guys like this? I meet lots of guys in the city, even guys that... on the outside, appear successful, powerful, high power guys. Yet once you get to know them, they are mostly all the same. Not good with women and it seems to RULE their life.
I'd just like to meet more guys that can have fun, shoot the shit, do guy stuff, and when we want to meet women, we can, because it's not a big deal. I'm just growing frustrated at having no guy friends like this. Every time I meet friends lately, it seems to be all about listening to their woah and complaints about women. It's very draining.

 

[Franco]

Estate,

I'd just like to meet more guys that can have fun, shoot the shit, do guy stuff, and when we want to meet women, we can, because it's not a big deal.

This is actually extremely difficult to find; essentially, you're trying to find the type of guys that we are building on this board. And we all already know, there are very few of us out there. There are some naturals out there who are just really, genuinely good guys who are fun to hang out with, but I've often found the same thing that you have: most guys are almost always about women (and aren't necessarily very good) or they're not about women at all.

I would try to keep my eye out for guys that maintain both of the good qualities you're looking for as you might be able to find one through steady networking, but in the meantime, I would suggest what I do instead: keep two or more different social circles.

I have lots of friends, and I already know which friends I like to do certain activities with, and I only hang out with specific friends in the environment that I like to hang out with them in. So, in your case, I would probably start trying to build a new social circle with guys that just like to play or watch recreational/professional sports, and when you're in the mood to do that, hit up those friends and see what they're up to. Then, if you want to pick-up women, hit up your friends who like to hit the bars and meet women. Keep those social circles separate (unless you know one of the guys in one social circle enjoys doing both -- you can invite him to meet the other circle).

It's good to have different groups of friends who like to do different things so that you know who to hit up when you feel like doing something. Relying on one circle of friends to enjoy doing everything you want to do when you want to do it is only going to leave you disappointed most of the time, unfortunately.

- Franco

 

[Eric]

And we all already know, there are very few of us out there.

Post 999? Going to celebrate the 1k?

I took a different approach, rather than trying to find new friends or fix my current ones I just dropped them all. I disappeared and became a training hermit.

I actually enjoy life 10x better, it's liberating.

 

[Mr.Rob]

I took a different approach, rather than trying to find new friends or fix my current ones I just dropped them all. I disappeared and became a training hermit.

I actually enjoy life 10x better, it's liberating.

I have to agree with Eric here.

It teaches/shows you can be happy by yourself, granted that you know in the future you won't be alone forever. Also allows total focus on whatever it is your trying to achieve.

Though I guess it's not for everyone.

 

[Estate]

Thanks Franco,

Yeah, I do have a several social circles depending on interests but do try to mingle them if it suits. I was a little surprised though.
I started very early with just going to Meetup events and stuff and I guess I figured I wouldn't find many of the most alpha, confident people there but it was a good start. As time went by though I began to expand where I'd try to network and meet people.

I guess I just found it odd. I've tried getting in with more of the business types in the city as it helps to network and get contacts for my career path too, but even then... I guess I just expected that when I began meeting more people who had a little more pull in town that things would be difference. Right or wrong, I felt that guys with a little money, good careers, own nice things, etc, even if they don't have massive game would at least compensate with a really good lifestyle, but in this regard, they are no different to the socially awkward guy you'll meet at a meetup event. It's a tough one...

 

[TheWiseFool]

This comic of a quote by Timothy Leary explains exactly how I feel about your post.

Just keep searching, they are out there. How do I know? Because I've met a few people. I'd say 4 or 5 at the max. Sure the number is small, but I'll take quality over quantity ANY DAY! Mix it up and try different places: the library, nightclubs, take a class, sports teams, people at the gym, google places and activities you are most likely to find optimistic people. And if you can't find them, know that the internet is always a place for you to cut distance and connect. Examples: youtube channels, girlschase, some video games out there. I know Richard, Tool, and Dave all chat on Xbox live which is certainly the closest anyone can get to socializing with guys here on the forums ^_^

When I initially read your post, I was thinking, "What if there was a community of like-minded individuals from GC?" But I know that nothing is perfect and problems come with any package. You just gotta look at the bright side of things. That's how any of us make it through this journey called life no?

 

[Oskar]

I've been in enough cities/countries to realize there's good and bad everywhere, no place is "better", every place is just different.

"Better" comes into play when you consider certain ends and your values though. One city can be better for practicing seduction than another, while another can be better for starting a certain type of business in. Prices vary, people vary, opportunities vary... cities vary. But I get your sentiment.

To weigh in on your actual point though, I think that location plays a huge role in connecting with people of compatible spirit as, even if you can find some people in your area of a compatibly free spirit, in a region, for example, where obedience to the social narrative their society gave them is socially policed to a hostile extent, the cool people trying to write their own story will have to put a lot more of their energy into protecting themselves from their environment just to maintain a modicum of their positivity and productivity than, say, if they were living in Venice (or any city where lots of different people come together and need to be less judgmental because they're constantly interacting with all sorts and it's a more immediate disadvantage).

For example, where I live now (mid-sized mid-western town), the few cool guys I know have to put a lot of their effort into protecting themselves from ladder-climbers and social vampires, and end up closing themselves off from most social events, as most people are hostile towards (i.e. jealous of) their type of social value, and these guys are usually annoyed by, or simply can't understand, the incessant whining of many of their peers (but they of course know how to deal with it). Usually these types realize moving as the path of least resistance and either head off to find greener pastures or resolve themselves to a war of attrition because they lack external momentum.

These relationships can be made and maintained focused around productive work: collaborating on a project, through your job, working out, etc. My favorite way of maintaining these types of relationships is to, every month or so, go for a few hour walk with one of them and simply have a productive conversation. But for meeting them -- referral seems to be the best solution here.

So you've got the overall hostility index of a region towards those walking their own paths, but there're also ever-changing pockets of cool people inside those communities, and you can usually find them based on the questions you/they ask. That is, the problems you try to solve. Sometimes that problem is simply how to maintain a higher level of entertainment, sometimes it's how to deal with the hostile/unfamiliar community around you (think ex-pats), or maybe it's how to make an interesting new type of hip hop. These can be both implicit and explicit, and when new members come along this "question-complex" shifts, develops new nuances, breaks apart, and generally changes.

I usually remind myself when I go out primarily to meet new people (which is rarely -- even for pick-up I'll give myself an excuse like I'm going to the library, going to read a book and looking for a good place to read it, or going to listen to some music and walk around) that the problem I'm posing (Where will I go to make new friends and how will I befriend them?) is one that most people ask in one way or another, so it will lead me to all sorts of people. Happily though, like attracts like. However, it can still be annoying when you can't find like when you want to.

I agree with Franco that partitioning your relationships into different functions is super important. When you don't have a variety of relationships you tend to put a lot more pressure on the ones you have, which can be good, and it can be bad, depending on how compatible you are. However, variety is the spice of life, and if you compartmentalize things you'll be able to build stuff up and be relatively fine if one partition loses its value to you or blows up in your face every now and again.

-Oskar

 

[trashKENNUT]

Estate,

IF Franco, Eric or Chase were to meet me and know that i have no friends or acquaintances, They will probably think i am a social outcast because people see what i do, and they see i have no friends. So yea, Chase said you need to be able to go out alone and stuff, but what i presume is that he wants you to have a diversity of friends on the way to finding quality friends.

What Franco said, yea. I can tell you i have zillion and zillion of acquaintances. People think i am popular but truth is i only have a few close friends. I do have tons and tons of social circles and acquaintances, and yea i hang out with them on what we excite about, but to find guys who are good with women? i think there's only a billion of us in this 7 billion earth filled people.

I agree with Eric and Franco, Needing to go out alone is one thing, Having people who have your interest and go out with them is another. It's a matter of finding them at the right places.

So don't worry about having to stay or stick with a certain social circle, Just politely turn them down and spend your time more on which circle benefits you

Zac