My first post here; short background - was in a ltr with an hb9 from 14-25. After reading this stuff and opening my eyes to the world of what women find attractive, I'm surprised she stayed with me that long. Anyways since I didn't have much of a relationship with my parents, I used ours to fill that void...so I fell pretty hard when we broke up...including dropping out of med school. I went on a few dates when I was 26 but nothing led to anything...I didn't even go for a kiss. Lol literally 3 days after I split with my ex, I was in bed with a cougar (smokin body, everything waxed, nice fake Ds) and she had my hand rubbing her pussy but I was too depressed to get into it, so we both fell asleep. She told me I would regret it...I agreed with her and yep, I sure as hell regret it now. Oh well, live and learn. The last 2 years I've been focused on my career so I haven't been getting involved with women. Couple of FWBs (actually about to go see that one now) but nothing that will lead to a meaningful relationship. So basically I'm 28 and have never really learned how to pick up women. I've been intimately involved with them since I was 14 so I'm comfortable being around them, but I still lack the basic skills to pick one up.
Here's my latest:
It's still going to be a few months before I have time to start pursuing women, but there was a restaurant I was eating at a couple months ago, and right off the bat I could tell the waitress was into me. We talked for a little bit, I left without getting her number b/c again, no time. Returned back a month later, she made sure to serve me, joined me at the table, practically had a little mini date there; her eye contact was good, she was smiling, and even touched my leg a couple times when she was laughing. Finally, thinking that I may regret not going after her, I tell her to put her number in my phone, which she eagerly does. I hit her up a couple days later, she responds, we bs with maybe 2 or 3 texts throughout the week. Then I tell her that I'll make some time for her that Sunday. Unfortunately my schedule didn't open up until 10pm, so I hit her up and she said she's meeting a couple of her friends at a local bar. Cool, figured I'd swing by and say Hi.
I stop by, she's all smiles the whole time, talking about herself quite a bit, flirting some more, holding her hand up to mine (I"m always teased about my big hands), etc. We're having a good time, she karaokes after a few shots (has a great voice), comes back, keeps looking into my eyes. Shortly after, a song came on that someone else was trying to sing, which I then moved my chair behind hers, wrapped my arms around her, resting my neck on her shoulder and sang the song softly in her ear. Once I finished she turned around and practically shoved her tongue down my throat...haha, was way more that I was expecting and didn't really reciprocate properly (My kissing seemed too modest compared to her aggressive). So we hang out until the bar closes, I end up taking her home, she suggests I go inside. As soon as we get there, she hops on the bed, I tell her I had to use the restroom and would be right back out. Maybe 3-4 min pass by, I exit the restroom, she's snoring on the bed.
Fuck.
I shake her a little, she was completely unresponsive. So I held her and went to sleep. I love cuddling up with women, don't give a shit if that's beta or not, it's never gonna change.
She wakes up shortly after I do, as I'm putting my clothes on. She tells me to stay, pulling me back towards her, but I tell her I gotta go to work (in hindsight, I should've just called in late). But I end up crawling back into bed with her for a few more minutes. I rub her back, then kiss it for a couple minutes (she was wearing a dress that exposed most of her upper back). When I leave we hug goodbye.
Throughout the next week, we text a little more, she calls me while I'm at work, had a fun conversation (lasted 17 min instead of the recommended 5, but eh). Asked her that next saturday if she wanted to grab a drink. She said yes and we hung out again for a few more hours, talking and enjoying each other's company. Again she's putting her hand on me when she laughs, and she was smiling at me while maintaining good eye contact, but didn't seem quite as into me as the last weekend. One thing I remember specifically is she was talking about how she thought it was best waiting for marriage before intercourse. It struck me as odd coming from her, b/c I'm 99% sure she's pretty sexually active.
When we left she asks me if I'll be sober enough to drive back. I tell her I wasn't sure (I was plenty sober) and she says I can stay at her place again since it was just down the road. Naturally I obliged. I made sure to use the restroom before I left this time. Once we got there, though, she just crawled in bed with her back towards me. I, once again, wasn't sure how to handle this, and she fell asleep within a couple of minutes (though acknowledge she could've also been faking it). If I moved in closer to her, maybe 30-45 min later she would subtly inch away. I honestly didn't sleep much that night b/c I was so stressed out of where I went wrong or if I could even make a move. Seriously I don't think I've ever experienced that much anxiety before in my life...it was kinda pathetic. She had to wake up early to get to work. Since her alarms didn't wake her up, I did, and was planning on making a move, but never really saw any interest on her part, so I backed down.
Thinking that she may have mixed feelings about everything (me rejecting her or whatever) I walk her back to her car, tell her that I usually don't go for her type but that there was something special about her that I liked, put my hand behind her head and brought her in to kiss me (it was a quickie). She said that she'd text me at work when she was bored (ouch) and that was the last time I saw her. She did hit me up asking how my day was. I was busy at the time, but replied back later that night by teasing her and asking what was up? That was a little over a week ago and haven't heard from her since. I haven't attempted texting her either though.
If you're still reading this, thank you. I literally have nobody to talk to about this stuff so I'm letting it all out here. Here's the thing, I know she was heavily attracted to me and I can't see how all of that would fade away so quickly. There's a part of me that thinks I can recover this, but I'm curious as to what you guys would suggest since you're way more experienced. This is just a huge chess game to me, and I don't think she has me in checkmate yet. But I'm not sure what my next move should be.
-Yes, I need to quit being such a pussy, grow a pair and make the first move. I'm struggling with that but am actively working to correct it.
-I also have a difficult time leading. I honestly couldn't give two shits where we go or what time we leave, so if I'm having a good time, it's difficult for me to lead somewhere else. She pretty much lead every step of the way, so I messed up there as well. (Suggested her apartment and waited until she felt like leaving each venue before leaving)
-Other thoughts or criticisms?
I'm honestly not looking to be a player, I'm more of a family man. But if this is the stuff I have to learn to get what I want, so be it. Might as well enjoy the ride.
So far I'm pretty sure I'll swing by her restaurant this next saturday or sunday, talk with her, tell her that she didn't do anything wrong and that I wasn't mad at her, just that I'm really busy right now (which is true, I am). I was hoping by saying this it would turn the tables...? Since she never replied my text, but yet I still act like I was controlling the situation by suggesting it was me that wasn't texting her. I dunno, still new to this game. And then try to set something up from there, which hopefully I'll stop giving a crap about what I think she's going to think of me and just do what I want us to do.
So....thoughts?
Here's my latest:
It's still going to be a few months before I have time to start pursuing women, but there was a restaurant I was eating at a couple months ago, and right off the bat I could tell the waitress was into me. We talked for a little bit, I left without getting her number b/c again, no time. Returned back a month later, she made sure to serve me, joined me at the table, practically had a little mini date there; her eye contact was good, she was smiling, and even touched my leg a couple times when she was laughing. Finally, thinking that I may regret not going after her, I tell her to put her number in my phone, which she eagerly does. I hit her up a couple days later, she responds, we bs with maybe 2 or 3 texts throughout the week. Then I tell her that I'll make some time for her that Sunday. Unfortunately my schedule didn't open up until 10pm, so I hit her up and she said she's meeting a couple of her friends at a local bar. Cool, figured I'd swing by and say Hi.
I stop by, she's all smiles the whole time, talking about herself quite a bit, flirting some more, holding her hand up to mine (I"m always teased about my big hands), etc. We're having a good time, she karaokes after a few shots (has a great voice), comes back, keeps looking into my eyes. Shortly after, a song came on that someone else was trying to sing, which I then moved my chair behind hers, wrapped my arms around her, resting my neck on her shoulder and sang the song softly in her ear. Once I finished she turned around and practically shoved her tongue down my throat...haha, was way more that I was expecting and didn't really reciprocate properly (My kissing seemed too modest compared to her aggressive). So we hang out until the bar closes, I end up taking her home, she suggests I go inside. As soon as we get there, she hops on the bed, I tell her I had to use the restroom and would be right back out. Maybe 3-4 min pass by, I exit the restroom, she's snoring on the bed.
Fuck.
I shake her a little, she was completely unresponsive. So I held her and went to sleep. I love cuddling up with women, don't give a shit if that's beta or not, it's never gonna change.
She wakes up shortly after I do, as I'm putting my clothes on. She tells me to stay, pulling me back towards her, but I tell her I gotta go to work (in hindsight, I should've just called in late). But I end up crawling back into bed with her for a few more minutes. I rub her back, then kiss it for a couple minutes (she was wearing a dress that exposed most of her upper back). When I leave we hug goodbye.
Throughout the next week, we text a little more, she calls me while I'm at work, had a fun conversation (lasted 17 min instead of the recommended 5, but eh). Asked her that next saturday if she wanted to grab a drink. She said yes and we hung out again for a few more hours, talking and enjoying each other's company. Again she's putting her hand on me when she laughs, and she was smiling at me while maintaining good eye contact, but didn't seem quite as into me as the last weekend. One thing I remember specifically is she was talking about how she thought it was best waiting for marriage before intercourse. It struck me as odd coming from her, b/c I'm 99% sure she's pretty sexually active.
When we left she asks me if I'll be sober enough to drive back. I tell her I wasn't sure (I was plenty sober) and she says I can stay at her place again since it was just down the road. Naturally I obliged. I made sure to use the restroom before I left this time. Once we got there, though, she just crawled in bed with her back towards me. I, once again, wasn't sure how to handle this, and she fell asleep within a couple of minutes (though acknowledge she could've also been faking it). If I moved in closer to her, maybe 30-45 min later she would subtly inch away. I honestly didn't sleep much that night b/c I was so stressed out of where I went wrong or if I could even make a move. Seriously I don't think I've ever experienced that much anxiety before in my life...it was kinda pathetic. She had to wake up early to get to work. Since her alarms didn't wake her up, I did, and was planning on making a move, but never really saw any interest on her part, so I backed down.
Thinking that she may have mixed feelings about everything (me rejecting her or whatever) I walk her back to her car, tell her that I usually don't go for her type but that there was something special about her that I liked, put my hand behind her head and brought her in to kiss me (it was a quickie). She said that she'd text me at work when she was bored (ouch) and that was the last time I saw her. She did hit me up asking how my day was. I was busy at the time, but replied back later that night by teasing her and asking what was up? That was a little over a week ago and haven't heard from her since. I haven't attempted texting her either though.
If you're still reading this, thank you. I literally have nobody to talk to about this stuff so I'm letting it all out here. Here's the thing, I know she was heavily attracted to me and I can't see how all of that would fade away so quickly. There's a part of me that thinks I can recover this, but I'm curious as to what you guys would suggest since you're way more experienced. This is just a huge chess game to me, and I don't think she has me in checkmate yet. But I'm not sure what my next move should be.
-Yes, I need to quit being such a pussy, grow a pair and make the first move. I'm struggling with that but am actively working to correct it.
-I also have a difficult time leading. I honestly couldn't give two shits where we go or what time we leave, so if I'm having a good time, it's difficult for me to lead somewhere else. She pretty much lead every step of the way, so I messed up there as well. (Suggested her apartment and waited until she felt like leaving each venue before leaving)
-Other thoughts or criticisms?
I'm honestly not looking to be a player, I'm more of a family man. But if this is the stuff I have to learn to get what I want, so be it. Might as well enjoy the ride.
So far I'm pretty sure I'll swing by her restaurant this next saturday or sunday, talk with her, tell her that she didn't do anything wrong and that I wasn't mad at her, just that I'm really busy right now (which is true, I am). I was hoping by saying this it would turn the tables...? Since she never replied my text, but yet I still act like I was controlling the situation by suggesting it was me that wasn't texting her. I dunno, still new to this game. And then try to set something up from there, which hopefully I'll stop giving a crap about what I think she's going to think of me and just do what I want us to do.
So....thoughts?
Try not to chase her, if you see her you see her if not then you dont, because it can kill attraction like nothing else. That being said goodluck and keep us posted! I'm interested to see how this goes.
