Met a girl at party, really hit it off but she is just getting out of toxic relationship.. HELP

[zach445897]

Hi there,

So last weekend I met this girl at a pool party and we really hit it off. We are both 23 and have some similar friends. I got her number and we started talking heavily for a few days. The conversation was flowing well so I decided to ask her to dinner, to which I got the following response:

"Awe im really flattered (monkey emoji), I just got out of a psychotic relationship 2 weeks ago so I'm really just trying to deal with all the craziness hes been putting me through. I really enjoy talking to you though so I hope it doesnt come off as awful (monkey emoji)."

This is something I know all to well having been in my own extremely toxic relationship, she told me she had to get escorted out the backdoor of a bar because he showed up and wouldn't leave her alone.

I usually know better than to get involved in a situation like this but theres just something about this girl that I can't just say it and move to the next one. I really see something here.

I used to see one of her bestfriends also but it was long before I knew her and the bestfriend has since moved on and we both decided we were better off as friends, this didnt seem to bother her at all as even after it was brought up she kept continuing to make conversation and find out about me.

This past weekend she went to the cabin with her friends and she didnt reply to my message the evening before so I decided to lay off a little, but the next day she snapchatted me so we did that here and there. Last night I saw her at the gym and went right up to her and made casual conversation and it seemed to have gone well. I texted her later on that it was nice to see her and she was really receptive to it and we planned to see eachother at the gym this AM.

That's all the backstory I kind of have on this, I really feel like I can relate to this girl in a lot of ways and that we could be something special. I'm just not too sure how to approach this situation and how much I should be reaching out to try and talk to her or how much I need to layoff and try and make her miss me. This is giving me mad anxiety and talking to girls normally never does that, I just feel that this one is special.

If theres any advice or further questions it would be really really appreciated.

 

[West_Indian_Archie]

>I really feel like I can relate to this girl in a lot of ways and that we could be something special.

You don't want pick up advice. You've already got one-itis.

The Advice in this situation

The player move would have basically been to invite her straight over to your house to chill, smoke some weed/drink some wine, play MarioKart or whatever. Trying to "take her out", or "hang out" would have basically put yourself into boyfriend type situation. That's already the wrong frame of mind for what we do. Or at least what I do.

Whenever I run across this, I'll listen patiently for a bit, but then assert myself, cut her off and say

• "You already sound like you're looking for a boyfriend, listen to yourself..."
• "Both of us know what type of girl you're like when you have no attachments"

The chick can go either way on this, pretend to be conservative or admit her slutty nature.

If she pretends to be conservative, I have reframed that in my own mind as being repressed (because girls like love are obsessed with sex), and hit her with any sort of "freedom speech".

"Have you not ever wanted to be truly free?" (insert some bullshit about traveling, or quitting a job, obvious material downside, but mental upside) - and the chick will fall into the frame.

But...

You've put yourself in the boyfriend zone/one-itis

0) No chick should be considered special until you've fucked the shit out of her FOR MONTHS. You need to be bored with the sex, tired of her face. You need other chicks on your roster to compare and contrast her with.

Do you like her when she's no longer blinding you with lust? When you compare her to Mariya, Olga, and Ludmilla?

This is a zero rule, something I shouldn't have to mention.

1) Girls that have just gotten out of a relationship is looking for D. Non-complicated pleasure. So if a chick is telling you that on the first night, it's the universe giving you a sign. This chick needs some new dick to take her mind off of old dick.

Every girl that I've broken up with up, or broke up with me, was getting fucked by someone else inside of a week, if not 48 hours. Maybe months later she's gonna reflect on whatever, but relationships are nothing and everything, with no in between.

IME, the only time a chick really does some deep introspection (if she has that level of self awareness, which is rare, and now exacerbated by online dating), is if she's at the end of her prime (she's not able to attract the type of high quality men that she could when she was younger)

2) She's not looking for a relationship. She just got out of one. If she wanted to be with that guy, she would have stayed with him, or changed her behavior so as to pleasing to him. She would have let go of self, and let him mold her. That's why a girl that goes out with a DJ wants to learn to DJ. She is fluid looking to fill a vessel.

Post break up - She either wants to be single or she wants to be back with Mr. Toxic (except make him not so toxic, thereby making him beta, thereby she wants to leave because she's bored)

The fact that she's telling you about the relationship, means she's not over it, and you're the emotional tampon.

The fact that you didn't shut it down - change her mood not try to change her mind - means you don't know what you're doing. (which is fine, you're a rookie)

3) If she describes the relationship as toxic (and it may not be truly toxic, you have no reason to believe her or not her believe her) - that's not a girl a rookie should try to bang (because past the sex, she's much more likely to suck you into her reality than the reverse), much less date.

Girls will show you their red flags very early. Drinks too much, too much drugs. Raped, Molested, Abusive/Toxic relationship.

These girls will bring an inexperienced rookie down with their drama, as he tries to fix the problems and ultimately fix her. I've been through it, and a lot of us have. This type of thing was not mentioned back in the day, and doesn't get enough attention. Red Flags sure, but how those red flags suck you into her drama, and how her issues become your issues - which you can't solve, which take you off your mission, which makes her lose respect for you - even after you solve them.

4) The fact that you're talking about VK and Political stuff
- This is online, and you chances of reigniting the fire are low, and entirely up to the girl with very little influence from you.
- Russian (You might be Russian, in which case, good for you. But EE/Russian girls are far more ruthless than their Western Counterparts)
- You're referencing politics to a woman in which politics and current events will never mean anything, and you don't have good operational security.

Avoid this girl, and mess with chicks that don't have her baggage.

If you still want to jump into the fire, just hit the girl up with a no pressure invite. "Me and my friends are.., No need to dress up..."

I don't expect you to heed my advice, as everyone seems to need to learn this lesson via personal experience.

Personal Experience is the best teacher, but the tuition is high.

WIA

 

[zach445897]

>I really feel like I can relate to this girl in a lot of ways and that we could be something special.

You don't want pick up advice. You've already got one-itis.

4) The fact that you're talking about VK and Political stuff
- This is online, and you chances of reigniting the fire are low, and entirely up to the girl with very little influence from you.
- Russian (You might be Russian, in which case, good for you. But EE/Russian girls are far more ruthless than their Western Counterparts)
- You're referencing politics to a woman in which politics and current events will never mean anything, and you don't have good operational security.

Avoid this girl, and mess with chicks that don't have her baggage.

If you still want to jump into the fire, just hit the girl up with a no pressure invite. "Me and my friends are.., No need to dress up..."

I don't expect you to heed my advice, as everyone seems to need to learn this lesson via personal experience.

Personal Experience is the best teacher, but the tuition is high.

WIA

Hi there, I really appreciate the insight and time you took into crafting this response for me. It provided a lot of clarity and I plan to take this advice. A couple questions however:

1. What do you mean by "one-itis"
2. What are you talking about in number 4? We are both Canadian haha.
3. Should I bother reaching out to still attempt to get to know her? I feel like we have a lot of things in common that we haven't yet discussed (based on her socials).

or do you think I just wait to talk to her until she comes to me or unless I have a no pressure plan invite like you mentioned above.

 

[Zoro]

or do you think I just wait to talk to her until she comes to me or unless I have a no pressure plan invite like you mentioned above.

You should forget about her.

West Indian Archie just gave you some wisdom that Gandalf would blush at. Honestly he took every word out of my mouth, and sprinkled some extra magic into it.

Let me give you something practical to chew on. It's going to hurt, and you're going to be caught up in thoughts of her until you meet some other girls and prove to your brain that you have more options.

So to keep it real simple, focus on thinking HOW you can meet some new women, and follow through with it. I promise you, as soon as you meet a new cutie, this one be happily forgotten.

 

[zach445897]

0) No chick should be considered special until you've fucked the shit out of her FOR MONTHS. You need to be bored with the sex, tired of her face. You need other chicks on your roster to compare and contrast her with.

Do you like her when she's no longer blinding you with lust? When you compare her to Mariya, Olga, and Ludmilla?

This is a zero rule, something I shouldn't have to mention.

1) Girls that have just gotten out of a relationship is looking for D. Non-complicated pleasure. So if a chick is telling you that on the first night, it's the universe giving you a sign. This chick needs some new dick to take her mind off of old dick.

Every girl that I've broken up with up, or broke up with me, was getting fucked by someone else inside of a week, if not 48 hours. Maybe months later she's gonna reflect on whatever, but relationships are nothing and everything, with no in between.


WIA

With that being said in #1, how can I counter and switch up this situation so shell have sex with me instead? I've come to the realization that she may not be right for me right now, but im not opposed to rebound sex with her, shes incredibly good looking.

any lines or frames of thought I can plant so I can switch this up real quick before its too late?

We go to the same gym so I will be seeing her in person here and there as well

 

[Zoro]

any lines or frames of thought I can plant so I can switch this up real quick before its too late?

What you're talking about is comparable to carrying a boulder back up a cliff. The time to have it land where you wanted has passed, and trying to "redo" it is almost impossible.

The ironic thing is, the best chance to have things turn around with this girl is to completely move on from her. The reason is because you'll be more likely to grow as a person, improve your game, and have more options and have demostrated you don't NEED her after all, all of which are attractive to women (her). And it still is not likely that it'll work out with her anyway.

The beautiful thing is, if you take our advice, you will not care about missing out on this girl, because you'll have new options, better ones if you are serious about improving.

 

[Fuck This]

The only way you will get this girl is by having other options. So go ahead and meet other women and tell this one that the ball is in her court, and to "get in touch with me when you are feeling ready". Then do not reengage her unless she tells you she's going to take you up on that date. No "HYD?" texts, nothing...

You are taking your ball and going to play with others..

 

[West_Indian_Archie]

Hi there, I really appreciate the insight and time you took into crafting this response for me. It provided a lot of clarity and I plan to take this advice. A couple questions however:

1. What do you mean by "one-itis"
2. What are you talking about in number 4? We are both Canadian haha.
3. Should I bother reaching out to still attempt to get to know her? I feel like we have a lot of things in common that we haven't yet discussed (based on her socials).

or do you think I just wait to talk to her until she comes to me or unless I have a no pressure plan invite like you mentioned above.

1. She's the one/I feel something special with a stranger I've just met.

It's in your first post, and it's an example of you not having your expectations and emotions under control
That's fine. I used to fall in love with every attractive chick that gave me a glance.

When a man starts following seduction/pick up, he has to unlearn this behavior. Pick up is not about any kind of sex, it's having sex with girls you like on your terms, not on theirs.

2. VK is typically used in Russia. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/VK_(service)

3. Should I bother reaching out to still attempt to get to know her?

Should you be proactive in the "getting to know you" type of discussion a regular guy might have with her?
How she grew up?
Where she has lived?
Friends and Family?
Hobbies and interests?

Or do you mean getting to know her like

The type of sex she likes
The type of guy she fucks
Whether she's an IV drug user?
Does she have STDs?
What's her living situation like? Does she live with some degenerates and will try to stay at your place all the time?

Back in the day, when this whole thing started, the issue was getting to sex quickly and simply, by appealing to her sexual nature, and then getting just enough trust to bang. Doing all this regular boyfriend stuff you're doing, will put you into the boyfriend category, and the boyfriend category is harder to meet pre-bang, and post bang the service requirements are higher.

If you're just some guy she's fucking, it's much easier to have her come over/stop by, bang, maybe spend the night, and leave. She's not going to call you over to put together her Ikea furniture, or hit you up because she wants to eat dinner. (and have you pay for it, when you are good with some instant ramen)

In the pre-bang stage, avoid the boyfriend stuff and find out the Red Flag/DTF stuff.

WIA

 

[West_Indian_Archie]

With that being said in #1, how can I counter and switch up this situation so shell have sex with me instead? I've come to the realization that she may not be right for me right now, but im not opposed to rebound sex with her, shes incredibly good looking.

any lines or frames of thought I can plant so I can switch this up real quick before its too late?

We go to the same gym so I will be seeing her in person here and there as well

Now this is a quasi-social circle situation mostly being done via text - nightmare stuff because the girl has somewhat formed an opinion about you, and if you fuck it up there are ramifications in your social circle. I really should have paid more attention to the post, cause I would have skipped it. It's too difficult to navigate imo.

With that said, the same general rules apply. Attract, Build Trust, Build Arousal, Get Some Privacy, Build more Arousal, Close, Debrief.

- Option 1 - Attract, minimal trust necessary, some arousal, invite her to your place
- Option 2 - Attract, minimal trust necessary, some arousal, alcohol at nearby venue, invite her to your place

The real art here is that invitation to your place, is about her coming over to forget the ex, make out a bit, drink some, and whatever happens happens.

Shes not coming over to talk. What you don't want is a sad drunk girl crying into your shoulder.

And the faint possibility of sex should be on the menu before she steps foot into your place.

She's not going to be blindsided when you start getting a little more romantic. She is aware that you find her attractive, and hooking up might happen.

In these types of situations, if she's feeling it, and you're slowly raising the temperature, it's important to frame what's going down as something she needs. This is all her doing, she's in control. (when in fact, you've engineered everything so that her inner slut inside is control not her inner church girl that does her taxes)

The sex is really some elaborate massage, not like she's fucking a potential boyfriend. Like a sauna after a good hike.

You're reaffirming that she's a sexual being, and she can do whatever she wants freely. All you are is a facilitator.

WIA

 

[zach445897]

Now this is a quasi-social circle situation mostly being done via text - nightmare stuff because the girl has somewhat formed an opinion about you, and if you fuck it up there are ramifications in your social circle. I really should have paid more attention to the post, cause I would have skipped it. It's too difficult to navigate imo.

You're reaffirming that she's a sexual being, and she can do whatever she wants freely. All you are is a facilitator.

WIA

There is little to know social circle ramifications, thats for sure not on her or my mind.

Just to be clear, when I run into a situation like this again the first thing I should do is assess for red flags and if there are a bunch pursue as a one time thing, and if there aren't any then maybe try and pursue something long term.

Do you have any good ways to bring up those red flag topics so she starts viewing me in a more sexual nature? I feel like she was extremely attracted to the idea of me from the start which is why she started chatting with me only to realize she's not ready for something new right now, I gave off boyfriend vibes and that's forcing her to hold back.

The thing is im the type of guy that naturally and normally gives off one-night stand type of vibes and not boyfriend vibes, so with her I accomplished the opposite. How can I fix this?

 

[ulrich]

As other guys mention, it could be that you are obsessed already with the girl.
If that's the case then you need to take it easy and listen to what the other guys have posted.

In any case (and for future situations like this), a very important thing that you have to take into account for long seductions (anything spanning over one week) is expectations.
What is she expecting of the relationship?
If it was for her to decide would she have you as her boyfriend, friend with benefits, asexual friend or what?

Perhaps she want to have fun with you but doesnt want a boyfriend at the moment.
Perhaps she wants you as a boyfriend but not right now.
Perhaps she thinks you are only fuckboy material.

You have to match her expectations in the outset.

Whatever she is expecting from you, agree and give her to a reasonable aparent degree so you can get close to her and once you have her in private and you have stirred her emotions, lead the way to what you want (in other words plausible deniability).

You want her logical mind to let you get close by matching her expectations of you but lead her emotional mind to what you desire.


If she expects you to be her asexual friend, take her to the movies or something... it is not ideal... but it gives you a chance to excite and seduce her.
Let her think that you are OK with what she has to offer and get her out but still be sexy and seductive.

You want her to think and feel: "I wasn't expecting this, but I'm glad it happened"