Met again on Tinder, Tinder Fucks up

[Smiling_Stray]

So I've recently decided to try out tinder and funny enough I've run into a lot people I know on there as well met some other pretty cool people. Thing is a girl I knew from high school that had my number (we've run into each other a lot since graduation) found me on there and texted me to ask if it was really me. I said it was and we got to talking. We were having a really good time and I ended up asking her out but she said she was experimenting with girls at the moment. I took it pretty well and went with it, said my offer stood anyway and she seemed to really like that (although I get that she could be her just trying to keep me as an orbiter). Soon after I told her I had to go and she laughed at a lame joke I made then said bye.

Later on I checked my tinder account and found that she swiped right on me. So we've been talking a bit there like we just met again and she seems more flirtatious. I was going to ask her out or at least if she wanted to hang out (just to try and get her out with me) but we were only a few messages in (like six or seven) when my tinder account stopped working. Now I can't log in! XD I've been trying everything to get the app working for the sake of the abundance of cute girls I've met on there but nothing seems to be working and I might not be able to access my account anymore XD

However I do have this one girl's number and I could just try and get at least her of all the girls I don't have numbers from to hang out with me but I was thinking this could break this frame we have of us just meeting again. What do you guys think?

 

[Fuck This]

Just use Tinder to get numbers then continue the interaction off the platform.

Call your number you have. Make the most of that. NEEEXT...

 

[Smiling_Stray]

Was gonna make a new thread but I realized I already made one for this chick so here we go again: I tried calling her a little over a week ago after she replied to a text I sent and I got the machine. Apparently she's still got one of those plans that has a limited number of minutes or something (either way calling wasn't really an option) but I left a voicemail anyway and later a text which she actually replied to.

The whole conversation went like this:
Me (around 6:30pm): (name), hey! tinder and my phone haven't been getting along much lately XD any chance you have snapchat?
Her (6 hours later): I don't really use it too much sorry
Me (a few minutes after voicemail): neither do i lol but that doesn't mean we can't use it to get to know each other
Her (2 1/2 hours later): I'm actually thinking about deleting it soon tho, maybe we should just keep the convo here
Me (40 min. later): but how am I supposed to know that you're a human being if all we do is text?
Her (immediately after): You're just gonna have to trust me
Me (4 min. later): (name), i realize that you really like texting but i barely know anything about you now days and i just want to get to know you since you seem like a really cool person with a cool taste in music! It's just that... it's hard to do over text. if you're open to hanging out or video chatting then let's do it!
Her (and hour later): I've always found texting so easy because I can multi-task. When I'm using my phone, I do a lot at the same time, and I can't really do that when I'm on the phone. I spend a lot of time by the pool, when the weather is nice. I can't be in a bikini FaceTiming people, that just feels weird. I have to get dressed and wear makeup. What I'm saying is If you want to video chat sometime we can. You'll just have to give me a heads up before you call
Me (about 20 min later): Alright how's your schedule looking this week? (Edit: Some seem to misinterpret this as me asking her out but I was asking her when works best to do a video chat since we established she doesn't take calls and needs a heads up for a video chat)

And that's where things cut off. I've been busy with a new job I'm loving lately and reaching out to some girls I haven't talked to in forever as well as some new ones so it totally flew over my head that a week's now passed since I sent that text and still have no reply. I'd ask what her schedule's like to see if we could chat sometime soon since accept for here I don't feel like we've connected much at all (let alone enough to get her out on a date) but I feel like that'd be too needy since that was literally the last thing I said to her and got no reply. I'm considering just dropping her and seeing if she gets back to me on her own but my gut's telling me I could do something here. I think I'm just bias by now but maybe I really am missing something. What do you guys think?

 

[Jimmyshap]

why are you responding so fast when she’s responding slow?

 

[Smiling_Stray]

why are you responding so fast when she’s responding slow?

while i could mirror her response time (which I used to do with other girls), doing so here would take too long. i don't have time to wait a day or hours to send a text. the conversation would take too long. i'm too busy working or doing something else myself to play games like that. if the conversation is going somewhere i'm not going to take decades to get there

i don't care so much about how long she takes to get back to me so long as she does and continues to invest with more text (which she does, even going so far as to give me a larger paragraph looking text bubble when i give her one)

 

[jesslee09]

Your texts are choppy and it's due to you not reading the underlying communications.

When she says she doesn't want to give you her snapchat, it means she's not that excited by you or comfortable with you YET due to lack of connection. So when you kept pushing instead of backing off, it made her resistance even bigger. And then you asked her out after that.

She's not consciously aware, but in her gut she's feeling like 'this guy doesn't get it'. And moving onto a guy that does.

Hope that helps.

 

[Smiling_Stray]

Your texts are choppy and it's due to you not reading the underlying communications.

When she says she doesn't want to give you her snapchat, it means she's not that excited by you or comfortable with you YET due to lack of connection. So when you kept pushing instead of backing off, it made her resistance even bigger. And then you asked her out after that.

She's not consciously aware, but in her gut she's feeling like 'this guy doesn't get it'. And moving onto a guy that does.

Hope that helps.

Bummer man, that's a bit that's a bit of a let down I think what we have here, is a failure to communicate

I was aware that we didn't have a connection yet and I knew that texting wasn't the way to build that. I had also already asked her out during the tinder stuff while texting on the phone but she declined with a hint of warmth (I can post the texts if needed), saying that she's experimenting with lesbianism (some mutual friends of ours who are closer to me than her confirmed this) so I started to back off a bit but she was still texting me on tinder which is when this thread started. Now I'm trying to build that connection but we don't have any context to meet in person that isn't a date. What you see as me asking her out was me actually asking her when she's most free to facetime (video chat) lol I guess she might have also seen that as an ask since my phrasing does seem a bit more like scheduling a date not where i'd go from there though if anywhere

 

[Jimmyshap]

it’s all bad. it’s pushy. i’m a slow text responder. if a girl texts me back quick when i’m slow i know i have her. if. a girl knows she has you she’s not interested.

if you’re so busy why can’t you be patient. she’s actually giving you a lot of leeway.

also don’t mirror her response. be unpredictable. usually be slower but throw her off being quick sometimes too. always slower too predictable. go slow then throw in fast then go radio silence a little while.

 

[Smiling_Stray]

it’s all bad. it’s pushy. i’m a slow text responder. if a girl texts me back quick when i’m slow i know i have her. if. a girl knows she has you she’s not interested.

if you’re so busy why can’t you be patient. she’s actually giving you a lot of leeway.

also don’t mirror her response. be unpredictable. usually be slower but throw her off being quick sometimes too. always slower too predictable. go slow then throw in fast then go radio silence a little while.

I'm aware that my texting isn't world class but it doesn't need to be. The point of texting is to sort out logistics not build rapport or attraction. I get where your coming from, I've done that too. But consider this: your goal ultimately is to sleep with her. Attraction expires. Taking forever to reply doesn't help. You get a lot of leeway because you made a good impression when you met.

I'm busy and don't have time to mess around play games on the phone. When I text, i'm trying to get to the point.

Mirroring is a tactic I learned here. It's an action that's like a we statement. Mirroring minus one is better than just mirroring. Yes, being unpredictable is great too but when you're just dropping her for no reason for weeks or days or whatever you're just resetting the interaction which can be like shooting yourself in the foot if all you had to do was sort out a date or ask her out. There's really no other reason to texting.

I'm not here to learn how to text. While not the best, I can assure you my texting works fine enough for now. I can work on that with articles and separate threads. Let's keep this relevant to the thread. Thanks.

 

[ulrich]

Read Chase articles on texting or his ebook.
You are talking too much over text and moving between platforms is not going to help you.

Once you move the interaction out of Tinder, you have to keep moving fast and set up logistics.

You dropped the ball by making the Snapchat thing way more important than it should be.

 

[Smiling_Stray]

Read Chase articles on texting or his ebook.
You are talking too much over text and moving between platforms is not going to help you.

Once you move the interaction out of Tinder, you have to keep moving fast and set up logistics.

You dropped the ball by making the Snapchat thing way more important than it should be.

Alright seems like a this has turned into spot where I dropped the ball! not saying I didn't
But what would you consider too much texting? We barely got 3 texts in on tinder before my account stopped working lol

I was hoping moving to a platform that supports calls or video chat would make it easier to build rapport since we didn't have much at this point and texting ain't much good for that. But if I was already fucked at this point then I get how that would be pretty moot

 

[ulrich]

You already had something there, otherwise how did you get her phone?

I feel that you tried to build comfort over text which is usually hard to do.
Had I been you, I would just give her a phone call.

When you meet a new girl, she is going to cut you some slack because she has curiosity over you. She wants to find out how you can fit into her life that’s why you can take your time and build comfort (you need it most of times too, to be fair).
With a girl you already know and a window opens, your time to react is much slimmer.

In all fairness, this was a long shot anyway. I think you could have done better but don’t get disappointed, chances were low.
And I really don’t think it’s totally closed yet, so give her an unannounced phone call in the next couple of days and see how she reacts.

 

[Jimmyshap]

I'm aware that my texting isn't world class but it doesn't need to be. The point of texting is to sort out logistics not build rapport or attraction. I get where your coming from, I've done that too. But consider this: your goal ultimately is to sleep with her. Attraction expires. Taking forever to reply doesn't help. You get a lot of leeway because you made a good impression when you met.

I'm busy and don't have time to mess around play games on the phone. When I text, i'm trying to get to the point.

Mirroring is a tactic I learned here. It's an action that's like a we statement. Mirroring minus one is better than just mirroring. Yes, being unpredictable is great too but when you're just dropping her for no reason for weeks or days or whatever you're just resetting the interaction which can be like shooting yourself in the foot if all you had to do was sort out a date or ask her out. There's really no other reason to texting.

I'm not here to learn how to text. While not the best, I can assure you my texting works fine enough for now. I can work on that with articles and separate threads. Let's keep this relevant to the thread. Thanks.

bro we’re in a quarantine. text game is the only game. and text game is a stupid term. be cool and patient. it’s not game. you don’t have to set up logistics today. by moving too fast and pushy you lost it. normally you could go to a bar and get laid and big deal. but these aren’t normal times.

 

[Jimmyshap]

You already had something there, otherwise how did you get her phone?

I feel that you tried to build comfort over text which is usually hard to do.
Had I been you, I would just give her a phone call.

When you meet a new girl, she is going to cut you some slack because she has curiosity over you. She wants to find out how you can fit into her life that’s why you can take your time and build comfort (you need it most of times too, to be fair).
With a girl you already know and a window opens, your time to react is much slimmer.

In all fairness, this was a long shot anyway. I think you could have done better but don’t get disappointed, chances were low.
And I really don’t think it’s totally closed yet, so give her an unannounced phone call in the next couple of days and see how she reacts.

it’s not a long shit. she’s a liar. she said she’s not looking for guys. but she’s swiping for guys on tinder. doesn’t add up. maybe she’s full of shit. he didn’t give her space to pursue. he pursued too hard. over text that doesn’t work. be persistent and slow. fast texting is needy and makes it seem like you don’t have a life. she gave him a good shot. she stuck out some bad texting.

 

[Smiling_Stray]

@uriel That's what I did actually We've known each other since high school and keep running into each other (at least until the world shut down) so we had each other's number's already but hadn't texted for months until around tinder time. At first, building comfort over text was what I had in mind but I realized that was a bad idea (I even said that in text) I gave her a call but she's never been big on phone calls from anyone (as far as I hear from our mutual friends) and got the answering machine. I left a voicemail but she didn't reply until I texted, soon after she said she's open to video chatting with me. Which I think would be a better way to build rapport. Problem is that I was trying to find a time for one when she went silent.

@Jimmyshap where I am quarantine isn't a big deal, people are walking around shops and going on dates without masks. So no, I am back to normal times in my area.

This part's for everyone reading here, I can't express enough how grateful I am that this thread is getting attention and even more so for the people who take the time to reply here. However please read the first two or three comments here. I came here asking a simple question and (probably) gave too much information so things got sidetracked. My question is situation specific. If you were in this situation, would you next this girl at this point and drop her completely or would you proceed (be it immediate or weeks later). If so how?

Thank you again. Please make sure you understand what's happening here and how we got here. It should all be at the top. If you have more questions, feel free to ask. I'll get back to you in a few hours after I get some rest and run some errands.

 

[Jimmyshap]

she’s already nexted you. stop trying. she invested a lot considering. if you back off she might fill the void. i actually think the potential for her to be interested is there. don’t get butt hurt. you’re trying to hard. stop trying. if you invest less she may invest more. this isn’t from a position of judgement. everyone has been there. and if bars aren’t open where you live it isn’t back to normal. and people are scared, women particularly. there’s no shame in improving your texting strategy.

 

[Smiling_Stray]

she’s already nexted you. stop trying. she invested a lot considering. if you back off she might fill the void. i actually think the potential for her to be interested is there. don’t get butt hurt. you’re trying to hard. stop trying. if you invest less she may invest more. this isn’t from a position of judgement. everyone has been there. and if bars aren’t open where you live it isn’t back to normal. and people are scared, women particularly. there’s no shame in improving your texting strategy.

So many things wrong with what you just said: I don't know where I would be coming off as but hurt with her because I've been more inclined to walk away from her than I am most girls but I didn't want to throw in the flag too soon. So I'm going to assume you mean you think I'm butt hurt here. Honestly I'm just annoyed some newby who needs to focus on some aspects of himself more if not as much as I need to myself is still trying to sell me something I'm clearly not buying. I've tried dropping hints for you to stop that you aren't picking up. If you're trying to exemplify pushy, good job.

Just because I reply faster does not mean I'm investing more. That's like saying just because somebody eats faster they eat more when everyone got the same meal. You're not the only one here who reads and practices these things. I've been doing this for as long as I can remember (literally). My texting wasn't even that fast all things considered (they just weren't days or hours apart) and they are varied. I was still running errands while texting her so it's not like I was really timing them.

I haven't texted her for a week now and didn't even notice it's been a week, I'm really not trying that hard here. I acknowledged I might be biased but I'm not so sure I am when I'm open to the idea of walking away as much as I am. And bars are open here. Plenty are. I'm just underage by a few months so I don't run bar game. I run street game and some online.

Yeah people where scared earlier but not so much now. People here really couldn't give less of a shit. They're all tired of hearing it. The girls my age either also don't care about the virus by now as well or flat out don't believe it be a threat and the girls I've been talking to online are extraordinarily open to meeting for people who are afraid of getting sick.

No there's no shame in improving your text game either. I just think that's not what I'm here to discuss and not really as important for me right now as focusing elsewhere.

I've been pretty clear at this point about my stance on your advice. I get it, but I'm still not buying it. At this point you're getting too pushy about it and it's not the subject of this thread. Let other people focus on the actual subject of this thread instead of the texting debate here. If you want to do that either PM or start a new thread. Now let's be groovy or leave, man.

 

[ulrich]

@uriel My question is situation specific. If you were in this situation, would you next this girl at this point and drop her completely or would you proceed (be it immediate or weeks later). If so how?

If I were in that situation, I would:

1) Give her an unannounced call over the phone (you mentioned she doesn't pick up so I guess you tried already).
2) Wait until I run into her again and try to seduce her in person.

What is not going to work here is trying to get her talking over text.
Over text, If it doesn't move forward in a couple of days, it will almost never move forward... I talk from experience.

So, not necesarily NEXT her but definitely not making any efforts to chase her.

 

[Smiling_Stray]

If I were in that situation, I would:

1) Give her an unannounced call over the phone (you mentioned she doesn't pick up so I guess you tried already).
2) Wait until I run into her again and try to seduce her in person.

What is not going to work here is trying to get her talking over text.
Over text, If it doesn't move forward in a couple of days, it will almost never move forward... I talk from experience.

So, not necesarily NEXT her but definitely not making any efforts to chase her.

@uriel hey! I caught the texting and phone call bit in one of your previous comments but thanks for sticking with me and clarifying

Yeah, I gave her an unannounced call before but I'm not sure if she just didn't pick up or if I had bad service (my phone has given me the same reoccurring issue lately with family that never even got my call) but either way I wouldn't call because in our texts she said she wants a heads up (granted that was for video chats) and I don't want to her think I wasn't listening/reading

But I wouldn't count on running into her again for a very long time (if ever). I know I said we ran into each a lot but that was a while ago and by chance (as far as I know)

Honestly she got me chasing her in high school with endless texting that all ended pretty badly for me after a long time which I swiftly recovered from after meeting someone else (which she doesn't even remember, didn't really even remember my name when we ran into each other for the first time since. Just had a feeling I looked familiar) so lesson learned there. BUT it's been two weeks since we've talked now and I feel like I can get her on a video chat and form the bond needed to get her out if I send her chase's getting back in touch text

Calls & Texts - Check-In Text If You Haven't Texted in a While

Sometimes you won't text a girl for a long time, either because you were genuinely busy and just forgot, or because you weren't getting anywhere with her and you figured you'd let her cool her heels for a few weeks or a month or two and get back to her later. What's the best way to resume...

www.skilledseducer.com

But I've tried swimming against the tides of advice I've gotten from more experienced guys on here before only for it to blow up in my face, so if ya'll insist there ain't a snowballs chance in hell I won't take that shot. Thing is there seems to be general agreement that there's a glimmer of hope here (don't worry, I ain't building myself up too high on this one) and I don't understand how that is if we don't communicate

 

[ulrich]

If you really think there's a glimmer of hope and you might never see her again then I'd say try one last time.

And I mean ONE LAST TIME.
Can you promise me that if she doesn't pick up the phone you will let her go?