Calls & Texts Check-In Text If You Haven't Texted in a While

Chase

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Sometimes you won't text a girl for a long time, either because you were genuinely busy and just forgot, or because you weren't getting anywhere with her and you figured you'd let her cool her heels for a few weeks or a month or two and get back to her later.

What's the best way to resume things with a girl like this?

Well, if you think about it from her perspective, she's on the other side of a cellphone signal... unless you see her everyday, she doesn't know why you haven't been texting. It could be because you got discouraged; or, it could be because you've been on travel, or changed your number, or you got a girlfriend. She has no idea.

So when you resume, give her an explanation she can get behind that also makes her wonder a bit about what you've been up to, and portrays you as an in-demand guy. Text her some variation of this:

  • "Hey Gina! Sorry I've been radio silent these past 6 weeks; I wasn't ignoring you, I just got so slammed with my projects that everything outside of work got pigeonholed until life returned to sanity again. Anyway, things've cleared up a bit; how've you been? Let me know your schedule over the next wee or two and let's plan to meet up and catch up on things."

Important: even if you've never gone on a date with her and only ever met her for 2 minutes, write it this way. Why? Because people respond to how you write as if your relationship is already that way (within reason). So if you act like the two of you are old friends when you talk to her, she'll start to feel like you are... and then she'll start acting like it, too.

Using this technique, you can effectively "reboot" an interaction you had with a girl over text, and get things live and running again, even if they didn't work out the first time around.

Chase
 

Rationalis

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Thanks for the insightful knowledge Chase. I'm looking to rekindle things with this one girl from about a year ago. We know each other somewhat well and I didn't know about escalation windows, so I kind of missed my chance. Still I feel as if I can make things go my way because I can tell that there's still interest there.
 

A Life Loquacious

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Yup, Rationalis there has a point, even though I know the basic concept of this is probably a super-tough one.

To boil it down to brass tacks, what's needed is a way to generate interest from a woman we have only met once, a year to 18 months ago; number close, good chemistry but no date or same night lay. They may well be married and pregnant by now. But they might also still be free & easy and living nearby and would benefit from spending time with us and our recently-realigned perspectives on how to give her what she wants & needs via fun & frolicsome encounters. So what's needed is a 'non-weird-blast-from-the-past-icebreaker' in SMS Format. Maybe a bit too 'magic bullet' to actually be able to realise, but even some half-baked ideas would be fun!
 

Chase

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Hey gents,

A Life Loquacious said:
To boil it down to brass tacks, what's needed is a way to generate interest from a woman we have only met once, a year to 18 months ago; number close, good chemistry but no date or same night lay. They may well be married and pregnant by now. But they might also still be free & easy and living nearby and would benefit from spending time with us and our recently-realigned perspectives on how to give her what she wants & needs via fun & frolicsome encounters. So what's needed is a 'non-weird-blast-from-the-past-icebreaker' in SMS Format. Maybe a bit too 'magic bullet' to actually be able to realise, but even some half-baked ideas would be fun!

I've seen two methods for this. I've tried each and had some success, but I don't keep girls' numbers in my phone long and I rarely go scouring through my phone anymore for old numbers. So, I can't give you any really solid numbers on how effective either of these are, but I can tell you I've tried them each and had dates come from each of them.

Option #1: Clearing Out My Phone

The first one is where you start going through your phone removing old numbers that didn't pan out. Ones that you realize you'd like to take another shot on, you send a message like this:

  • "Gina, how ARE you? It's Chase! I'm sorry I haven't talked to you in forever... I just got caught up with things, and totally didn't get in touch. My bad. Listen, I was going through deleting old numbers, and wanted to touch bases again and see what's up. Are you still in town? Want to grab a coffee sometime?"

You'll get some pretty hilarious responses back to this, as some of these girls will only very vaguely remember you (or they won't remember you at all), and they just assume from the tone of the text that the two of you must have been close... somehow. They'll meet up with you, both intrigued and mildly skeptical, and they'll want to remember how you met. Usually you want to be semi-vague here; don't try to totally jog their memories, that isn't important. Just treat them like an old friend, be sorry that you haven't followed up, and get on with things. You can actually get a nice boost sometimes with these girls, and they'll feel like because they've known you for so long it isn't as important to be on-guard with you as they will with most men. But you still get the benefit of being on the peripheral of their radar screens (and thus, acceptable for mating), unlike most of the men they've known a long time and are more familiar with.

Option #2: Leaving Town

If you're planning on moving out of the city (or country), you can go through your phone and send something like this:

  • "Gina, hey, it's Chase! I know I haven't been in touch lately, even though I said I would be... I'm sorry, and that's on me. I got caught up with some things before, and never ended up following up with you way back when. Anyway, I'm going through and letting everyone know that I'm moving to Nantucket next Thursday. I don't know what you're doing, but if you'd like to grab a hot chocolate or an ice cream before I'm out of here, I'd love to see you one last time... shall we do that?"

You're slightly more likely to get girls open to quick sex with this one than the first, it seems like, but the turnout rate I felt like was lower. Mind you, that's after only a few trials of each of these on maybe 10 or 20 numbers a piece... small sample sizes.

Anyway, bear in mind that these work best when you can send them out to 10 or 15 or 20 numbers at once, so you won't be worrying too much about any one number. You'll usually tend to get a couple of dates out of 10 or 20-some odd number of phone numbers when you send out messages like these.

Chase
 

ZacAdam

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Hi Guys,

Chase said:
Anyway, bear in mind that these work best when you can send them out to 10 or 15 or 20 numbers at once, so you won't be worrying too much about any one number. You'll usually tend to get a couple of dates out of 10 or 20-some odd number of phone numbers when you send out messages like these.

I have actually try this, It happens to be working too however. Oh btw, Chase you are spot on, man. Only a few numbers will respond to your crazy a$$ text like us. HAHA,

Anyway, mine is kind of short, but it works.

"Hey Judy, Zac here, (if there is something like we meet in school, i will put it here.) I haven't been be able to contact u in awhile. I hope you doing good. Get back to me though. :) Thanks!"

AND *BOOM BOOM POW*, it works somehow. XD K i was really keen to meet her, at that time. :X

Zac
 

girlsfollow

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Chase said:
  • "Hey Gina! Sorry I've been radio silent these past 6 weeks; I wasn't ignoring you, I just got so slammed with my projects that everything outside of work got pigeonholed until life returned to sanity again. Anyway, things've cleared up a bit; how've you been? Let me know your schedule over the next wee or two and let's plan to meet up and catch up on things."

Chase
Really long?
 

aliparpar

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Thanks Chase . This post helps a lot with catching up and sweeping phone numbers :)
 

Whizzy

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Definitely like the sample texts Chase! They are light hearted/funny, they build intrigue and girls love a busy man ;)
 

dcl

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This is great. Just what I was looking for.

I had always wanted to re-connect via text and I was not sure how to do it. I am going to try a 'check-in' text like this one.

I imagine I would just set up a meet and go from there.

Thanks Chase.
 

dcl

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I got a reply already!

I should mention that I have had sex with this young women before.

What happened was as soon as we started having sex I repeated my needy or 'beta' type behaviors and became the one chasing and lost control of my frame and basically did not know how to recover and so I stopped communicating with her.

Anyways,

I sent a 'check-in' text pretty much the one Chase posted, with slight variation.

Here is the exchange...

ME-10:06pm: "Hey (name)! Sorry I've been radio silent these past 6 weeks, - (actually was six weeks ha)
I wasn't ignoring you, I just got slammed with these new jobs that anything outside of work got held up. - (also true for my situation)
Anyways things have cleared up a bit, how've you been? Let me know if you're available over the next week or 2 and lets plan to meet up and catch up on things."
HER-10:10pm: "Hey D :) it's super nice to hear from you! Sounds like you've been busy, but that's awesome to hear you've been doing more of what you love! I've been fully immersed in my thesis work and I'm loving it more that I ever even dreamed I would. I would love to get together and catch up! I'll let you know my schedule later this week and see if we can find a time that works :)"

ME-10:24pm: "Sure thing : ) Talk to you then"

***

Things to know:
-this was my first 'check-in' text
-I have already slept with this young woman
-this sample-script-text is very familiar to me (I just did not know how to word my text messages) and therefore seemed more genuine for my situation

Some things that I take away from this:
-she responded - that's good
-she responded quickly - within 4mins - that's great
-she used my name - I enjoy that
-"super nice to hear from you!" - she perhaps was expecting me to re-start communication?
-telling me what she has been doing lately (limited yes, only one aspect of her life, yes, but it's something)
-the last line I have a few thoughts, "I'll let you know my schedule later this week and see if we can find a time that works :)" - to me suggests a few things, 1) she has most certainly sent texts like this one to other men before in the past, 2) understanding that we are both busy and that she needs time to schedule a meet up, also, 3) the possibility of a flake is low, but it is there

An important thing to realize is that I won't know for sure until 'later this week'. And also I shouldn't over analyze my text messages, it can be draining.

Stressing over whether or not we meet up isn't going to help me grow as young man, reestablish my frame or help my inner-game.

The Abundance Mindset can help with that and I am working everyday on developing that outlook and then lifestyle.

Thanks for a great thread. -dcl
 

dcl

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Hi BallIsLife.

"Doesn't these long texts contradict law of least effort?"

I see what you're saying.

It is a long text, I agree. This was more just throwing the net out there and hoping to catch something.

I got the meet up, but failed with the logistics.

If I was already in a text exchange with her I wouldn't text so long, you're right. -d
 

Rain

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With a check in text, or even a less direct but just open ended[unsure if that's the right phrasing] ping text.... should you still send this if your last contact from a few weeks/months ago was a "ball in your court text"?
 

ZacAdam

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BUMP
:)

should you still send this if your last contact from a few weeks/months ago was a "ball in your court text"?

I highly recommend not to. Fundamentally, a "ball in your court text" is a last resort attempt to get her out. If she is genuinely busy, she will get back to you within a week, or month.

Sending a text will just kill it.

Try texting her again one year later.

*Another Note*
What if you have ended an interaction badly with a girl?

Example like @William Wallace Scenario:


This do happens, where you do convey your message "wrongly". Your job when you text her again, is pretend that the last interaction, didn't exist.
 

Fluxcapacitor

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@Jimmyshap dude! This is still relevant, check in texts work and are very successful. They're low effort and you've got nothing to lose.

Alternatively you can send a meme, it depends if this matches your personality/vibe/previous messages.

A lot of this depends on your relationship with her dude, I recently reengaged after 6 weeks with a phone call... lots of options
 
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