Mindset around socialising

[Searcher]

I get a competitive mindset whenever I am in a group of girls and guys and we are having a conversation. As in I act more aloof than everyone else and concentrate overtly on the frames involved. Though knowing frames is good and I don't want to lose it, it also becomes difficult to have a free flowing conversation.

This is mostly due to the fact that I spent time with guys who had a dog-eat-dog view of the world and would change colors according to the situation. (This mindset got rubbed off on me too).

What are your thoughts? As in how to change, how to deal with it? Are most guys in your experience especially one upping in the presence of girls.

 

[ulrich]

This is not a bad place to start, considering that many guys out there have the too common "I just want people to accept me as I am" or "I'm the top dog and whoever can't see it is an idiot" mindsets.
At the very least this makes you pay attention to what you are doing and how people react to it.

That being said, there are better frames you could use for "leveling up" your socialization game.

In my experience, guys circles who are constantly antagonizing or causing external conflict (fights) tend to be of lower social classes... in a sense they are not experiencing abundance and it shows on how they deal with the situations the face.
"I NEED to win THIS one"... "this girl is MINE and can't be anyone else's"... "nobody is cooler than me"... that's scarcity...

More charismatic guys (and not coincidentally more successful / higher class men) tend to have other mindsets while socializing.
The ones I can think of are:
" Let's make everybody feel welcome and lift the mood"
"Everybody got something interesting, you just need to look for it"
"I can make mistakes and fix them easily"

Let me know if you want me to expand but I guess it goes back to the law of least effort.
You want to have the best results with the least possible perceived effort... your socializing style is still sacrificing results... you are still in a position to gamble a little effort for big results.