Some background intel (names and details have been changed for privacy):
The girl - "Anna" - a former medical school classmate who I had previously unsuccessfully tried to leap out of the friend zone (12-2012 - at the time, did not know how to escalate, ended with an awkward goodnight kiss) with. A salsa dancer (like I am), has run through a string of boyfriends both involved in dance and outside of dance after she broke off an engagement in her 2nd year of medical school. Has mentioned to me multiple times (before failed friend zone jump) "I don't know why Asian guys don't want to date me." (Author of this post is Asian himself).
The fallout from the failed friend zone jump was pretty severe. We didn't talk for months, not even on facebook. Eventually I decided to break the ice by asking how her interviews (for residency matching 12-2013) went, and it carried on for a good while. Neutral tone throughout the conversations - as I didn't want to push anything further. It appeared that she picked up a boyfriend ("Ivan") during the fallout period (unsurprisingly), a master salsa/ballroom instructor based out of the area she wanted to stay in for residency (D.C.). All the while, I kept my head in the books and powered my way through first year residency. I was gonna get over her. The biggest magnifying point? She wants kids and I don't.
I had also made a promise to friends in her class that I would come see them for graduation. I owe a debt to one of their parents for getting me my Anesthesia residency in Detroit. Thankfully our own mutual friends never took sides in the dispute.
So today her classmates/my friends graduated from medical school in VA. I greeted every one of them, but also attempted to keep a low profile so I could stay out of Anna's sight. Ducking and bobbing between family members taking pictures of their grads makes for easy cover.
As I waited for my last friend to finish taking pictures with her ginormous family, I see Anna, out of the corner of my eye, literally sprinting up to me in her stiletto heels, out of all (sarcastically) suitable footwear, with Ivan running close by her.
(paraphrased)
Anna - "Zeke! OMG, what are you doing here? I thought you were in Detroit?"
At the time, I was stunned that my plan to keep a low profile had utterly failed. Thankfully, I didn't look that way to her. When she kissed me on the cheek I was literally about to blow a gasket. This was happening in full view of her boyfriend - and I had nothing to defend myself if he got mad.
Me - "Hey you, I'm here to see Angela, wow, it's good to see you too. You look great!" (Another one of her classmates and whose dad helped me get my job)
Anna - "Hey, thanks, so do you!"
By this time her dad ran up to us as well. He doesn't know who I am.
Ivan - "Hey, I'm going to help your dad out for a sec, I'll catch up with you in a bit"
Anna - "Ok, that's fine, you don't have to wait." Ivan and her dad leave us alone.
My brain was still going into overdrive trying to process what was happening before me. My plan had failed, and here was someone I was ready to abandon to the sands of time itself, now literally glomming on me RIGHT in front of someone she's dating.
Anna - "So how did you get here? You sprint or something? *giggling"
Me - "Well, I pulled a few strings at the Department."
Anna - "Oh, strings eh?" *eyebrows raised
Me - "well, you know, I am a ninja, I did paradrop in."
Anna - "Really now?" *quizzical look
Me - "eh, I wish. I don't have a parachutist license yet. Wait, you never told me where you were headed?"
At this time I felt like I was making some pretty stupid comments. I was also playing dumb. I already knew where she was headed, her friends told me. When they told me I didn't care either way.
Anna - "I'm doing internal medicine in Miami! It's so strange, me and Alice (another mutual friend in her class) didn't plan this!" (Alice is doing family medicine in Miami)
Me - "Oh...I bet you did, you probably hacked the system to get both of you together, or you couples matched." (the system that would reveal our residency matches on March 21 accidentally showed the results early)
Anna - *rolling eyes "Oh yeah, like I had the smarts to do that! So how is Detroit?"
Me - "Oh geez, Detroit...it's a warzone. My attendings think I'm a little crazy, love my anesthesia class, and I've had patients threaten me for pain medication. Overall, a lovely town."
Anna - "Hah, I always knew you liked that kind of stuff. Are you coming to the post-grad reception?"
Me - "No, I have some equipment I have to pick up from some associates. You could join me at La Parisienne (a salsa spot) later on tonight."
Anna - "Hm, my family doesn't want to dance."
Me - "What about...what's his face?" (motioning to where her boyfriend was standing earlier
Anna - "Oh, hmm..."
Me - "So, is he going to move down with you? I mean he could really make a killing down there!"
Anna - "Yeah I don't know how it's going to work now, it probably won't."
Background - she had originally wanted to stay in the D.C. area. In the match not everyone gets their #1 choice and that fact alone has been enough to splinter apart non-married couples, esp those with significant others outside medical school.
Me - "well, dr. casey (her "last name"), I'm sure you can work something out. He seems like a nice guy."
Anna - *sad look on her face "I don't know, I just really don't know...but it was good seeing you Zeke!"
So I bade her farewell and went on my day.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Later on that night I was just getting started grooving at La Parisienne...when Anna shows up out of nowhere again, and drags me over to the dance floor. I did not expect her to show up at all.
Me - "Hey you...wait, where's he? (Ivan)"
Anna - "Oh, he and my parents are sleeping. I'm worn out from the ceremony, too many people. I can only dance for an hour, I still have the big university-wide ceremony tomorrow"
(Big flag) - Something's wrong here. Her parents are both marathon runners. Ivan is a world-class dancer. This is impossible, that they'd be tired after the ceremonies. These guys HAVE to have world-class stamina.
Me - "riiiiiighhhhttt...."
We danced multiple times that night, and I made some observations as the night went on:
1 - I am not a musical person. I can't feel music as well as her boyfriend Ivan, let alone anyone else in the local salsa scene. But whenever I at least attempted it, she smiled and tried to pull herself closer. It always appeared like she was having fun with me. Whenever she was dancing with other guys, she had a neutral look on her face, like she was trying to concentrate. I have seen this kind of behaviour before, but I never really noted it.
2 - in between songs she tried following me around multiple times or at least tried to be very close. We talked more about silly things - but I can't remember right now. She did talk with other guys she knew in the scene but very briefly.
3 - I noticed she was looking intently at me when I was dancing with other girls, not really paying attention to anything else.
All of these (I realized at the time) - that I could try and move fast with her - but the problem is that I'd be literally picking her off out of her boyfriend. I had seen articles about Chase picking off a girl in Shanghai from her overseas boyfriend, but I wasn't about to take it to heart yet. I'm not even one to do that - it sounds dishonorable, and plus, I'd hate to fend off the boyfriend or fail in protecting her in case he got mad. I also wasn't carrying protection on me at the time. I didn't expect anything to happen on this trip. Plus, I haven't even been practicing the fundamentals since I started residency.
Here I was, stuck in a bind, with a girl whose behavior had completely changed towards me within the span of a year without face-to-face contact, throwing up a scenario where no one would be knowing any the wiser where she may have been had I made the actual move.
So, finally, she slinked over to me - "I think I'm going to head out now."
Me - "take care of yourself in Miami."
And with that, she was gone.
In retrospect, I do believe I made the right choice. Even if I was successful in the seduction, without any protection, anything going wrong during the encounter possibly could sabotage her career, and I am not willing to let that happen. Nothing is going to happen with her ever again, unless business brings me to Miami and I can pull the seduction off for real.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
So, I may have messed up, but in terms of recognizing the situation, how did I really do? Any suggestions for me in the future?
The girl - "Anna" - a former medical school classmate who I had previously unsuccessfully tried to leap out of the friend zone (12-2012 - at the time, did not know how to escalate, ended with an awkward goodnight kiss) with. A salsa dancer (like I am), has run through a string of boyfriends both involved in dance and outside of dance after she broke off an engagement in her 2nd year of medical school. Has mentioned to me multiple times (before failed friend zone jump) "I don't know why Asian guys don't want to date me." (Author of this post is Asian himself).
The fallout from the failed friend zone jump was pretty severe. We didn't talk for months, not even on facebook. Eventually I decided to break the ice by asking how her interviews (for residency matching 12-2013) went, and it carried on for a good while. Neutral tone throughout the conversations - as I didn't want to push anything further. It appeared that she picked up a boyfriend ("Ivan") during the fallout period (unsurprisingly), a master salsa/ballroom instructor based out of the area she wanted to stay in for residency (D.C.). All the while, I kept my head in the books and powered my way through first year residency. I was gonna get over her. The biggest magnifying point? She wants kids and I don't.
I had also made a promise to friends in her class that I would come see them for graduation. I owe a debt to one of their parents for getting me my Anesthesia residency in Detroit. Thankfully our own mutual friends never took sides in the dispute.
So today her classmates/my friends graduated from medical school in VA. I greeted every one of them, but also attempted to keep a low profile so I could stay out of Anna's sight. Ducking and bobbing between family members taking pictures of their grads makes for easy cover.
As I waited for my last friend to finish taking pictures with her ginormous family, I see Anna, out of the corner of my eye, literally sprinting up to me in her stiletto heels, out of all (sarcastically) suitable footwear, with Ivan running close by her.
(paraphrased)
Anna - "Zeke! OMG, what are you doing here? I thought you were in Detroit?"
At the time, I was stunned that my plan to keep a low profile had utterly failed. Thankfully, I didn't look that way to her. When she kissed me on the cheek I was literally about to blow a gasket. This was happening in full view of her boyfriend - and I had nothing to defend myself if he got mad.
Me - "Hey you, I'm here to see Angela, wow, it's good to see you too. You look great!" (Another one of her classmates and whose dad helped me get my job)
Anna - "Hey, thanks, so do you!"
By this time her dad ran up to us as well. He doesn't know who I am.
Ivan - "Hey, I'm going to help your dad out for a sec, I'll catch up with you in a bit"
Anna - "Ok, that's fine, you don't have to wait." Ivan and her dad leave us alone.
My brain was still going into overdrive trying to process what was happening before me. My plan had failed, and here was someone I was ready to abandon to the sands of time itself, now literally glomming on me RIGHT in front of someone she's dating.
Anna - "So how did you get here? You sprint or something? *giggling"
Me - "Well, I pulled a few strings at the Department."
Anna - "Oh, strings eh?" *eyebrows raised
Me - "well, you know, I am a ninja, I did paradrop in."
Anna - "Really now?" *quizzical look
Me - "eh, I wish. I don't have a parachutist license yet. Wait, you never told me where you were headed?"
At this time I felt like I was making some pretty stupid comments. I was also playing dumb. I already knew where she was headed, her friends told me. When they told me I didn't care either way.
Anna - "I'm doing internal medicine in Miami! It's so strange, me and Alice (another mutual friend in her class) didn't plan this!" (Alice is doing family medicine in Miami)
Me - "Oh...I bet you did, you probably hacked the system to get both of you together, or you couples matched." (the system that would reveal our residency matches on March 21 accidentally showed the results early)
Anna - *rolling eyes "Oh yeah, like I had the smarts to do that! So how is Detroit?"
Me - "Oh geez, Detroit...it's a warzone. My attendings think I'm a little crazy, love my anesthesia class, and I've had patients threaten me for pain medication. Overall, a lovely town."
Anna - "Hah, I always knew you liked that kind of stuff. Are you coming to the post-grad reception?"
Me - "No, I have some equipment I have to pick up from some associates. You could join me at La Parisienne (a salsa spot) later on tonight."
Anna - "Hm, my family doesn't want to dance."
Me - "What about...what's his face?" (motioning to where her boyfriend was standing earlier
Anna - "Oh, hmm..."
Me - "So, is he going to move down with you? I mean he could really make a killing down there!"
Anna - "Yeah I don't know how it's going to work now, it probably won't."
Background - she had originally wanted to stay in the D.C. area. In the match not everyone gets their #1 choice and that fact alone has been enough to splinter apart non-married couples, esp those with significant others outside medical school.
Me - "well, dr. casey (her "last name"), I'm sure you can work something out. He seems like a nice guy."
Anna - *sad look on her face "I don't know, I just really don't know...but it was good seeing you Zeke!"
So I bade her farewell and went on my day.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Later on that night I was just getting started grooving at La Parisienne...when Anna shows up out of nowhere again, and drags me over to the dance floor. I did not expect her to show up at all.
Me - "Hey you...wait, where's he? (Ivan)"
Anna - "Oh, he and my parents are sleeping. I'm worn out from the ceremony, too many people. I can only dance for an hour, I still have the big university-wide ceremony tomorrow"
(Big flag) - Something's wrong here. Her parents are both marathon runners. Ivan is a world-class dancer. This is impossible, that they'd be tired after the ceremonies. These guys HAVE to have world-class stamina.
Me - "riiiiiighhhhttt...."
We danced multiple times that night, and I made some observations as the night went on:
1 - I am not a musical person. I can't feel music as well as her boyfriend Ivan, let alone anyone else in the local salsa scene. But whenever I at least attempted it, she smiled and tried to pull herself closer. It always appeared like she was having fun with me. Whenever she was dancing with other guys, she had a neutral look on her face, like she was trying to concentrate. I have seen this kind of behaviour before, but I never really noted it.
2 - in between songs she tried following me around multiple times or at least tried to be very close. We talked more about silly things - but I can't remember right now. She did talk with other guys she knew in the scene but very briefly.
3 - I noticed she was looking intently at me when I was dancing with other girls, not really paying attention to anything else.
All of these (I realized at the time) - that I could try and move fast with her - but the problem is that I'd be literally picking her off out of her boyfriend. I had seen articles about Chase picking off a girl in Shanghai from her overseas boyfriend, but I wasn't about to take it to heart yet. I'm not even one to do that - it sounds dishonorable, and plus, I'd hate to fend off the boyfriend or fail in protecting her in case he got mad. I also wasn't carrying protection on me at the time. I didn't expect anything to happen on this trip. Plus, I haven't even been practicing the fundamentals since I started residency.
Here I was, stuck in a bind, with a girl whose behavior had completely changed towards me within the span of a year without face-to-face contact, throwing up a scenario where no one would be knowing any the wiser where she may have been had I made the actual move.
So, finally, she slinked over to me - "I think I'm going to head out now."
Me - "take care of yourself in Miami."
And with that, she was gone.
In retrospect, I do believe I made the right choice. Even if I was successful in the seduction, without any protection, anything going wrong during the encounter possibly could sabotage her career, and I am not willing to let that happen. Nothing is going to happen with her ever again, unless business brings me to Miami and I can pull the seduction off for real.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
So, I may have messed up, but in terms of recognizing the situation, how did I really do? Any suggestions for me in the future?