mixed signals girl, should I write her off?

[letsdoit]

ok, so I met this very good looking girl briefly last summer. She is actually a model. she was casually dating my acquaintance at the time. that didn't work out last fall and she moved away for a job. we happened to start talking online, she actually got in touch first. I had broken up with my long time GF, was quite messed up still and wasn't really ready to date anyone. so I didn't give it much thought. I wasn't also sure how much I like this girl even. but we ended chatting quite often during those few months. she came back to my country briefly at one point and I asked her our then. but since I still wasn't completely over my ex at the time (ex was still pulling me back with her nonsense even though she had a new BF), then I didn't really escalate anything on that date. Now I don't know why I didn't I knew she moves away again for a month or more. But that should have stopped me, haha. On the contrary.

fast forward to this spring. she came back from that job and we wen't out again, and ended up at my place and had sex. that happened once more a week or so later. fast forward a week or so more and she seemed less interested and seemed to pull back and not initiate contact any more. So I pulled back as well and then after seeing her at the party two weeks later, she was still all over me but didn't come home with me. I still are seeing her almost every weekend as we move around in the same parties and our town is not so big. she is touchy feely on the weekends, wants to hang out etc. but is not any more initiating contact during the week or asking me anywhere or getting in touch much herself. I asked her once to come over after a party and she turned me down. we haven't even kissed for a while now. but she still seems to want to hang out with me when she sees me and is still touchy feely, but also don't seem to want to really give into it any more. is she seeing me as a friend now suddenly as I've probably acted a lot beta along the way or just stringing me long as an option? I've been hanging out with her but usually there's other people too at the parties, so less with just the two of us lately. I asked he out once more and she said yes, but we didn't agree on definite date yet. Should I just write her off, if she doesn't get in touch any more about getting together. Is she just going along with things? I now haven't talked to her for almost a week.

I know I've done more things wrong with her than right but should I just write her off of being flaky and move on, circulate further. She must have tons of options as she is young and very good looking. I'm handsome, fit and successful too, am a bit older though. The only bad thing is that my bad breakup (now almost a year ago) has made me a bit needy sometimes or hurtful to rejection. Been working to get over those personality traits but sometimes they still come back when something happens.

Any advice is welcome!!!

 

[ray_zorse]

I think it's really great that you laid this girl, she sounds decently high value, and you probably are too, because she gave a little leeway. Good job.

Touchy feely at parties etc, wants to hang out, not initiating contact in the sense of either communication nor touch... won't isolate -> sounds like the friendzone to me. It hurts and it's hard to see because you get invested in some chick, unfortunately that's how they friendzone you, by stealth.

So I think you might just have to chalk this up to experience. A good experience overall, by the sounds of it. You just have to make sure you don't let it get poisoned by neediness and collapse of your frame, just savour the good memories and use it as a confidence booster for getting new girls.

As to what went wrong... well it's hard to say from your report.

and ended up at my place and had sex. that happened once more a week or so later. fast forward a week or so more and she seemed less interested

More details would help here. I think your behaviour after the lay can be quite critical. Did you send her a post-sex text? I recently had the experience of a one night stand where I sent the post-sex text and got a warm response, but I didn't hit her up for 8 days or more after that (was experimenting, since I sometimes have problems with being too enthusiastic after I've laid the girl)... she had gone cold. I think she realized she was basically just a number to me, since I didn't contact in so long. Overall, it sounds like your post-sex retention game needs a little work.

Another thing to keep in mind is that if she acts cold and unfriendly towards you, that tends to indicate an attainability issue, whereas, if she acts warm and friendly but uninterested, that's more likely a value issue. You could be leaking value from some needy behaviour that you're not aware of (a problem I have -- like trying to set up the next hangout immediately after you've laid her, or asking for her reactions, or something of that nature).

Another thing I'd be interested to know is how much deep diving / connection building you've done with her, since that makes a big difference. If you've just come out of relationship and your game is gathering momentum, you might not be completely in the mindset of connection building yet.

Moving forward, well my philosophy is friendzone -> NEXT, remember a friendzone is an abusive relationship. What tends to happen is, she monopolizes your attention at parties etc, when you could be chatting up new girls, but won't isolate, and so you end up with a kind of a bitter taste in your mouth. Next time I'd say try ignoring her for a bit, who knows, grabbing a little preselection may build attraction from her, though I wouldn't count on it. If she is in your face and touchy feely, you can take her aside and gently explain something like "I've offered you my time on XXX date, and that hasn't worked out -- it is nice to see you, but right now I would like to circulate and be social". Just be firm, you'll be OK.

Ray

Edit: If you're NEXTing a girl that you see regularly, I would pay some attention to eye contact discipline and not breaking circle, there are some good articles on the main site about these topics.

 

[letsdoit]

thanks for the feedback ray.

ok, so now quite some time has passed. I stopped contact 100% since I didn't think this is going anywhere. concentrated back on my mission. meanwhile actually hanged out with two other girls. she didn't get in touch for a while. but constantly liked my social media shit I posted. asked me once how I'm doing. was brief and said great etc. ff a week or so more and she texted more and said she is kinda sad we haven't talked for so long bla bla, how I was doing etc. and if I'm going to a certain event. I was not but said we could hang out next week then. she said a few days she cannot as she is away but said that would be great. I was keeping it super cool, fun and a bit distant.
any advice what I should do. I think she has been playing a bit but cannot at all blaim her as I also knew I was quite a beta shit when I started with her, making tons of mistakes, just because of the state I was those months ago because of my breakup. I'm totally different now, living more alfa life, maybe not alfa 2.0 but at least alfta 1.0 now.
should I just meet up with her at my place, fuck her and leave it with that. still no more contact but if she initates then go along.
I still think she is hot and wouldn't mind exploring her further.

 

[ray_zorse]

You're doing great. Keep doing that. One thing I like to do if unsure is try for easy date (she comes to your home to cook a meal, watch a video, hang out etc). This screens out time easters pretty quickly, also adheres to the philosophy of not going backwards -- after you've laid her, continuing to wine snd dine and woo her is incongruent and indicates a lack of confidence on your part. Be ballsy, only plan your escalation strategy after she arrives so it's not too sudden. But you want to have escalated before serving a meal or she may go cold. Build compliance by having her cut up veges, boil water etc... continually touch her while she is doing this, check up on her, praise her work and tell her what a sexy kitchen hand she is, then award her a break on the couch with a glass of wine, then do the "drinks kiss" (put your glass down, dominantly take her glass and put it down, then kiss her). Another option might be a manhandle kiss if you've successfully built tension through eye contact and flirting. Just remember, don't assume -- you must re-seduce her. And uf you burn the dinner, well it's a story to tell your grandchildren, hahaha Good luck my brother. Good work.

Ray

 

[ProblemSolving]

I stopped contact 100% since I didn't think this is going anywhere.

Finally someone gets it in the Relationship section! You can tell almost every guy what it takes to get the girl back, but they all end up getting emotional and doing the exact opposite. Nice work!

meanwhile actually hanged out with two other girls

Wise, Daniel-san.

ff a week or so more and she texted more and said she is kinda sad we haven't talked for so long bla bla, how I was doing etc. and if I'm going to a certain event.

See how that works? You stopped chasing, so now she is. (Pussy is getting wet again)

any advice what I should do.

When she initiates contact, set up a meet at your place for dinner/movies or whatever and get off the phone. If she is not willing to meet up, then she gets none of your attention or validation.

Let her do all the initiating contact via text, you just arrange the meet ups when she initiates. If you do this right, she will chase for as long as you want her.