Moral Delima

[Sophisticated Gent]

The first time this happen I thought is was just unusual but after yesterday I see there is something going on. A young lady I have know for 17 years has taken a sudden interest in me. This presents an extremely difficult and complicated situation.

The set up.
Her father and mother are very good friends of me and my wife. We are in a very close knit social circle, our church. She is married and has been for a couple of years. She is two years older than my oldest daughter. My daughters are friends with her and her sisters. She is 27 years old. She knows what she it doing.

Her
She is about 5' 2", blonde, hazel eyes, cute but not gorgeous, quirky personality, an amateur actress and singer, and an amazing ass. She lives about 30 minutes from me and works about 30 minutes from me. On a scale of 1 to 10 I would give her a 7 on how much she turns me on. Emotionally I only consider her a friend but sexually she would be a nice fb. In the past she barely acknowledged I was in the room which is fine.

The Delima
The last two times I have seen her, she has been very attentive. You know the girls, I am interested in you, stuff like heavy eye contact, laughing at things I say that is at best are barely funny, waiting for me to talk to her, and facing me head on. The last time I saw her yesterday we were on our way out to our cars. She and her mother were several steps ahead of me. She stops, turns around and awaits for me. She says nothing but is waiting for me to talk. I had the strong feeling she wanted me to escalate. This would have been crazy since since her mother had turned around to wait on her and was watching. Also my wife was like 30 feet away getting in her car. I just said good bye and turned to my car.

My take. Options.
1. I am reading to much into what is going on. If her behavior would have been a little more than normal I would not have even noticed but this is like 180 degrees different.
2. She is not happy with her sex life and is looking elsewhere. Why me? I don't know.
3. She is looking to have a child and her husband is not producing. This is total speculation on my part as I have no info to back this up. My relationship with her parents is close enough that I know one of her sisters is trying to have a second child with no luck for about a year. Not something you tell casual friends. If she was wanting to get pregnant I might know but I have heard nothing.
4. She is not happy and is looking for a new provider. This doesn't make a lot of sense since she knows I am married and have never given her much attention before.

My issues.
Being a sexual man I would like to pursue her but the repercussions could be significant. If we get caught I could get shut out of the church. My wife could leave me but probably not. I could talk my way around the situation with her. My daughters would lose a lot of respect for me which is significant. So it would be a significant hit. I can also say the 3 and 4 above scare the crap out of me. I have no interest to have more kids or a new wife.

Your opinions.
Obviously I will make my own final decision but I would like some feed back. Do I pursue further to see what she it up to or do I next her?

BDSC

 

[ray_zorse]

Umm well if I were you I would read Sasha Daygame on conquering social fear, because that's what's holding you back here.

Fact is, society doesn't want you to be happy -- it wants you to be a round peg in a round hole, happily contributing your work to big business or the state, neatly married with 2.4 children... whereas, as human beings we have many needs and desires, question is, do we act upon those?

Well, the most attractive man acts upon his desires, IMMEDIATELY AND IN THE MOMENT, and does not give a damn what are the social repercussions, because he knows that, at the end of the day, essentially it's all talk and gossip and people's opinions. Any material consequences he will certainly bear in mind (for example he probably wouldn't try to seduce his boss's wife), but basically he knows that people will respect him more for grabbing life with both hands than being a drone. Some people won't, but they're basically the jealous ones who manipulate the system for their own benefit anyway (and I'd include a lot of religious people in that category), and have an interest in keeping you exactly where you are.

So your problem is you're fearful of the social repercussions of seducing this woman, who seems into you. Your idea is to do it secretly, in order to get the benefits without the social repercussions. That's fine as far as it goes -- for example, if we seduce a woman in a cafe, we ask her number without her boss knowing... it's good to be discreet, BUT... it's allowing people to hold a lot of leverage over you. If you're genuinely fearful of the repercussions I say DON'T DO IT, because secrets have a way of getting out.

As an example I have been fucking around with a married woman at my kids' school and although I've been fairly discreet -- with possible exception of several parents' mixers that involved drinking, but I don't think that's a concern since any bad behaviour explained away by the fact we were all very drunk -- she hasn't been mindful of security at all, and I have heard things about our relationship (I suspect made up by rumour mongers but you never know). Thing is though, I approached it with my normal honest frame and lack of any real care if people found out, it's on HER HEAD, since she is the married one. Your situation is a little different.

So again, my advice is DITCH THE SOCIAL FEAR and go for it, but if you can't ditch the fear, then don't go for it. This really gets back to my previous question about why exactly you want to stay married when your true interests lie in the area of game. I cannot help thinking that a little scarcity and/or social fear may be involved, in addition to the reasons you gave, but I don't judge, so it's not really my affair, I'm just trying to give the best possible advice I can in response to your current question.

Now I'll discuss some specifics. Do you have her phone number? If so, then you're all set. Call her by voice at a time she'll likely be alone. She's a housewife right? Then call her in the middle of the day, obviously. I would envisage a conversation something like this

You: hi there, it's BigDaddySc
Her: hey BigDaddySc, what's up?
You: ahh well I called you by voice because I wanted to be a little discreet
Her: what do you mean?
You: when we were talking by the car the other day, it seemed like you wanted me to say something
Her: oh, I remember that day... what is it you want to say?
You: uhhh... how can I put this?... that the ugly duckling became a swan? well cutting a long story short I want to meet you for a coffee this week and get to know you better.
Her: BigDaddySc, you rogue! OMG you are like married with children, how can you THINK such a thing
You: good question, often ask myself that... so how does Tuesday work for you?
Her: uhhmm I really don't know what you are wanting here
You: it's not so complicated. [you chuckle over the phone]
Her: are you sure this is a good idea?
You: at any rate, no harm can come of drinking a coffee and talking, I know there are challenges in your life ATM and I sure want to listen, even if that's all it turns out to be. [plausible deniability]
Her: oookay, but no funny stuff.
You: Tuesday, 10am, [shopping centre]
Her: see you there.
You: okay. Bye darling. Take care until then.

At this point your difficulty is to overcome her reluctance and isolate her. If she's keen she'll make it possible, despite her show of verbal resistance as above. Note this conversation is somewhat based on one I had with a new student at the uni, well she's married and I didn't push too hard, but I did ring her by voice and say I was doing so in order to be discreet, express attraction, and try to arrange a meetup (not succesfully).

If you do not have her number you've got a MUCH bigger challenge on your hands, next time you see her you must try to isolate her briefly from the group (perhaps by asking her for assistance with food serving or something) and get her number. BUT, it's MUCH more successful if you deep dive a little first and ask her on a high point. You honestly have to give some sample of the wares on offer, if she is to be properly interested.

Ray

 

[Sophisticated Gent]

Ray,

I expected you to be the one to answer and to call me out. You're definitely right that I have fear of the social repercussion because i enjoy my life. I am the type of person who is happy almost all the time. I know most people are not happy and are seeking happiness. That is not me. I know it is hard for most people to believe that I am truly happy. So why do I want to chase women? I love beautiful women. Beautiful women get my heart racing. I love being around them and having sex with them. My balance is to keep the life I have build for myself and to satisfy my desire to be with women. I have to weigh the risk and rewards. In this particular case the risks out weigh the rewards. If the girl in question was stunningly beautiful, sexy as hell and horny for me it would change the balance. But she is only average looking and mildly sexy. The only plus is she seems to be horny for me. If I could have sex with her and be certain it would remain secret I would go for it. I don't think it would remain a secret so it is a no go. I will probably let her orbit just to stroke my ego.

I am very appreciative of your input. You help me to evaluate what is important to me. I am not follow in you foot steps but I do have a plan formulated that you are helping to mold. The whole process of being on this website has given me great insight into life. Thanks.

BDSC

 

[Sophisticated Gent]

Drexel,

Thanks. I agree.

 

[trashKENNUT]

HEllo,

Just my 1.5 cents. :X

Will i touch married or women in relationships? I probably will, now. Here's why
Postby ZacAdam » Tue Jul 01, 2014 5:42 pm

The title can draw a lot of personal morals.

But here's one thing for certain. I believe just as similarly as what Chase noted in his "Girl has a boyfriend, 3 things to do, 7 things not to do".

People from outside, those who probably haven't been meeting lots of girls and only see a small amount of experiences, will come up and say "Zac, you a homewreck", "Zac, you a motherfucker". Here's the thing, People who don't know, talk a lot, and People who like to speak on their own behalf and turn on their words when sex is represent in front of them.

Don't believe me? I see "religious" friends turn back their words on me. I have friends who are so up on their own ass on moral superiority. Guess what? They do otherwise.

So many times, i have had countless opportunities to cheat with girls in relationships, even those you think are in love with their partner. and i let it pass, only to see the girl hook up with someone else, on the same night, days later, or weeks later. She breaks up with the boyfriend. For me, my own personal reason, i want to cheat with girls who are in relationships. Because unlike other guys, i have the knowledge to know what i am getting into. I cannot say it is an absolute that i can enter any situations and come out on top ("Come out on top" means handling the situation well), but i know i have the knowledge. You might say "Oh, you just making excuse".

Exactly, It is an "excuse", because it really is an "excuse". Unlike most guys, whom preach morals and then found themselves with another women. Let me end this here. "I might as well sleep with the girl before you do!"

"Morals" on a definition level are varying, are the hardest part to accept. Just like religious people try to scare an atheist into his own ideology by using the reasoning that he doesn't have a proper burial place. It's the same thing with people. We all have our own ideology, and we preach it, but when the actual day or the actual sex is presented in front of you, My question to all of humanity....

Will you walk away? If you do, Good. If you don't, It's all good too.

Zac

Ok, done. *runs*

Zac