More Attractive Than I Give Myself Credit For, Going Celibate, And Future Monetary Goals

[Troy]

The Present Moment & Random Thoughts​

Im still alive!

Last night I had a conversation with one of the GC members, I will not mention who it was. But overall I think he is a really cool dude. He gave me some tips which I appreciate.

There was something that was mentioned that I thought more about. And that was the thought that I was writing my post on suicide and telling others in order to get attention.

So I was thinking if others thought the same thing. And so I just wanted to dispel that myth. The reality is, I have been on suicide watch for the past 3+ years. And I typically dont talk about it. I usually just live with the pain and do my best to move forward.

Before I continue I must thank all the guys who showed support on my last thread. It is because of you why I am still alive today. This is not me capping or looking attention or anything like that. I had simply gotten to a point where I did not see a way forward.

In the past 4+ years, my crutch for staying alive was to put 90% of my energy on getting to the money. But of course, I am young. And I have a lot to learn before I am ready to do this all on my own and be financially stable. There has been times in my life where even taking a woman on an ice cream date felt like a lot.

I would consider it. Do I really want to spend $10 on my own transport to and from the date? Nah and instead I would take that $10, go to Amazon and purchase an eBook on finances. For instance "Think And Grow Rich" by Napolean Hill. Or "The Go Giver" by Bob Burg for $9.99.

I found personal self development more important than chasing women. I found it more important for my long term health. Because if I spent that $10 on a date, and I did not get anything substancial long term, I would usually get home and feel even more stress.

It would have honestly been easier for me to masturbate, then take a book and read and at least I would be building some kind of skill that would propel my life forward.

The Problem With Therapists And Dating​

Therapists cannot help in my opinion. I have been to 3-4 different therapists over the years. My Mom sent me to therapy when I was in high school. And all they would tell me is some bs like "just be happy". Or "journal your thoughts". Yeah those things can help. But the problem is most therapists in my country are women.

If I brought up the topic of dating, they would just look at me and say:

"well make a woman your friend first. You are a great guy. I am sure in time she will like you" (not what Girls Chase teaches)
"be happy in being single"
"you can wait till marriage to have sex" (says one therapist who is a Christian. I stopped going to her immediately after that)

.....and on and on. They could not give me any constructive feedback. And so where did I turn? I went straight back to investing in online courses and making an attempt to develop my high income skills.

Getting To The Money Is Not For The Women, It Is For My Own Safety​

Maybe in the past, I have written some stuff on here that made it sound like I wanted money in order to attract women. I take full responsibility for making that impression. The reality is I am getting money for my own safety.

If a woman flakes on a date, I would rather drive in my own car than spend time on public transport fighting tears off.

Just like what happened on Valentines Day. If I had an abundance in cash, I would not have made a big deal out of it. How do I know this? Because even at my current income level, I have walked away from money before in bad business deals. It just was not worth the time and effort. And if I had this abundance mindset with money, I know I would not have given 2 shits if this chick took my $25 and blocked me. I would have simply nexted her!

If I had the money, I would not have to be worrying about "oh which bathroom is open in public. Let me try and scoot out the entire city and plan the perfect date so I can pull a girl to a bathroom". No no, having my own place would mean I simply would invite a woman on a simple cheap date, and I would have the ability to invite her home.

Getting money has and never will be about women. It is simply a tool to make my life more comfortable.

The Problem With Trying To Be Celibate Now​

I wrote a post before that talked about how I hired 3 prostitutes in 2021. Last year I was so focused on getting to the bag that I did not go on a lot of dates. But I still got sexual urges. Yeah I can go 3-7 months without getting laid. But at some point, even masturbation is just absolutely LAME.

And so I gotta make some tough decisions. I will need to follow Chases advice and get a new, stable income in the next 3-7 months. Else I will be at the tipping point. And that means I will end up at another brothel shelling out $25-$50 USD to get some pussy.

I absolutely never want to be in that position again. So I am going to have to think long and hard to find the fastest shortcut to go from below struggling to just stable.

It Is Difficult To Compete With Those Who Have A Headstart​

Over the years, I have had the opportunity to meet and do joint ventures with men who are 6 and 7 figure earners. While those business partnerships did not work out, I learnt a lot of valuable lessons. The lessons I learnt were:

1. If at all possible, avoid doing business partnerships in the first place. There will always be one person who cares more about the success of the business. And in all of my partnerships, I was more interested in the success. No cap! Thats just how it is.

2. Even with strong and similar values, there is still room for occasional conflict.

3. High income skills are the first things anyone should learn before they attempt to become a business owner. Without them, you are fucked! See the thing Chase was telling me about starting marketing agencies, I can see where he is coming from. One of the biggest mistakes I made was thinking that by partnering with someone who had skills I was lacking in, that it would make a difference.

The business model I started out at first, it was gaining good traction. But 3 years ago I did not have as much experience in sales. So I partnered up with a guy who had 15 years in sales. And even he could not manage to get clients after 7 months of us working together. Ultimately I made the mistakes of doing the wrong business model. Thinking I was making progress when really I was running in a circle.

4. Another lesson I learnt is it is extremely difficult to build something great when I coming from poverty. I have been around persons who sent their kids to college and paid CASH. Imagine a 19 year old having his parents pay $250,000 CASH for all his school fees. He is starting off his career with zero debt, a stronger family unit. There is ZERO chance I have at competing with that. I come from poverty and so I had to make a ton of sacrifices over the years to get to where I am now. And I still have a long way to go. Thats part of the problem. Those who are ahead of me in the curve have been beating me day and night at getting the jobs I want.

The One Thing​

There is a book by Gary Keller called "The One Thing". It is a really good book and one of the concepts in the book is to focus on the most important thing. That thing needs to be so important that it will directly or indirectly fix a lot of other problems. For example. If I decided to invest 6 months to 2 years into physical fitness, that could open up opportunities to:

1. Attract more women
2. Get a job at a gym to support my lifestyle
3. Protect myself from dangerous people

All by focusing on just one thing. The good thing about following the one thing rule is as you build upon each one thing, the compound effect starts to take effect. Thats another really good book. "The Compound Effect" by Darren Hardy.

I'm A Lot More Attractive Than I Have Given Myself Credit For​

This is the last topic I want to discuss today. Again I am not writing all of this to get attention or anything. I am just documenting my thoughts as right now I am in a very vulnerable spot.

When I do look back on my life and even my posts on Girls Chase, I do realize now that I have not taken the time to give myself due credit for the things or attributes that make me attractive to other persons. And I need to start doing this more. The most recent example is just last night. While I was talking to one of the guys on the GC boards, a nice young lady messaged me. She wanted to reconnect with me. She is one of the girls I talked about sometime ago that admitted she saw herself getting married to me and having my babies. There is one problem though why I still have not dated her....she wants to hold off on sex till marriage. Im not into that at all.

Aside from that one girl, I have had over 127 women in the past decade who have shown direct interest in sleeping and dating me. Even when I get dressed and go out in the city, women are always looking at me. The articles Chase wrote years ago about developing peripheral vision, I used that article and developed mine.

I guarantee, if I get dressed and walk down the street right now, women will be acting like men, taking sneek peaks at me with every opportunity they get. Women have always found me to be a very handsome man.

And thats something I need to give myself credit for. Usually I come on here and crack down hard on myself for my weaknesses, but rarely my strengths.

Even back in 2020, there were 2 guys at work who were friends with this girl. And those 2 guys approached me and said "yo dawg. Our female friend love you off. Go talk to her man. A day does not pass by that she does not talk about you".

Guys who dont know my story on the boards, but know me at work, they think I get hella pussy. Over the past 5 years working at different jobs, men have always let me know "Yo dawg, the gyal them a lust over you Troy".

Clearly women see something in me, that I have yet to even discover in myself.

So all in all I need to give myself credit. Because women clearly do like me. Its simply a matter that I have NOT taken action with many of them and caused attraction to expire. And the #1 fear in the back of my mind is "ok after I get to know them, getting the logistics to fuck is the problem".

And I know, I know, you guys are gonna say "fuck in public". Yes I have done quite a bit of that. But it gets old trying to find some random bush or dirty bathroom. And so most of the time I have just allowed women to like me. But I never took action.

Recap​

Im going to do my best to get to the money in the next 6 months. I am going to do my best to not go to another prostitute. And I am going to do my best to remove myself from all situation that may cause me to feel suicidal. Hopefully I can turn things around this time and start sleeping with all these women who find me sexually attractive.

Troy

 

[POB]

I wouldn't give up on therapy yet.
Yes, we try to help here, but there's so much we can do without proper professional training and practice.

I did 5 years of therapy in my younger years (yes, I also had suicidal tendencies) and my therapist was a woman.
Thing is, she was though as nails (despite looking like a cute doll at 5' tall) plus she cut me no slack when I tried to bullshit myself out of uncomfortable situations. She was way older than me by the way (maybe that's what's missing for you, someone with more experience and capable of telling you the hard truths you can't see for yourself...don't know).

We men suffer from a severe lack of good examples of masculinity...and it's only getting worst. Furthermore, the old "rites of passage" were completely abolished in favor of liberal, feminist and woke bullshit. Today they would probably try to fit things in our ass instead of teaching us about honor, commitment and embracing the struggles as an opportunity for growth.

I'll repeat: as a young man yourself, especially going through a hard phase, it's imperative that you find the right kind of professional help.
I'm sure you gonna improve and get rid of whatever is holding you back.

 

[Troy]

I wouldn't give up on therapy yet.
Yes, we try to help here, but there's so much we can do without proper professional training and practice.

I did 5 years of therapy in my younger years (yes, I also had suicidal tendencies) and my therapist was a woman.
Thing is, she was though as nails (despite looking like a cute doll at 5' tall) plus she cut me no slack when I tried to bullshit myself out of uncomfortable situations. She was way older than me by the way (maybe that's what's missing for you, someone with more experience and capable of telling you the hard truths you can't see for yourself...don't know).

We men suffer from a severe lack of good examples of masculinity...and it's only getting worst. Furthermore, the old "rites of passage" were completely abolished in favor of liberal, feminist and woke bullshit. Today they would probably try to fit things in our ass instead of teaching us about honor, commitment and embracing the struggles as an opportunity for growth.

I'll repeat: as a young man yourself, especially going through a hard phase, it's imperative that you find the right kind of professional help.
I'm sure you gonna improve and get rid of whatever is holding you back.

Thank you POB.

I will make another attempt to find the right professional. I hope this time I find a therapist who tells me the truth. I have seen female therapists who are in their late 30's to early 60's.

Same result everytime. They wanna fill me with some nice guy bs. But all in all, yes I can make another attempt to find someone who is going to 100% honest and woke to the struggles men go through.

Troy

 

[Chase]

Good realizations Troy.

1. If at all possible, avoid doing business partnerships in the first place. There will always be one person who cares more about the success of the business. And in all of my partnerships, I was more interested in the success. No cap! Thats just how it is.

That was my finding with business partnerships as well.

2. Even with strong and similar values, there is still room for occasional conflict.

Or, in some of my partnered experiences, constant conflict!

The business model I started out at first, it was gaining good traction. But 3 years ago I did not have as much experience in sales. So I partnered up with a guy who had 15 years in sales. And even he could not manage to get clients after 7 months of us working together. Ultimately I made the mistakes of doing the wrong business model. Thinking I was making progress when really I was running in a circle.

Yes, I did this too.

Brought in a guy who was supposed to be the "rocket fuel guy."

What ended up happening was he hired a ton of expensive people, got us an expensive office, we paid out the rear for creative we barely used, hired a social media manager for $4000/month, and a bunch of other things all my instincts told me, "This is DEFINITELY not stuff we should be spending money on while bootstrapping a business," but the rocket fuel guy pooh-poohed. All the money came from myself and a third business partner, and the rocket fuel guy ended up pocketing a bunch of it. We never made a sale. I left that business $60K USD in debt with no source of income.

Fortunately, I'd already gone through the suicide / depression thing and figured that out years before, and I'd had some career success and girl success to look back on and trust that one way or another I'd figure things out. But I definitely went through a deep funk for a while after that whole episode.

Eventually you realize your instincts were on-point and if you were listening to them instead of trusting some outside guy things would've gone a lot better... and you arrive at a lot more confidence in your own business instincts in a roundabout way.

One of my biggest lessons from that fiasco, aside from partner stuff and over-reliance on others: don't enter any business where you do not KNOW (through and through) how to bring the clients in.

4. Another lesson I learnt is it is extremely difficult to build something great when I coming from poverty. I have been around persons who sent their kids to college and paid CASH. Imagine a 19 year old having his parents pay $250,000 CASH for all his school fees. He is starting off his career with zero debt, a stronger family unit. There is ZERO chance I have at competing with that. I come from poverty and so I had to make a ton of sacrifices over the years to get to where I am now. And I still have a long way to go. Thats part of the problem. Those who are ahead of me in the curve have been beating me day and night at getting the jobs I want.

Just to point out, this is middle class "new rich" behavior.

Real rich do not pay for things in cash. They get a low interest rate loan to pay for the education, and take that cash they already have and put it into assets that have 2x or 3x the returns than the interest they're paying on the loan. That's how you actually use money.

...

Anyway. Sounds like you are in a better head space now.

One thing on the therapist... is there any reason you don't just get a male therapist?

I would probably try booking sessions with like 5-10 different male therapists, see which I clicked best with, do follow-up sessions with those, then whittle it down to whichever guy I gelled with best, if it was me. Though maybe you can find a good tough female one like what @POB found.

I'm generally skeptical on the idea of therapy myself. But I think different people benefit from different things. If you've been trying to solve your own problems and not getting anywhere, finding the right someone in therapy to help guide you on that may well be just what you need.

Chase

 

[Troy]

Or, in some of my partnered experiences, constant conflict!

That's true. One of the things I did before I brought on my past business partners was for all of us to take a personality test together and then send the results to each others emails. There are 2 which I found really good:

Guide to the DISC Assessment

Discover your personality with Tony Robbins' free DISC assessment. Take the test now to improve communication, resolve conflicts, and achieve your goals.

www.tonyrobbins.com

Free Personality Quiz

I found these to be the most accurate tests to find out who a person really is. Any score that is too high or low as well, would indicate a person was deceptive and should not be trusted.

Anyway, even when I took this approach to find business partners who had similar levels of agreement, conscienciousness, dominance, kindness, forgiveness, etc all good qualities... it still was not enough to ward off conflict.

Yes, I did this too.

Brought in a guy who was supposed to be the "rocket fuel guy."

What ended up happening was he hired a ton of expensive people, got us an expensive office, we paid out the rear for creative we barely used, hired a social media manager for $4000/month, and a bunch of other things all my instincts told me, "This is DEFINITELY not stuff we should be spending money on while bootstrapping a business," but the rocket fuel guy pooh-poohed. All the money came from myself and a third business partner, and the rocket fuel guy ended up pocketing a bunch of it. We never made a sale. I left that business $60K USD in debt with no source of income.

Fortunately, I'd already gone through the suicide / depression thing and figured that out years before, and I'd had some career success and girl success to look back on and trust that one way or another I'd figure things out. But I definitely went through a deep funk for a while after that whole episode.

Eventually you realize your instincts were on-point and if you were listening to them instead of trusting some outside guy things would've gone a lot better... and you arrive at a lot more confidence in your own business instincts in a roundabout way.

Yep I should have listened to my gut feelings.

At the time I did not and it goes back to what a few guys on here shared with me recently that I need to develop hard rules and an abundance mindset.

In the moment of those partnerships, I was excited though. I was thinking

"great this guy Bob I am working with has an --- business and he makes $1.2 million USD per year. He has 15 years of sales experience so he can bring in the clients fast. In no time we will be making 6 or 7 figures. Hurray!"

And the other guy I worked with I was thinking:

"awesome, this guy Michael is a manager at a 5-6 million USD per annum company. He has great leadership skills. He makes 6 figures. This is a no brainer. With his experience and talent, this business will be booming in no time".

Plus others I have worked with who had great attributes. The value I brought to the table was I was the guy who had already done all the mundane tasks like:

- Optimizing the marketing campaigns (my business mentors at the time were singing my praises about how good it was)
- Built the websites
- Done all the marketing automation eg. Zapier
- Built the business systems: videos, pdf, lead magnets

All that I did. Thats really how I even got the opportunity to work with these high earning guys in the first place. I got the referrals straight from my mentors who were doing well themselves.

(P.s. Quick Edit: I am sharing the mistakes I made because it may help someone else. The people I worked in the past, I still think they have some really good qualities even though things did not work out. This is not an attempt to shit on anyone I worked with in the past. However this is a lesson worth sharing so others dont fall into the same mistakes as I did. I think it's important to share this as I write this).

Projecting Results Based On Another Man's Success​

I started my first online business back in 2017 and there were 2 guys who mentored me. Both of these men had verifiable results... I saw multiple screenshots and bank statements of them earning $50,000 USD daily/ $1.5 million monthly.

And that's what really got me going for so long. There was this whole vibe that if I worked just as hard, I could get to the $30,000 USD monthly in no time.

So of course I kept going. I built my marketing campaigns from scratch. And after 2 years of doing that, my business mentors were singing my praises "Troy has a really good setup. He is going to be rich in no time".

And that's when I started doing joint ventures thinking if I partner up with others, I will get to the goal faster. So I will share a few more lessons I learnt:

1. Know How To Bring The Clients In First

I should have gotten a job or offered to help someone else (on commission only) to get their clients. If I had gone that route, I would have had a lot more experience in sales.

2. Running Before Walking

This leads to my second mistake. I tried to run before I learnt to walk. I was more focused on becoming a early 20 something millionaire than I was with finding a job to pay all the bills and support a minimalistic lifestyle. And I come from poverty which means there are skills and attributes I was lacking. Lesson is: slow down and focus heavily on building one skill at a time. Get good at it, and use it to make money. Then start adding more skills over time.

3. Dont Believe The Hype

This is where I am putting a part of the blame on the online marketing "get rich" courses. There are a lot of persons who are out there promoting their courses on Facebook, Instagram, etc. There are definitely persons who succeed in these courses. But what these marketers often fail to share is the pitfalls and failure rate (and what causes it).

Why? Because if they did, they would not sell as many courses. My recommendation when looking to get into any business is to figure out the easiest path to get the clients coming in first.

Make it stupid simple. If you cannot figure out the simple path to get the clients in first, dont waste your time going into that business model.

4. Sales Scripts Are Not Everything. The Mindset Of A Salesperson Is Essential

One of the things I find with a lot of these online make money courses is they keep telling people "we include the sales script. If you read these lines you will get clients".

This is one of the things I fell for. The reality is, without the right mindset, you will not close the sale. And this is where I kinda hold these online course creators accountable. Some of them dont have a robust enough system to teach persons how to become salespeople first.

5. Check The Failure Rate Vs. Your Own Skills

Looking back now at that first business I started, there has been a 97% failure rate. There were over 2,000 persons in the Facebook mentorship group when I started off, and now, a majority of the persons have reported business failure. While my business mentors were very successful, I do believe there were things missing that caused things to go downhill.

So lesson I would takeaway and share to others is: When starting a new business, do your market research first. Find out from others the pitfalls and learn how to stear clear of them.

..................

Last thing I will share, while I did lose a lot of time on my first business, I did learn a ton of skills that will carry me throughout life. Yes I do have some regrets, but I also have some good lessons I will cherish for the rest of my life. The only thing I can really do now is to look up and keep going.

(I hope this helps someone avoid the mistakes I made).

One of my biggest lessons from that fiasco, aside from partner stuff and over-reliance on others: don't enter any business where you do not KNOW (through and through) how to bring the clients in.

Correct!

Just to point out, this is middle class "new rich" behavior.

Real rich do not pay for things in cash. They get a low interest rate loan to pay for the education, and take that cash they already have and put it into assets that have 2x or 3x the returns than the interest they're paying on the loan. That's how you actually use money.

Interesting! I learnt another thing today.

Anyway. Sounds like you are in a better head space now.

Yes I am Thanks to you and everyone who helped on the boards.

One thing on the therapist... is there any reason you don't just get a male therapist?

I would probably try booking sessions with like 5-10 different male therapists, see which I clicked best with, do follow-up sessions with those, then whittle it down to whichever guy I gelled with best, if it was me. Though maybe you can find a good tough female one like what @POB found.

I'm generally skeptical on the idea of therapy myself. But I think different people benefit from different things. If you've been trying to solve your own problems and not getting anywhere, finding the right someone in therapy to help guide you on that may well be just what you need.

Chase

I never seen or thought about a male therapist before. I am sure they exist in my country though haha.

This reminds me of the Baader-Meinhof phenomenon. As Google defines it

"is a cognitive bias in which, after noticing something for the first time, there is a tendency to notice it more often, leading someone to believe that it has a high frequency of occurrence"

I will definitely look for a male therapist. Haha maybe after I find the first one, it will become more obvious to me just how many male therapists are around me.

Troy