More on gym / looks maxing...Approach anxiety also

[ocean_eyes]

1.) So I recently posted how I put a lot of work in the gym and my appearance over some months, and here are more observations:

-Chicks are very receptive when I actually approach
-It's still on me to not fuck it up afterwards lol
-HOT girls have MUCH LESS of a bitch shield (again unless I say something out of pocket. still calibrating)
-Feel more social pressure to be...smooth or subtle? (might be bad for me? not normally my style)
-Playful stuff I always used to say, more girls are taking this the wrong way now - like actually hurting their feelings

-This initial interest from girls, is almost turning to a crutch. Find myself in boring, "nice" conversations...only difference is girls are willing to stay in them much longer than before.

I have a rotation of a few girls going, which is new for me!
These are mostly from social circle tho.

I would love to get girls from cold approaches...which brings me to the next topic:

2.) Still struggling with the most basic fundamental - APPROACHING!
Which is crazy because when I think about it, I've probably laid 50-60% of girls that I have gone up and talked to out of the blue in the last few years.

The opportunity for opening is vast for me right now. ..I'm by the beach and cross paths with 10-20 hotties every day.
However I just get tongue-tied too easily!

I'm also in a small town where lots of ppl know each other. Have those weird self-conscious thoughts in the back of my head sometimes.

Anyway, would love to hear some solutions for that..thanks!

 

[Skills]

You can be as fit as you want does not mean much...you can have the best product in the world if nobody knows about it, it wont sell... work on the aproach anxiety drills gll has one, chase has one in the beginer forum..

 

[climbingup]

Yeah basically what skills said!

If I may add, handling your fundamentals is the basic step.
You should be:
Maximising your physical health - gym, diet.
Looking presentable.
Maximising your emotional health - meditation, doing activities that recharge you, writing goals

These are things you should be doing for yourself and hopefully doing not just to get a girl. Of course they help with girls but what's going to happen when you get a girlfriend? Are you just going to stop going to the gym because you've got a girlfriend now.

I'm not trying to critical but I'm trying to suggest a mindset change. Work on your fundamentals for you! Of course they help you to get girls but you should be going to the gym, dressing well, eating healthy food, maximising your fitness because you as a MAN want to hold yourself to a HIGHER standard and you as a MAN demand the best/a higher quality of life not just from others but from YOURSELF. With that mindset, you're going to come across as more naturally attractive/high value to not just women but people in general, you will end up attracting higher quality people into your life and be the type of person that people value spending time with and people will go out of their way to spend time with you.

See going to the gym/maximising your physical fitness the same way as you needing to sleep for 8 hours each day, it's just something you do for you and because you want to increase your quality of life.

From what you've written you don't seem to be struggling with hooking girls which is great. To work on approach anxiety, you've got to develop the muscle. You've got to focus more on the positive side of meeting new people and possibly building great chemistry rather than the negative side of "man, I hope I don't get rejected in public". You're not getting rejected which is great, do the beginner drills and FORCE yourself to talk to girls that scare/intimidate you. Give yourself permission to be blown out, rejected and that even if you do get rejected you don't dwell on it. I noticed the less I care about getting rejected, the less approach anxiety I tend to have.

The goal is to reach the point that you are the type of person that even if you get a very harsh blowout, it doesn't affect you whatsoever emotionally and you can go into the next set without any negative feelings and fully focused emotionally and mentally on the next set.
Building on this, to reach the point where if you see an attractive woman you are more focused on the positive feelings of getting to know her rather than the anxiety of something bad happening.

Of course no one likes getting blown out and as you get better, you'll tend to get blown out less. However the goal is to be the type of person who doesn't care if they get blown out and doesn't dwell on it. If you're having approach anxiety, it means you're afraid of something.


Working on your approach anxiety, working on your fundamentals, what these things are doing is you are putting yourself in control of your own life. Expanding your locus of control, becoming a genuinely high value person which will always reap benefits in the long term.

 

[ocean_eyes]

Work on your fundamentals for you! Of course they help you to get girls but you should be going to the gym, dressing well, eating healthy food, maximising your fitness because you as a MAN want to hold yourself to a HIGHER standard and you as a MAN demand the best/a higher quality of life not just from others but from YOURSELF. With that mindset, you're going to come across as more naturally attractive/high value to not just women but people in general, you will end up attracting higher quality people into your life and be the type of person that people value spending time with and people will go out of their way to spend time with you.

Great post! This is exactly what I have been doing, however...working on myself for my own sake, and thus naturally attracting the girls I've been hanging with..

So actually PRACTICING pickup is where I feel I can improve!

You're not getting rejected which is great, do the beginner drills and FORCE yourself to talk to girls that scare/intimidate you. Give yourself permission to be blown out, rejected and that even if you do get rejected you don't dwell on it. I noticed the less I care about getting rejected, the less approach anxiety I tend to have.

The goal is to reach the point that you are the type of person that even if you get a very harsh blowout, it doesn't affect you whatsoever emotionally and you can go into the next set without any negative feelings and fully focused emotionally and mentally on the next set.
Building on this, to reach the point where if you see an attractive woman you are more focused on the positive feelings of getting to know her rather than the anxiety of something bad happening.

Excellent description of the mindset to have, thanks!

 

[ocean_eyes]

You can be as fit as you want does not mean much...you can have the best product in the world if nobody knows about it, it wont sell... work on the aproach anxiety drills gll has one, chase has one in the beginer forum..

Skills you're 100% right...I need to keep it simple and go back to the basics!

 

[DarkKnight]

Alright I didn't read Skills post just yet, but seems he has already given you the right answer. Gym opening is not hard. So what I tend to do is that I already socialize with a lot of people but I never stick to groups (because then you get bullshit social circle dynamics, but this way I already come across as a very social guy so it is normal when I talk to new people or hot babes). And when I see a hot babe what I tend to do is behave as if I needed to use something next to her, a machine , a weight, I don't know. And then I just open! It is really not that fucking hard. For instance I talked to this hot tall babe with intimidating vibes who has been eyeing me and used a lame opener how she comes across like a police officer (due to her impressive stature) and asked her if my prediction was somewhat true. Combined with cheeky smile and good vibes, havent seen her for a couple of weeks but she was very receptive and very warm.

Hell these days I do not even use the "happen to be near you" move unless I need to be smooth and have to calibrate my interest due to the girl being an aloof type. I just go and talk, because I really really hate giving power to others or circumstances so I like to go somewhat direct. (SOMEWHAT direct, I do not show all my cards to the girl just yet).

I really do not get why guys have specific problems in the gym.. What I am guessing is that looks focused people are already in the gym. And ofcourse they encounter girls there, so they want to open them, but feel not able to. So it is not about the gym, but it is about guys who already have difficulty with talking to girls and happen to be in the gym.

To be practical: Post yourself next to the girl do something which is near, start something simple, hey do you need to do a lot of sets still? if she is warm propose that you can do those sets together. Keep it stupid simple and easy. Just tell yourself that you are just having a friendly conversation... until you get the opening and approaching phase down. But do not let chances go when the girl is actually happy that you have talked to her unless you want her to autoreject lol

 

[Rakehell]

Hey dude… I deeply resonate with what you said. I feel like with all of this great information we soak up from the forums and other guy’s with great insight on stuff, along with the expectations others will put on you because of the compliments you receive, also comes with a feeling of you NEEDING to approach because of what you know how to do, or could do. Sometimes it’s how you view yourself also, you don’t want to be “wasted potential”.

This is a crappy frame. Allow yourself to WANT to approach without feeling like you HAVE to because of what you know. It should be natural.

Trust me, I work sales and, anytime my boss tries to “advise” me on what I need to be doing in regards to approaching strangers, I have to tune them out. It puts needless pressure on me and I start overthinking the approach. In a way approach anxiety is really just performance anxiety. When you over think it, your dick (that light bulb that guides you) will never get hard (go off).

Edit: for instance, I was out with a group of guy’s who’ve seen me approach successfully. so anytime they see a halfway attractive chick they’ll try to pressure me to approach. once you get to the point where you can ignore any anxiety and just jump in you’ll be able to hop in at anytime, I can do this. But at the same time this can really fuck with your consistency. because girls who are on will be receptive but others who need a lighter touch, not so much, you have to be able to assess the girl you’re approaching and calibrate