I have been on and off with my friend's roommate for a while now. We never had sex or anything, but we have gotten closer in the past three months. She has a bf for about an year now, but he is not emotionally available to her. Few months ago, she started cuddling with me one day when we were watching movie at my friends place, but i never made a move and we just talked. Ever since then, we cuddle, I made baby steps and the maximum i got is kissing her on the cheeks. Last week, for the first time we watched a film in her room, just the two of us and I talked some romantic crap (like going on trips with her and kissed her all over her hand and she told it was cute) . There was just some accidental and deliberate boob rubbing, she was ok with it, but she moved away when i tried to kiss her on lips. I asked her if she is happy with her bf and if not then she should be with me and she told she is happy with him. She told she does not want to cheat on her bf and she told I am very important to her and she doesnt wanna lose me. Yesterday, when I was at my friends place, she was with her bf and tried to make believe that she is happy and chilled out with him or whataver. I ignored that and had a little chat with her bf when he tried to talk to me and today, after he left, she texted me a million times and sent videos of a sitcom which we both like relating me to a character in it and she is kinda going crazy that I have not responded to her yet. She is a kind of person who is really attention seeking. She tries to flirt with guys to get stuff done and she delibrately wears small clothes to get attention from my friends whenever we have a get together. I always flirt with her and make jokes and she kinda thinks I am experienced with women (thats what I projected to her). I have clearly mentioned her that I cannot be in her friendzone, but I never gave her any ultimatum like its her bf or me. I told I am happy to be there for her or whatever and I am sure she thinks I would be around irrespective whatver she does and keep pursuing her. Whenever we cuddle, its not platonic in anyway, i try to undress and stuff, but she rejects when it gets a bit intimate. As far as I know, there are no other guys like me in her life and we do get along really well. I dont know what i am supposed to do here. I dont know if I want her as a gf, but I wanna be intimate with her.
More than friends
- Thread starter HHjj
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She has no attraction for you. You are her emotional tampon. She sees you as her “gay best friend.”
This may sound harsh and mean but you don’t need someone sugarcoating this stuff for you.
What you are supposed to do is forget about this girl and go meet others. You need more women in your life so you aren’t getting attached to someone who doesn’t even like you romantically or sexually. The blog or Chase’s book are both great places to start working on your fundamentals.
This may sound harsh and mean but you don’t need someone sugarcoating this stuff for you.
What you are supposed to do is forget about this girl and go meet others. You need more women in your life so you aren’t getting attached to someone who doesn’t even like you romantically or sexually. The blog or Chase’s book are both great places to start working on your fundamentals.
I agree with wm, but, you still don't know 100% for sure, so don't verbally try to logically talk to a woman "you are not happy with him, i am here i will treat you good" this dryes vaginas and you are actually helping the boyfriend when you talk like this....
this is what you can do as "game" type technique (if you want to fuck this girl)...... bro! just field test and do exactly as i tell you to do this:
- find anything positive become defense attorney for boyfriend (i know it makes no sense, try to get the boyfriend side whenever possible)
- encourage her as MUCH AS POSSIBLE to be and stay in the relationship with the boyfriend....
- pump up the boyfriend as much as possible....
- Totally disqualify yourself of liking her, or being a potential partner (this has to be done 10000% no bluffing)
- Be patient,
Read my dark seduction for understanding more
- do not verbally escalate, just physically arouse her, when together cuddling like a fag, i recommend a massage, 15-20 minutes normal good massage, after 15 minutes, a lot more close to erogenous zone combine with normal, if she complies erogenous.....
if not there then move on, but you need to polirize your pipi in or out, at least find out... Though i am not a big fan of this, she has a boyfriend, this is welcoming tons of drama to yourlife, dangerous territory, if you know the bf even worst, so make sure you are taking into account the consequences....
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Reminds me of the old technique of painting a straw man of the bf where you make him out to be so amazing he can’t posssibly live up to the image you mentally paint of him.
Seems like reverse psychology or something like that. I ll try it out. Can you explain why logical stuff don't work with women? Anywhere I can read about it?
Would it have any effect if I try to tell her directly that I wanna end things her being this way (that I don't wanna be an emotional tampon and she has to make up her mind) ? What would she think in this place?
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I am trying to talk to other women, but it's going really slow and I am kinda stuck with this on as i have no other girl for now.
Would it have any effect if I try to tell her directly that I wanna end things her being this way (that I don't wanna be an emotional tampon) and I can stay only if she wants more than this friendship thing? What would she think in this place? Does this come out as being strong ?
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You don’t get it.
Shes not into you. While your sitting her investing all of your time thinking about how to get her, she is out fucking her BF and thinking about other men. Do you see the disconnect here?
Why is talking to other women going “slow?”
I have been on two dates from cold approach in the last two months. One of them said we can be friends after the date and the other said it before coming to the date. I assume the latter wanted to see what it's like before starting off. Both of my dates were about 2 hours, so I assumed I over talked and bored them at the end. Even then when I tried talking about the topics mentioned in what to talk on a date article, it still gets eventually boring. I have talked to 20-30 women on the streets and I got only 2 dates that went nowhere.
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this was a test to see if you were a "nice guy" or a lover
again a test - response should have been to ignore her frame and set your own frame and move forward
Her: can we just go out as friends?
You: lets just go out and enjoy ourselves and see where we end up
By agreeing to her frame you not only look weak but also needy. At present you will agree to any of her terms in order to get a date, where as you need to be far more "if you want to date me then it's on my terms".
I don't want this to seem hurtful as I was in this position 2 years ago and it's taken a long time to change my perception and also realize that I have a value to her but she will test you to see if you value yourself, if you don't, then she won't see you as a strong man.
Women use an "emotional" logic which I'm now only just starting to understand. Men use a very direct logic very little emotional variation. There are others on here that are way better at understanding female logic and can explain it. I'm just starting to understand the differences, so I'm at the beginning of my journey on this one, I'm not going to try and give any explanation beyond the fact that this is a whole different area you need to learn about.
I agree with the advice that @Warped Mindless gave in that she doesn't see you as sexual - you're a "nice guy" and she will use you as that and no more so you need to stop investing emotions with her. You don't need to "not see her" or "not speak to her", just don't invest in her beyond seeing her in passing or sitting in the same room chatting some time. You're not a man she is thinking about when you aren't in front of her.
IF you want to try and game her then follow @Skills advice with his plan. Be warned your actions can have consequences with those around you and the risk/reward is up to you. You need to change the way she see's you from a "nice guy" to a fun exciting interesting MAN. By the fact that you cuddle up tell me that she isn't against you but you need to change the way she sees you so you are a potential prospect. Changing that is far harder than finding another girl and setting a better frame from day 1 though.
Too long - make them shorter, set time constraints such as you need to meet a friend at xxxx place later or whatever. She doesn't know if you do or don't. Keep it short, fun and entertaining, make a connection and escalate. There was a really good post on "ESP" written by one of the guys that was really useful - I'll post a link when I've got time to find it, but there are plenty of good articles on GC. There's lots of chat on here about "same day lays" which is a good target but when you are learning that's way too difficult so try using the 2 or 3 date model instead.
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STICKIED: ESP Model of Sexual Escalation
ESP Model of Escalation The ESP Model of Escalation is the structure of my escalation method that I use on woman and is the biggest factor in why I am able to consistently pull fast lays with hot women. The ESP Model is broken down like this: Eye Contact Sexualization Physical Touch In a...
www.skilledseducer.com
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@Warped Mindless - that's the one - I didn't realise you wrote it - I found it really helpful - thanks
I tried a little bit of what you told (and I kinda felt like I am friendzoning myself) , but at some point I thought I should move on as I felt like she was just using me. I started ignoring her a bit and then she was trying to get my attention in many ways. She walks around in her underwear when I am around, stands in front of me in sexy lingerie, flirts with me, tries to touch me, I just tried giving some mixed messages, but for the most part I ignored her. What does this mean? She is just getting my attention or she wants more? This is kinda driving me nuts.
I tried a little bit of what skills told (and I kinda felt like I am friendzoning myself) , but at some point I thought I should move on as I felt like she was just using me. I started ignoring her a bit and then she was trying to get my attention in many ways. She walks around in her underwear when I am around, stands in front of me in sexy lingerie, flirts with me as usual, tries touching me, puts my spare toothbrush that i have at my friends place, next to her bfs, lies about her bf and tells that they havent met in a long time. I just tried giving some mixed messages, but for the most part I ignored her. 3 or 4 weeks ago, before I posted this thread, she told me she doesnt want me to lose interest on her. What does this mean? She is just getting my attention or she wants more?
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You are already in the friendzone. You were before your OP. You are fooling yourself if you think otherwise.
This is the best thing you have said the entire thread.
Don't take it personally though. She will do this with every guy if she can get away with it. You have platonic value to her, and she has sexual value to you. Her value is not available to you and wont ever be. But your value is available to her and she will keep exploiting it when you let her.
Will you continue being one of her orbiters? Or the guy that said "I had the power to walk away"? Because these are your options with this girl
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I think you got some good advice, here's what I'd say.
If you'll have any chance with this girl, you need to change in her eyes. You need to become someone else, and there needs to come a point when she looks at you and goes "Wait... when did he become so hot?"
So:
1. Drop the amount of time you hang out with her by 90%
2. Go after other chicks
3. Improve your fundamentals (get in better shape, new haircut, improve style, more confidence, interesting hobbies, travel a few places etc).
4. When you're with her, DO NOT treat her like a love interest. Treat her like a little sister. Talk to her about the cool stuff you're doing and especially other women you're banging
5. All this is not guarantee, but you might then notice a point where she starts to act different around you. She'll be looking at you in a different way. And then, she'll test you, to see if this new you is real. Pass those test. Then, qualify her. And then, make a move.
So that's the plan. But what will likely happen, if you do follow it, get with other chicks and improve your life, is that you'll lose interest for her, and realize there's better women for you out there, and that she, somehow, isn't that attractive to you anymore.
If you'll have any chance with this girl, you need to change in her eyes. You need to become someone else, and there needs to come a point when she looks at you and goes "Wait... when did he become so hot?"
So:
1. Drop the amount of time you hang out with her by 90%
2. Go after other chicks
3. Improve your fundamentals (get in better shape, new haircut, improve style, more confidence, interesting hobbies, travel a few places etc).
4. When you're with her, DO NOT treat her like a love interest. Treat her like a little sister. Talk to her about the cool stuff you're doing and especially other women you're banging
5. All this is not guarantee, but you might then notice a point where she starts to act different around you. She'll be looking at you in a different way. And then, she'll test you, to see if this new you is real. Pass those test. Then, qualify her. And then, make a move.
So that's the plan. But what will likely happen, if you do follow it, get with other chicks and improve your life, is that you'll lose interest for her, and realize there's better women for you out there, and that she, somehow, isn't that attractive to you anymore.
@Warped Mindless @Skills @Derek da man@Lover
I did what skills told for a few weeks and now she broke up with her bf, but I have been ignoring here for the last couple of weeks and tried moving on with other girls thinking its all over and nothing was working. I just came to know that she broke up with her bf through my friend and she told my friend that whatever i spoke to her made her open her mind. In this mean time I have seen her with 2 other guys who are her classmates who came to drop her off late in the night when I was hanging out with my friend. She kind of feels bad that i am ignoring her, but I dont know if I am still in her mind as a love interest. She also told my friend that she has a lot in common with him like dancing blah blah than her bf and tried finding some comfort with him by going into his room, talking. She also tried getting my attention in this two weeks in many ways.. I dont know if she is hitting on him, I dont know where I stand, I dont if me ignoring these last two weeks was bad and I dont know what what i should do, but I am super stuck in my head!
I did what skills told for a few weeks and now she broke up with her bf, but I have been ignoring here for the last couple of weeks and tried moving on with other girls thinking its all over and nothing was working. I just came to know that she broke up with her bf through my friend and she told my friend that whatever i spoke to her made her open her mind. In this mean time I have seen her with 2 other guys who are her classmates who came to drop her off late in the night when I was hanging out with my friend. She kind of feels bad that i am ignoring her, but I dont know if I am still in her mind as a love interest. She also told my friend that she has a lot in common with him like dancing blah blah than her bf and tried finding some comfort with him by going into his room, talking. She also tried getting my attention in this two weeks in many ways.. I dont know if she is hitting on him, I dont know where I stand, I dont if me ignoring these last two weeks was bad and I dont know what what i should do, but I am super stuck in my head!
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