- Joined
- Dec 25, 2012
- Messages
- 1,124
A lot of guys only think, "How can I GET this from her." Often they don't even know this is the process going on in their head.
Instead, try asking "What does she need/want, and am I willing and able to give that to her?"
Woman don't really like to give to men who only take. At worst, this looks like the man who won't work on himself, thinking that a woman should love him for who he is. He won't even give himself an investment of time and energy to uplift himself with new skills, healthy habits, and masculine growth. Less extreme, he only thinks of his needs, he may look good, but he doesn't really consider her beyond the pleasure she could give him with her presence, sex, and maybe companionship.
But women LOVE men who can hold masculine space for them, who are aware of and understand her femininity, and who while has good boundaries themselves are at least conscious and considerate of her current state, the way she feels, and cares about that. A lot of girls don't open up to their men and show their true femininity to them because most men can't handle that. They don't understand women, they will misunderstand, judge, or are afraid of the chaotic storm that is the feminine. Those men crumble instead of giving their women a steady rock. Those men promise things to them, they never intend to give. Those men are at the whim of the storm like a flag blowing in the wind, getting torn apart from her unpredictability, and the woman must hold her femininity back or risk facing the unpredictability of a "man" A man who doesn't know his own solid masculinity.
The mature masculine man (HIGHLY recommend reading Robert Moore's "King, Warrior, Magician, Lover, or anything by David Deida) is able to stand his ground and let it be known what he CAN give, and won't make empty promises. He is like a train, she can get on or off at any stop, but he will not divert from his path for her whims. She's invited, and he will enjoy and value her presence, yet he doesn't need her, because he's on his path. He will get there with or without her. Unlike the men who are more like cars, who need help with their direction, they will go the wrong way if she makes demands of it. (stole this train/car metaphor from Blackdragon).
@Tony D once told me that men who want it too bad, don't get it. And when they finally let go, they suddenly have female attention and options. I think part of why this happens, is because the man who wants it so bad, only thinks about what he can get, and his "offer" is lacking. On the other hand, the man who has let go, has probably found other things in life to fulfill him, and in so doing has made himself better, and has grown. His "offer" is now better by default, and he is no longer clouded by his own needs and now he might be able to notice hers as well.
Somehow I've been able to be that rock in my relationships and that is why women stick around. I hold down the masculine space and make my women feel like women, and they make me feel like a man. It's fucking great. But in the beginning parts of the game, I have seen how I want it too bad. When I would meet new women I would think only of how I can "get" rather than addressing the fact that I have some personal needs to attend to, I need to give to myself first. I need to fix my train's tracks and stop acting like a car driving towards opportunities with women but driving away from my own needs.
I have recently started to do this more, and wow, women are already treating me differently. Even the women I already knew, and I've had what feels like profound intimacy with women I've newly met. It feels good to uplift myself and others all at once.
Instead, try asking "What does she need/want, and am I willing and able to give that to her?"
Woman don't really like to give to men who only take. At worst, this looks like the man who won't work on himself, thinking that a woman should love him for who he is. He won't even give himself an investment of time and energy to uplift himself with new skills, healthy habits, and masculine growth. Less extreme, he only thinks of his needs, he may look good, but he doesn't really consider her beyond the pleasure she could give him with her presence, sex, and maybe companionship.
But women LOVE men who can hold masculine space for them, who are aware of and understand her femininity, and who while has good boundaries themselves are at least conscious and considerate of her current state, the way she feels, and cares about that. A lot of girls don't open up to their men and show their true femininity to them because most men can't handle that. They don't understand women, they will misunderstand, judge, or are afraid of the chaotic storm that is the feminine. Those men crumble instead of giving their women a steady rock. Those men promise things to them, they never intend to give. Those men are at the whim of the storm like a flag blowing in the wind, getting torn apart from her unpredictability, and the woman must hold her femininity back or risk facing the unpredictability of a "man" A man who doesn't know his own solid masculinity.
The mature masculine man (HIGHLY recommend reading Robert Moore's "King, Warrior, Magician, Lover, or anything by David Deida) is able to stand his ground and let it be known what he CAN give, and won't make empty promises. He is like a train, she can get on or off at any stop, but he will not divert from his path for her whims. She's invited, and he will enjoy and value her presence, yet he doesn't need her, because he's on his path. He will get there with or without her. Unlike the men who are more like cars, who need help with their direction, they will go the wrong way if she makes demands of it. (stole this train/car metaphor from Blackdragon).
@Tony D once told me that men who want it too bad, don't get it. And when they finally let go, they suddenly have female attention and options. I think part of why this happens, is because the man who wants it so bad, only thinks about what he can get, and his "offer" is lacking. On the other hand, the man who has let go, has probably found other things in life to fulfill him, and in so doing has made himself better, and has grown. His "offer" is now better by default, and he is no longer clouded by his own needs and now he might be able to notice hers as well.
Somehow I've been able to be that rock in my relationships and that is why women stick around. I hold down the masculine space and make my women feel like women, and they make me feel like a man. It's fucking great. But in the beginning parts of the game, I have seen how I want it too bad. When I would meet new women I would think only of how I can "get" rather than addressing the fact that I have some personal needs to attend to, I need to give to myself first. I need to fix my train's tracks and stop acting like a car driving towards opportunities with women but driving away from my own needs.
I have recently started to do this more, and wow, women are already treating me differently. Even the women I already knew, and I've had what feels like profound intimacy with women I've newly met. It feels good to uplift myself and others all at once.
