My advice on dealing with being older and feeling like you missed out.

[RisingCane]

I think I read this kind of stuff time and time again when guys over 30 say that they feel like they missed out. In a way, I get it. Society, especially Western society, pedestalizes youth. They pedestalize the high school and college years as the gold standard for getting laid, meeting lots of women, having a quality dating life. It is almost subconscious in a way and even subtle. People hype up their youthful romance and relationships. Personally, like some men, I did not really get it or hit my stride until my later 20s with women. This sort of stuff used to trip me up.

After thinking about it for years, I have kind of come up with a way to deal with it on an inner game level.

Realize that no matter what stage of life, dudes who slay are rare.

95% of dudes in college are not living the Chad lifestyle. Most college guys are incels or having to deal with awful women. The vast majority of younger guys are not killin it. Same goes for guys of just about any age. No matter the age, only a handful of men (if that) are really killing it and sleeping with lots of women. The idea that western society pushes that most college guys are getting laid is a farce. I think they just want people to go into debt for the "college experience" if that.

Once you realize that, you realize that most men that talk to you about their college days are usually lying or inflating the heck out of their success.

Appreciate the uniqueness of NOW.

Look, if you are that guy who is over 30 and still on the hunt for more sex and has that dream of sleeping around with lots of women, yeah you are unique. Most men in their 30s are married with a kid or in an LTR, if not that then they are incels. You are an outlier. At most parties, you might be on the older end. In most Game Groups, you will be one of the older guys. Fine. Appreciate the uniqueness of your situation and realize, its not a bad situation to be in. You could be engaged to a fatty/toxic chick.

Embrace your role and play the heck out of it.

Look, after 30, you won't be a "Chad" per se in the sense of the high school, college, or early 20s guy that is at the bar and gets hot girls his age. Or at least not that guy who is seen that way. However, you need to embrace your unique role and play it. Find your role models for it. Decent examples are:

• Hugh Hefner
• Ryan Gosling on Crazy Stupid Love

Change the character you are and embrace it.

Sure, you won't be the popular Chad who is dating a hot girl his age and has a big social circle but you can be that crazy 35 y/o who is in good shape, lives a great life, and is shagging women in their early 20s that are hot.

Embrace how "dirty" you are for it. Embrace the uniqueness of it. Frame it as a sexy porn flick where she is that dirty horny younger woman ready to sleep with that established older guy.

In some ways, FIND YOUR STORY. Find your story to tell. Find your ideal fiction fanfic and the character you will be in it and embrace that character.

And realize that the goal posts on age are changing.

In the 1950s, a guy in his 40s was ancient. By 2030, some people will consider a guy in his 40s young.

40 might be the new 20.

Stay on that grind fellas.

 

[average_daygamer]

I appreciate the pep talk as someone who suffered from depression and social anxiety in my 20s. I am now firmly an older seducer.

One thing that never gets talked about is a huge age gap and never having been a "young person" in the context of dating or even the wider aspect of life in general. It's very easy to suffer from imposter syndrome, talking to a hot 20 year old girl, for instance.

I just wish I could be 21 or even 25 again and have known about this skillset. Not only this skillset but it opens up a whole different world, which mostly makes sense when you are young. It would just be nice to be the same age as the hot girls are, a 25 year old girl is a whole decade younger than me now. But the whole time I was a young person, I was "out of the game" so to speak. It's not even about getting laid as such, I remember in my 20s I was only ever around older people and no one my age, which is depressing.

There are many years, for instance, new year's eve 2011, that I can't describe because I simply wasn't doing anything back then. I wasn't up, in the club, for instance, celebrating with the other young people my age. I was more than likely hunched over my computer playing games and missing out on memories of being a young person. Something that you are only ever once in life.

I had a huge resistance to cringe when I was younger, to the point of avoiding social interactions completely.

I didn't really think of catching the bus to my small approaching city (the one that I use now) and busting out a few approaches. I was also too serious; to approach, you have to see the funny side of these weird little interactions that are simply bound to occur as part of approaching.

It was only when I was closing in on 30 that I had a massive panic over missing out and started approaching regardless of how uncomfortable I found it.

But then approaching has been a long and crazy journey and leads to other things like nightgame as a natural progression. I just wish I found out about and discovered this skillset at a younger age as I didn't realise what a long game it is.

Apparently, the game was easier in the 2010s (when I was in my 20s) as well.

 

[isildur1]

I appreciate the pep talk as someone who suffered from depression and social anxiety in my 20s. I am now firmly an older seducer.

One thing that never gets talked about is a huge age gap and never having been a "young person" in the context of dating or even the wider aspect of life in general. It's very easy to suffer from imposter syndrome, talking to a hot 20 year old girl, for instance.

I just wish I could be 21 or even 25 again and have known about this skillset. Not only this skillset but it opens up a whole different world, which mostly makes sense when you are young. It would just be nice to be the same age as the hot girls are, a 25 year old girl is a whole decade younger than me now. But the whole time I was a young person, I was "out of the game" so to speak. It's not even about getting laid as such, I remember in my 20s I was only ever around older people and no one my age, which is depressing.

There are many years, for instance, new year's eve 2011, that I can't describe because I simply wasn't doing anything back then. I wasn't up, in the club, for instance, celebrating with the other young people my age. I was more than likely hunched over my computer playing games and missing out on memories of being a young person. Something that you are only ever once in life.

I had a huge resistance to cringe when I was younger, to the point of avoiding social interactions completely.

I didn't really think of catching the bus to my small approaching city (the one that I use now) and busting out a few approaches. I was also too serious; to approach, you have to see the funny side of these weird little interactions that are simply bound to occur as part of approaching.

It was only when I was closing in on 30 that I had a massive panic over missing out and started approaching regardless of how uncomfortable I found it.

But then approaching has been a long and crazy journey and leads to other things like nightgame as a natural progression. I just wish I found out about and discovered this skillset at a younger age as I didn't realise what a long game it is.

Apparently, the game was easier in the 2010s (when I was in my 20s) as well.

Yeah I went through similar regret - in my early 20s I was at uni in a different city to my home town ( I’m from London but went to university in Manchester) I found the adjustment hard but still did a lot of nightgame - the issue being I was also extremely introverted from 13-20 and tried to “make up for it “ with mass night game from 20-23 in the end I lost my virginity but through night game I was simply attracting the same drug and alcohol fuelled women that really didn’t have any real long term potential

during my time in Manchester I met daygamers but I never had the guts to approach in the day , it was just too difficult for me to do. Psychologically I was only comfortable at night and with alcohol.

It wasn’t until I was 25 that I made the shift to daygame and I was 26 when I got my first “significant “ daygame lay of a Taiwanese model which changed my perspective on dating completely and was my first time being with a “high quality elite woman” something which UK nightgame wasn’t giving me nor was my social circle

and yeah looking back if I did daygame earlier on a lot of things in my life would be different now. I fucked up a load of dating opportunities between 19-25 simply due to my lack of experience which daygame gave me . I just didn’t date enough or understand woman enough and really there’s no replacement for real experience . So whenever an attractive woman was into me I’d fuck it up with self sabotage or just make a silly mistake that would’ve been easily avoided if I just was more self aware and experienced my parents also have a place in the south of France has I learnt daygame earlier I could’ve approached and met many women in Monaco and Cannes but due to my anxiety and fear I never ran daygame there and just stayed socially isolated in my parents holiday home playing video games and jerking off to porn and losing 7 years of potential social interactions in the process from the age of 18 to 25

but despite these regrets I understand that 99.99 percent of men just don’t approach enough- so everyone is in the same boat and the majority of men where better off approaching at a younger age - in fact every man is better off starting daygame at 18

But daygame requires alot of courage and can do attitude that at 18 - 24 I was really too stupid to understand and probably was too complacent to understand the importance of it .

i gamed with alot of 17-20 year old wingmen and short answer is - they suck because they are too immature to understand the importance of socialising and interacting with people and I guess that’s the issue with young men in general - they don’t really appreciate the value of life or the importance of making social connections till their later years in life

I attended a Sasha daygame meet up as well as a tom torero one in 2017 and 2019 respectively and the vast majority of people there(i believe 95 percent) were over 25 I think this is due to the maturity that you need to really appreciate the value of relationships and what daygame can do. If you try to convince people sub 25 to do it it’s a hard sell- so don’t be harsh on yourself for not doing it younger- everyone struggles to come to terms with it and procrastinates doing it because no one is willing to partake in the humiliations, blow outs that come with it and young people are usually complacent , lack the work ethic, are egotistical and too cowardly to really succeed- watching 17-21 year olds they’d burn out after a few rejections and give up pretty quickly. So even if you start young there’s a chance things would’ve just gone wrong and you’d been easily discouraged .

Also the disadvantage of being young is people don’t take you seriously due to lack of life experience - I found this a big problem approaching and doing nightgame from 20-22 most women saw me as too immature and my life experience was too low to hook long term interest- it wasn’t until I was 27-28 where these problems started to fix themselves

 

[Levo]

Yeah agreed. Im 40 now and find dating easier than it has ever been.

Sure you have to deal with scheduling around their kids most of the time but otherwise so much of the bullshit that comes with dating girls in their 20s goes away once they realize they also aren't hotties in their 20s anymore.

The one caveat would be it becomes doubly as important to have your life together. They absolutely judge you based on if you have a stable life and job the older you get.