My Father cheated on my Mother

[daviddreamer]

I thought I would share this story and I may go off on a bit of a rant. Today I just found out my Father has cheated on my mother. They have been married, but not happily married, for 23 years. They have spent a huge chunk of their lives fighting with one another over finances, lack of communication, and basically they have both just treated each other like crap. My Father always yells at my mom and hides stuff from her and my Mom always disrespects my dad and calls him stupid and a idiot.

I always asked my parents growing up what keeps them together despite all the challenges and they have always told me that "Well we had you kids". I was one of 5 kids. So my parents never stayed together out of love ...more like it was as my Mom said "to raise you kids". Challenges have included a foreclosure on there home in 2008, My Dad losing his job in 2001, 2005, and again in 2009. Credit card debt, my younger brothers constantly needing medicine and therapy for his mental issues, My moms health (heart attack in 2010).

My Dad spent his entire life working 2 jobs taking us to soccer and football games and he never once complained about anything. Even though he was a bit of an ass sometimes and my relationship was rocky with him for many years I always looked up to him on one aspect and that was his devotion to my Mom even though my Mom had grown to be really bitter and always yelling at my Dad for random things that he is "always doing wrong". So I never ever in my life thought my dad was capable of cheating. I'm in shock really...But part of me isn't too angry surprisingly. They have spent there lives together unhappy with one another. I was just now thinking hell they would of been better off divorcing a long time ago and I always believed marriage was till death due us part but now my whole perspective has changed from this...

You only have one life...if being stuck with someone is making you miserable its time to move on. I think in a relationship especially one that involves kids yeah you have more of an obligation to stay with one another (my personal opinion) but if something is wrong in your relationship..SPEAK UP!

If your partner is being an ass lately - tell em
If he/she isn't putting out a lot - tell em
If your partner is being lazy about something - tell em

you get my drift. In a relationship one has to always work for one another and not get complacent. A Man should continue to better himself as a lover and provider and a woman should continue to better herself as well. But most important - they should both be working to bring each other up as well. Especially in the hard times especially if one of the partners feels down for whatever reason - they should count on there loved one to bring em up.

Maybe my Dad is losing attraction for my Mom? Maybe he should of helped her lose weight and bought her some nice clothes and raised her confidence. Maybe my Dad keeps feeling disrespected - maybe he should of communicated with my Mother and asked why she is acting the way she is. He could of done a lot of things to help his marriage but to cheat...I don't think he should of done that. To me its morally wrong but then again...not trying to be judgemental perhaps he couldn't just overcome a primal urge to bang and maybe this woman on a emotional level he cheated with was giving him something my Mom wasn't.

I dunno. Please chime in with your thoughts fellas.

 

[trashKENNUT]

daviddreamer,

maybe this woman on a emotional level he cheated with was giving him something my Mom wasn't.

You got your answer but i been in a family problem of my parents that occurs too occasionally much, sometimes.

I rather be quiet with it, i don't share my mind.

Zac

 

[daviddreamer]

I'm just trying to understand this situation.... Like I never thought this would happen with my parents you know? Actually from what I have gained reading this website I'm not too upset or angry. More like surprised.

 

[daviddreamer]

well can't delete post apparently now I found out my Dad did infact not cheat my Mom is just acting crazy over extreme jealousy...my Dad made her jealous to put her in her place is what he told me. He actually didn't do anything

lol wtf. I thought in a marriage this long you don't play these games.

 

[trashKENNUT]

daviddreamer,

I'm just trying to understand this situation.... Like I never thought this would happen with my parents you know? Actually from what I have gained reading this website I'm not too upset or angry. More like surprised.

well can't delete post apparently now I found out my Dad did infact not cheat my Mom is just acting crazy over extreme jealousy...my Dad made her jealous to put her in her place is what he told me. He actually didn't do anything

Apologies.

I realize my response was abit of an ass. I actually wrote my personal thoughts about it. It's actually longer in the original post.

IT's important to know that if you on a downside of a relationship, Sometimes...., You have to do some things, maybe not so nice things to turn a marriage or relationship back to where it was before.

But nevertheless, I don't want to speak much about your parents relationship for i see there is something that is not so ideal, in my eyes, at least. (and who am i to say or judge something. )

Zac

 

[Marty]

From an early age I have been 90% certain that my grandfather slept with other women besides my grandmother, and my father with other women besides my mother. I say 90% because I base this belief on intuition and circumstantial evidence; I never asked either of them directly: it's not my business. (I don't care for the term "cheat" as it implies a hostile and pejorative posture toward promiscuity, which is a perfectly natural aspect of human sexual behavior.)

I might add that this knowledge has never worried me in the slightest. On the contrary, I hope that they derived gratification from the experience.

Fortunately, I was not indoctrinated from a tender age with an unrealistic, fairy-tale representation of reality. I'd recommend young Americans put aside their Disney books and check out some decent European literature instead. It need not be as racy as Choderlos de Laclos (though I'd heartily endorse that for curious young adults); even the reserved tone of the Brontë sisters' works masks an underlying determination to address these fundamental aspects of human character.

The foolish insulate themselves from reality at their peril

 

[daviddreamer]

I'm confused Marty because to me that just sounds like rationalizing sexual infidelity...

If it was so natural to be promiscuous even in a marriage then why do people get emotionally bent out of shape? Should my Mom of said "oh that's fine honey its just natural human behavior" because that doesn't make sense either.

Also Marty I fully understand where you're coming from but I think I'm gonna play Devils advocate here a bit if you don't mind.

 

[Whizzy]

Unless both parties agree that sleeping with someone else is acceptable then cheating once again comes back to a lack of communication. Cheating does indeed happen, but I'll disagree with Marty that it's human nature. If you cheat on someone, then why are you with them in the first place? This is all assuming that the male is cheating, if it's the woman then the man messed up somewhere along the lines (stopped improving himself, became complacent, etcetc). As the men we are the leaders in the relationship, even during marriage, something that many people forget. Just because marriage has occurred doesn't mean you can call it a day my friends