- Joined
- Dec 22, 2024
- Messages
- 48
Disclaimer. This is a long report. Since I'm having my first experiences in seduction, everything is new and exciting for me and thus I feel the need to write everything. I realize that maybe the opposite strategy is better: since I'm new, I'll be making a lot of "newbie gains" anyway, so there's actually not much need of writing things at this point. Later on, when some structure appears in my game and some blocking points are appear more clearly, reports will be more useful.
Overall conclusion. This was a very nice first date from day cold approach. The context was good, summer is here, the sea was close, the girl was cute. However, she had a boyfriend. It didn't work, but she didn't auto-reject either, and seemed to have enjoyed it until the end. Lesson: learn as much as possible, but don't focus too much on girls with boyfriends. It's not the most efficient for learning at my stage, since it's difficult to draw conclusions. I could have done everything right and still not get the girl because of her relationship.
Overall conclusion. This was a very nice first date from day cold approach. The context was good, summer is here, the sea was close, the girl was cute. However, she had a boyfriend. It didn't work, but she didn't auto-reject either, and seemed to have enjoyed it until the end. Lesson: learn as much as possible, but don't focus too much on girls with boyfriends. It's not the most efficient for learning at my stage, since it's difficult to draw conclusions. I could have done everything right and still not get the girl because of her relationship.
It's June 7th, 2025. I'm on vacation. My oncle from my home country is visiting France, and we have already spent a week together living some nice adventures. We are going to enjoy a few days at a coastal city at the Mediterranean. It all looks lovely, the weather is good, I'm excited, confident and with high momentum. My oncle is quite extrovert, easygoing and good with women in general, and now that I am aware of and trying to learn social skills, I'm observing him and trying to absorb his energy as much as possible.
I go there by train, alone. My oncle is already there, and I will join him. At some of the stops, a cute girl comes in and stops at the end of my car, far from me. She's blonde, slim, and "classy in a simple way". A 9/10. Unfortunately she doesn't enter my car, instead going upstairs to another section of the train.
I arrive at the city and begin to walk my way to the hotel. There's a bridge ahead, and to my surprise, it is "rotating" to let some boats pass by it. That's amazing! For my even greater surprise, I notice that the blonde girl is also there waiting. Nice! Still, I'm a bit timid. The best that I do, for now, is to walk to her left, and stop by the bridge's guardrail. I make a big effort to not look at her. Then I move a few metres forward towards the bridge. Lo and behold, two minutes later, the girl hovers by my right and stops two metres from me. I can't believe it. Did I just succeed in a pre-opening?
I cannot let this moment pass by. I turn to her and open with a very simple "That's cool!" (everything is in French, but I translate it approximately here), looking at the bridge. Then, magic happens: this cute French girl is all smiles, and instantly opens to me and starts talking without the need of any further prompts: "Yes, true, and then there's that other bridge that does it too, and actually all the bridges here work this way". Me: "Oh, that's nice! So you know the city well?" From then on, we discuss a bit about the city, vacations, why she's there, why I'm there. I'm super nervous to be talking to such a cute girl. I hesitate many times choosing my words, and fumble while speaking. However, she's so welcoming that I manage to control myself. I consciously try to compensate my nervousness by being chill, speaking slow, and taking my time. It kind of works. She's super green, she had hooked instantly.
We continue discussing. There's a key moment when the bridges open again, and she makes it look like we are going to part ways, but I persist and just ask her another question, showing her, implicitly, that we can continue our way together and keep the conversation going. It works and we make this transition. I experiment with some social-proofing and chase framing: "French people usually love people from my home country". She reacts a bit surprised: "Oh is that so?". Me, a bit tongue-in-cheek: "But you didn't seem to react to it at all". She laughs. The discussion picks-up, I relax a bit.
I get nearer to my hotel, and I still have to find a way to close her. She proceeds to solve the problem herself: "You know, I'm planning to have some alone time here, by myself, I will start tonight by eating some sushi at the beach". I grin and tell her "Well, it would be nice to grab a coffee with you sometime!", then place my hand quickly on her upper back. She heartily agrees, I ask for her number, she hands me her cellphone, and I type it in. She sends me a sms right there. Then comes the bad news: "Oh, but I have a boyfriend, so our encounter will be as friends.". I react non-challantly, by just giving her a kind of poker face, without any words, lips slightly pursed and only a very slight nod.
I go there by train, alone. My oncle is already there, and I will join him. At some of the stops, a cute girl comes in and stops at the end of my car, far from me. She's blonde, slim, and "classy in a simple way". A 9/10. Unfortunately she doesn't enter my car, instead going upstairs to another section of the train.
I arrive at the city and begin to walk my way to the hotel. There's a bridge ahead, and to my surprise, it is "rotating" to let some boats pass by it. That's amazing! For my even greater surprise, I notice that the blonde girl is also there waiting. Nice! Still, I'm a bit timid. The best that I do, for now, is to walk to her left, and stop by the bridge's guardrail. I make a big effort to not look at her. Then I move a few metres forward towards the bridge. Lo and behold, two minutes later, the girl hovers by my right and stops two metres from me. I can't believe it. Did I just succeed in a pre-opening?
I cannot let this moment pass by. I turn to her and open with a very simple "That's cool!" (everything is in French, but I translate it approximately here), looking at the bridge. Then, magic happens: this cute French girl is all smiles, and instantly opens to me and starts talking without the need of any further prompts: "Yes, true, and then there's that other bridge that does it too, and actually all the bridges here work this way". Me: "Oh, that's nice! So you know the city well?" From then on, we discuss a bit about the city, vacations, why she's there, why I'm there. I'm super nervous to be talking to such a cute girl. I hesitate many times choosing my words, and fumble while speaking. However, she's so welcoming that I manage to control myself. I consciously try to compensate my nervousness by being chill, speaking slow, and taking my time. It kind of works. She's super green, she had hooked instantly.
We continue discussing. There's a key moment when the bridges open again, and she makes it look like we are going to part ways, but I persist and just ask her another question, showing her, implicitly, that we can continue our way together and keep the conversation going. It works and we make this transition. I experiment with some social-proofing and chase framing: "French people usually love people from my home country". She reacts a bit surprised: "Oh is that so?". Me, a bit tongue-in-cheek: "But you didn't seem to react to it at all". She laughs. The discussion picks-up, I relax a bit.
I get nearer to my hotel, and I still have to find a way to close her. She proceeds to solve the problem herself: "You know, I'm planning to have some alone time here, by myself, I will start tonight by eating some sushi at the beach". I grin and tell her "Well, it would be nice to grab a coffee with you sometime!", then place my hand quickly on her upper back. She heartily agrees, I ask for her number, she hands me her cellphone, and I type it in. She sends me a sms right there. Then comes the bad news: "Oh, but I have a boyfriend, so our encounter will be as friends.". I react non-challantly, by just giving her a kind of poker face, without any words, lips slightly pursed and only a very slight nod.
Over the next two days, we exchange messages, and it goes super well. I manage to make her laugh with some jokes. I prepare the logistics. I propose an ice-cream place instead of a coffee. I ask her for a suggestion since she knows the city well. Sadly, this very moment is the point where things slowly start to derail. She complexifies the messages a bit by asking which parts of the city I've visited, so she could think of somewhere new for me. She proposes an interesting place: "Let's meet at X, it's a nice place and not well-known. There's no ice-cream near it though, but we can decide later what we shall do". This sounds good and I want to think that there's some implicit suggestion there. I answer: "That's perfect. No problem about the ice-cream. We'll do as it pleases us after it." It all sounds good on the surface and she's investing, but deeper below she's taking the reins of the date and treating me a bit like her younger brother she plans to take for a walk.
Then comes the date. I'm extremely nervous, to the point where I'm having some OCD-like thoughts about mistaking her name with another girl's name, which fortunately doesn't happen. I plan to keep the same strategy as in my last date with a "girl with boyfriend", which I could not pull off properly the time: be indirect but sexy, extract info from her about her boyfriend to get the temperature, and escalate accordingly. When she meets me, she's dressed very elegantly and with some sexy sandals. I greet her with the French cheek kisses, but I feel right away that the vibe is colder than before. I knew I would have two problems: since she proposed the place and knows the city well, she's going to lead the date, moreover because she is talkative, she will probably ask a lot of questions, and thus risk of driving the discussion as well. I have to try to lead and drive things on my side too, otherwise she will "own" the encounter and there will be no sexual tension.
Sadly, these two problems become quickly a reality. She gets to start the discussion by asking me how was my weekend. I was planning to start it myself. I try to answer in a minimal way and redirect the question to her, but the result is that I lack emotion and my answer seems half-hearted. She leads me, walking quite fast, which prevents any sexual tension from surfacing. At some point she mentions her sandals, but I'm so afraid of looking like a creepy because I actually love her sandals, that I don't react to it. One minute later, I still tell her that she is dressed elegantly and place my hand on her upper back. She likes it but that's only a light reaction.
At some point she realizes that I have to take the train on that same night. I thought she knew it. We have three hours, which I've carefully freed ahead on purpose, so for me there was enough time for things to happen. My hotel was out of question since my uncle was there, but the city is small and I knew we would be close to her airbnb. She sounds surprised, and I fail to reassure her. I should have said that we've got plenty of time, and even placed some sexual innuendo ideally, but I didn't. She then said that she was planning to go to the beach later anyway, so we would "separate by then". Again, I could not properly answer this, and the idea of us separating soon stayed in the air.
I start some relationship discussion. She tells me she came to work in this city in the past to move closer to her boyfriend at that time, who had moved to Spain, but that he left her after that. Poor girl. I fail to empathize properly with her. I tell her that's sad but what I should have really said, I think, is that her ex was stupid for leaving her, ideally in a flirty way. She answers me that at least this allowed her to move on and find her current boyfriend. This reinforcement of her relationship is a bad sign for me. For the first thirty minutes, the overall vibe of our encounter is that I am a bit nervous and not handling the obstacles well, she's not as excited as before, but both of us are still interested by and kind to each other.
The thing is that this girl is so nice, so kind, that it's difficult to believe. She keeps investing in me, as I discover that she has a whole tour carefully planned for me: she takes me to where she worked before, we pass by her airbnb, we then get some ice-cream which were the best in town, very fancy-looking and extremely good, and she pays for them. She showes me the same path that she used to take daily after finishing her work. In a way, she is sharing a lot of her intimate life with me. She takes me to a cemetery with a nice view ovew the sea. By now, I've managed to at least start some "relationship" and "dating" discussions, which is good. I joke with her at the cemetery: "We should stop talking about dating apps while we are here." She laughs. If the vibe was good though, I should have definitely escalated things there. Subversive, devilish, and romantic.
However, the vibe never really became sexual. Moreover, during our conversation she reinforced the fact that she is feeling good in her relationship, that she likes her boyfriend, even though they have a long-distance relationship. They are two hours of driving away from each other.
We have a few more good moments: I crack a joke or two that make her laugh hard, we connect a bit on food, languages and our respective jobs. I try a cold read for the first time, about her job, which works more or less. I try some flirting: her boyfriend is a metalhead, which she isn't. I tell her "You see, I'm a rock and metal fan too, so if we were a couple, I would probably handle music the same way your boyfriend does with you." She laughs a little bit, but also seems or pretends to not understand completely what I've said.
We stop for a coffee, and I still give a last try on injecting some sexual tension. She tells me one of her exes was very controlling, I tell her that I prefer to pay attention to mutual signs of interest than to be controlling. She then explains that her ex thought that she "smiled too much and were too kind to other men". Deep inside, I had to agree. This girl surely is one of the kindest and most welcoming girls I've ever met. However, I could not say this directly to her. Instead, I tried to be indirect, but more flirty and with some chase framing: "Well, when we first met, I indeed was not sure if you were flirting with me or not". It doesn't work well, and she reacts poorly to this, raising her tone a bit: "But I've quickly told you that I had a boyfriend!". I try to salvage the topic and we discuss a bit, but she gets nervous and starts to scratch her arm with her hand. I decide to just change topics. It was difficult to not reveal that I was chasing her all along. This would have "burst the bubble" of our "friendly rendez-vous" and she could have ended up pissed.
Our last twenty minutes together are the best ones. I've given up, so I just try to connect with her and tell her how much I appreciated her investment in me, that I loved our walk through the city, and so on. At some point, I tell her, slowly and confidently: "[her name], I like your energy a lot." This compliment works very well. She melts and thanks me heartily.
When her time comes to leave for the beach, she doesn't seem on a rush. I take it as a good sign. This time, I pay the bill, even though she protests a bit because she had a coffee and a juice, and I've had just a juice. She doesn't seem in auto-rejection. When saying goodbye, she thanks me, and I thank her too. I'm consciously trying to stop thanking girls for dates, but it still slipped from me this time.
I am at the same time frustrated and stoked after the date. It was a first, she was super cute, and I tried new things and learnt some others. One last thing I do is to check if she really isn't in auto-rejection. I text her a few hours later: "[her name], I really enjoyed spending time this afternoon with you. It would be a pleasure if ever we cross paths again.". She answers: "Sure, have a nice trip back
", then pause (I'm not that convinced by this answer), then sends me a picture of the sun setting on the beach (ok, this is getting better), longer pause, then "I've had a very good afternoon too. Thank you ". Ah, that's better, even though the pause is suspicious! Anyway, I don't say anything else and leave it at that.
Sadly, these two problems become quickly a reality. She gets to start the discussion by asking me how was my weekend. I was planning to start it myself. I try to answer in a minimal way and redirect the question to her, but the result is that I lack emotion and my answer seems half-hearted. She leads me, walking quite fast, which prevents any sexual tension from surfacing. At some point she mentions her sandals, but I'm so afraid of looking like a creepy because I actually love her sandals, that I don't react to it. One minute later, I still tell her that she is dressed elegantly and place my hand on her upper back. She likes it but that's only a light reaction.
At some point she realizes that I have to take the train on that same night. I thought she knew it. We have three hours, which I've carefully freed ahead on purpose, so for me there was enough time for things to happen. My hotel was out of question since my uncle was there, but the city is small and I knew we would be close to her airbnb. She sounds surprised, and I fail to reassure her. I should have said that we've got plenty of time, and even placed some sexual innuendo ideally, but I didn't. She then said that she was planning to go to the beach later anyway, so we would "separate by then". Again, I could not properly answer this, and the idea of us separating soon stayed in the air.
I start some relationship discussion. She tells me she came to work in this city in the past to move closer to her boyfriend at that time, who had moved to Spain, but that he left her after that. Poor girl. I fail to empathize properly with her. I tell her that's sad but what I should have really said, I think, is that her ex was stupid for leaving her, ideally in a flirty way. She answers me that at least this allowed her to move on and find her current boyfriend. This reinforcement of her relationship is a bad sign for me. For the first thirty minutes, the overall vibe of our encounter is that I am a bit nervous and not handling the obstacles well, she's not as excited as before, but both of us are still interested by and kind to each other.
The thing is that this girl is so nice, so kind, that it's difficult to believe. She keeps investing in me, as I discover that she has a whole tour carefully planned for me: she takes me to where she worked before, we pass by her airbnb, we then get some ice-cream which were the best in town, very fancy-looking and extremely good, and she pays for them. She showes me the same path that she used to take daily after finishing her work. In a way, she is sharing a lot of her intimate life with me. She takes me to a cemetery with a nice view ovew the sea. By now, I've managed to at least start some "relationship" and "dating" discussions, which is good. I joke with her at the cemetery: "We should stop talking about dating apps while we are here." She laughs. If the vibe was good though, I should have definitely escalated things there. Subversive, devilish, and romantic.
However, the vibe never really became sexual. Moreover, during our conversation she reinforced the fact that she is feeling good in her relationship, that she likes her boyfriend, even though they have a long-distance relationship. They are two hours of driving away from each other.
We have a few more good moments: I crack a joke or two that make her laugh hard, we connect a bit on food, languages and our respective jobs. I try a cold read for the first time, about her job, which works more or less. I try some flirting: her boyfriend is a metalhead, which she isn't. I tell her "You see, I'm a rock and metal fan too, so if we were a couple, I would probably handle music the same way your boyfriend does with you." She laughs a little bit, but also seems or pretends to not understand completely what I've said.
We stop for a coffee, and I still give a last try on injecting some sexual tension. She tells me one of her exes was very controlling, I tell her that I prefer to pay attention to mutual signs of interest than to be controlling. She then explains that her ex thought that she "smiled too much and were too kind to other men". Deep inside, I had to agree. This girl surely is one of the kindest and most welcoming girls I've ever met. However, I could not say this directly to her. Instead, I tried to be indirect, but more flirty and with some chase framing: "Well, when we first met, I indeed was not sure if you were flirting with me or not". It doesn't work well, and she reacts poorly to this, raising her tone a bit: "But I've quickly told you that I had a boyfriend!". I try to salvage the topic and we discuss a bit, but she gets nervous and starts to scratch her arm with her hand. I decide to just change topics. It was difficult to not reveal that I was chasing her all along. This would have "burst the bubble" of our "friendly rendez-vous" and she could have ended up pissed.
Our last twenty minutes together are the best ones. I've given up, so I just try to connect with her and tell her how much I appreciated her investment in me, that I loved our walk through the city, and so on. At some point, I tell her, slowly and confidently: "[her name], I like your energy a lot." This compliment works very well. She melts and thanks me heartily.
When her time comes to leave for the beach, she doesn't seem on a rush. I take it as a good sign. This time, I pay the bill, even though she protests a bit because she had a coffee and a juice, and I've had just a juice. She doesn't seem in auto-rejection. When saying goodbye, she thanks me, and I thank her too. I'm consciously trying to stop thanking girls for dates, but it still slipped from me this time.
I am at the same time frustrated and stoked after the date. It was a first, she was super cute, and I tried new things and learnt some others. One last thing I do is to check if she really isn't in auto-rejection. I text her a few hours later: "[her name], I really enjoyed spending time this afternoon with you. It would be a pleasure if ever we cross paths again.". She answers: "Sure, have a nice trip back
", then pause (I'm not that convinced by this answer), then sends me a picture of the sun setting on the beach (ok, this is getting better), longer pause, then "I've had a very good afternoon too. Thank you ". Ah, that's better, even though the pause is suspicious! Anyway, I don't say anything else and leave it at that.Good points:
* First date close from day cold approach
* Pre-opening, opening, hook, date and number-close were very good
* Banter ok
* Chase framing starting to surface
* Flirting first attempts, more needed
* Cold-read first attempt, more needed
* Introduction of emotional discussion topics: past relationships, dating, apps, relationship dynamics
* Energy compliment worked very well
* Travelling with oncle provided good social-proof
Average points:
* Smile. This time the smiling was average. Not too much, not too little.
* Vibe. I managed to keep a chill vibe, more or less, even though I was very nervous. The fact that we were mostly walking side-by-side might have helped.
Bad points:
* Girl had a boyfriend
* Voice. I was nervous and the voice was hugely impacted by it. This might have been what broke the vibe from the start of our second encounter.
* Boyfriend and logistics objections. Don't take them at face value, don't get discouraged. Address them and continue as if nothing has happened.
* Date leading. Don't let the girl lead the date, no matter what happens. If she knows the place, take the lead and only ask for directions.
* Walking rythm. Establish a confortable, intimate walking rythm, don't let the girl impose it
* Physical escalation. Touch more the arm or lower back, touch for a little bit longer, don't look when touching.
* More connection and deep diving needed. Pay attention to hooks and use them.
* Teasing almost non-existent
* Handling display of body parts. Sandals. Look, pay attention, touch if possible, and reward.
* Negative topics. I'm still a bit dependent on negative topics. Examples: home country, job, friends, people, environment. Avoid it, or make it funny using sarcasm, exaggeration, and so on.
Some todos for the next times:
* Pack some "date" clothes independently of where you are going
* Don't thank the girl at the end of the date
* If a girl takes you to some unusual and strange places, flirt or chase frame
* If a girl offers you to taste her food, accept without hesitation
* First date close from day cold approach
* Pre-opening, opening, hook, date and number-close were very good
* Banter ok
* Chase framing starting to surface
* Flirting first attempts, more needed
* Cold-read first attempt, more needed
* Introduction of emotional discussion topics: past relationships, dating, apps, relationship dynamics
* Energy compliment worked very well
* Travelling with oncle provided good social-proof
Average points:
* Smile. This time the smiling was average. Not too much, not too little.
* Vibe. I managed to keep a chill vibe, more or less, even though I was very nervous. The fact that we were mostly walking side-by-side might have helped.
Bad points:
* Girl had a boyfriend
* Voice. I was nervous and the voice was hugely impacted by it. This might have been what broke the vibe from the start of our second encounter.
* Boyfriend and logistics objections. Don't take them at face value, don't get discouraged. Address them and continue as if nothing has happened.
* Date leading. Don't let the girl lead the date, no matter what happens. If she knows the place, take the lead and only ask for directions.
* Walking rythm. Establish a confortable, intimate walking rythm, don't let the girl impose it
* Physical escalation. Touch more the arm or lower back, touch for a little bit longer, don't look when touching.
* More connection and deep diving needed. Pay attention to hooks and use them.
* Teasing almost non-existent
* Handling display of body parts. Sandals. Look, pay attention, touch if possible, and reward.
* Negative topics. I'm still a bit dependent on negative topics. Examples: home country, job, friends, people, environment. Avoid it, or make it funny using sarcasm, exaggeration, and so on.
Some todos for the next times:
* Pack some "date" clothes independently of where you are going
* Don't thank the girl at the end of the date
* If a girl takes you to some unusual and strange places, flirt or chase frame
* If a girl offers you to taste her food, accept without hesitation
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