My first girlfriend in an open relationship


Oct 12, 2018
I was always a very shy and awkward guy around girls. By 21 I had never had a proper conversation with a girl nor had any female friends. The first female friend at this age that I became friends with I proposed and got rejected. So I then decided to first be normal around girls first and lose inhibitions before getting a girlfriend. Fast forward 5 years, I am 26 and only started dating ( without sex) in the last 6 months ( and still a virgin ). I live in a college campus but there are no options in the city i live in so the only option are college girls. I was chasing two girls at a time and got rejected by one and the other seemed to have lost interest maybe because I was too slow. Then this female friend of mine came along whom I had known for 1 year who started flirting with me. I wasn't romantically interested in her but due to lack of options I pursued her and was deserately inclined towards getting a physical/girlfriend experience and it was an easy pick up. I was not very into her and didn't want to cheat as I wanted to date more woman so I asked if she was okay with open relationship and she said yes. I lost my virginity to her and was glad that I finally got that off my back.

Now the problem is since it is an open relationship she has started dating a guy and says that there are chances of a fling with him. Now the funny thing is that this is driving me crazy because being in a closed college campus I am running dry of options ( girls get picked up fast in college ) and I loved the attention I recieved from this girl in the past few months which seems to be reducing. So just imagining her going out with another guy and possibly having sex with him is making me go nuts. I don't have the right to be mad at her because it's an open relationship. I sometimes feel that asking for open realtionship is kind of backfiring on me but then I think about exclusivity and it seems, that would have feel forced as I was never super into her anyways.

There are not many options for me for the next 4 months while at college but there is this cute girl that I have known for quite sometime whom I'm interested in pursuing. I don't know how she feels about me but I feel like I need to get her to date with me so that I stop being anxious in the open relationship that I'm in currently. Another options is to lay low , work out and survive the open relationship ( not sure if this will be good for my mental health ) the next 4 months after which I would be moving to a new city where I would have better prospects and options when it comes to woman.

What should I do ?


Tribal Elder
Tribal Elder
Aug 25, 2014
Middle East, Asia, Africa
Hey SupS,

You are the one who authorized her to have a second lover, and to tell you about it.

The only reason you even know she has a second lover, is because you framed this as an "open" relationship from the very beginning. You are the one who told her it's OK not only to have a second lover, but also to talk about it to you. If you hadn't framed it this way, she could still be having a second lover (or not), but you wouldn't even know it. Be glad that you know rather than being fooled. Think that the other guy may not know about you and believe he's the only one.

Now, if I know one thing for sure about women, it is that the level of insecurity and neediness that you are developing around this issue will make you more and more unattractive to her and push her away in the other guy's bed. And next, you will be out and fucking your hand. Just think about it!

So I would say: don't sweat it, take it easy. She is not *your* girl, and she is not the other guy's girl as well. Take whatever she is willing to give you, and fuck her brains out on every chance you have. Always remain *uber cool* with her, never ever give her an ounce of drama because of the other guy. Reign in your insecurities if you can, and in any case never her see these insecurities.

And it's only for four months! You can do it!

In the meantime, yeah, try to get this other girl, and any other girl you can, with no second thoughts. Try to fuck two, three girls simultaneously if you can.

Now, there are lessons you can take home for next time.

When you said it was an "open relationship", what you wanted is to have her authorization to date other girls. Instead, what you did is to authorize her to fuck one (or more) other guys, and to tell you about it. That is the very wrong approach, as you realize now. Do that instead: never vocalize that it is an open relationship. Consider open relationship to be the default setting until she vocalizes that she wants you committed. You do not need anybody's authorization to go out, date, and fuck as many girls as you want. Fucking girls is your birthright as a man. A committed relationship mainly benefits the girl, not the man, so let her worry about it, not you. And if a girl one day asks you to commit, then *you* decide if you want, or not, and if you don't want to commit, that's when you tell her that you'd prefer to stay in an open relationship. Obviously don't do that unless you have one or two other girls on the side.

I was chasing two girls at a time and got rejected by one and the other seemed to have lost interest maybe because I was too slow
Absolutely. It is a sure thing. When you are too slow, they will leave you much quicker than you know. Courtship has to be concluded by sex, or else you're dismissed as impotent. It doesn't matter if you are, or not, impotent. If you don't fuck her, you're as good as impotent, and she will dismiss you as such. It's a hard truth! But it is true. Always push to conclude in sex as fast as you can.