My get-out of friendzone strategy - could you verify?.

lutzek

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Hello,
I need somebody to assess, my friend zone coming-out strategy.

BACKGROUND
Maybe in points – that will be easier
  • I met her, when she was emotionally engaged in other guy and she was really down, because he couldn’t be with him. That was in July last year. So at the beginning – I couldn’t do much – We understood each other really well, so I become her friend.
  • She is working with me, so we saw each other every day.
  • We became a trully deep friends and soul mates (but I was attracted to her).
  • I was this “Endles Conversation Guy”, but that relationship was different. Instead of dumb talks, we shared emotion. We see the world the same way, we have unique way of communication.
  • With time, she started to show she is – on some level - emotionally attached to me. She showed care, sometimes showed she was envy, when I talk to other girl.
  • In February – I told her that she is special to me and I think of her also on more deep-relation level. To me it looked like she forget about that other guy. Unfortunately – I was wrong. I didn’t say – “I’m crazy about you”. After that I was like “ok, that was not a big deal”.
  • In March I had surgery and there was this COVID stuff, my office was closed and we didn’t have an opporunity to see each other.
  • In text messages – it was still full of emotion, and care, and so on.
  • I checked her statement one more time, because I thought we are coming closer. Again - she was not interrested, because...
  • ... in June it come out, that she turned her ex into “friends with benefits relation”. Sometime before told me, that he is not her “pizza”, but more “old porridge”. But – It least - he won, because he showed here he is interested and he still have his penis.
MY FIRST ACTIONS
So – this friends with benefits relations really knocked me off my feet. None wants to be rejected by his best friend and soulmate. But this is friend zone – this is how it works.
Here is my first reaction, when I was full of emotions. I probably did some stupid things.
  • I got back to office on early July. I changed my look to more attractive (she really liked that and first week she looked like she wants to eat me).
  • I decided to change my behavior. I don’t do long talks in text. I just don’t want to be endless conversation guy – it’s not pleasant, especially, when she still sends me all those hearts, kisses and meanwhile talks about how good is her blowjob (she really told me that this week. That means – she has really fun time).
  • I also wanted to make her feel, that other woman are attracted to me, so when I met with other girl, I told her about it.
  • It looks it didn’t work well, because, when I came to work 10 days later – she was not so hyped on my look anymore.
  • I started to show her I have my own life. I started to go out to meet other people.
PLAN:
  • I’m leaving the office. I don’t plan to get back to office for next three months (until mid-November). I can work in my home. I will keep this relation via texts on the level, that she will now I’m not mad at her, and I like her, but I won’t reply every minute she need it. She need to deserve my deeper attention. All messages I’ll send will be exciting or witty, to still give her emotions as it was before.
  • I plan to go further with my body change, to feel more confident and attractive. I work with a dietitian, physiotherapist and personal trainer to loose some bally fat and get some muscles to look more masculine.
  • I will also learn and read more – all these to:
  • Reset my role in her life and get back as a man with sexual frame.
  • The closer to my return to the office, I will start to focus more on sexual side of conversation. This other guy is a little fat “old porridge” – it shouldn’t be hard, to kick him out, when I’ll show her, that she can have more fun with me.
DOUBTS:
  • In fact I don’t know what to do. She looked attracted to me, when I got back to office on the beginning of July – did I screw it up showing her, that other girls are interested with me?
  • I’m not sure If I should talk to her and share emotions, or I should almost completely disappear in these three months.
  • I'm not sure if by being colder now I'm not wasting something. I mean - by getting back more atractive - she showed me that she is impressed and started flirting. But then I told her about other girls and stopped to messaging her so often. Maybe that was a mistake?
OBSTACLES:
  • We are really close friends. That is an obstacle, because – as a person who was rejected – I want to go away for a while. But at the same time I will miss my friend. That can make me do stupid things.
  • She had friends with benefits relation. This guy doesn’t look like Brad Pitt or sex-god, but still – he gives her what she wants.
  • We are still working at the same office. When I’m there – I cannot play any strategy – we will just meet next day. When I’ll work from home – she will keep asking why I’m not in the office. She also will be disappointed and she will show it.
  • I know, that I should let her down – but you know guys how it is :D. On the other hand – it motivates me so much to self-development, that this is a great chance. It will be great benefit to me even if my strategy will not work out. I don’t want to waste this energy I currently have, I have so much potential now :D .
What do you think about it?
Thank you for support
 
Last edited:

Klimax

Tool-Bearing Hominid
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Hey man I've read it up all,

We have all been there once! I know exactly what you need.

There are two approaches : First one "shit you don't know how to pull off" or "shit you absolutely need to know but you probably don't want to"
 

Skills

Tribal Elder
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This block of text shows that you extremely invested and needy.... the fact you were friends for so long and you never made a move shows even more investment and neediness... a good book on neediness is models by Manson, read that book,... get other women is the solution for onitis
 

lutzek

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Thank you both for replies. I'll read this book. I am "Mr. Nice Guy", so this is my - something like - fifth friend zone in a row, so i know I'm doing it wrong. Now I have problems, because we are working together. If that's all - never mind If I'll tell her or not - it will be somehow bad to me :/
 

uriel

Tool-Bearing Hominid
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Invite her to come to your home and if she says no, move on.

At this point you have invested SO MUCH that you need to cash it back NOW.
If you can't make a big ask like this and get compliance, that is the sign that your investment is misplaced.
 
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Klimax

Tool-Bearing Hominid
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You need to understand and internalize that your view/understanding of dating/seduction is narrow and not that attuned to reality. Thus any attempt to seduce a girl by spending moths talking/seeing her is rather futile. Instead you should work on understanding women and dating.

Conclusion: Try to learn seduction by talking to new girls instead of focusing on a specific girl over an extended period of time.
 

lutzek

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Invite her to come to your home and if she says no, move on.

She was in my house two times. At first time, when I said, that I'm interrested on her, she said, that she is still interrested on her crush. On second one - that was two months ago - we had more physical contact, but she simply asked me "how do I feel and if this is not to hard to me".

In case of moving on - it's hard, because I see her at work. I would deal with that a long time go if I wouldn't see her.

You need to understand and internalize that your view/understanding of dating/seduction is narrow [...]

Conclusion: Try to learn seduction by talking to new girls instead of focusing on a specific girl over an extended period of time.

Yes, I understand that. That's why I'm here - to learn. I started from... "How to text a girl" by Chase Amante. My intention was to learn how to write more dirty / picky / witty way or in more sexual way. But after a few chapters it came out, that even this strategy is wrong. I didn't find yet a topic "how to start", but I'll dig into it. Meanwhile - any advices what book to read first?

I evoke strong friendly feelings in women. I can say, that there is no such girl I could not make a friend of mine. I literally could write a book "How to get into friendzone - an ultimate guide every man should not read".
 

killyourinnerloser

Space Monkey
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Invite her to come to your home and if she says no, move on.

At this point you have invested SO MUCH that you need to cash it back NOW.
If you can't make a big ask like this and get compliance, that is the sign that your investment is misplaced.

This is the best reply you've gotten. Escalate things (by making a move/inviting her to your place). If she says yes, awesome! If she says no, at least you have your answer and you can move on and talk to more girls.
 

lutzek

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This is the best reply you've gotten. Escalate things (by making a move/inviting her to your place). If she says yes, awesome! If she says no, at least you have your answer and you can move on and talk to more girls.

With my current mindset - this will end with friendly conversations. That's why my initial plan was to reduce contact for three months - at least I need to learn basics. Nevertheless I still could give a try after (at least) basic training.
 
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uriel

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She was in my house two times. At first time, when I said, that I'm interrested on her, she said, that she is still interrested on her crush. On second one - that was two months ago - we had more physical contact, but she simply asked me "how do I feel and if this is not to hard to me".

In case of moving on - it's hard, because I see her at work. I would deal with that a long time go if I wouldn't see her.

Let me be more clear, invite her to your house and do a move on her.
If she is not going to play along, you have to get her out of your prospects list.

This is not me being a dick. It’s me urging you to move things fast which is the most basic and actionable lesson you are going to get in seduction and the one you need to learn now.

It seems that you have not sparked strong feelings yet so waiting three months without contacting her will probably help nothing at all.
It’s a bet I wouldn’t take in your position.

Also, this is the point where you need to be decisive.
Women don’t get wet for the men who “play by the rules” and follow all orders. They get wet for the men who do what they want, break rules, rebel against authority and live life in their terms.
If you value your work or your workplace balance more than this girl, then better forget about her. She is not going to get wet for you if you are not willing to break some stuff to get what you want.
Even if you get her, she is not going to stay because you’re such a nice guy.

So you have to decide, is she worth risking some trouble at work?
If you prefer not to make waves, then don’t even bother, there are many girls out there.
But if she is worth, then you have to make the conscious decision that you are willing to deal with any shitstorm you create.
Sorry dude, no middle point this time.
 

lutzek

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This is not me being a dick. It’s me urging you to move things fast which is the most basic and actionable lesson you are going to get in seduction and the one you need to learn now.

We're OK. You just did what I want you to do - reviewed my strategy and it come out it sucks, so it's OK.
 

Water

Cro-Magnon Man
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The people who are suggesting you don't chase her have a good point. But I imagine you're too emotionally attached to let her go, so this train of thought is necessary. You are currently too needy and obsessed with her to get her.

You are quite literally biochemically addicted to her and unable to act in an attractive manner. You need to pull this back, be busy, hang with friends, focus on yourself, talk to other girls, as long as you're this attached, you will not get her.
 

Water

Cro-Magnon Man
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The people who are suggesting you don't chase her have a good point. But I imagine you're too emotionally attached to let her go, so this train of thought is necessary. You are currently too needy and obsessed with her to get her.

You are quite literally biochemically addicted to her and unable to act in an attractive manner. You need to pull this back, be busy, hang with friends, focus on yourself, talk to other girls, as long as you're this attached, you will not get her.
One more note: DO NOT TRY TO GAME HER NOW. You literally cannot. You will just keep checking your phone for her replies, and keep running through your mind all that happened and pick it apart to the smallest details.

In the past I have tried to game girls I was obsessed with, not necessarily friend-zoned, per se. You need INSANE SELF-CONTROL AND PERSPECTIVE AND TO BE DEEPLY CENTERED WITHIN YOURSELF to manage this, and even then, it is not worth it.

You're just faking disinterest and attractive qualities, but towards a girl you're obsessed with, you will only hurt yourself until you reduce your feelings for her. I'd say by more than 50%.
 

Mr STIF

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To me: every guy is a pick up artist, just that some train their social skills.

Whenever you start having thoughts on crafting a long post about some girl you're not even fucking yet just know that you need an abundance mindset.

Learning to cold approach would change your life forever, I feel forever confident after getting a huge dosage of rejections. :cool:

You need to turn your innerself to an approach machine!
 

Michal

Tool-Bearing Hominid
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I would say your plan is good. But if you want to disappear and then come back in November with a better chance, you should get really busy in something you can lose yourself in. To get your mind focused on something else. Meeting other girls is important to let you see she is not that special, you are just blinded by your investment. I am in a very similar situation to yours, although I did not spend any time texting her really, just went for a beer, then lunch couple weeks later and after the lunch I simply asked her out.

You have already seen what some disappearance and change can do so you can try to do that again as you outlined in your plan. But once you meet back in the office and she gets excited to see you, you need to move it along immediatelly, like "how about we grab a beer/drink/coffee after work and catch up?" Something casual. She should accept because she wants to know how you have been and all that shit. Then you simply run it as a date and move it to the bed at the end. Then and there, no other chance after, that is do or die. Sit next to her, ramp up the touch over the course of the evening and then go for the kill. Ideally there is another girl in your life already by that time. And in ideal situation, you forget about her because this new girl is much better than her. Which is hard to imagine if you have already invested a lot in her. Also, mindset - the plan I outlined should be viewed as a last shot, not something you will obsess over, give it high hopes and then psyche yourself out because of it and fail horribly.
 

Fuck This

Cro-Magnon Man
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She probably lives by the rule we should ALL know that is:

"Don't Shit where you eat" "Don't dip your Pen in Company Ink"

AKA: Don't date people who could adversely affect your career such as coworkers. supervisors, direct reports, or clients.

Now I know people it worked out for . My buddy, an Orthopedic Surgeon bedded his Physicians Assistant and they are now a live in couple.

I know of a couple teacher/former student couples. These are Exceptions and Exceptions prove the rule....


I speak from the experience of having a female friend try to break out of the friend zone when I became available. This is a woman who has told me multiple times "I love you" and I always return it in a Familial fashion. I don't feel the lust for her that I feel for other attractive women, for a couple reasons. It wasn't hard to imagine my dick in her when she monkey hugged me, but fortunately I was in a place where I had my sexual dancecard FULL, and I resisted the temptation.

That is the situation you are in. She doesn't need your dick. She gets her emotional fulfillment while her ex pillages her lady parts. Either be satisfied with her as a platonic friend or drop her like a woman who refused your date offer. Don't be stuck in the middle ground.
 
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