My headache with extended social circle girls -_-

[DarkKnight]

Hey guys! How are you all doing. I think I had posted a similar thread somewhere but was not able to find it. There is just this one thing which is so super annoying and recurring in my life which has become tiresome. Girls who I know from extended circle (so I keep encountering them) who are sometimes interested/sometimes just attention whore but have some kind of barrier such as boyfriends and such. I test these chicks on compliance early on and at one point figure there is a wall and they are resistant. Not all of them ofcourse, but a lot of them. At this point I keep it moving since I do not see such things working out. Now these chicks are creating lowkey drama, things like staring at me "accusingly" and "baiting" me to talk with them, while they could just as easily put themselves in orbit and talk to me. I am not an unfriendly figure or something like that, these girls have resisted and know they have resisted. They are just attention whoring at some point.

It seems that I have become more value again in a way.. so these chicks flock to me but these are reactions.. not results.

Anyway some meager training restrictions have been lifted here and I encountered not one, not two, but three of the same girl types yesterday and it really became annoying. (Instant thoughts "not this shit again")

I didn't show annoyance because that too is providing attention. But I have to say it did wear and is mentally taxing because there is some mutual attraction going on, but we know girls can be satisfied with just attention and we pretty much lose everything... also with the risk of overproviding good feelings and such.. it is all just a bad deal . But these chicks are not really providing something either! Yesterday I just walked to a different area because I know that leaving the same space helps disassociating and lowers the toxicity of the presence of an AW lol.

Can you guys relate? How do you handle this?

 

[Toby2030]

Girls Who Seek Attention, Part I: What Are "Attention Seekers"?

Women love to get attention from men. Why girls become attention seekers, and how to interpret what they want, is key to getting somewhere with them. Hey, guys. I hope you are ready for a theoretical post regarding female psychology. Contents 1. The Attention Seeker Do Girls Love Sex? Women and...

www.girlschase.com

Girls Who Seek Attention, Part II: How to Pick Them Up

Just because she’s a flighty, flirty attention seeker doesn’t mean she can’t be gotten. You just need to switch up your approach to get her a bit. Welcome back, guys. This is a follow up to last week’s post where we covered the psychology and the underlying factors of female attention-seeking...

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[DarkKnight]

@DML Hey man! I am familiar with these articles but not sure if they really go here since these are more geared towards the club scene instead of social circle (correct me if I am wrong). These chicks are really tactically creating barriers. For instance one chick who has this huge towering boyfriend (not that I give a shit), keeps her distance when she is alone, but when her boyfriend is near suddenly I get the stares and IOI's at such a level that the giant is becoming annoyed at me, without me provoking anything. Not exactly workable in a social circle that I can burn up if I am not careful.

If these were people I dont encounter or can go more risky routes the above would be I think more plausible.

 

[Toby2030]

Test the waters, I'm not very strong on theory myself in these scenarios. I'm a lot more practical oriented. What I tend to do in scenarios like these where I'm in doubt about her intentions, is just to open and see her reaction. Throw a speaker-centered opener and if she bites your bait, you can continue the conversation and go towards immersion. If not, go on as if nothing happened. Will there be a better more advanced play? probably. But in my experience, just opening like this will solve the issue in most cases.

I did not understand 100% what you mentioned first but no, this is not really attention whoring. You are probably wondering more if she gives you an approach invitation or not, and if she really is interested in talking to you.

 

[DarkKnight]

Okay maybe I should try to follow up again... but I kinda believe that it will be for naught. Usually when I already screen a girl (these girls are all screened) it is done with good reason. I really don't like the bullshit awkwardness in social circle, but I don't like beeing treated as an attention ATM either.

 

[Toby2030]

I don't understand why you feel like an attention atm here? She's talking with you when she's with her boyfriend. But when she's alone she's not initiating conversation. You are overcomplicating this for yourself. If you are in doubt about her intentions, just open.

 

[DarkKnight]

I am not complicating it, I have already tested these girls, but suffer low key drama when encountering them again or persistent attention grabs.

Just imagine how awkward it is when you enter a space and three seperate girls give you the same bullshit while you are trying to you know just go on about on your day. One of the reasons I abhor social circle.

Suppose I re-open them and encounter the same bullshit (which I will), the drama will not end there it will keep resurfacing. Which is the entire point of this post.

 

[Toby2030]

You are describing getting IOIs and tests thrown at you, which essentially is signs of interest - she's screening you. My go to would be as I said earlier, speaker-centered opener. If she takes the bait, I would continue towards immersion. If she tests you, you don't react to them and pass them, and guide to conversation towards more fun conversational topics.

From here, If you really think she's an attention whoring girl, the advice from the article still applies. Don't give her much validation, use open loops and push-pull. Disqualification is also very strong here as well. And again, remember you can't flip every single girl in the world. Some girls just won't like you. We all meet those girls.

 

[West_Indian_Archie]

Hey guys! How are you all doing. I think I had posted a similar thread somewhere but was not able to find it. There is just this one thing which is so super annoying and recurring in my life which has become tiresome. Girls who I know from extended circle (so I keep encountering them) who are sometimes interested/sometimes just attention whore but have some kind of barrier such as boyfriends and such. I test these chicks on compliance early on and at one point figure there is a wall and they are resistant. Not all of them ofcourse, but a lot of them. At this point I keep it moving since I do not see such things working out. Now these chicks are creating lowkey drama, things like staring at me "accusingly" and "baiting" me to talk with them, while they could just as easily put themselves in orbit and talk to me. I am not an unfriendly figure or something like that, these girls have resisted and know they have resisted. They are just attention whoring at some point.

It seems that I have become more value again in a way.. so these chicks flock to me but these are reactions.. not results.

Anyway some meager training restrictions have been lifted here and I encountered not one, not two, but three of the same girl types yesterday and it really became annoying. (Instant thoughts "not this shit again")

I didn't show annoyance because that too is providing attention. But I have to say it did wear and is mentally taxing because there is some mutual attraction going on, but we know girls can be satisfied with just attention and we pretty much lose everything... also with the risk of overproviding good feelings and such.. it is all just a bad deal . But these chicks are not really providing something either! Yesterday I just walked to a different area because I know that leaving the same space helps disassociating and lowers the toxicity of the presence of an AW lol.

Can you guys relate? How do you handle this?

Put her in the Friend Zone

Whenever you encounter one of these chicks, especially if she's with people, Say this it out loud -

"You're in my FRIEND ZONE".
"We're just friends"
"I could NEVER see you like that"
"You're like my bratty little sister"
"You? That would never work in a million years, because we're too different/similar" [this last one is ambiguous flirty, but in the right tone, it shuts down whatever she's thinking]

And proceed to treat her like a "friend", the way girls treat guys in their friend zone. Ask her to do stuff, and then just say thanks, assuming you even remember. (People that do favors for you, create a mental account. Men remember both sides, Women and the Powerful do not)

She may want to flirt in the first few seconds, but keep shutting her/them down.
And THEN ask her to introduce to her friends that you don't know.

You want to resist being the guy that will stroke their ego, and essentially by "befriending them", you're saying she's not in your league, not hot enough.

Value Displays

Again, the best value display for any given girl, is to see you with an even hotter girl than she is.

Preselection and Social Proof - Best thing to do is to encounter these broads with a young chippie, and then bounce out. Don't give other females a chance to interrogate your date.

Second best, imo, is coming to them with your "relationship problems". This is 100% friend zone stuff. Guys know it well. let her be the shoulder to cry on, lol.

Third best, imo, is to always be doing something cooler/more fun than they are. This one used to be hard, but social media has made that easier. The hardest part about showing a cool life, is actually having a cool life. But the movement in the past 20 years has been to actually have a cool life, irrespective of females involved. Whatever you do, even if it's uncool things like video games - going to events and live gatherings - having something to look forward to and have fun at - has latent effects on your mind and changes your body language and how you deal with chicks.

Girls can readily sense when they're not the focus of your life, and they do all sorts of things to be in the center. Most evident in a relationship, but you can even make them see that during a brief encounter. Just having your phone ring, and having to take an important call is useful.

Hard Hierarchy of Social Circles

Since this is basically a social circle situation, where they see your value rising, there is often an impulse to 1) put you back down to where you "belong" 2) and get a cheap thrill by rejecting you/your advances.

In the background of every social circle is what is considered a "hard hierarchy". You increasing your value messes with that hierarchy, and chicks refuse to believe they were wrong. Ego!

The Actual Hook Up/Secret Society

You end up hooking up with these chicks later on down the line, rarely because you pursued them nakedly. She has to build up this impression, this narrative in her mind, she has to invest, you have to keep increasing the tension, and making her feel "foolish". That's when you know you're in her head. AFC Adam talked about this a fair amount, and I don't think a lot of the territory about Social Circles/Quasi-SC's has been explored enough.

But this is basically how i've hooked up with girls "in the scene" or girlfriends/sisters/cousins/co-workers of my exes. Plant the seed, deny her expectations, but keep letting her invest.

Let her think that she has a chance, when deep down you've been trying to bury your chorizo in her taco since she said something inappropriate at lunch time.

WIA

 

[DarkKnight]

That's what I call fighting fire with fire. Very impressive WIA, I like.

Holy shit.. a lot of the behavior you describe above I just do naturally.

"We are too alike"... i have used this a lot of times and actually meant it. Or treating girls just friendly like a little sister.

Wow I must have come across as a massive douche while I honestly meant to be friendly!

 

[West_Indian_Archie]

Wow I must have come across as a massive douche while I honestly meant to be friendly!

Here's my theory, I don't know how to field test it, but I can only go by what girls have said to me, discount that, and what i've observed.

I got 2 sets of homies.

Guys that look like they get a lot of females (status guys, pretty boys, and jocks). Some get a lot of women, most don't.

Guys that don't like like lady killers Some get females, most don't. I fit in this category. I don't look like much, 5'11", hair could be cut better, last time I saw a gym was prior to Covid, dress 2% better than the next guy...but girls take a shine to me, because of the interaction. (Thank you PUA) They get my vibe, my story, want to keep chatting...and then they get other ideas. (aka indirect attraction). For girls that I get with, 80% start thinking of me as "cute" after we start chatting. Maybe 2% dig me before we start chatting. And even in cases where girls like a guy's looks, he still needs some game. He might not need game to get her into bed, but we all need to understand women's psychology before and after the hook up, and then what beliefs, behaviors, and actions are useful to us in interacting with women. Just like the work force, even when you get the job, there are still things you do after the interview.

I digress.

But if my more diesel/brolic homie steps up to a female, you can watch her instantly react to his 1) height, 2) look, 3) gear, 4) non-verbal communication...and finally what he says.

A girl can dig a dude's looks and be ready for anything, because she's built up this idea in her mind.
A tall dark and handsome guy is what she dreams of, and jills off to.

But if his words, his in the moment nonverbal communication is off - ACCORDING TO THE IMAGE IN HER HEAD - he loses the head start his looks gave him.

And if a girl really attracts a lot of men (that's regardless of how attractive she is - i.e the 6 with big boobies will get a lot of interest compared the skinny as a rail 7 that dresses well) - even a guy with the "right look" starts behind the 8 ball. A lesser objectively attractive woman will look at a good looking "alpha male" and interpret his positive actions as an attempt to manipulate and use her for sex and then disregard her.

So i've seen my boys step up to broads, chicks with expectant eyes, and straight up lose. All he had to do was play for a bit, but he either was too aggressive, too non-discrete, or something else was off. What should be a lay up, turns into a battle of wills.

The key thing here is that most girls have a story in their minds about what a guy is, before he says a word. And a positive story can turn to nightmare, if his actions don't meet her mental image.

Guys do this too. So do people. Stereotyping, prejudging, prejudice, racism, 'phobias etc all stem from these instant stories we create about others. Some of it might be well founded, usually it's not. But whatever, I'm not gonna get political.

Why do I bring this up?

Wow I must have come across as a massive douche while I honestly meant to be friendly!

Your actions and your image of self, may or may not be in accord with what they think of you, and have thought of you.
And if you're changing, your personality is more outgoing, more willing to ruffle feathers, when you stop appeasing them - they may be looking at your behavior in your specific social context and hierarchy, but also dealing with their image of you, and what you should be like.

A lot of them want to find a narrative.

So the short man is just the short guy, until he starts making money. Instead of the short guy narrative, now he's got the Napoleon narrative.

In your case, if you're trying to befriend these girls, honestly, and you think you're coming off as a douche -

It may be that you are because of your actions.

But it could also be that they have an overriding perception of who you are. No matter what you do, they have a fixed idea of who you are.

And part of the "friction" you're getting are in fact "shit tests" of a different caliber.

Like anything, continual exposure to something changes their opinion.

Sometimes you can give them a narrative that will ease the discomfort as to "why you're so different" which is actually "how come you aren't acting in a way that I think you should act, based on my dumb idea of how you should be"

WIA

 

[DarkKnight]

Wia I think I am coming coming across wrong in ky writing towards you.. what I mean to say is that girls who are genuinely attracted to me , but me myself not that much towards them, I already default friendzone them in the way you described above. It just seems to happen naturally. I am a strong fundamentals good looking (although rugged) kind of fella. So there is no incongruence there.

But the way you described how to handle AW's are mental torture for these chicks.. and now I am seeing how I am already doing that to a lot of well meaning girls, without trying to play a game but because of default personality. Hence I suspect I have been coming across as a douche, despitr actually wanting to be friendly! There is no from rags to riches story here, I am already perceived high value (usually)

I get what you are meaning with behaviors beeing off and narratives changing. Basically incongruence.

 

[Fuck This]

SO if they are attracted to you , what can you do to make them seek your APPROVAL rather than Attention....

Being warm friendly and social with EVERYBODY makes these kind of women try to one up the others. I had a social circle I developed where I was welcomed in as one of the guys as a newbie. I let my actions do the talking and showed I could hang with the group. Pretty soon since I knew everyone, I began to be considered an authority figure. Not only Social Proof, but Social Status...

I was not seeking female attention in the group. They were "one of the guys" and I teased them like little sisters, but also gave an affectionate big bro vibe. What that did was when a new woman came into the group, she was attracted and sought my approval.

Some OR's on how that worked...
https://www.skilledseducer.com/threads/social-situation-and-female-interactions-being-chased.17064/

FR - Small Concert in June

A Female friend (32 year old) I've gotten to know through our professional society had just moved back to the area. She mentioned on Facebook that a local brewery was hosting a concert by a singer I enjoy. I called my friend who works for the brewery and got she, and her father on the free...

www.skilledseducer.com

Social proof from strangers

One thing I have noticed is that women are very observant of your demeanor and the way you interact with strangers when you are out on a date. In fact those interactions can be real strong social proof that can make you more attractive . I had one such experience the other day as I took my...

www.skilledseducer.com

FR - Group activity at a bar, was approached by a woman OUTSIDE the group.

Humblebrag warning...I think I did something right.. I had a crappy day yesterday. Woke up sore and tired, and had a disagreement with my boss. Held it together but wanted to take it out physically. Coffee and Ibuprofen took the edge off but I still needed to go sweat and burn some calories...

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