My Life's At A Low: What are the low points you faced?

[xIRONCROSSx]

This is a very personal piece, and it is also my first so I would appreciate your kind words, any personal experiences or advice that you can relate and share. Thank you for reading.

TL;DR
My journey in learning about women began from that "1 girl" 9 months ago--she came on to me during my lunch break, we had a lot of fun for a few weeks including awesome sex, but I just had no idea what I was doing and lost control of everything, ultimately pushing her away with my weakness and feeling crappy and really guilty for the next 3 months, to the point where I couldn't sleep b/c I had her smell burned in my brain....2 weeks later she had another guy...I haven't been with anyone (not even a kiss) since.

Fast forward 9 months...

I have read hundreds of articles, about 4 or 5 books varying from David Wygant to Men Are From Mars Women Are From Venus. I certainly have a super altered perspective but regardless...I am just lost...stuck...suffocating.

I am a 24 yr old college grad, great job and living on my own, financial freedom; I can literally do whatever I want which I am really proud of and excited about. 2 years after graduation, I decided to move back to my college town to find some girls my age, which I thought "I have so much going for me, let's get some!"...but was/am I wrong. I am 100% a lone wolf...very introverted, 0 social circle, and to top it off, I could go every single day without saying a single thing to anyone...and it makes me feel indescribably low, like I have no place anywhere...like absolute shit; but everyday I keep going out to "meet someone", and everyday it is the same--hours wasted, no girls, no conversations, and even if I could find girls alone, I'd have no courage to approach...can't even make eye contact for more than a split second for god sakes...I constantly feel like shit b/c I just sink inside myself with disappointment and shame. The best way I can describe it is that I feel like I am drowning in the world, while other guys (mega dumbasses at that!) are off having fun, banging all these girls, and there's just no end in sight for them - no limit.

I fully embrace the fact that there are countless sexy girls - the abundance of them is just insane, even when it seems like the only days I see any sexy girls is when they are driving and not out and about, but I know they are out there.

I want to acknowledge that I absolutely know that I have weak, limiting thoughts, that I'm bitter, and that these negative thoughts (for example "the whole world is out fucking and having fun and laughing at the fact that I'm here pouting like a bitch"...or..."fine bro, you can sit at home and cry about it, I'll go fuck these girls for you haha") are just supremely toxic ...just painful stuff going on in there...and I can't stop it...

To add to the mix, I feel so...so full of...just pure rage and anger...feeling like the world just...is unbearable at times...which are feelings I've been fighting for so long, even before I graduated college. I've put so much into even getting where I'm at now, just being able to walk with my head high and shoulders back, working out and having a decently toned body for being 155 lbs, which are things I'm proud of also...but I feel so much pressure and stress about socialization and even thinking about trying to talk to a girl, while I see all these lays and articles about "yeah I fucked her, then her friend came and blew me, then we had a threesome"... yeah I'll painfully and weakly admit there is jealousy inside me and that I compare myself with people and their 150 lays before they are even 21 yrs old

I can't do night game...I can't do day game...I honestly feel like I have nothing right now...

It is 10:00 pm right now on a Friday night and I just have no motivation to try....to continue to fail...to beat myself up, and keep these toxic, poisoning thoughts destroying me day after day, night after night...

To be honest, suicidal thoughts even lurk...I sometimes tell myself...man, I could just end it all and never have to worry about living in such pain and agony and rage...but what stops me is that I HATE...HATE saying that I quit or that I'm backing down...I HATE thinking that I let life win or that OTHER guys don't feel this way and are out having great sex

Even now the thoughts going through my mind are of anxiety...anxiousness that I am wasting my time, always wasting my time when I need to go out and talk to girls...but when I get out, it always ends up the same...definition of madness.

I also know that I am trying too hard to be perfect, too hard to appear like I have high value when in reality I feel like I have none...

Lots of times I feel like..."shit, I just want some sort of help here!", someone to tell me if I am doing something right or wrong (obviously a lot of wrong things),where to go....just some sort of support and encouragement - but I am 100% alone - I don't even have close ties with family

QUESTION
For Beginners and Pros, if you are brave enough, what kinds of struggles are you dealing with or have you dealt with? Did you have thoughts that took control and brought you down? Where was your low points? And most importantly, how did it affect you and how did you change for the better?


Thanks for your support guys,
-M

 

[Glitch]

M,

I'm supposed to do some light revision for my last exam on Monday and stuck inside, so I'll give you a hand.

Read:

• Victim Mentality
  How not to be bitter
  Can't stop thinking about her?

At the moment you're coming down with Victim Mentality (Check out Editors Picks on the website front.)

The anger, bitterness and frustrations seemed to have stemmed from that 'one girl'. Due to this experience it has built resentment and bitterness. So first you just need to pull yourself together, just go out do something that you enjoy. Do something that you always wanted to do but never got the chance, do something you used to do but stopped.

Join a dance/language/art class, full of lovely women there to meet. Go learn a martial art, have a space that is not to do with women. All these will help build your social circle too. You'll get to know your dance partners, sparring partners etc.

First thing's when I help people with this sort of problem, first priority is to sort yourself out first.

NEVER admit to losing. EVER.

At the moment you feel like a loser? Being a loser is for the weak, losers are weak people that don't have the ambition to change or to get up one more time after taking a knee. Do you really want to be a loser?

With the anger and rage, I know that all too well. What you need to do is to turn that energy into something productive. Use it to learn a language, an instrument or a sport.

Don't worry too much about girls that will come when you sorted yourself out. First you need a stable head. GC is primarily a girls dedicated site but its members and the site is also about self improvement in all areas of life.

SUICIDE is for the weak. You better get up or I'll find you and drag your ass up.

'Personal Struggles':

• 
  
  Went through the bog standard racism, learnt to fight and destroy anyone that tried to threaten me or pick on someone else
  I lost a lot of close people and family when I was young from cancer etc. I'm currently 19. Count is up to 8.
  I lost my GF (Illness) during the start of college (UK). Lost 2 others during that time.
  I struggled through college to battle the depression, but you keep finding and finding that motivation to go on.
  My grades went from great to just above average.
  Missed out on Med School by a few points when getting my final grades, went on to do Pharm but I'm lucky enough to do Med as a second. Got a promise to keep to the ones a lost. Hated the college so decided just to move on and take the longer route.
  Help raise cousins whilst parents go out to work.
  Couldn't help my best friend, as I had to keep myself stable. Went off to Uni so couldn't be around all the time. Turned out well after a phone call and she's better now.

Those are just a few of the things that have been going on. It's easy to post here as you will never know who I am. My closest friend, she only knows some of the secrets. For me my attitude to not burden anybody with my problems, because to be honest that list is kind of depressing that I wouldn't dare lay it all on someone. You have to deal with the problems you face. You alone.

To be perfectly honest these aren't even that bad. I never had to go through the Chinese invasion like my Grandparents, I never had the worry of going hungry, I don't have to scavenge, good education, good support, lucky enough to pursue everything I want in education/sport/music/art. Even if my GF has a special place, there have been many girls that I have learnt something new from.

Don't be sad and angry, life would be worse if it wasn't for me. So don't dwell on how short it was, as long you were happy that it happened. We were happy, me and you against the world - V

Did I feel really angry? Yes, for those 2 long years in college. So what am I doing? I live for 9 instead of just one. With me and V against the world.

So this what annoys me of First World Problems. Too many people that have a semblence of a decent life get depressed over small issues and have suicidal thoughts about what are harmless issues. Go live in a Third World Country and have a look or go look at someone trying their best but still really struggling. For example the poverty gap is still extremely large in America.

What sets those that weak, that do not deserve help and those that need and deserve help is the ambition to succeed even after failing so many times.

So scrub girls and those negative thoughts out of your mind first, haul ass and just do something you enjoy.

First work on the above, come back later and I'll show you the rest,

Glitch

 

[xIRONCROSSx]

Thanks for the reply Glitch.

Firstly, I want to thank you for sharing these personal experiences on the board. My deepest sympathies to your losses in life, but my most sincere admiration to you in the fight.

Went through the bog standard racism, learnt to fight and destroy anyone that tried to threaten me or pick on someone else
I lost a lot of close people and family when I was young from cancer etc. I'm currently 19. Count is up to 8.
I lost my GF (Illness) during the start of college (UK). Lost 2 others during that time.
I struggled through college to battle the depression, but you keep finding and finding that motivation to go on.
My grades went from great to just above average.
Missed out on Med School by a few points when getting my final grades, went on to do Pharm but I'm lucky enough to do Med as a second. Got a promise to keep to the ones a lost. Hated the college so decided just to move on and take the longer route.
Help raise cousins whilst parents go out to work.
Couldn't help my best friend, as I had to keep myself stable. Went off to Uni so couldn't be around all the time. Turned out well after a phone call and she's better now.

The anger, bitterness and frustrations seemed to have stemmed from that 'one girl'. Due to this experience it has built resentment and bitterness. So first you just need to pull yourself together, just go out do something that you enjoy. Do something that you always wanted to do but never got the chance, do something you used to do but stopped.

I agree, that I had anger after that one girl but that is no more. The note about her was to credit her to the fact that she dramatically change my life's direction by rocking it so hard.
Now my anger comes from within, the fact that I struggle with something so fiercely as being able to talk to anyone let alone a pretty girl...while it seems no one else around me does. Lots of times it feels like I am falling behind or the world is passing me by (again that drowning feeling).

I have taken the route of "forget about girls and go do things you enjoy" for a while, but that seems to just be a temporary fix - and the things I do enjoy really don't turn out to be social in any respect. As well, when I would do the small things that I enjoy, my mind finds a way to remind me that "while you're doing this, other guys are out meeting girls, banging girls, having the times of their lives", so the anxiousness builds and I feel like I am wasting valuable time. Rumination to the nth degree.

You have to deal with the problems you face. You alone.

This is how my mind has always worked...to the "T". In fact with "the one girl", we were connecting and sharing personal life experiences including her struggles, and I shared something along those lines of how I deal with things by myself with her...something like "Everything in life I deal with on my own, no one will do anything for me" and that "I find it to be a sign of weakness to ask anyone help"...and do you know what she said?..."that is the stupidest thing I"ve ever heard! Everyone needs help...it's okay to ask for help"...I'll remember that for a long while.

I smiled when she said that and initially shrugged it off, but now I am kind of at a point where I am stuck in life - everyone's lives seem to be moving forward while mine is stuck in a bear trap.

SUICIDE is for the weak. You better get up or I'll find you and drag your ass up.

I completely agree, which is why I am SO stubborn in not giving up the fight! I HATE....HATE...admitting or showing weakness or defeat. Even this post, as helpful as it is, still has a nagging weakness in me.

Don't be sad and angry, life would be worse if it wasn't for me. So don't dwell on how short it was, as long you were happy that it happened. We were happy, me and you against the world - V

This V sounds like a very special girl - I humbly admire you for having her.

So scrub girls and those negative thoughts out of your mind first, haul ass and just do something you enjoy.

I do agree that something so trivial as just talking to the opposite sex...and that is all...just talking...has shaken me and destabilized my core as a man. But I feel like I can't walk away...like I would be wasting time. I seem to have a mind focused on doing things that are productive instead of just fun (and trying to meet girls, connect with them, and get lays is not fun for me, which is a truly...truly sad).

That being said, your advice does not fall on deaf ears. As ABSOLUTELY painful and counter-intuitive it is for me, today I will try to RELAX and do things that *I* enjoy, and *I* ONLY.

Thank you again for the kick in the ass Glitch, and I look forward to your response.

-M

 

[Glitch]

It doesn't really matter if the things you enjoy are social or not. Just do something you enjoy, this just allows you to zero yourself back in. Sure the storm's shaken a few of those foundations but you'll build them back again and reinforce it. After that you're good to go to build upon a much stronger foundation.

A lot of the things I enjoy are solo affairs. Such as music/art.

Thanks, she was literally the all in one, hot, dance, piano but I'm glad I had her. About 6 months ago I finally managed to finish drawing the picture of her after I foolishly promised to get rid of stuff that was related to her. I still have the picture and a bracelet of mine that she used to wear, knowing her she's want to take it to the mat and give me a skull cracking round house.

To be honest there's no-one to compare to except yourself. I understand, the hard bit is to stop comparing yourself to everything going on around you and just to go about life on your own terms. I see this time again, the simplest but hardest thing to bring to action.

Just say take a week or two out to just do the stuff you like. After that you can be more adventurous and join a dance club (recommend a tango or salsa, V loved that sort of stuff) or learn Muay Thai for example. To control the rage I DO recommend learning a martial art or doing a really intensive sport, it will help quell the anger issues and focus on self control. Doing an intensive sport, you'll be too tired to be angry, once you go through it again and again you'll realise how be angry/frustrated does help in any way.

For example I go biking and focus all the anger during the sprints, all the frustrations from the day get all focused into the legs and bursted down till I'm calm. Next Uni year going to pick of Thai as my bro said it's good, need to get back into fighting again.

If you want to work on girls, you need to past the frustration towards people. If you want to work on girls just have a random chat with girls anywhere to be honest.

The self-doubt is what's getting you too as well. You think yourself below others as they seem to be having all the fun, a lot of the time it isn't the case. For example, Facebook many will just put the 'best' of their current experience. When you look at it, you wonder why are you doing these sort of things. You're the same, their just putting up their best front, nothing more.

Don't let self-doubt get you! A lot of people on this site get too focused on girls, that getting girls will magically make life better. Sure it can, but for me it's more a bonus. I meet international girls, hot and interesting where I can learn new cultures/dances/languages.

Meeting girls isn't and shouldn't be the end all and be all.

Currently I'm more excited about the summer and going to France in the alps for downhill mountain biking with the family, trying to kill myself and ride better.

Girls are just part of the journey, not the journey.

I'm going to open my office door, if anyone needs advice you can send a pm but am willing to reply to these sorts of posts as long as you have some sort of ambition to succeed,

Glitch

 

[Richard]

My low point:

Fell in love with my first girlfriend - she openly admitted that she wanted to fuck another guy while loving me.

I broke up with her and fell into horrible suicidal depression - contemplated suicide - found GC, and became the man I am today

 

[lux7]

My low point:

Fell in love with my first girlfriend

Well, that's not a weakness by itself .
Though I'm curious, was the news she wanted to have sex with someone else that got you that down? She said she still loved you no.. ?


For me:
From a rather good situation I lost my job, moved to a new city, didn't get an offer at the end of the internship (!) and jobless again in a tiny room in a house with a gay couple and a smelly cat.
Couldn't find any new job, couldn't even see what I was doing wrong, friends and dear ones far away and no new ones in sight.
My 30th bday came and went without anyone to tell me "happy bday" in flesh and blood.

I don't even consider myself out of it, but at least, so far, on the way out of the worse part.

 

[Limp]

Still making it through the OP, but sounds a lot like where I've been. Heck, even when I did go out after grad school was done, I still had a 4 yr stretch without a date. Decided to ask more women out to play 'the numbers game' all the dating sites refer to. So far 0-40 or so in the past yr.

 

[daviddreamer]

age: 19, blew out disc in my lower-back weight lifting was my love at the time and couldn't even do that anymore bed ridden and was still virgin with bad social anxiety and on burned bridges with family.

twas was bad times. 23 now that was a while ago...have done a 180 since then.