My mother keeps calling me ugly.

[RedNeck]

Let me start by saying it is not a cry post. It is actually the opposite. I suffered from a lack of confidence for a very long time. I didn't know why. After years of soul searching; about a year ago, I might have found the reason. My mom never liked my dad. I do look like my dad. My mom keeps calling me ugly. Even when I am 34 years old, she still calls me ugly. Even when she sees my pic with attractive chick, she says " I am surprised why does this chick date you or even look at you!!"

What do you think, guys ? This could be the reason I had self-image (self confidence ) issue.

I am asking because if I know the cause of the problem, it is easy to fix it. I worked on my confidence but I am not there yet.

Note: I am not ugly ( like I am not physically deformed or anything ) I am average.

 

[Skills]

No offense but you have to establish strong boundaries with your mom, Yes i said it... I apologize you have to put up with a mom like that for moms typically, their kids are the most beautiful thing in the word... (I totally love my mom and she is the first one to jump at any girl or anybody that says the minimal negative thing about us, just like most moms)

If you establish strong boundaries respectfully with your mom and that does not work, you need to distance yourself from your mom... soft next her sort of speak...

also you need to work and deprogram that false self image, it is going to be a hard job coming from your mom... this is the best book on the subject of self image:

https://www.amazon.com/Psycho-Cybernetics-Updated-and-Revised/dp/B004Y42Q4Q/ref=sr_1_2?dchild=1&keywords=psycho+cybernetics+by+maxwell+maltz&qid=1599967530&s=audible&sr=1-2

 

[RedNeck]

@Skills no offense taken.
So do you think her comments could have been the reason of my defected self-image ?
I think so, I am just afraid that I am making excuses.

 

[Skills]

@Skills no offense taken.
So do you think her comments could have been the reason of my defected self-image ?
I think so, I am just afraid that I am making excuses.

definitely! this book will help i put the wrong version i edited this is the right version

 

[Slick]

well if you're ugly, that would make her ugly too wouldn't it?

 

[Velasco]

No.she married an ugly beta provider. He (redneck) has his father's physical traits, but not his mental traits (PUA).

 

[Rain]

It is a bit unusual that your mum would say that. Or even like, "point out the obvious" but she could be the exception to the rule.

also you need to work and deprogram that false self image, it is going to be a hard job coming from your mom... this is the best book on the subject of self image:

That's a similar thing to what Chase says in this comment

Why Men Lose Women: It's Not Hypergamy – It's Something Else

Many men think women leave them for a Bigger, Better Deal: a richer guy, a better-looking guy, a higher status guy. But hypergamy is not why men lose women. Instead, it's something else. The other day, a friend shared a YouTube video with me from a guy on a channel called Entrepreneurs with...

www.girlschase.com

Look at Mick Jagger. Same deal as Clint Eastwood. Harrison Ford also seems to be doing fine for himself, despite being well past his prime. And so on.

Being past your prime does not need to break you. It breaks some men. Other men, it doesn't.

The problem is when a man ties too much of himself to his present external condition. When your ego is tied to, "How I'm doing right now determines how I feel about myself," you are going to be subject to this boom-and-bust thing that gets a lot of guys."

External condition, in this context was I think about how he's not a 'young/middle' super star but much older. Yet, they don't let that get them down. They don't let their wrinkles "ugly" get them down. That's what you mean?

Question, if the OP was female, and not male, I'm guessing this "divorce from your external image" advice probably wouldn't work for them?

 

[DarkKnight]

Yeah dude I can imagine a young kid hearing he is ugly by his own mother can create a devestating effect on their confidence subliminally. As a kid you barely have a filter and these things pierce through, especially after repetition.

There is a book... an old classic "what to say when you talk to yourself" which basically is about how you subliminally can and should talk to yourself. I agree with skills.. this is about boundaries but this is also more about her than you. Even a drop of water can create damage when being repeated enough let alone these toxic messages. Enfore your boundaries (you need to state them for this to happen).

 

[Skills]

well if you're ugly, that would make her ugly too wouldn't it?

lol, yeah that would be a good shit test to pass from your mom, hahaha!

mom: you are ugly

son: of course i was created based on your image and genes

^not a bad comeback.....

if she comes back with:

mom: but you look like your father...

son: not according to the dns tests i took...


^ repeat this enough without being reactive, she will stop... I wish i could go into you for a day since i am the best roaster ball buster in the community...

but fuck is your mom, i hope you get psycho cybernetis... though..

 

[Skills]

@Skills no offense taken.
So do you think her comments could have been the reason of my defected self-image ?
I think so, I am just afraid that I am making excuses.

In this case is not a excuse is a fact, fuck your own mom calling you ugly, that is a tough one.... So yes is not an excuse, but what are you going to do about it? Is like i am a fat and i can no see my dick, is not an excuse is a fact, so go to the gym and get on a diet plan... Start with cycho cybernetics the version i told you..

 

[RedNeck]

Thank you, all. Actually, I did a lot of work to raise my confidence. It took a lot of effort, and I was always wondering why. Until I discovered the cause.